I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe I Love my Babe .

I love you Rebecca :)~ We're going to be together... forever ^,^

Well, yesterday I went for an audition as lead guitarist :)~ They said I was better than the rest of the guitarists that they'd met, and that they want to talk to me again on saturday. Which is my next day off. AND EVEN MORE EXCITING I get to talk to my babe again ! ! ! !! ! I've been waiting for fricking ever to talk to her again, just to hear her voice for more than a second a time.
Their guitarist started playing one of their songs, and he told me just to through some things in if I want. And I did. And he loved it. Theres another song he wants me to collaberate with on saturday. I'm thinking that things are going to go great, and I might be going to the cities to record with them :)~ I know this is outta place in my paragragh but thats alright, I'm tired :)P But the band sounds exactly like Nirvana ^.^ This is going to be awesome. Also the guitarist showed me the beginning to one of his songs and I got that down in about a minute :)P Things are looking good so far :)~

Well, It's been fiteen minutes and I really really really really really really really really really really really really really miss my babe :"( It's so sad )": I'm only going to be able to talk to her once a day until saturday, for an hour at a time :"( I miss hearing your voice babe :"( Hurry up and come back to me. Can't wait til talk to you til 5 in the morning again ^,^ j/k. You're NOT going to get into any more trouble. This sux. I just wanna talk to YOU and I can't :"( Alright, my babe is so nice. After all that SHE'S went through... all the lying and whatnot that I gave her... she's still letting me talk to my friends. :)P sounds funny, No ? I mean... 3 times... all happened over the net and she's still letting me on here. I love you babe. Theres no going wrong this time.

I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you. U know how you were talking about how you still thought about us getting married and living a life together... well i still think og those things to. I'm thinking it right now. And I'm going to be thinking of it everyday until that time comes. And once we're married I'm going to think of how much I love you and how I can't wait to wake up the next morning lying next to you. Maybe starring :)P at you while you're still sleeping and then hold you tight in my arms until you wake up. Awwwwwwwwww I love it babe :) ) )~ I just wish time would hurry the frick up ! ! !

Ummmm I learned some Deftones on my guitar. Thats all thats new. 

Wel I logged on once to see if my babe was on but she wasn't. She said that she would be on the computer at 10_11 this morning but she's not here :(~ And now I'm just back on to talk about what I'm doing today and whatnot. Rebecca is grounded off the fone cause we stayed up til 5 in the morning talking on it. So we have to talk on the computer for the next we. Better than nothing. 

Well after she can't be on the computer anymore I think I'm going to take my 6 mile walk so I'm not pooped out when I have to walk that other mile to work and then run around on my feet for 6 hours then walk another mile home :)P Ok, I work at 4 o' clock today. It's sunday so we get out an hour early hopefully. And most of the rest of the day I'm going to play my new guitar. I took my old one in so that they could adjust some of the settings and put on strings and whatnot. Its done already, but I'm waiting to pick it up cause I've got a custom case for my guitar coming in. { I'm really missing my babe right now} And I think that after work Garcia and I are going to practice. I'm not too sure yet.

Well I'll talk to everyone later ^,^ Sometime that is. I Promise Ill get back to your messages at one point or another.

I love you Rebecca ^.^

[f.u.c]

I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] v I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love [*Corona*] I love my Rebecca

I'm not on here to answer any msgs. Just came to change some things around. I think her and I have made ammends... but I know I'm still going to hear it cause I'm just the biggest idiot out there. The reason I don't want to come on here too much, is so I don't fuck up again. Most of you think I'm this great guy, for w/e reason. But I'm not. And ET is a bad place to be on if you're going to have a long distance relationship. You guys, I've fucked things up 3 ! ! ! times and she's still forgiving me. I know she's wasn't perfect either... but thats not the point ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !! 2 of those times weren't while we were dating.... but it was exactly like I was leading her on. And even thought I've had these great feelings of love towards my babe.. I still did those stupid things. does anyone know why ? yea.. cuz i'm stupid. I know I don't deserve her back. Again, I KNOW I DON'T DESREVE YOU BACK BABE. But I'm glad you're still here cause this is the last time anything is ever going to happen. It's funny how.. I always thought about my babe, before and after I was doing something stupid... before for the most part... cause I still did it anyways. Like... I knew how much I loved my babe {seems like not enough huh ?} and I knew something bad was about to happen, but I went through with it anyways. And the thing is... I didn't cheat on her physically... it was all throught the computer. I had the chance... physically... but I passed it up. But... all men think with their dicks. I'm no exception. My intentions were all good... never thought anything bad was going to happen or anything... didnt' want to have anything to do with these women, other than a friendship... and thats what ALOT of them are... but bad things still came along. It was up to me to have self control... I didnt. No excuse for not containing myself... I just did it. Thats not good {duh}. But her and I talked until about 5 this morning and for the most part worked things out again. I was threatened :)P It was kute, but I took her seriously :)P My babe isn't going to have any pitty for me ever again. she's going to ... torture me slowly until I'm dead... which I respect :)P

