i am a really evil person i can't be the nice person that everyone thinks i am! i can't be! my mom died because she was helping me!!! the stress killed her and i caused the stress!!! it was me!!! i was away for twenty years and when i get back to together i kill her taking her away from my step-dad and my sisters ! how evil can someone be! now im here with my step dad is it guilt??? i have ruined every thing that i have ever touched in my life ! even my wife knew it maybe she was the smart one because she got while the geting was goood!its true im a usless evil person and i should go somewhere else before i mess up more of ther lives!!!

feeling very alone,and very small today! the world feels like it is running like crazy and i can't or won't keep up! i'm not sure which! i feel very hollow in side,empty and unsure!i'm driving myself crazy thinking thsts bad!

the days not getting any better!I start wondering what i am going to do because i have lost everything that i had worked for. the house,and every thing else i am giving to her (I DONT WANT IT) it doesn't matter any more! i JUST WANT THE hurt to go away !! I give a damn about people thats my problem ,people around me are telling me to be mean and i can't do it even after what she's done to me!!The woman must have gone crazy,she's emptied the bank accounts,writen bad checks to the toon of 5000 dollers that i know of! started treating her own son and mother like crap!!!(that makes me mad!!) I don't care how she treats me but he family does not deserve to be treated that way!!I hear that shes started drinking ,and very possibly useing drugs,what in the world could have goten into her mind!! "was I that bad to be around" all I tryied to do was make her happy and it seems that i couldent even do that r)ight!(now i just want to break into tears ) but why when she has treated me like so much garbage!!I don't konow what to do any more! the shock and fear are starting to wearoff and i am realizing that there is no place to go home to when i leave here!(that scares me) i HAD BEEN alone for so long be for i met her that im not sure i can do it again! I guess that i just dont under stand woman and probubly never will ,i'll be better off keeping them as friends because everytime i let someone close i always seem to mkess it up somehwo!!! (i must be some sort of jinX)i'M GOING TO STOP FEELING SORRY FOR MY SELF (easyer said then done)

it's been kind of a rough day! why is it there is never any good news when you are away from home. my wife seems to have gotten her self into a lot of trouble, and the sherrifs can't find her to give her the divorce papers!@! I really hate doing this in the first place! but she is the one who decided to leave a week after i was sent away! i CAN'T HELP BUT WONDER WHAT WAS GOING ON BEHIND MY BACK(BOY HOW STUPID COULD I BE!!) i WISH THAT i Knew what was so wrong with me!!! "*&^$$**&^%!!!". I guess that you can't prove to someone that you love them by trying your best to do for and get them what they would like!!I worked four jobs so that i could pay for the garden,and the car,and everything else that she wanted.(I MUST BE CRAZY!!) she was always accusing me of cheating on her "I wonder if that was just a deffence to cover what she was doing" maybe she just sayed with me to get what she wanted! (i am a fool) i would give and never take anything for myself! to be

it's beeen an interesting day. I couldn't wait to get on line and find out what was happening in elftown! I am hopping to meet more people here today!

I am finding elftown to be very good for me ! I am not sure that I can explain it but it seems like i am able to express myself more freely and openly!I like it ,it takes the pressure off! I know that that is not the goal of the site but it is helping me. I am also findinf that maybe I can help a few others as well as myself.I love the coversations I never know what I am going to find going on. thats cool! well I have been up for a day and It is time to get some sleep!

well it's 1:25 am and I am hanging around elftown!I don't know what time it is for most of the people here.