2009: Love is good. Let's keep it.
Hmmm... in other news, I might have a little guy growing here. He's cute. It might be illegal. It might make me laugh a lot. It might make me laugh a lot more if I dispose of him in the best way possible. Also, milkshakes are delicious.
Life is wonderful.
Happy New Year.
Time for a shower.
In conclusion,
despite the shittiness of living in a dorm for a third year in a row with someone you adore but is hard to live with
despite bombing some of this music stuff (although things are looking a little better... except for Neapolitan 6 chords. And fuck-all sightsinging) and working your ass off for a major that's going to take you an extra year and leave me with a useless degree and loads of debt
despite a dorm full of freshmen learning to drink
despite not having a job and also not having money
despite a dorm filled with drama and people I can't get along with
despite a dorm minus almost everyone I loved about the dorm previously
despite not living in Portland
despite living in this FUCKING DORM
...
things are good. I am happy. I'm happier than I've been for a long while.
It's alright to love someone because they're your boyfriend.
despite that,
it's a million times better the other way around.
And this is nice.
Still hum her presents of war or ants?
Up next: self-taught clarinet player is unsuccessful in pretending she's a musician, and fails two tests in a row. Does the music program still warrant and humor her presence, or should she just fucking give up already and be an English major? We'll see.
Campus. Finally. Love. Everywhere.
Hey so-
I am no longer in Rummex, which is nice; however, until I'm fully moved in here, I will only have semi-regular internet access. I'll get on as often as I can.
Holy fucking christ in a sidecar. Why do so many guys get girlfriends and then turn into jabbering, mindless mushbrains? The same people who would usually make fun of anything a fraction as gross as what they end up doing.
"I wuvs oooo."
"Tee hee baby sweetycakes hunny"
"i miss oooo sooooo much because i wuvs ooo my cuddly wuddly"
"you are the greatest EVER, like, you are soooooooo hott and sophisticated and articulate.... like however that's like spelled tee hee"
"no YOU are so hott and sexy my widdle bunny wunny"
"i just like saw you but like i miss you i want to cuddle my big strong man"
<retching noises from the rest of the planet>
This has happened to at least five people I can think of. I can't even talk to them anymore. Yes, you're been dating for a whole month and a half, now. I bet you're getting married. Please. I know how much you all want to show the world your love by making out in other peoples' rooms, having extremely audible sex in the middle of the day, climbing on top of eachother always, writing blog entry after public blog entry about how much you love each other, and leaving gallons of messages on one another's message boards depicting the saddest, most disgusting conversations I've ever seen. Then WHEN you break up for whatever bullshit reason, one or both parties are crushed, and at least one "denounces love" and gives somber advice to the rest of the world about relationships as if they've ever actually been in one that's lasted more than maybe a year. Maybe.
Don't think this counts me out. One of my relationships lasted only about two years, and I'm sure there were fair amounts of affection in public. No baby talk was ever used, but we did talk about how much we loved each other within the privacy of public messages, and I'm pretty sure I got kind of gross with it. We broke up in a year that ended up being really hard for me in general, I was really upset and lost, and it sucked heartily. But when you're in your first relationship, and you're 16-years-old, then of course that shit's going to happen. I have no problem with that at all. Hell, I'm kind of gross with my current boyfriend. Certain levels are acceptable. It's only been about a year and a half for us, but I'm pretty crazy about him. It happens. But I think he kissed my nose ONCE. It was not met with giggling and "awwwww"s from accompanying parties; it was met with a round of "what the fuck, Crane? Gross."
Sorry about the rant. I've just had quite enough. I know, I know, I don't know what love is, and I should just stop preaching, and you guys will be 2gether 4eva an eva because you're in wuuuuuuv. Talk to me in a year.
Sometimes when I'm walking and they fly by uninterrupted, they seem more like missed opportunities than big trucks. Then I return in one piece to people who love me, forget the number I counted, and feel better.
I miss everything.
I'm the virgin's yes.
But I love who I am.
I'm a blowout hive.
I love where I am.
I'm a weevil hero.
On vulturine, coolheaded rainy day. Hot agony in mutant.
