some days i wish that the knife would dry up my veins
some days i wish that the rope would choke me of air
some days i wish that the pills would take me whole
some days i wish the gun would blow
some days i wish the ground would swallow me whole
sometimes i wish i were dead.....
you laugh because im different
laugh, see if i care
if it makes you feel better
laugh, point and stare
alone is't as bad as it sounds
nobody can hurt or betray you
if you have no-one to count on
they cannot go away....
do you ever feel this pain?
and feel it creep up through your veins
do you ever hear the screams?
and hear the slashes ream after ream
do you ever smell thhe fear?
of blood running tear after tear?
i hate the way you look at me
i hate how you look at my scars and judge me, thats not trying to help me
i hate the way you talk about why its wrong
i hate the fact that that you talk about it at all
i hate that look of dissapointment whenever you hear about my new cuts
i hate that im crying in pain, and no-one can hear me or that they dont want to help
i hate it when everyone stares at me
i hate that im not everytthing you want me to be
i hate it all
i hate that it hurts you, i never wanted that.
i hate that when i bleed it hurts me, and you
i hate that it kills me inside
i hate that fact that im dragging you down with me
i want you to be free, happy
but if your friends with me your not.....im sorry that im hurting you but i promise that it will stoo, just promise me that you will never forget me, coz i wont forget you....
the end is coming i can feel it near
once again returns that dreadful fear
that i will never see you again
after all you are my best friend
but the voice says it's time to go on my way
REALLY I WANNA STAY!
i dont want to go into the unknown
i never want to leave you alone
but im being pushed away
so i must go
but you must remember that i'll always love you
a hug and a kiss, i'll bid you goodnight
honestly......
i get so angry and upset sometimes that i dont no what to do, i start smashing things then i cry and go numb, thats when i reach for the razor blade....
im not trying to kill myself, i want to be happy but im not.......is this right??????
would it bother you if i told you i was still unhappy?
would it bother you if i told you that i enjoy cutting my arms?
it shows how much im hurting, i can let my anger and hurt out....
but i dont want to do that, i dont like the scars.....i dont like being alone and starred at.....i need help but i dont know how to tell you...i need you but im scared of being rejected......
whenever im depressed....i want to die...
i want to run and never stop running untill i get away from life,
i want to take out the knife and cut untill the pain runs away,
i want to reach for the bottle and drink untill i cant feel anything any more,
i want to wake up every morning and be like everyone else.....
but then again my do all that when ive got you?
you make me want to wake up in the morning,
you put a smile on my face,
you put a spring in my step,
since im met you the world seems so different now.... thankyou joe [Witch Hunter] for eveything...:)
(hope you like it)
im feeling better
i really am
today waas good
i smiled and it didn't hurt
i had some confidence
i looked people in the eye
i feel at peace
cause i found you
why am i always a disappointment
every time i think ive got it together
like i finally might be ok
i fuck it up
too many times
it kills my heart
i live in my own personal hell
all alone
if i pretend im ok
will you make it go away?
don't grab at me
cause your scared of what your looking at
dont demand to know whats wrong with me
its none of your damn buisness
dont make that remark
just cause you dont want me to say
just love me without reason
or stay the hell away....
life ends but it goes on
if i cannot know tomorrow
i do not want to live today
wish me not into happiness
but instead into here and now
or wish me into nothing
too often, we loose sight of lifes simple pleasures, remember when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and bitch slap that mother f****r flat....
bye,bye,bye.by
bye,bye,bye.by
bye,bye,bye.by
bye,bye,bye.by
bye,bye,bye.by
bye,bye,bye.by
bye,bye,bye.by
byebyebyebyeby
no-one knows me
no-one knows how i feel
no-one will ever know
i am sad, you are happy
i force a smile whenever you look at me...
if you cant face me cutting myself then leave
why the fuck do i trust everyone i meet....
well i hope your happy ben... you fucking evil bastard
when i die i hope you feel guilty.... i'll make sure everyone knows that i killed myself because of you...
i cut so i can feel real again
i cut because seeing my blood means that i'm alive and not dead
i cut soi can feel again, something, anything
i cut because i feel filthy inside and it needs to get out of me
i cut because i am going to explode if i dont
i cut because it's all i can do
i know that me hurting myself seems like a very bad thing to a lot of you.....
i know that it's self destructive and a sign of self-hate when i ought to be loving myself....
i know that it hurts afterwards- right now my arms hurt like hell....
i know that it's leaving scars...
i hate them but at the same time i love them too...
i know that they will get me into trouble eventually when someone sees them and will ask awkward questions or recognise themfor what they are...
i know a lot of things but i also know that it's better to hurt and to show it than to hurt and to have no relaeas, and it's beter to hurt a little bit when i make it happen than to bottle it up until i explode and do something REALLY stupid like i've done before... and its beter to hurt and to KNOW why i hurt...
Body pain can be dealt with lived with worked around ignored....
soulpain is the killer.
And there's one last thing that i know... i know that you probably sitting there now blinking and going 'huh' and saying 'but why????' or 'i wish she wouldn't'
i know that too and you're not the only one who has those thoughts either...there
the dangerous people are not the ones that hit you with clubs or rob you with guns;
the theif wont attack your character traits or believe your abilities to your face .
who merely crushes your will to win.
no she doest rob you at the point of a gun-
she just kicks you when your down and leaves you to rot...
(i wrote this after me and my bro had a fight!!)
WEIRDO..
Finnaly after all those fights i'm seeing you clearly, you never listen to me.I'm writng this down instaed of telling so you wont hit me. How did i get it into my head that you could change???
Your still a selfish bastard...why was i so kind to you? you put me through hell and you still are...
why are you torturing me????
Your words are what hurt the most not your fists!!!
Why cant you laeve me alone you fucking weirdo...
Why are you so bothered about me cutting myself?
im not the one killing myself ,you fucking are you bloody smoke!!!!!!
I dont feel guilty or disgusted with myself.. im proud because im still here..
And how as i supposed to know how you feel about it? you have to tell me, i'm not a fucking mind reader!!!!
i was daddy's little girl but know he's gone,
He's broken my heart, but i still love him.
But you dont love me, you love your slapper of a girl friend.
I feel unloved, do you not want me anymore, are you ashamed?
im sorry if i wanted to die but you went away and left me alone again...
you only care about yourself....yo
when you didn't get your own way with me you beat me up...
does that make you feel better? to see your daughters bloody body on the floor??????
Was i that bad?
I dont want to loose you, i need a dad...
You've ripped apart and im fading fast.........
I've never loved anyone,
as much as i love you,
You've helped me so much because your so true.
You were my shoulder to cry on, whenever i waas feeling blue,
I've never missed anyone as much as i miss you..
written by me for shuggy at his funeral....