You Know You Went To The Worst School In The World When...

Well, okay, I'll admit it, I'm not too keen on putting other people's song lyrics up on my ET house. In fact, I am quite heartily opposed to it... If they won't allow you to upload other people's art or even photos of celebrities, then why should you be allowed to display someone else's intellectual property? Especially if you don't at least write the name of the song and the band (a sure-fire one-way trip to misunderstandingsville in a poetry-filled community such as Elftown). And I'm not talking about a line or two of your favourite song... that's cool and understandable... I'm talking the full-blown lyrics.

Anyway, getting back to the point, it seems I am about to contradict my position on the matter of song lyrics on ET houses, as I feel everyone needs to know the lyrics to "Wake Up" by The Living End. You see, The Living End went to my high school (Wheeler's Hill, or as I called it, Wheeler's Hell, Secondary College). So, make your own mind up about what kind of a school would inspire such a song:

The Living End - Wake Up

I've been buried in the sand
I've come down with no place to land
I don't need you to understand
It's not what I had planned

All the hunger, all the yearning
With the lifeline that you're burning
Poison lessons that you're learning
The road ahead is turning

Suicidal education
It got sold to our generation
Wake up to the manipulation
Wake up to the situation
Suicidal education

Stick together side by side
We no longer need to hide
From the darkness into the light
Now is your time

I need something to numb the pain
Forget me and forget my name
Waiting for the time to arrive
No one gets out of here alive

Suicidal education
It got sold to our generation
Wake up to the manipulation
Wake up to the situation
Suicidal education

Wake Up! Wake Up!

I've been buried in the sand
I've come down with no place to land
I don't need you to understand
It's not what I had planned

Suicidal education
It got sold to our generation
Wake up to the manipulation
Wake up to the situation

Suicidal education
It got sold to our generation

Well, there you go. How about that. The-band-that-went-to-my-school's latest song has "suicidal education" as the first and last words in the chorus. Hmmm... "Poison lessons that you're learning", "No one gets out of here alive". Well, that definitely settles it... Wheeler's Hell really IS hell.

Aaaaanyway, in other news, our house is now officially mouse-infested. The mice, who were previously living in the compost bin, have some how made it into the house. They've been sighted in the cupboard under the sink, running into the computer room, and sitting on top of my statistics lecture notes. [Nebsy] put some hilarious speech bubbles into a photo I took of the mice while they were still in the compost bin. Such dear little pointy creatures... It's so hard to believe that they're filthy, disease-carrying vermin. Anyway, for your entertainment, here is the pic:



Cute, aren't they? ^__^ How can anyone stay mad at those??

In further news, I have reinstated the use of my ET mood for the random weird crap that enters my brain. It's been http://elwood.vic.edu.au/home/lie50/ (the address to the rap... check it out if you haven't already. Or even if you have already!) for like, ever, and I just couldn't bear not to have that extra space to write things like "relegated desponsibility", "I know I am but what are we?" and "MOUSETRAPS! Of course! >D".

Well, aside from that, this week isn't going to be very good... I have a stupid class test on Thursday for youth studies that I have to cram for, and a test next week for genetics. But after next week, HOLIDAYS!! Yaaay! Easter! Chocolate! And hours upon hours to chat to my wonderful [lacklustre]. <3<3<3!!!

[Nebsy] Is On Elftown!!

Yes, the oft-referred to "Nebs" has finally bitten the bullet, so to speak, and joined Elftown! After years of mocking ET as a community for the angsty depressed emos of the world (even though the word emo wasn't invented when I joined ET), she has been assimilated!! I guess that is the proof: You Just Can't Fight Elftown.
Nebsy has a poetry page: I'm A Poet
Also, she has started writing in her ET diary... not as a blog like mine, but damn, it's funny! You must read.

Today I had a genetics lab. I got to harvest 26, count 'em, 26 drosophila souls (chloroforming fruit flies). I tried to sneak a few home in my pencil case to show Nebs, but I ended up tipping them out again in case the other students thought I was weird, or the demonstrator came around to check that the number of my fruit flies was the same as what I'd written down. :( Aw well, hopefully next time!

