I miss everything I once had I miss being able to smile with out one bit of sadness in my heart, I
miss all these things so much. Well recently I was in the hosp. twice that would of been in may for
the same reasons my parents thought I might kill myself which at times I wish I had done. I seem
to cry within myself every sec, of every min, of every hour, of every day, of every week, of every
month, of every year. No one sees my tears only me. The tears aren’t always for me they are
normally for the pain I see with in the world. At times they are for me but mostly my friends and
family. Im too caring for people and yet I have such much hate for them. I see my friends smile
and be happy. Im very happy for them about that I like to see my friends smile. All I want to do is
push them away so they cant hurt me. My memories of when I was younger tear at me from the
inside out. I cant stand the pain my mom goes through I want to leave her so I cant cause her any
more pain im sick of causing people so much pain. They don’t need to hear my pain cause all it
does is cause them pain and they don’t need that. I shake all the time for no reason at all not from
cold not from low blood sugar nothing like that I just shake. I think I’m afraid to go on in life. I
know I could lose all in one single min if I so choose but I know I would be losing nothing at all. I
would cause pain for the ones I care about but I know they would be better off. I don’t want to
feel pain I want to go numb. If I ever died I know that I would loss all but nothing I know that the
world would lose one single grain in the hourglass of the world.
OK IM DONE NOW

Sometimes I just wish I knew wat was wrong with me... Im always sad... I dont like people to care for me and when someone gets close i have to push them away... I cant do anything right... I think Im butt ugly and yet every1 tells me im pretty why is this I cant figure it out why do i think im so ugly and others dont... I just want to crawl up in a ball and just fade from every1s life and to be gone forever and just be...I feel that Ive lost everything but never really had anything... why do i wish for things that never can be

Im happy I went to hot topics today and i got this sweatshirt that says You will bow to me with the lil baby from family guy on it i love it and im goning back later today