U know... it's funny... I've never actually cheated on ANY girl until I came onto ET. how come ?

Now :)~ The happy part ~(: I'm in love with the most wonderful girl in the world :)~ Her name is Rebecca Anne Perona and she is the love of my life ^,^ It would have been... what was it ? 7 months you said babe ? It would have been seven months if I didnt dump her. I wish it was seven months. I've never had someone in my life for so long. Not someone that truly cares for me like she does :)~ I love you babe ^,^ We used to talk to eachother about getting married, and how our wedding was going to look. We talked about having kids and how many we wanted and what we wanted. We talked about how she was going to be the successful one and I wasn't :)P but she's still giving me confidence. Maybe i should be a nerd and go to skewl for computers or something and be successful just like my babe ^,^ Anyways, now... I want to go to Europe... but she wants me to wait so that we can go on our honeymoon. And she says that we can get married around the time she turns eighteen. Thats not a bad idea at all, and I'm willing to wait... not sure if I'm gunna cuz I really really really reallly really want to go. But theres something about getting married at the age of 18 :)P I mean... I don't know if thats a good idea. ALTHOUGH I would not mind marrying her to begin with. If things are going to work, we need to move in together... and see if we can handle living with eachother. U know, all the mess, sleeping,eating, house chores and whatnot :)~ Sounds like fun to me ^.^ Well... I don't know what else to say ^,^ We talked about how our wedding was going to look and what she wanted to wear and what I wanted to wear. I miss those days. I want to be close to you again babe :)~ I love you ~(:

Came back on to upload a pic and now I'm going to give you a lil update :)~ Well that guitar on my page is currently in my possesion. Of course my teddy burr is still going to be named lil Rebecca :)~ And yes it still comes everywhere with me. BTW babe ;)~ I one you a new teddy burr that says "high maintenance" on it ^,^ i really miss you babe :"( I'm going to call you tonight for sure. And I still do love you :)~ I don't know if my grandmama is dead or not. Noones talked to me about it so I'm taking it she's still in the hospital alive. I think y dad is doing HARD drugs. And I'm off probation and still clean and loving it :) ) )~ Anything else ? I might get a job cementing... .. . and thats about it. Later.

[f.u.c]

Well I don't know what the fuck to do. I was really going to leave this place for the VERY most part, so I could be with my babe. But then I didnt. I have enough faith in myself to have made things right for once... .. . but I guess I'm not going to have the chance :\ Thats not a good thing just to let everyone else know. Its only been a day, and I think I can make it alone... but I know I can't. I've thought about her constantly... and it's only been a day. What does that mean ? This was the only girl that I've talked to, about living the rest of my life with. We had plans for how our honeymoon was going to be, and how we wanted our wedding and EVERYTHING. But now it's gone and I don't want anyone. I hate my fucking life now. I called her about 10 minutes ago... and she was having such a great time.. I just wanted to die. I don't know what to say. Don't know what to do. And even knowing that I'm NOT going to get her back, I still think I want to leave this place and be alone. I really ... .. . don't know.

[*Corona*] :

If I never see you again
Or hear from you again
I'll die right next to you
In the end.
I promise babe.

U know, there are so many good things that can come out of this place, and so many bad things that can come out of this place. It really makes you think. Sometimes you just get so pissed off that you never want to come back; some stay and some go. I really don't know what to do now. I'm really involved with this place. I have alot of friends on here that I talk to to just get up and go, but things get so bad sometimes that I just want to say fuck it. I really don't know what to do. I don't think that I'm really going to be on here anymore. Things are just too fucking... fucked up. I don't fuckin know.

