When I was little and my parents got divorced I hated Scott (my step-dad)! I guess I kind of blamed him on my parent's problem and I am so suprised he didn't give up because my sister and I made life for him a living hell. But as I grew up, I grew to love him too. In some ways he seems more like a dad to me then my real father does. I don't mean to say I don't love my dad, because I do, but there's a bond between my step-dad and I that is lacking in the relationship I have with my father. Sometimes I do wonder what it would be like if my parents were still together and, to be honest, I come to the conclusion that it's better off this way because when I think about life without my step-dad it's like losing my real dad.

My dad tries so hard to be the number one father and I do appreciate his effort but sometimes I feel like he just doesn't understand that I'm growing up and I need my space. Then there is the issue of my step-mother. When she goes away for a week to visit her family it's like I'm 9 years old again and it's me and my dad, having fun and spending time together again. Then when she's back the space between us gets wider until I feel like I don't really have a dad but a father instead. I kind of feel torn between two worlds when I go from step-dad to real-dad because I'm not sure what a real dad is supposed to feel like anymore. Is it supposed to feel like the bond between my step-dad and I or is it supposed to be the big cold gap between my real-dad and I? It's so confusing.

I guess when it comes to family, I don't have the most screwed up family or anything but I come pretty close. 

Well I was going to write about my winterball the other night but I didn't really feel like it since it was too depressing and still is. So for those of you I didn't tell, I guess you'll never know.

March break is finally here!!! *Jumps up and down screaming* Omg, this was looooooooong over-due. I am exhausted. I'm at my mother's house and Cooper-Pooper is so cute (Except when he is biting you)! So I don't have much to write about because besides the eight hour bus ride here I haven't done anything and it feels wonderful... *Sigh*

Note on burnt spot-> Has gotten worse and has now formed itself into a deep hole in my neck that oozes puss. Ew...

Besides the very exciting piece of info, 3 more harshly long days until March Break!

March Break= One week of bliss with my new puppy, my mummsy and GuildWars until 4am *Hugs GuildWars* Oh the joy! ^.^
But still, I have to endure 3 more days of school! Ughh, who invented such a stupid thing anyways?! Well I suppose they had a reason, but I think that reason is lost to us all now. Does anyone actually like school? If so, please explain to me what in the hell is so exciting about it? And... Can anyone tutour me in Physics, French, Chemistry and Math12? *Cries* I feel sooo overwhelmed! But I shall survive! After all, I need to make it to MarchBreak!!!!!

The burnt spot on my neck (one of three) is infected. Owww... *Cries* It really hurts. I can't even stand to have my shirt collar rub against it.

That demon with fur that I own (the cat) is so close to being squished between my two fingers that I can barely contain my excitement at not being mauled everytime my hand is in reach. The demon seems intent on giving me at least 10 scars on each hand. So far she has succeded in giving me three on one hand and one on the other. But not only will she not cease in attacking my hand but she won't leave me alone!!! Everytime I turn around she's there, everytime I walk she's under my feet and everytime I go in my room she howls until I open the door to yell at her or let her in.

See, the reason I don't let her in is because she seems to think that not only is she bigger then my dog, but that she is infact a dog... My dog sleeps in my room on her dog bed. So when the demon comes in, she tries to eat the dog food. I pry her away from that and she plays with the dog's water. So then the dog gets up to shoo the demon away and eat the food/drink the water. Then the damn demon goes and lies in the middle of the dog's very large dog bed making it so the dog can't lie down. And the dog is old mind you so she can't lie on the floor. So when the damn thing gets tired of that she attacks the dog! Ughh! Now you can see why I don't let her in my room...

Today I was cleaning my room and when I opened the door with about 5 glasses(one with water in it) and a dog dish in my hand the cat was right there! I shoved her with my foot but she still somehow got tangled in my feet and down I went, smacking my head on the floor and spilled the water all over me and up in my nose. I was bloody fit to kill that damn demon cat!

Ok so, just thought you ought to know that today I didn't do a thing... Yay!

Well I went to the doctors office today. OWWWWW! *Cries uncontrollably* I didn't cry then and I'm still not crying but I almost did. They burnt some moles off my neck and it huuuurt!!! Well actually the part where they took a metal rod that went *Zzzzt!* everytime it touched you, wasn't the worst because I couldn't feel it... The worst was the freezing when they stuck the need in. I felt it go in, I felt the freezing stuff enter me and I felt him pull the needle out. The worst part was that the doctor actually did that squirt thing with the needle. You know, like they do in the movies...

Three times they did this!!! Why me?!