Writer's Block Update

It seems I spoke too soon with tonight's entry (below this one). My writers' block seems to have lifted, and I just wrote a seven-stanza poem... I'm still not sure whether to put it on Chaotic Poetry or not, but it is a good sign that I wrote it! :D

Blog Entry

Yeah, I have been suffering a bit of writers' block... I guess the title of today's blog entry shows that. Like, I get halfway through an average poem and realise how crummy it is and then can't be bothered writing more. Or I try and write a sequel to one I've already done, but considering most of my old poems are either startlingly still relevant or complete and utter cringeworthy crap, it's not always easy. But hey, I'm sure once the words regroup in my brain Chaotic Poetry will fatten back up.

So, what have I been up to lately? Hmmm... just the usual, doing battle with the extra-loose plumber's crack work pants, breakfast radio, and the Insurmountable Genetics Reading. Chatting to [lacklustre] as much as I can, watching TV, etc. I saw Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind... ugh, what rubbish. If you are considering watching it, DON'T!! It totally sucks. Not funny, not sad, not particularly clever. The acting was okay though. Still, Jim Carrey makes a much better Ace Ventura.

If you want to see some photos I took at uni either this week or last week (I can't remember), they're at Monash University.

Sorry for the boring blog entry!

St. Patty's Day

Ahh, a blog entry, at long last. Well, since last time I wrote, things are going pretty good... Talking to the wonderful [lacklustre] (<3!!) a lot on MSN, forever trying to whittle down the giant block of homework and study I have... aside from those, I've been basically eating, sleeping, going to uni and working. Well, with the exception of St Patrick's Day, when Pez and [MisterScurvy] came over... we had Irish Stew for dinner, and drank Bailey's (and Nebs and I had Smirnoff and Pez had Guiness), and had a lot of laughs over the table. Also, we played tiggy in the street! Perhaps the saddest thing was I didn't get drunk... not even tipsy. Aw well, I guess it proves you don't need alcohol to have a good time. Boy, that sounds sappy. Anyway, yeah, what else happened this week... umm... well, a blind guy on the bus told me I looked beautiful. Heh. I don't know whether to be offended (yeah, typical, you have to be blind to think I'm beautiful) or complimented (wow, my personality and voice must be great!). But still, it is something interesting/poetic, I guess.

Also, visit my page of photos of uni! Monash University.

Oooh, oooh, almost forgot! Something cool Nebs and I (and Pez and [MisterScurvy], but mainly Nebs and I) have been doing is WATCHING AEON FLUX!! No, not the movie, as in, the cartoon series, with the 40-year-old bondage-gear-clad nymphomaniac anarchist and her wrinkly, idealist mad-scientist lover. We've seen all the episodes now (thankyou, broadband, thankyou so much!), including the short ones where Aeon dies in every episode, usually from her own bumbling incompetence! Man, the characters are awesome... To anyone who likes cool stuff, I command thee: Watch Aeon Flux The Cartoon Before You Watch The Movie Because No Movie Can Possibly Be As Weird And Cool As The Cartoon.

Yoss vs. Breakfast Radio

Now I know I'm not one to have a rant very often, but I guess I just couldn't hold this rant in any longer... Perhaps I should title it Rant Of The iPodless, but that sort of detracts from the seriousness of this issue facing today's commuters... So, without further ado, please enjoy:

"Breakfast" Programs On The Radio... WTF??!
Okay, so, what is the deal with what all half-decent FM music radio stations broadcast between 6am and 9am in the morning? Every single radio station, even the really good ones, the one for old music and the one for rock, all have two or three un-funny, boring people who spend three hours talking about inane crap! I mean, who decided that EVERYONE wants to hear TALK on their favourite MUSIC radio station FIRST FRICKIN' THING IN THE MORNING?? Who wants to hear three morons trying to talk over the top of each other about who they like best on Dancing With The Stars while they're stuck in the morning traffic jam? Sure, a little talk from a witty DJ or host or whatever is good now and then, but can we at least have as much music time as we have talk time? From when I get on the bus at 7:30am until I get off the bus at 8:45am, if I stuck to one radio station, I'd be lucky to hear 3 songs. Three! And THAT is supposed to promote loyalty to their station? Ha. The worst part about this whole thing is that the good music and less talk starts as soon as you get to work or school... hence, as soon as you get out of your car or turn off your walkman... and you can't even enjoy it! And this all goes without mentioning the subject matter of the chatter that assaults our ears every morning. Seriously, what if you don't watch Dancing With The Stars or Desperate Housewives? What if Big Brother is boring as all hell to you? Then you can't even start thinking about beginning to enjoy the ramblings of these radio morons. I wish I could force whoever invented Breakfast radio programs to sit and listen to all of them, all day, every day, until their brains explode from boredom and impatience.

Phew, it feels good to get that out of my system.

In other news, nothing much. Going to uni. Watching Silver Surfer (IT ROCKS!!!). Chatting to [lacklustre] and [MisterScurvy]. No word from Prince Craphead (aka Charming). Also I have a cold... I hope it's not that nasty case of Legionaire's disease that's been going around Monash, with the coughing and the dying and so forth. Then again I'm a drama queen, so it's probably just a normal cold. Aw well, any excuse to stay home from uni.

Back To Hell

Yeah, you guessed it, I'm back at uni. Hence I haven't blogged for a while, because now I basically run between food, sleep, uni, work, TV and chat (mainly to the incredibly cool [lacklustre]!). No time to start BBQ Man, no time to bum around at home reading the paper, and very little time to keep this blog ship shape. But hey, at least I have something to write about when I do write!

Nebs and I have been watching Silver Surfer... I forgot what a brilliant cartoon it is... truly beautiful looking, characters are awesome, Thanos has the most over-done voice you can imagine, Silver Surfer says "and yet" and "power cosmic" about every five minutes... yeah, it's great.

Pez the Genius fixed the flash preloader for "I'm A Rapper" - also www.fuzzymuffins.com uploaded our animation to their website! (To see it, go to the link and click on "our new friends nebs and yoss" on the left hand side of the page).
I think albinoblacksheep want it too.. our page is getting a lot of hits, I think on average about 10 per day! That's a good sign (And it's not all us either, Pez made it so that when we look at the page it doesn't count as a hit).

Not that I care, but Prince Reality hasn't called or anything. He can shove it if he thinks he's getting a date on Saturday. I have an AUSOM meeting, and am earning $50 for it.

By the way, if you want to see the new design of the "I'm A Rapper" page, visit: http://elwood.vic.edu.au/home/lie50/

Lady Chaos. Statue. Seeks Thanos.

Let's see what has happened... well, for starters, Tattil Smithie didn't get her letter published... I would be cross about it, were it not for the fact that everyone else must have had the same idea - 2 letters published were complaining about the Melbourne Magazine's Target-shootdown. (Mystified? You just haven't read enough of my blog, that's all! Scroll down a few entries until you find the one with the picture of the girl in the green dress giving a one finger salute). Better yet, one of the letters got letter of the week, and the lucky sap got some grand prize like a weekend away for two. Well, fat lot of good it would do me... erm, I mean Tattil, anyway.

Speaking of which, Prince Reality called... he seemed to think everything was just hunky dory... I think he forgot that he forgot our last date. I should have berated him more about it. But still I stuck it to the man and told him if that he's not himself and it's not fun watching him sleep, and to go back to being himself, and that I'm busy and I don't really want to see him if he's like he was on our last date. He ended the phone call with an abrupt "see ya." Well, I'm over him anyway.

In other news, Nebs and I went shopping on Friday... we had a wonderful time! I got 2 pairs of black pants (now I can wear black pants EVERY DAY!), a black sleeveless top, a purple top to go over it (looks great and Nebsy can wear it too), Nebs got some army coloured pants (they look great as well) and we bought a few "unmentionables", some makeup and food during the day. But the highlight would have to have been how we snuck into Date Movie and saw it for free! There was a very funny cat-and-toilet-involving scene... I laughed a lot. I give Date Movie 3.5 stars. It's no Jackass, but it's pretty good.