[f.u.c]

I want to talk to her so badly right now :"( I know shes hurting, but i want to be strong about it too. I know it would be the right thing to do, just give in and call her and try and makes things better. but I'm NOT doing any online pimping. I don't know what to do, but this fucking sucks royal dick ! ! ! I miss you [*Corona*] :(~ And its only been an hour. Someone tell me what i should do :(~

I hate my dad. I love my mom. I would do anything for my mom. And i have, from repairs on this house to carpet and furniture and food so she could live a descent life :") and my dad just has to keep fucking her over :"( I don't know what to do to get him to pay my mom. I hate him :"(

*tears* ... .. .

¤ I think I just lost a good friend, more like by best friend for being in love with someone. Is that right or wrong ? I guess she made that decision and if she can't respect that then that's her problem. I just wish that she didn't leave me for good.

¤ Waiting for a [different] day :"(

Hoobastank 'The Reason'
*cries*
i'm not a perfect person. there are many things i wish i didnt do
but i continue learning. i never meant to do those things to you.
and so i have to say before i go, that i just want you to know

i've found a reason for me, to change who i used to be
a reason to start over new, and the reason is you

i'm sorry that i hurt, its something i must live with everyday
and all the pain i put you through, i wish that i could take it all away
and be the one who catches all your tears, thats why i need you to hear

i'm not a perfect person, i never meant to do those things to you
and so i have to say before i go that i just want you to know

i've found a reason for me, to change who i used to be
a reason to start over new, and the reason is you
i've found a reason to show a side of me you didnt know
a reason for all that i do, and the reason is you

*I know that the poem below this is kinda outta tune, but it was just a bunch of random feelings. I cant explain how I feel, and how much i love, and how much I want back. The poem was a spur of the moment kinda thing. but as long as its my feelings and it had meaning, thats all that matters.

*I dont know why I cut things off with her and I. Maybe I felt like I needed a break, or that I needed some time away. But, I didnt realize that then. I cant beleive I did that, let her go. I love her so much. I dont think I could have let her go if I wasnt so tired. Right after I did, i went to bed. I didnt want to think of what i just did. but everday I still think about it. still think about her, and what we had, and what we wanted. 

*I really think Im going to ask her back out. I hope she will take my back :"( *Cries* I fucked things all up, and then I had to fuck it up so much more by letting her go like that. 

*I want you back babe, I dont know what to say. im crying right now. I love you. I always have and Im always going to. Please tell me you love me too :"(

Thinking of the past, and what I used to have
The love of my life, I let out of my grasp

I miss you so much
And think of you, night and day
I hope that I can get the chance
To give you another day

I know things weren't the best
By I still dream of you, resting on my chest
Holding me tight, forever and for always

I Love you babe
Always have, and always will
I Love you babe
Im sorry our Love I had to kill

My feelings are still strong, more now then ever before
It makes me wonder, why I pushed you out my door

I want you in my arms
tonight, tomorrow, and for the rest of my life
I want you in my arms, and I want you as my wife

Im almost in tears now, remeniscing the past
Of what we had together, and what I wish we still had.
Come back to me babe, I cant take another day
Knowing you're not mine, knowing you're ok
Without me

*tears stream down his face*

I miss, I hug you; I kiss you, I love you

You know who you are, and for those of you who dont... .. . Im talking about Rebecca {A.K.A} [*Corona*]

*guess what ? Hailey comes back today ^.^ JOY :) ) )~ I havent talked to her for soooooooo long :" ) Im going to love it, im hoping that shes on by the time that I get back from work. And if shes not Im going to cry cuz I dont want to wait another day :" ( I miss you babez. hurry home.

Much [f.u.c]ing Love

Kill you ! Fuck you ! I will never be you !

U fucking touch me I'll rip you apart ! u drunk FUCK ! ! !

*Whats up everyone that actually reads this O.o o.O J I know you do ;)~ thanx man. I know Rebecca does ^.^ Thanx babez. Well I just found out that PeyPey means little mule :)P I guess its true, I'm kinda like a little mule when it comes to women. They ride me all the [f.u.c] over, like I was a mule to them :)P And then I get [f.u.c]ed over even more. U have to love women, dont you?

*Well, I have to go pick rock's for a good 5 or 6 hours this morning. Its quarter to eight right now, and Jeremy is coming to pick me up in about an hour. After I get done with that Im going to have to work at Diggers. I'm going to have Jeremy bring me in at 2 so I get some more hours in, but Im going to ask if I can get off of work around 8 or 9 though.

*I think I'm going to be sick and It's your fault