Everyday, unodored hallucination. Amount to anything.
I like anagrams.
I am a large sink.
work and class and work and class and work and class and work and class and music and work and class and work and class and work and class and lessons! and work and class and work and class and work and class and $200 paycheck! and work and class and work and class and $300 in books! and work and class and work and class and sleep? Nah. And work and class and work and class and work at 5am on a Saturday? You bet your ass. And class and work and class.
Just got back from work. I'd write more, but I have to go to class. It's fucking freezing outside. Love to all. Cheers!
Sorry I haven't really been around lately. I'm carrying way too many credits, and I work a lot (I have 39 1/2 hours this week. Just to keep things legal.) I asked for less hours several times, but my boss is kind of an ass.
There is more and more drama in this damn building. When some of it is resolved, double the amount erupts. I've been taking care of crying people almost every night for about a week. I've only had a few relationships, but of varying and extremely dynamic qualities, so it's odd to see how my experience can compare to almost any situation they're crying about. On the other hand, I almost feel hypocritical telling them I know how they feel. Even though I've been through a lot of this, and I do remember how it feels and how much life can suck, I'm currently in a really great and happy place. As busy as I am, I couldn't ask for a better group of short-and-long
In any case, when I come up with a bunch of free time, you'll see more of me. Sorry to everyone I've been neglecting. I haven't forgotten the friends I've made here.
Hey! A quiz thing! I haven't done one of these for ages. I'm back in Rummex with a bit of free time, so what the hell, right? I stole this from [Moonknight], who stole it from [Iuna], who stole it from [Teufelsweib], who stole it from [Tingis]. We are thieves. Thieves who waste time on quiz things.
1. When was the last time you saw your number 2 on myspace? Never. I don't have a myspace.
2. What's bothering you right now?
It is unreasonably cold in here.
3. Will you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Most certainly!
4. What is in your wallet?
Tons of things. No monies, but off the top of my head, I can remember: a red cross card, old highschool ID, bandaids and a poem about me (a Christmas present from Krissy), an impressive origami turtle/beetle by Ethan, two ironic fortunes from last fall, various pictures, friendship pendants from 2nd grade as well as graduation from the same friend, Bullmoose frequent buyer's card, a pirate ship tattoo that I'll never wear, and a bunch of other stuff I don't remember. I keep important things in my pocket, and not in my wallet. Similarly, I don't keep my wallet in my pocket.
5. Wallpaper on your computer's desktop?
Some creepyass penguin with a frying pan that Turtle put there to be funny.
6. Wallpaper on your cell phone?
Giraffes, I think? I didn't pick it.
7. Next time you will kiss someone?
This weekend, hopefully.
8. Where your default picture was taken?
default picture? Well... there's one of my brother and I that I use quite often for things, and it's taken in my kitchen.
9. Do you like messages or comments better?
Either is nice.
11. What is the last thing you ate today?
Birthday cake!
12. Doing this weekend?
Mmmm, going back to Gorham.
13. Wearing?
Everything? Libby's jeans, black shirt, black socks, black bra, and... blue underwear.
14. Who was the last person to send you a text message?
Turtle.
15. If you could have one person with you right now who would it be?
The Craaaannnne.
16. Listening to?
My brother play WOW with his friends. It is eternally amusing.
17. Have you ever kissed anyone named Phillip?
Nnnnnope.
18. What do you smell like?
Coffee, usually. But I'm back in Rumford, so just soap now.
19. Eating?
Nothing right now. So much food today. I won't be hungry for so long.
20. Have you hit someone today?
Haven't seriously hit anyone ever.
21. Do you believe in a soul mate?
Nah. There will be people you'll have things in common with, and people you can fall in love with, but everything is what you make of it.
22. What do you wear to bed?
It really depends on temperature and company.
24. Do you burn easily in the sun?
Not really.
25. Have you ever been gambling?
Nope.
27. What did you do last weekend?
Two concerts! And lots of work!
28. Who do you miss?
Not as many people as society says I should.
29. What are you going to do after this?
Chat a bit more with friends, and perhaps knit a while longer. Then sleep, hopefully.