Tomorrow, I go back to uni... my timetable is pretty good. I have 2 nine o'clock starts each week (awww hell!) and I go to uni every day (except weekends of course) but I usually get out at or before midday except for Friday when I get out at... shock, horror... 2:00pm! Aaaaargh! It's so late! *Runs away screaming*.

Well, for those who actually read through the above, yearning to decipher what today's blog title is about... it is about this: right now, we're downloading Silver Surfer episodes 1 through 3... (episode 2 has Lady Chaos and Thanos in it)... cool! How I wish I had a Thanos.

Fame and Fortune... Maybe Not...

Here's the address to my animation again, in case you missed my last entry and are too lazy to scroll down:
http://elwood.vic.edu.au/home/lie50/

Well, everything is going well... I spammed everyone I knew about my animation, so did Nebs, and Pez told a few of his friends about it. I've got a lot of warm responses to it on Elftown... made 2 new ET friends in the last week! :D I haven't made new ET friends for ages... I have a rather sickeningly short list compared to everyone else. Sad, really.

Anyway, Nebs uploaded the animation onto Newgrounds, it got 200 views, but they didn't like it enough, so it got "blammed" (taken down). It's "obituary" is here:
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view.php?id=297233
Damn you, Newgrounds Fanboys! Damn you and your stupid tank logo to hell! A jihad on Newgrounds.

Pez added a hit counter to the site the flash is on (unfortunately after the "Newgrounds 200" visited... Last time I checked it was at about 10 people. I guess that's cool.)

So I guess now, unless Nebsy finds a beat and decides to write another rap, I'll start work on Barbecue Man (the thing I'd planned to do before I got Flash and realised how hard it was). Boy, this is going to be funny.

Still no word from Prince Reality... he hasn't returned any of my calls, he never answers the phone... he could be dead for all I know. That just about does it, I'm setting my ET civil status back to "single" instead of "strange". And I'm keeping the expensive necklace he gave me, damnit! I don't often say it, but I deserve better.

Tonight there's a Christian Union function at La Porchetta in Box Hill that me and Nebs are going to... it's going to be awesome... at last, an excuse to wear makeup! And wash my hair! One thing led to another and somehow I ended up not washing it for a week and a half... I hate to imagine how much of it is going to fall out in the shower... good thing I have thick hair. I think I'll wear blaaack (extra a's for extra black) and all my bead jewelery. Ahhh, how I've missed planning what to wear like a dizzy schoolgirl.
The thing is, when I go to Christian Union functions, I feel like the girl they describe in "Too Many Guys":
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/flash/toomanyguys-groupx.html
"Prostitute. I hate you. Put down the oreo crackers and quit doing the sex."
... Well, compared to everyone else.
Anyway, I must go... Nebs found a cool beat and I want to do some freestylin'!

Fame and Fortune Lie Ahead...

http://elwood.vic.edu.au/home/lie50/

Prince Reality

Yeah... Prince Charming hasn't called in like, a week. We had a date planned for Saturday, but he didn't show up, so I sat around in my jewelery and good date clothes all day working on the "I'm A Rapper" Flash animation. I know, I could have called the Prince, but I always have to call him when he's 2 hours late for a date, and I'm sick of it... I probably had more fun making the animation (it was deliciously fun!).

Prince Charming changed... I can compare how he was before to ADSL Broadband internet, and the way he is now to a dodgy dial-up connection. Of course, it isn't his fault, I just wish he would change back.

Due to all the stuff going on next week, if I don't stay over at Charming Castle on Monday night (tomorrow night) then I don't stay over at Charming Castle until the mid-term holidays (damn uni timetable and stupid work). I should get a pet. My timetable means I would literally be able to care for it. Perhaps I should adopt one of the mice in the compost bin.

I'm A Rapper...

Well, she did it. Inspiration for a rap with a beat thanks to [pelv13], music thanks to Microsoft Powerpoint, further inspiration to record, music on our computer and mp3-age by [MisterScurvy] and recording by me, Nebsy finally recorded her rap. It's called "I'm A Rapper", and it is absolutely awesome. Like, I can't listen to my favourite songs any more because by comparison, they suck. Nebsy's rap is for the attention span of today... it's very short, but that is just perfect for the Flash animation I'm making as it's videoclip! (Lots of fun).

