I don't know what it is, but no matter what happens, I still feel alone. As odd as it sounds, I had more people I could talk to at this point last year than I do now. I'm not gonna whine about it any more, but there's nothing I can really do about it without sending myself into a nervous coughing fit. -_-; I know, I'm probably not making any sort of sense right now, but I'm not really supposed to. I doubt I ever will, other than to maybe one or two other people. It's just...well...I used to like being on my own. USED to. Now, I really don't. I like being around other people I know. But, right now that's only four people here. One I'm with constantly, another is his roommate and in a couple of my classes. The third I have a couple of classes with, but don't see too much of outside that. The fourth and last (though certaintly not least) I see a couple of times a week. If I'm lucky. And if I do see him, we only say hi, if that, a majority of the time. I used to talk to him more than the rest (hell, I didn't know the rest other than the first until recently), and now...well...I guess everyone's just growing up. Growing up and growing apart. I only talk to a handful of friends from high school, and a few from McMurry. I've got about the same amount here at MSU. And, thinking about that when I'm a little under two months from turning twenty is a sobering thought, one that's been plaguing me the past couple of days. It may sound childish, but I don't wanna grow up. Not yet! There's still so much left to do! But at the same time, I want to get the hell away from here, really start my life...and I can't really do what I want. The future will get here when it does, and that's all there is to that. I'm gonna grow up, just like everyone will, and we'll all drift apart. I just don't like seeing signs of that right before my eyes. I've said a lot of this before, but each time I notice it, it hurts a bit more. Even more this time around for some reason I can't figure out. But...I can't stop it. And I won't. It's not my place to openly complain about all this. (AKA I'm not gonna say anything to anyone that this concerns unless they bring it up, and this will be the only time I mention it.) If everyone's gonna go their own way, they have my blessings and well wishes, just as everyone else who's drifted has. I just wish it wouldn't happen. It's inevitable, but still...

Weekends aren't so bad after all... ^^ I've been re-reading an old favorite HP fanfiction of mine and have fallen in love with it all over again, and another fic has been updated! Plus B-ridge is going to Area in marching band, and I got to leave campus today! ^___________^ So, yes...I'm happy. Will write more later (perhaps tomorrow). Just thought I'd put this up so no one on dA, MySpace, Elftown, or LJ would worry about me. ^^'

You know You're in th eMarching Band when.....

*you list your band director as an emergency contact.*
*all your idols are dead. And have been for several centuries.*
*you make band jokes in a class where there are no other band people.*...then try to explain, get exhasperated, and have to say "It's a band thing."*
*you list your band director as a reference on job applications.
*you know that you "Don't go there."*
*you've ever counted the tiles on the ceiling of your Biology teacher's class room to get him to go to the band room.*
*you do fire drills, you complain that your teacher should let you go to the band room, since that IS where you'd be in a real fire.* (gotta protect that clarinet)
*you hear music and begin to mark time.*
*people want to contact you, so they call the band room.*

Don't you hate it when things happen all of a sudden? I mean, sometimes it's okay, but...well, okay. Let me explain. Two years ago today, my little brother hit his head. Two years ago Friday, he died. For some reason it didn't click in my head until Theory that this was true. So, yeah...Today's been pretty bad. First I reliazed that, then I didn't do that well at singing auditions for band, then I lost my mouthpiece, so I can't pratice because I have no mouth piece. Then I couldn't remember where I was supposed to go in the drill, so I felt like an idiot then. Of course, I sat there through acting, while we were supposed to be doing improv, unable to react to anything right. THen was piano. I love the class, but today was just hell. Now that brings us to right now, with me chilling on the computer, trying to get my emotions back together so I can go to theatre praticum without bawling the whole time. It would really help if some of my friends were on, so Id have someone to talk to, but at least I can type to get my mind off of things. Bleh....

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so happy now! Gods...I'm....I'm....I'm.... *faint*

.......

.......


I just saw a line of people being led around the halls of the fine arts building with their eyes closed....

.....

.....

Welcome to the wierdness that is my life/McMurry/APO...

This is why I prefer Elftown to Myspace. I just had a guy ask if I was interested in sexual fun with an older married man. X.x

Le sigh...