32. What was the last text message you sent?
To Turtle about some silly thing. I think it was about Thanksgiving or perhaps the transportation of video game consoles.
33. Have you ever had a crush on your sister's/broth
Not really. Unless you count Johndrow as a crush. Which he wasn't. It was more of an "I explode at the magnitude of your extreme awesomeness" reaction.
34. How good is your eyesight?
Normalish.
36. What was the last thing you drank?
Moxie.
37. Whose house did you go to last?
Oh, man. I really don't remember. I think there was someone at some point this semester, but I'm going to be safe and say the Grandparents'.
38. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?
Mom. It was a while ago.
39. Do you like someone right now?
I like several people. Unless you mean LIKE like. But let's pretend we aren't in 8th grade.
40. Do you have a chance with them?
Ah. I should have read ahead. Well, I think I might have a chance with two of the people I like. As for the young man I happen to LIKE like... well... I took my chance about 9 months ago. I'm pretty sure the answer is still yes.
41. What do you wear more?
More than what?
42. What all have you eaten today?
We had Thanksgiving today, and then my birthday. I picked the wrong day for this. Most of the time, my answer would be along the lines of "coffee, water, handful of popcorn, and and apple." Today, it's: Oatmeal. Then Turkey, stuffing, potatoes, gravy, peas, squash, sweet potato, cranberry sauce, salad, bread, cheese, crackers, olives, birthday cake, ice cream, coffee, wine, Moxie, and water.
43. Name Three Drinks You Drank Today?
Damn. I really do need to read ahead on these things. Coffee, Riesling, and Moxie.
44. What are you excited about?
Completing the instrument I've invented/am building. Knitting scarves! Seeing Cake in concert in Portland in December!
45. What is your dream phone?
Often in my dreams, phones have scary voices on the other end. In other dreams, there are hundreds of them ringing, but they are all out of sight. Fuck dream phones.
46. Ever broken a promise?
Sometimes I make dumb promises. But almost always no.
47. What have you learned recently?
I learned to knit! Also, that I rule at espresso.
48. Are you excited for school?
Always.
49. Favorite shoes?
I own two pairs of shoes. If I had to choose between the two, I would pick my sneakers.
50. Where do you work?
At the Gorham Grind, which is a local coffee shop near my campus. I'm a barista. Sexy job? Ask the dozens of middle-aged creepy men that hit on me regularly.
Maybe some people just suck a lot, and there's nothing you can do but watch and cringe.
Also, I'm crazy tired. 16 credits (Music credits. Three classes are half a credit, one is zero... one is one credit... two are two credits... Let's try to throw in some practicing and homework, here), and 20+ hours of work a week. I freaking rule at espresso now, though. And I'm doing way better in sightsinging. I'm making enough monies that I can continue going to college, etc. Mom got a new job. She is thrilled! ^_^ My parents can make it to two of my concerts this semester, and I get to go home for a few days for Thanksgiving! Hooray!
I have a piano exam tomorrow, so now it is time for a little more practice, and a lot more sleep.
Saw Anathallo in Boston last night. They were mindblowing, etc.
Done taking care of drunk people tonight, hopefully. Just won chess for the first time in my life... against a very drunk person... and he almost won. It happens.
Time for sleep.
It is Saturday.
It is raining and pretty outside.
Woke up next to my boy.
Went to recording class.
Right now, HayleyO and Krissy are both in bed and reading an online script with exaggerated accents. I can also hear Rodrigo y Gabriela from my speakers, and a saxophone player practicing in Corthell Hall outside my window. I'm wearing a bra that fits me, drinking tea, and folding flowers out of the origami paper I made earlier this week. I will make bouquets and sell them at the art shop down the street.
Went to a bassoon quartet concert last night.
I don't have class tomorrow.
Mmmmmmyes.
Now to put stems on these lilies...
Love.
Plans for coming year in no particular order (also due to fluctuate):
1) Laugh in the face of absurdly huge courseload. Class 6 days a week! Late class in Portland twice a week! Extra ensembles and auditions for vocal solos! Wheee!
2) Audition for Concert Band with transcribed version of the theme from Wind Waker. Kick ass. I was auditioned by my old clarinet teacher, who thinks I'm a douche, so I pulled 5th chair this year. Not bad at all for a second-year BA, and no big surprise.
