Im so very amazed how much I have changed in only a couple months. I look back and Im like
wow. I was talking to Kriz last night and we talked about how he was glad that i was back to the
way I once was where I was happy. Most of my friends here I met when I was happy but I was
also very sad. I had cut before but then I kept doing it more and more. I got addicted to it like
most do but now I think I have it under control. Thou I feel like Im an insider looking out and an
outsider looking in. I never minded the scars more I enjoyed them I loved the pain, the blood. I
liked it all really. I now have come to a point where I can choose to still cut but still enjoy life and
have fun or to not do it and help others get threw it but there are many more choices. Then this
mourning I was talking to another friend of mine he said I want to go to this one club in LA and I
said I wanna be 6 feet under and I started to cry but did not cut but cam close. But I do think I
have control and I want to keep that control and I shall always. I truly think Im gonna cut again
thou I have made promises I wont and Im sorry to those people that Im breaking that promise.

 MY ANGEL

   I once had an angel standing beside me.
   Walking, Laughing and holding my hand.
   We would talk about all different things in our lives.
   We could dance until the sun came up.
   We both had our lives brought together by one.
   The only one in our lives that we can't see or touch.
   We hear their voices in our dreams and in our hearts.
   The angel I had once holding my hand.
   We love and care for all our livesis always there.
   The angel I speak ofis the one I wishI could dance with once again.
   The only way that we is the day we pass away.
   I know I will have the angel hold my hand once again.
   To guide me thru the hallways of Heaven.




good friend of mine wrote this when his mom died

[DragonFireFairy] did this for me of me in my cat ears

DONT PAY ANY ATTENTION TO THIS ITS A PITY TRIP SO I REPEAT DONT PAY ANY ATTENTION TO IT THANK YOU AND CARRY ON



Ive been noticing that Im here and every1 kinda takes advagtage of it. They dont say thank you they dont put me on their "people i love to bits" lists and these are mainly people i really care about and would do anything for if they asked me to kill some one for them i would do it. do people really want me here. does it matter if i am here. I am i just one of those really annoying people that if you got a chance you would squesh like a bug. what am i.... am i not real?.... do you not want me here. There are so many people that I care about on here and it seems that they take my loving them for granted. do you guys or am i but a ghost to you?

got this from a friend of mine today in an email

Read Carefully and Understand the Meanings:

Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear.

Don't cry over anyone who won't cry over you.

If love isn't a game, why are there so many players?

Good friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget.

You can only go as far as you push!

Actions speak louder than words.

The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else.

Don't let the past hold you back, you're missing the good stuff.

Life's short. If you don't look around once in a while you might miss it.

A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find and lucky to have.

Some people make the world special by just being in it.

Best friends are the siblings God forgot to give us.

When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your best friend will be there.

True friendship never ends.

Friends are forever.

Good friends are like stars....you don't always see them, but you know they are always there.

Don't frown, you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the person who made you cry?

Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.

Everything is okay in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end.

Most people walk in and out of your life, but only friends leave footprints in your heart.

thanks much chica

well life is strange i most say but owell.
anyway yesterday which was the 13th i slept most of the day got yelled up when i woke up and talked eat dinner on the phone watched a movie got hit by my mom and got on here not to of exciting of a day but after being hit me head hurt for along time no marks thou

I dont know why but just mins ago i cut myself i have no idea why either. Ive been doing so well without cutting myself. I had just went to clean my earing upstairs cause it was bleeding then i got done and i went straight for a knife and cut me wrists. I can still feel them bleeding as i type this.

                     

















































<<< I think its being overly used but still like





these aint mine im not saying they are... things i liked from www.vampirefreaks.com
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how can one person make you feel so many emotions at one time?
*dances* im happy right now cause i get to see me b/f probally today hehe
tuesday it was funny i was walking home from me thyprist and some dude (pretty hot too) was leaning halfway out of his window looking at me walking by then later that day i walked to me b/f's house and we talked all night and we were just about to go inside again he grabed me from behind and just held me i felt so safe more then i have in a long time he made me laugh lots and smile and so very happy
Then wed. Him,Me, his mom Debbie, Brother chris and chirs's wife who i forget her name we went and had dinner and went to spiderman2 it was fun and we talked again till my dad came to pickme up
ive known him for so long its wonderful
Then thursday my dad's band came over and i helped them and hung out with them it was fun so ive been so happy
I very much in Love with a girl *huggs* love ya chica

well today is the 5th and its well 4:41am i havent slept yet. I toke picture i hour or so ago and im sad and very mad at myself. Im mad at myself cuz I know that im falling in love and i cant fall in love im just not suppose to. Well yesterday night at like 10pm i started to get sad becuz i missed my b/f its upsetting cause i dont think i acctually matter any to him. He hasnt ever called me i always call him stuff like that. Then there is also the fact i only get to hang out with him mayb once a month. Im sad becuz im fallling in love with some1 SHE is wonderful but i dont want to fall in love i cant and its not the whole b/f thing i just cant.

ill say more tomorrow

my death that never will be


I feel something crimson, wet,warm
It rolls down my palm
To my finger like a tear
It drips to the floor with a spalsh
I hear a bang its my knife
droping to the floor
I slowly become weak
I drop to the flood just as my knife did
Its everywhere
I lay in it
Its on the knife
That went across my wrists to make these slits
where all of this came from
The pain is gone
I no longer feel
I hear a scream
One single tear rolls down my cheek
I close my eyes
everything goes black
No longer do I feel it poor from my wrists
No longer do i hear the scream
Of someone that cared about me
   
               Autumn


that is a poem i wrote a while back i do truely love it but it also ended me up in the hosp

fall_angel's Bloody/morbid Poetry

I miss everything I once had I miss being able to smile with out one bit of sadness in my heart, I
miss all these things so much. Well recently I was in the hosp. twice that would of been in may for
the same reasons my parents thought I might kill myself which at times I wish I had done. I seem
to cry within myself every sec, of every min, of every hour, of every day, of every week, of every
month, of every year. No one sees my tears only me. The tears aren’t always for me they are
normally for the pain I see with in the world. At times they are for me but mostly my friends and
family. Im too caring for people and yet I have such much hate for them. I see my friends smile
and be happy. Im very happy for them about that I like to see my friends smile. All I want to do is
push them away so they cant hurt me. My memories of when I was younger tear at me from the
inside out. I cant stand the pain my mom goes through I want to leave her so I cant cause her any
more pain im sick of causing people so much pain. They don’t need to hear my pain cause all it
does is cause them pain and they don’t need that. I shake all the time for no reason at all not from
cold not from low blood sugar nothing like that I just shake. I think I’m afraid to go on in life. I
know I could lose all in one single min if I so choose but I know I would be losing nothing at all. I
would cause pain for the ones I care about but I know they would be better off. I don’t want to
feel pain I want to go numb. If I ever died I know that I would loss all but nothing I know that the
world would lose one single grain in the hourglass of the world.
OK IM DONE NOW

Sometimes I just wish I knew wat was wrong with me... Im always sad... I dont like people to care for me and when someone gets close i have to push them away... I cant do anything right... I think Im butt ugly and yet every1 tells me im pretty why is this I cant figure it out why do i think im so ugly and others dont... I just want to crawl up in a ball and just fade from every1s life and to be gone forever and just be...I feel that Ive lost everything but never really had anything... why do i wish for things that never can be

Im happy I went to hot topics today and i got this sweatshirt that says You will bow to me with the lil baby from family guy on it i love it and im goning back later today