GAAAAAAAAAAAAA
What's the point of having an online journal if I won't fill it in? I don't know. Do you? I don't care about your answer anyways. Now I can't even be inspired to write in my journal... forget stories or poems or even drawing! Life is not easy for me anyways. I'm hungry.
No, seriously, that's not the problem. The problem is that I've only been in school for 15 days and I'm already exhausted. I take twice as long as everyone else to do the same work, too, so that's why I don't like homework. I think I have ADD, and if the Doc says I don't, I know I have it anyways. But what do I do about it? Lots of people don't know much about ADD, but they'll tell me things that have already been tried and failed. I really just don't know who to ask for advice. And I'm not making up the ADD thing, either; if I was, I wouldn't have this problem every single school year.
But I'm hungry now, so go away!
8:37 PM
My ISP is really ticking me off.... by the way, the reason why I haven't been filling this journal in is because I have an Lj. So that is:
http://www.liv
Go on, get outta here.
9:02am
'Tis the painful truth: I haven't touched anything that has anything to do with Elfwood or Elftown for almost a month! I'm a criminal! Well, I've been busy looking at 8-Bit Theatre, and Dragon Mango, and downloading very much schtuff. And CHATTING! On MSN, thankyouverymu
I-gotta-write.
Yep. I have been summoned from my computer.
8:18 pm
*sigh*
It was beautiful outside yesterday and the day before. The sun was shining brightly, and the snow was really sparkling. The wind was blowing, but it was not cold outside. It was above freezing. *_~ Those New Yorkers in the States will be happy with the weather, I think, if they get their wind mostly from the Northwest of Canada. Yeah.... their mountains of snow on the side of the roads will finally melt.
5:00pm
Every day is a new day. la la la la la..... But the things in each day feel old..... I'm not learning much, that't the problem... I don't mean the kind of learning you do in school, I mean the kind you do by trying new things or talking to people. I think I'm supposed to learn something from living at home but I don't know what and I don't feel it coming on. If I had more of a craving for life, maybe I'd make myself enjoy it more. There's drawing, painting, walking, running, sledding, writing poems and stories, reading...hmmm
I now proclaim that from this day forward, my New Year's resolution is to stop procrastinatin
1:05PM
I'm slightly inspired, but not as passionately as I want. I woke up this morning and everything was silver. Then the sun came out and gave everything a tint of blue and gold. Now, it's snowing. How pretty! It's a snow day today because somebody predicted a really bad storm for this afternoon, even though the roads were fine this morning. I'm not so sure about them now, though. It's really dumping on us. It's awesome out there! I'm going outside!
9:40 pm
There is an amazing poem on Main Street today. It moved me more than I can explain. Here it is, written by [Ketsune]
Little Sister
You're daydreaming again
I heard your whispery sighing
Your glazed eyes made it plain
You were thinking about tomorrow
You were dwelling on yesterday
But you're forgetting, Little Sister
Life will pass you by that way
I see the tears that fill your eyes
I know who you're thinking about
Cry, Little Sister
And let it all come out
Because though one is a lonely number
A reluctant two is lonelier still
And just because he never loved you
Doesn't mean he never will
The world is vast and frightening
But you'll never stand alone
I'm your safehaven, Sister
Just as you are my own
[Ketsune]
I just say "wow" to that one.
2:13 PM
I don't have much to say at the moment. Perhaps I'll write some more in a few hours. What I do have to say is that I am playing two versions of Rythm Emotion (Gundam Wing soundtrack) over and over and over and over again. I have the player set on repeat. Just over and over..... I really like those two songs. I like Hiro No Tsuki (Outlaw Star), too.
2:30 PM
Hello all you people out there. Is it as snowy in Europe as it is in Southern Ontario (Canada)? The sky is completely blue, the ground is covered in snow, and (heehee) I'm at my Nana's house, too. That's my Grandma on my Dad's side. She spoils me (muwahahahahaha
No school today or Friday 'cuz of exams, YAH!
10:17 PM
Yesterday I helped somebody cry. Since this diary is for the world to read I can't say what the problem was. Today I acknowledged that I am in love (not the agapé kind). I am in love with a guy. And if anybody has read "Doctor Zhivago", it's that kind of love. Not in passion, but because the whole world dictates it in everything we see. (~somewhat~ quoted from the author)
9:47 PM (by this time I'm guessing it's Saturday in Sweden)
This is my first diary entry and I am just going to say that I am moving out of the group home I live in and going back to my real home where my parents are. It's cool. YAY! Hooray! Yeah Baby! The thing is, I'm ready to go home. I went to the group home to learn something and I have learned it. I learned something about agapéing. I learned things from Love, Himself, about Him. I learned to love my self. There is more to loving oneself than just stopping oneself from calling oneself stupid or ugly or something. I learned that I can do the things I want to do. When the snow is soft, I jump into a snow bank. When the sun shines brightly, I close my eyes, face it, and take it in. When it is not extremely cold, but not mucky, I lie in the snow and savour the air I breathe like one's first dive of the new summer into a cold pond. When I play my favourite music box, sometimes I grab my teddy bear and take a nap.
Today, I found the book "Doctor Zhivago" by (whom?). I was just sitting in the library and I looked at a shelf and saw it. I just started it. I'm only three quarters of the way through the introduction by some editor or translator or something. I think I'll go start a scrapbook of all the books I've read. I can scan the covers and write what book it is and schtuff.
Y'know what? I feel beautiful. I have ever since I went to a little art store in Orangeville, Ontario (Hey, all you Dufferin County peoples!) called The Dragonfly. There are fine crafts such as pottery and art fabrics available in the front room, not to mention leather flowers made into jewelery. It's all local artists. I'v met many of them. Behind the front room is a very large room with four local artists working in it who each rent a corner of the room. Their work is unlike anything that is popular. It's awesome. There is a hallway leading behind that room, and at the end is a room rented by another artist. I had a long talk with her, and it was in her room that I realized that this store makes me feel beautiful. Guess what? I feel uncomfortable feeling comfortable. I'm not used to it. But I want to get used to it.
Today I wrote a prose/freeform poem. Perhaps I'll post it in Wiki. It was an artist at The Dragonfly who told me that my work was good enough even though she hadn't seen any, and that I should just start writing. So that is why I wrote my prose. And even though it isn't a short fantasy story, and even though I did not have a standard, and even though it was merely a description of my surroundings, it is truly a beautiful poem because I forgot about all the short story writers out there whose style seems to belittle the style of others rather than dig a hole to a spring of life and inspiration and expression. And that, my friends, is both what I need to see and create.