I.Can't.Stay.Awake. I feel dead. I could barely keep my eyes open during my tests. Actually during one of the times I did fall asleep, my pencil fell and I jumped and kicked the desk and everyone looked at me weird. Yaaaa....I'm okay *Shifty Eyes* Ughh

Wow, my whole day like fell apart. To start with, I was running behind this morning (as usual) and barely made it to the bus (as usual) So anyways I got to school, 'finished up my homework'. Later that day I realised that I had actually forgotten a lot of the homework. I knew I forgot something! So then after I realised that and that I also had no time to do it before class, I remembered that I have two tests tomorrow, one on friday and one next wednesday....

UGHH! I haven't had a good scream in god knows how long and I'm really craving one but I just don't have the time or the energy to sit down and stuff my face down in a pillow while I scream until my lungs burst.

I forgot how hard math is sometimes. It's so complicated! I know what I'm supposed to do and how to do it but when I go to do it, I can't! Then comes french class which I can sum up in about all of one word. UGH! Why am I so bad at that language? I understand it 90% of the time and can speak it very well but I have so much trouble writing it! Physics is just so boring... My teacher makes nothing interesting and all we ever do are word problems. Chemistry is actually going good though! W00t! I have a tough semester ahead of me and I'm usually so lazy when it comes to school work and studying. I NEVER study. But this semester, if I want good grades and to get into a good university to get my teaching degree, then I have to and it's going to be so hard to break the lazy habit.



After this school year this will be me -->

Well besides the fact that my cat is actually being nice to me right now and cuddling up to me, my day was one big ball of shit. Yup, that's right, I did say it. A BALL OF SHIT! There, take that all you virgin ears(eyes)!

It all started last night while I was reading about this girl who lost all her friends because of some stupid mistake she made. And then I thought "What would I do if that happened to me?" So the realisation came into play, like a transport truck hitting me at full speed, that I do not, infact, have anything to worry about there because I don't have any friends. Not even one. And needless to say, that also means no best friends. Talk about a depressing thought.

I mean a friend is someone who you can hang out with on the weekends, whose phone number you know, who you can talk to when you have a problem and not have to worry whether the next day it will be spread over the total school population of a measly 1,000...

I know I've talked about this guy named Travis in my past entries (if anyone actually reads this thing) and I did think he was my friend. He even told me once that we were friends. But he is mad at me. All because I was out sick yesterday and didn't get fired like he did. He said to Ariel(a co-worker) "I was out two days, called in one of those two and got fired... She was out three days, called in twice and didn't get fired." So I can understand him being mad, and come to think of it, I think I only called in once... But to be mad at me? Especially when I have no control over who gets fired and for what reasons?? I convinced Trish to let him come back on a trial period and all he said was "Tell Trish I said to shove it." Well why are you mad at me if I tried to help get you your job back?!! I don't understand guys!

So back on track, there goes the one friend I had down here. Even back in my hometown I feel like I have no one left there. I promised myself that when I left and moved here that I would talk to my best friend every chance I got and for awhile I did but then it came less frequently that we got a chance to talk. So now, even if I still call him my best friend and I know that I can talk to him about anything and he will listen, he still doesn't feel like a friend anymore. Why?

Anyways, this depressing thought led to another. If I don't have any friends, where do I belong? No answer came to mind except my hometown because I have family there. But family doesn't mean you belong there so truely, I don't know where I belong or if I even belong at all.

I stayed home from school today because I don't feel good... *Cough cough* So I had to forfit the computer for all of today but I snuck on anyways to update my precious diary. So I'll be back tomorrow, I can't stay on long today because if I get caught on here I'm in shit. *Thumbs up* See you all tomorrow!

Um... Sundays are so boring.

Well today was interesting. I went out with the family. Well my father and my step-mother... The new SUV is really nice. But as soon as I said "I'm going to love driving this when I get my liscense" my stepmother promptly crushed my 'fantasy' by saying that I would drive only the van... The van is a family vehicle, the van is for people with kids or (I'm sorry) nerds. Needless to say, I was not very happy with my step-mother for saying that and it ruined my whole day. I knew then that today was going to be a stepdaughter vs. stepmother day.

See, sometimes we have these days where we just don't get along! Today was one of those. We stopped somewhere for coffee and I requested a bagel to munch on since I hadn't really eaten much except for a bowl of cereal. The first thing she muttered was "Hmph, toast crumbs." When my father asked what she meant but that I told him that she didn't want me to eat a bagel in the new SUV because I would just end up making a mess. But of course she protested and said "No, I'm just telling you to be careful." Well when we stopped somewhere the next time, guess who was the one who made the mess? Her. She spilled her coffee over the new SUV and said "I didn't spill it!" Um, then how did it get over the seat? I just thought in my head "Now who's the one who made the new car dirty?"