3) Approach brilliant, 500-yr-old jazz genius about apprenticeship building instruments. He's no longer taking apprentices, but he gave me a bunch of advice and places to go. His door is also always open.
4) Play more D&D (shut up). This hasn't happened even once yet. Our DM is double majoring this year, and he has a job. We'll get to it, though.
5) Rearrange the Crane's room so he doesn't have to climb on his desk to open his window.
6) Maybe get a job in town, probably at the coffee shop where I spend most of my time anyway. (Would have to correspond with the success of plan #1). I start Thursday at the Gorham Grind! I'm also selling origami at the Art Guru down the street.
7) Write more of my own stuff/collabor
8) Write more in general. Kick my giant story idea in the ass, and get it going. So many more ideas, so much less time to put the together.
9) Make the writing minor official. Next semester.
10) Build more forts. We have competition in the dorm this year. The freshman boys are impressive architects. I hope we can collaborate.
11) Eat at the Thai restaurant that we found last year after it was TOO LATE! Mmmmmm...
12) Spend more time in Portland. Soon it will be too cold. There is time, though.
13) Put up with a little less bullshit than before (this is a progressive battle).
14) More tea parties. So many! Need to get honey, though.
15) More music! Find more music, expose more music, write, play, listen to, sing, love more music. This is neverending. I've already learned so much this year, but it'll never be crossed out.
16) Figure out what exactly, in some past life or something, I did that allowed me this kind of happiness. This still makes no damn sense.
17) Not come back to Rummex unless I'm visiting people I care about/burn the goddamned bridges right to the ground, and watch them float down the river. Hell, I wrote a poem about it. A shitty poem, but it means more than some of the drivel I've heard. And some of the drivel I've written. So far so good.
18) Continue contacts with Pete, perhaps take offer at the wine shop? Spending the summer as a camp counselor so probably no wine shop for now. We still talk a lot, though.
19) Keep the Crane for as long as possible, 'cause he's the best thing for me so far, I'm luckier than I should be, and I'd be stupid to lose him. He went home this weekend, but he'll be back tomorrow! I still get all excited. It's silly.
20) Build a scarecrow for when the Birdman comes. We don't need any of his Mormon Zombie bullshit, and the parrot on his chest screams songs of terror. The stork on his face and the toucan on his ass aren't any better. Haven't been to Aaron's yet.
21) Spend more time swinging at 2am. We've been to the playground at least three times this semester. It's glorious.
22) Spend more time swinging. See above. Never been there in the daytime, though.
23) Read a little more, if time permits. Finish Gormenghast trilogy this year. getting there. Ethan gave me some stuff to read, too.
24) Work on music with Santiago! Gaaaahhhh! It'll definitely happen. I've been neglecting it for so long in lieu of classes and job searching and finally being back in Goham. It'll happen.
There is so much more. It will be effing epic.
Vermont was beautiful, big surprise. Got to see the boy... Stacked some wood, climbed a mountain, attended a musical... it was a good time. Now the biggest thing keeping me along is the prospect of school in a couple weeks. Hooray! Moving in the 3rd, I believe. A busy semester for me, but at least the Crane and I have evenings to ourselves.
Also: won't have to do things like wait for the brother to wake up before I can practice. Bah.
I know this is two entries in one day but:
Just listened to the radio for the first time in a long time for about ten minutes.
Linkin Park makes me want to vomit everywhere. That is all.
Home from Philadelphia, and leaving day after tomorrow for Vermont. O_o
Philly was awesome. Might have pictures as soon as Kevin ([agha]) sends them to me. Muse was incredible in concert, and I had a great time.
Now to do laundry!!
Tomorrow - Training my replacement
Wendesday - Last day of work
August - 9th-13th Philly with Kevin!!!
Middle of August - Possible Pine Point action with the family, possible contact with the boy, and the other boys, and the girls and maybe even the other girls at an undisclosed location
End of August - Vermont, finally
September 4th - Life starts, music resumes, family visits often, priorities switch burners, and my soul refills
Here goes nothing...