I'm dying of boredom here, and there's nothing I can do about it. Anyways, I'm on deviantART now, http://www.anettechase.deviantart.com

^_^

My gosh...

I did it... I did it! I finally messaged him! And only [karma2] and [whitemageramza] will get this at all. Ah, well. I found my cousin on facebook ( I mighta mentioned it on here) and it took me this long to message him. ^^' Sheesh. I really am a coward.

Lord and Lady, does anyone know how hard it is to be me? Yeah, yeah, I'm a whiney bitch, but I'm an honest whiney bitch. I've been open about being bi and Wiccan for so long, that it's killing me to have to hide it. Why do I have to hide it, you may ask. I'm attending a private Christian University. They offered me a lot of money, and that was the only way I'd ever get to go to college, so I really had very little say in the matter. Now I'm going insane, having to watch every little thing I say or do... Thank the gods no one at my school is on here, nor do they know who I am. That would kill me. I'm so thankful for my friends, [whitemageramza], [karma2], [Bass the Wanderer], [Ansem], everyone else on my relations list that I'm not thingkin of right now 'cause it's nearly eleven at night and I'm up waiting on laundry...you guys all really help me make it through this insanity intact. I thank every deity I can think of that I've got you guys every day, and so, well...thanks. I'd better sign off now, no one's on and I'm expecting a call. Besides, my laundry's nearly done. XD Later!

Gods, don't go clubbing if you can't take smoke. I lived with my parents for all my life, and I wasn't affected by it, and now I go clubbing, and I can't brether. Not a good thing... *koff, koff*

I doubt anyone will read this, but I really don't give a damn. People who know me know I don't have a happy past. (Does anyone?) I'm very over emotional, and I'm getting worked up just because I'm scared to talk to someone over the Internet. I knew him years ago, he's related to me as a matter of fact. However, we haven't really talked in six years. The last time I tried, I guess he didn't think I wanted to talk to him. Whatever. But I found him earlier, and now I'm terrified that he won't respond to me if I do try, or what he'll say if he does. Yeah...I'm one messed up little raindrop. Speaking of raindrops, it's sprinkling outside and I've got to go to work in about 45 minutes. Joy. It's not that hard, I just have to keep an eye on one of the computer labs. But still, this is gonna bug me until I message him. I mean, the people I have on my friends list here don't reply when I talk to them, so why should I think that he would? I'm so fucked up... Pardon the language, but I'm not even trying to censor myself here. I actualy fell asleep earlier, and again, if you know me, you know that's next to impossible unless I'm sick. So, yeah. I'm not doing good. Then again, no one will read this, 'cause no one cares about me. So why do I bother? It kills time, I suppose. Ah, well.

Yeah...i was gonna write more the last time, but I got called away. The whole I don't want anyone finding me thing is that the director of the band here will know if I post anything on livejournal or myspace or any of those, so I turn to good ol' reliable elftown where everyone already knows about me if they bother to talk to me. Anyways, I'm about to go crash in my dorm room here at McM. Ala cumba! *yawn*

I'm back already. I'm typing a lot more on here than livejournal, 'cause I don't want anyone finding me! >.> <.<

Le sigh. I'm so freaking wierded out right now. I'm all on my own at my school and only one person I know on here is talking to me. I've even resorted to myspace to be in contact with people, and it's not that cool. Again, le sigh. My advisor put me in the wrong English class, so we had to mess around with my schedule, which is hectic enough, and I'm supposed to be at a Freshman thing right now. I really don't want to go, but there's money being given away, so I'd better. So, you guys, MESSAGE ME! Sheesh! I feel as if my friends have ditched me, 'cause no one talks to me and I'm in a school with like a thousand other people. T.T

No electricity royally SUCKS! I'm holed up in the public library, because I've got my little 7 yr. old sister, and there's no AC at hom. Again, it royally SUCKS! :P

