I am Further dissalusioned (ok I can't spell) Today I had some one walk past my friends and I and said "Holy sheep shit, what the fuck are you cunts wearing?" (refering to the clothes we were wearing.. trench coats and black ect. I was walking with [-elv-] and the other guys from my band) to this I replied "Clothes moron" *maybe a couple of swear words added to the end of the phrase. He decided he would be tough in front of his friend and girlfriend and said "You cunts are fucked up"- very good people skills were contained by this person.
I stood there and smiled at this person in the most deranged fasion I could possibly muster at the time untill I could no longer see them.
I am so sick of people who think they can judge people on their apperance and feel they have the right to verbally abuse whoever they feel like because they think they are the best thing in the world. damn R&B and rap is doing this shit!!
I'm not sure if I am becoming more crazy or if everyone else is... I don't understand anything people are saying to me at the moment, It seems that the small grasp of sanity I have is slipping away.
I can still percieve things the way I always have, and my gift of self reflection is as visible as always. but people are acting strange.. or perhaps I am, and that is their reaction towards me.
I am happier than I have been in a while, yet I am still sad
But now the pain is confusing and strange
I don't use this much... well at all yet.
So I will put something in it, for the friends who don't understand why It must seem that I am drifting away.
I'm really not too sure what it is that is slowly turning me into what I am becoming. I don't hate any of you my poor friends who stand by me while wishing they could do more to help me.. I do notice although I rarely give credit.
I am sorry, I don't feel I need help. There is something inside killing me and only I can subside it.
I realise that day by day I am slowly becoming more anti-social and more riddled in my explanations of thoughts, so subtle that you may not have even noticed.
I am sad, I am lonely and although I have many standing by my side in a room full of personalities.
I have discovered that there is something, a major part of me that I need to say goodbye to in order to regain my sanity. I will never be the same.