I refused to say anything to her for the rest of the drive until we were on our way home and I asked my father if he was going to hook up the wireless internet tonight. I saw my stepmother shake her platinum blonde hair and my father muttered "no" Then I said "Dibs on the computer when we get home." Because if I don't, then I never get the computer. Especially lately. But she protested by saying I relaxed all day yesterday and never did any of my chores. But I just said "I slept until 3:30, what did you expect? I don't care, I have dibs on the computer." When she tried to speak to me next I totally ignored her by belting out a song that was on the radio. (I have such a lovely voice...not) But she turned the radio off and said "I thought you were going to help your father cook the soup you wanted so much." "No, I never said that..." Well she lost, and she knew it. The rest of the car ride was deathly silent except the radio and my singing.

But, you see, as I was writing this my step-mother was on the phone with her sister complaining about me and how 'she never gets to use the computer'... NOT TRUE! Lately she is the only one who uses the computer with the exception being yesterday because I had no school and was already on it when they got home.

What a lovely home-environement I have.

Well nothing happened today. I didn't even go out with Travis... *Sigh* I actually slept until 4:00pm... That can't be good, considering I didn't even stay up that late. I don't know why I sleep so much! >.<

We got our new SUV today! I declined to go for a ride in because I was playing GuildWars... It so bloddy addictive! Anyways, I'm still tired and tonight is family night so I've got to watch some movies with my family. Yay.... I don't really have anything to write about today, so I'm just babbling on. I hate days like this.

Today was uneventual in a way... I had a test and a quiz >.< I think I did okay on the math test but my french verb test suck! You think it would be easy since I'm in French Immersion but, nope... The worst problem I have with french is grammar and verbs. I speak excellent french and have a good accent but I can't write it worth a damn. I'm so going to fail that class.

But other then that, there isn't much going on in my life right now. I'm hoping to go out to town with Travis tomorrow when he goes to get his new skateboard and that's it. Oh, I have no school tomorrow! ^.^ Yay!

Well today was looooooooooong! I didn't get to sleep until around 2:30 last night and then I still got up at 7:00...ish lol Before I get into my morning classes details, I should probably fill you in on one of my worse habits. I like to eat cereal in the morning with sugar... Or rather sugar with cereal! Lol

So first class at 9:00 was fine but the second class I couldn't stay awake!I tried and I tried but my head kept falling down... >.< Anyways, by the time lunch rolled around and I left to go to work, the sugar started to kick in. I had looooads of fun, even if Travis didn't show up at work today. This also resulted in him getting fired... Bugger >.<

So at work, once the chicken strips were gone, I used the tongs (the ones I was using on the chicken strips) to snap at people who were being slow in deciding what they want. And when I took over for canteen.... Oh boy! ^.^ I still had the tongs and I was dancing and twirling and throwing the things at people. Oh what a day! They all caught it so no worries and I had loads of fun!! I also got one of my coworkers in the butt with the tongs. Yippie! Sugar is my cocaine... -.^

But the afternoon sucked... My teacher told me to either shut up or get out of his class. All because I was taking his advice and asking the person beside me for help. Men... Ughh lol After school I had to walk in the bloody freezing weather for a half hour to Wal-Mart and wait for my dad. I got there are 3:30 and he wanted me to meet him at 4:30.. What is one supposed to do when they got no money and are stuck at Wal-Mart for an hour?! I ate...

So it seems that Travis doesn't have a crush on me but he's not sure if he would kiss me or not... How is that logical? He continues to confuse me and I hate him (not really). So much so that I can't even work side by side with him now... I couldn't get any of the orders right today! It could have been because I was soooo tired but I think it was a little bit of both Travis and my energy. That boy will never cease to amaze me. I actually found myself staring at his gluteus maximus today for the first time... 0.o That must mean somthing! I shall ponder the meaning after I kill my cute kitty!

On a more happy note, I think I'm becoming a little bit of an ET diary whore... I got the idea from [Delladreing] and I'm actually liking it. Now instead of writing all my deeeeep dark thoughts down only when I get tired of carrying it all around in my head, I just write down everything one day at a time... xD Although I will probably still have my deep & dark moments. It's only natural for a crazy and depressed person like mee!

It now seems that I have scratches on my face to go with the rest. Bloody Cat.... But it's so cute!

So while I'm writing this, my hands are a little stiff from being all bloodied and bandaged.... I swear that cat is the devil! Also, don't ever try to cut cheese while holding it in your hands! Not to mention it's bloody cold out and every inch of ground (including the roads) is covered in ice. That being said, Friday I took quite the fall on the ice and I've been in pain ever since. But yesterday it spread from my back to my neck. It's fine when I don't move though... xD

Trish hired a new girl today and I'm to train her so she can replace me on days that I'm sick and don't come to school. Oh, in case you're wondering, I work in the cafeteria at lunchtimes in my school. So anyways, this new girl tries to take orders while I'm taking orders and it totally confuses me to the point where I don't know who's ordered, who hasn't and what dish is for what person! All she was supposed to do was dish the pasta out into the bowls... >.< So needless to say, I was very behind today and since I had forgotten a hair elastic and my hands weren't functioning...I was sweating to death. God damn cat!