im bored so i might as well do somthing with this sad and empty diary. do many guys write in diarys? seems kind of sissy if you ask me.
yesterday was myself and my girlfriends 2 month anaversery. i find it odd that we are calling it an anaversery mostly because anaversery denotes anualy not monthly so we are realy missuing the word and completely bastardising the english language. but english allready is a bastard language so i suppose its allright. i only called her today instead of yesterday because the true date of us actually going out is a bit fuzzy. we just got all cuddly before on the ninth but we never officially considered ourselfs dating until the next day. i almost felt as if i should have a gift for her, but its only been two months and i've allready given her my pride and joy, a pair of mouse and rat bone earings that i harvested, constructed, and painted myself! *i realy must get her to wear them so i can take a picture of them in an ear. she loved them... i think. i got a big hug so i would suppose thats good. some people laughed at the idea of mouse bone earings, they just have no appreciation for such morbid, gothic, and delicute things. i think thats where their beauty lies, in that they manage to be morbid and delicute, which makes them quite gothic. i even hand painted a tiny box in which to put them in.
ive been wanting somthing to draw but i have remained uninspired. that and im more than slightly discouraged by the fact that the ticket subbmission here has been shut down. i cant wait for the merge but i suppose i'll just have to.
my dreams are becoming increasingly vivid. i may record them here from time to time. i have noticed that my girlfriend has worked her way into my dreams, though supprisingly not sexual dreams. they seem to be mostly cuddly type themes which i am totally content with. i havent had a good nightmare in a while which is starting to get on my nerves. i enjoy nightmares soo much, they're just so much more interesting than normal dreams. oh and the depression and anxiety dreams have begun to lessen in frequency which is good news, that means i'm pulling out of it! yeah!
i am sick again. sick like the last time i lost 7 pounds in a two weeks and only weighing 117 lb.s and being 6'1" it made me feel like i was dieing. i have a hiatal hernia where part of my stomach is above my diaphram and from time to time i feel like i need to burp, like im choking(like when you're sad), and my stomach hurts right below my ribs. every time i eat i get full realy early and then i get nausous, thats what makes me loose weight. i seem to be doing allright this time, ive been eating mostly meat because thats my comfort food though i do try to eat plenty of carbs as well. and im trying my hardest to not eat too much chocolate, but as it is listed as one of my weaknesses it is very hard to resist.
I'm a little frustrated since i cant update my pitiful zone gallery, its only got four pieces in it so far and ive got three more. the pic of myself that i used as my photo for elftown and a matching picture of my girlfriend as a demon seductress, which includes three of my weaknesses: the color black, fishnet, and the unmentioned weakness her. then ive got a pic of a rat i promised to do for a random stoper byer.lol. its up as my drawing. yeah i know im impatient but im allowed to be, i have sever ADD and no medication!
oh yeah a few of my little sisters friends are spending the night, so there'll be three little brats over!
Im still working my way out of a depression, im doing much better. as a sensitive artistic type i happen to be prone to bouts of depression, i stoped contemplating suicide a long time ago though since i have decided to live for at least two people: my mother and my girlfriend, it makes it a little easier to live when there are those that honestly love you. since i do get depressed quite often ive usually worked myself out of it through logic but now part of my depression is due to the fact that i dont konw why i feel the way i do, i feel like im going insane. i think i am now to the point to where i am just unfeeling, so im almost out. i dont think i'll ever be a generally happy person its not realy in my nature.
i still dont have a job and only 6 bucks to my name, but i do have a car, a semi-functiona
now lets see how this diary thing works, now that ive laid out my entire life in one entry.