i want to kill myself but it means that means im giving in to him....my life is worth nothing now.....what have i got to live for? i tried to tell a mate but she wouldn't listen and she changed the subject like she normally fucking does.......i don't even know why im saying this because no-one cares if i die...so why cant i? killing yourself seems so easy......it sounds good, i cant feel hurt and pain if im dead......now its sounding soo easy.....maybe i should?
i'm not a freak i'm just alone waiting for you to understand my tone. it's not that i don't love you, it's not that i dont care.it's just that i'm in alot of pain that to me just ain't fair....
why does everyone take advantidge of me?
of sick of being hurt, and being in pain all the time...
i want to cut to let it all out but i dont want to let my family amd 'friends' down.....
ALONE AGAIN.
you laugh at me because i'm different
laugh, see if i care
if it makes you feel better
laugh, point and stare
alone is't as bad as it sounds
nobody can betray or hurt you
if you have no-one to count on they cannot go away....
i need to suffer
i need this pain
I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE
i need out
i need to bleed
I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE
i need to cry
i need support
I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE.....
do you see the hurt i'm in?
do you see the hate i feel?
do you really care how i feel?
do you ask me if i'm ok?
do you really no the truth?
LIKE YOU CARE
why don't you shut the F**K up?
do you like to see me cut?
would you like to see me dead?
because i think YOU WOULD........
just because......
just because i embrace the darkness,
doesn't mean i worship it.
doesn't mean i don't appreciate the light.
doesn't mean i'm evil.
just because i'm depressed,
doesn't mean i always will be
doesn't mean i want to be
doesn't mean i don't smile.
just because i cut,
doesn't mean i'm a freak
doesn't mean i want to kill myself
doesn't mean i'm scared
just because i cry,
doesn't mean i'm a whimp
doesn't mean the tears are crimson
doesn't mean i'm giving up....
these poems you do read,
are releases for me,
i tell you how i feel and i no longer feel alone.
i will continue writing poems until my life has nothing more to give because this is the way i want to live.
tears of blood.
these tears of blood i cry,
come from my skin and not my eye's.
these tears of blood that i shed,
they colour my world red.
these tears of blood that fall down,
i feel as if i'm going to drown.
these tears of blood come from my soul,
the marks on my arm lets you know.
these tears of blood that flow,
my heart it aches so.
these tears of blood i cry
fall from my skin and not my eyes.
beneath my skin lies agony,
all my emotions want to suface,
begging me to release them,
i wish this didn't have to be,
i know no other way.
beneath my skin is fear,
this fear lies deep within.
i feel seperate from who i am,
who is this face in the mirror?
beneath my skin is everything that has gone wrong in my life,
this is my way of feeling whole.
with the first cut i begin to feel alright
releasing the pain, fear, the agony
i watch the blood dripping down
beneath my skin lies all my emotions waiting for another day.
go ahead and hit me dad,
cause you like to see me in pain.
i feel your hits please no more;
my tears are falling like rain.
beat me up real well this time,
and you'll feel better, dad.
i probably deserve it,
cause i know you think i'm bad.
i probably didn't speak loud enough,
or maybe walked too slow.
i'm not sure, just what i did,
but it's not for me to know.
so go ajead and hit me hard,
then hit me ten times more.
slam my head against the wall,
and knock me to the floor.
each time you hit me with your buckle of your belt
i feel the pain and feel the warm blood flow
i cried tear's with each blow to my thighs and legs
i'm left alone with my tears and pain when out my room you go.
so go ahead and hit me dad,
the dictors will fix and pill me.
and if it brings the peace you seek,
just go ahead and kill me.
free from abuse and all the pain
in haeven as an angel i shall be
my little wings with glow
no more tears and no more me.
did anyone ever tell you, just how special you are?
the light that you emit might even light a star.
did anyone ever tell you how important you make others feel?
somebody out there is smiling about love that is so real.
did anyone ever tell you many times, when they were saad
your messages made them smile a bit
in fact it made them glad!
for the time you spend sending things and sharing whatever you find there are no words to thank you, but somebody, thinnks your fine.
did anyone ever tell you just how he or she loves you?
well, my dearest, "on-line"- friend today imtelling you.....
(dedicated to joe[Witch Hunter]
some days i wish that the knife would dry up my veins
some days i wish that the rope would choke me of air
some days i wish that the pills would take me whole
some days i wish the gun would blow
some days i wish the ground would swallow me whole
sometimes i wish i were dead.....
you laugh because im different
laugh, see if i care
if it makes you feel better
laugh, point and stare
alone is't as bad as it sounds
nobody can hurt or betray you
if you have no-one to count on
they cannot go away....
do you ever feel this pain?
and feel it creep up through your veins
do you ever hear the screams?
and hear the slashes ream after ream
do you ever smell thhe fear?
of blood running tear after tear?
i hate the way you look at me
i hate how you look at my scars and judge me, thats not trying to help me
i hate the way you talk about why its wrong
i hate the fact that that you talk about it at all
i hate that look of dissapointment whenever you hear about my new cuts
i hate that im crying in pain, and no-one can hear me or that they dont want to help
i hate it when everyone stares at me
i hate that im not everytthing you want me to be
i hate it all
i hate that it hurts you, i never wanted that.
i hate that when i bleed it hurts me, and you
i hate that it kills me inside
i hate that fact that im dragging you down with me
i want you to be free, happy
but if your friends with me your not.....im sorry that im hurting you but i promise that it will stoo, just promise me that you will never forget me, coz i wont forget you....
the end is coming i can feel it near
once again returns that dreadful fear
that i will never see you again
after all you are my best friend
but the voice says it's time to go on my way
REALLY I WANNA STAY!
i dont want to go into the unknown
i never want to leave you alone
but im being pushed away
so i must go
but you must remember that i'll always love you
a hug and a kiss, i'll bid you goodnight
honestly......
i get so angry and upset sometimes that i dont no what to do, i start smashing things then i cry and go numb, thats when i reach for the razor blade....
im not trying to kill myself, i want to be happy but im not.......is this right??????
would it bother you if i told you i was still unhappy?
would it bother you if i told you that i enjoy cutting my arms?
it shows how much im hurting, i can let my anger and hurt out....
but i dont want to do that, i dont like the scars.....i dont like being alone and starred at.....i need help but i dont know how to tell you...i need you but im scared of being rejected......
whenever im depressed....i want to die...
i want to run and never stop running untill i get away from life,
i want to take out the knife and cut untill the pain runs away,
i want to reach for the bottle and drink untill i cant feel anything any more,
i want to wake up every morning and be like everyone else.....
but then again my do all that when ive got you?
you make me want to wake up in the morning,
you put a smile on my face,
you put a spring in my step,
since im met you the world seems so different now.... thankyou joe [Witch Hunter] for eveything...:)
(hope you like it)
im feeling better
i really am
today waas good
i smiled and it didn't hurt
i had some confidence
i looked people in the eye
i feel at peace
cause i found you
why am i always a disappointment
every time i think ive got it together
like i finally might be ok
i fuck it up
too many times
it kills my heart
i live in my own personal hell
all alone
if i pretend im ok
will you make it go away?
don't grab at me
cause your scared of what your looking at
dont demand to know whats wrong with me
its none of your damn buisness
dont make that remark
just cause you dont want me to say
just love me without reason
or stay the hell away....
life ends but it goes on
if i cannot know tomorrow
i do not want to live today
wish me not into happiness
but instead into here and now
or wish me into nothing