i cut so i can feel real again
i cut because seeing my blood means that i'm alive and not dead
i cut soi can feel again, something, anything
i cut because i feel filthy inside and it needs to get out of me
i cut because i am going to explode if i dont
i cut because it's all i can do
i know that me hurting myself seems like a very bad thing to a lot of you.....
i know that it's self destructive and a sign of self-hate when i ought to be loving myself....
i know that it hurts afterwards- right now my arms hurt like hell....
i know that it's leaving scars...
i hate them but at the same time i love them too...
i know that they will get me into trouble eventually when someone sees them and will ask awkward questions or recognise themfor what they are...
i know a lot of things but i also know that it's better to hurt and to show it than to hurt and to have no relaeas, and it's beter to hurt a little bit when i make it happen than to bottle it up until i explode and do something REALLY stupid like i've done before... and its beter to hurt and to KNOW why i hurt...
Body pain can be dealt with lived with worked around ignored....
soulpain is the killer.
And there's one last thing that i know... i know that you probably sitting there now blinking and going 'huh' and saying 'but why????' or 'i wish she wouldn't'
i know that too and you're not the only one who has those thoughts either...there
the dangerous people are not the ones that hit you with clubs or rob you with guns;
the theif wont attack your character traits or believe your abilities to your face .
who merely crushes your will to win.
no she doest rob you at the point of a gun-
she just kicks you when your down and leaves you to rot...
(i wrote this after me and my bro had a fight!!)
WEIRDO..
Finnaly after all those fights i'm seeing you clearly, you never listen to me.I'm writng this down instaed of telling so you wont hit me. How did i get it into my head that you could change???
Your still a selfish bastard...why was i so kind to you? you put me through hell and you still are...
why are you torturing me????
Your words are what hurt the most not your fists!!!
Why cant you laeve me alone you fucking weirdo...
Why are you so bothered about me cutting myself?
im not the one killing myself ,you fucking are you bloody smoke!!!!!!
I dont feel guilty or disgusted with myself.. im proud because im still here..
And how as i supposed to know how you feel about it? you have to tell me, i'm not a fucking mind reader!!!!
i was daddy's little girl but know he's gone,
He's broken my heart, but i still love him.
But you dont love me, you love your slapper of a girl friend.
I feel unloved, do you not want me anymore, are you ashamed?
im sorry if i wanted to die but you went away and left me alone again...
you only care about yourself....yo
when you didn't get your own way with me you beat me up...
does that make you feel better? to see your daughters bloody body on the floor??????
Was i that bad?
I dont want to loose you, i need a dad...
You've ripped apart and im fading fast.........
I've never loved anyone,
as much as i love you,
You've helped me so much because your so true.
You were my shoulder to cry on, whenever i waas feeling blue,
I've never missed anyone as much as i miss you..
written by me for shuggy at his funeral....
Perfect world
If i could see the world how i want it to be, everyone would be content for eternity.
There would be no suffering or strife, everyone would live a pleasant, happy, joyful life
i would se no wrong or no ditress, i would see no heartache or anyone being cheerless
There would be no pain from any wars of any form, there would be no deception or any fraud
There would be smiles all around, and happiness all around, everyone would be cheerful with a peaceful mind
If i could see the world how i want it to be everyone would be content for eternity.
i want someone to hear me
someone to need me
someone to care for
someone to share with
someone to lay with
someone to stay with