Okay…Let me say this yet again: As much as I adore the fact that some of you out there are trying to ‘save my soul’, if you will, would you quit pushing religion on me?! There aren’t many people that fall under this category of person I’m talking about now, and if you’re not one of them feel free to ignore this. However, those of you that won’t leave me alone about it, GET A FREAKING LIFE ALREADY! Gods! Do you know how annoying this is? I love you guys dearly, but this is just too much. I have my religion, you have yours (or lack of one), and we’re all peachy keen. It is morally wrong (by my beliefs) to attempt to force religion on to someone. Religion is what you believe in for Pete’s sake! You can’t force someone to believe something, not really. Influence, yes, but not force. Less than fifty percent of the planet is Christian, so how is it right? How is Christianity the ‘one, true way?’ Simple, it’s not. I believe that Jesus did exist—(insert gasp here from all of the people who think I worship the devil or some such nonsense (I don’t even believe in the devil…-_-‘))—I believe that he certainly believed he was the Son of God. For all we know, he is. According to the Bible, he is, but just ‘cause a book said so doesn’t mean a thing. (I just now I’m going to have a bunch of flamers in response to that…-_-‘’) But, think about it. Even if he is the Son of God, that doesn’t mean that there aren’t any other gods/goddesses out there. So, again, how is this right? Also, in the Bible, it says ‘thou shall not worship any other god before me’ (okay, it’s not an exact quote, but I can’t find my Bible at the moment.). Doesn’t that imply that there are other gods out there? So, technically, we can worship whomever we choose, we’re just supposed to put him first. I may be wrong on some of what I’m saying, so feel free to correct me on this. Just do go, ‘well, I’m right, you’re wrong, you’re going to hell’ on me. That’s the entire reason I’m probably going to fail Introduction to Christianity this next semester when I start school (that attitude, I start blocking out people with that sort of attitude…). Funny, ne? An openly Wiccan student attending a Methodist school… Sorry ‘bout that. I’m just really ticked off right now. I mean, I’ve been dealing with this crap for the past couple of years, and it’s getting old. Seriously, the way they act it’s as if I’m a devil child or something! I’m not, I don’t do drugs, I don’t drink. I don’t sleep around (having sex with one person and sleeping around are two different things.), I don’t break the law, I don’t do anything that is considered bad at all except for the fact that I’ve had premarital sex and that I’m not Christian. Is that so bad, really? Does any body else out there have to deal with this? (Well, if anyone bothers to read this, anyways…-_-‘)

Eh….sorry to go off on ya’ll. Just having a real bad time here. I’m trying my best not to go psycho/depressed/possibly suicidal. I’ll be over it eventually, so don’t worry ‘bout me. Just don’t push any buttons, ‘kay?

Anette Chase

Life, loff and pixie styx!

Why is it that the world has gotten so cold? Everyone basically either doesn’t care or they care too much. Well, most everyone at least. Which am I? Heh, I practically wear my emotions on my sleeves. I know there’s plenty of people that have lives that are much worse than my own, I’ve known that. But, most people look at me and think, ‘gee, she’s got to have everything. She’s smart, blah blah blah.’ I don’t and I never will, but that’s good. See, I personally think that everyone should be able to attain everything they ever want…all except one. That way, they will always have something to strive for.

Every time I think about this world, I get depressed. That’s why I focus on all the little things so much, I guess. Keeps me sane. Just like writing does as well. People think I’m whiney, a crybaby, etc., but that’s okay. At least I’m not a cold hearted bitch like I claim to be at times! Unlike some people… Right at this moment, I’m actually feeling the best I have in a long time, though some people would probably freak out if they knew that. Why? I’m always acting bubbly and happy. I have my masks, just like everyone else does, I just don’t use them that often…unless I’m pissed. Or depressed. But I usually let people know when that happens, I just pretend that I’m not.

This world is so horrid! I know it is, just look at all the things that have happened! Look at what history has shown us… We are a savage race, no better than the cave men. The only difference is that we have better technology. Damn humans…(and I’m including myself in that curse…) We’re just horrible!

Sorry that that was so random, but I was bored and depressed…

AC

Yes, I did it! I donated my hair to Locks of Love (that IS what it's called, right?), so now I don't have to mess with it. YESSSSS!!!!!!!!!! ^_^

You know, diaries really make you wonder. Most people put down their innermost thoughts, their secret desires, their darkest dreams...but me? I put down normal stuff, you know, who's pissed off at who, who's with who, stuff like that. But maybe, just once, I'll do something different. You see, if you don't already know me, my friends cause me a lot of grief. They probably don't know that, and I wouldn't wish to tell them that. But...they're so ENTERTAINING! Sigh...