Well, in other news, things with Prince Charming ain't going so great... I found out the reason for his seeming lack of interest (which fortunately isn't lack of interest)... but it's kind of too personal to disclose in my blog. Let's just say that he slept through most of valentines day, didn't open his valentines day card (but he ate the cookies), and his broadband got absolutely OWNED. I just hope he is back to normal soon... his mum says it'll be 2 to 3 weeks if all goes well.

Today I went to a youth forum... I thought it would be a Labor Party do, but it wasn't, it's just the 3 MPs that were there were all ALP simply because the Labor Party rocks. Basically it was me and a whole bunch of 16 year olds in school uniforms sitting on couches and talking with Anne Eckstein and Peter Lockwood about the issues young people in our area face. I got a few words in, I just hope I made a difference. :)


Anyway, I got a rap videoclip to make!

Dealing Crack

I'm still in my Stepford Yoss transformation, having just baked shortbreads for Prince Charming for Valentines day. They are pink, heart-shaped, and sickeningly sweet. It was better this year, because I didn't have to hand-cut the heart shapes, thanks to the heart cookie cutter that Queen Charming (Prince's mum) gave me for Christmas. Mind you, it's not quite as romantic... But they look just to die for.

Anyway, I'll bet you're wondering about the title of today's blog entry...

Short story shorter, I wore my loose pants to work today... I hadn't realised exactly how loose they were until I was crouched down sweeping with a dustpan and brush. I swear, those pants had to be lower than half-mast. Boy, I hope no customers saw. For that matter, I hope even more that the boss didn't see... she would think I was mooning her, that is how low the pants were. Next time I'll safety-pin them for sure, or buy some "crack spackle" - if it existed - lest I end up the next laughingstock of the internet, or worse, fired.

Speaking of funnyness, Nebs and I have been laughing our asses off at the oodles of pictures on eBaum's... I'll link you to some of the best ones:

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/purplehairfreak.html - This is just gorgeous.
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/fingerouch.html - Hmmm... it's called "Finger Ouch"... what could it be???!!!
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/anallube.html - A warning to us all.
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/perfectw.html - The Perfect Woman.
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/findebaum.html - The man eBaum himself.
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/freecat.html - Nebs and I laughed the most at this one.

Enjoy the subtleties of this...

(In this pic, my bum is actually one of the pink heart-shaped cookies I made.)
((Sorry about the breached copyright and Elftown Rules... don't tell anyone about this pic or I'll photochop your head into a weird photo and sent it in to eBaum's World for Fan of the Month. Don't push me, damn you, I'll do it!))

Aminamations

You know what I'm going to crap on about in today's blog entry, right? Yes, after much puzzling and thinking and stuffing up and listening to rap music, I have finally made a Flash animation... it isn't particularly good (no sound, no cute stick figures, no violence, no Barbecue Man), but it is an actual Flash Animation. It's basically pictures of [pelv13] flying across the screen in various directions, while his name changes colour in the centre.

But althought the animation isn't particularly exciting (not that [pelv13] isn't exciting...), I have learnt so much stuff! And I have started on 2 other animations, one being a cute stick figure of me with blue hair, the other being a kid with a big eye and a little eye that says "Hey you! Don't do drugs!" (except no sound or text yet). But I think I may be able to make characters walk across the screen now. But I'll try that later...

In other news, things with Prince Charming aren't going so terrific... he seems to be losing interest, or changing in personality or something. I'm not usually one to bag out other people in my blog, and the Prince is a great guy, but I just ain't real cheery at the moment... Where are Nebs and Pez to tickle me and write "EMO" on my hands when I need them? Ah well, off to eBaum's world to read jokes...

P.S. Still no news on the graphic design job I applied for there. I check my email twenty times a day.

You Can't Spell Disrespect Without Respect

Well, I made it a day without writing my blog... hey, I'm getting better. But my point is this: Batman and Robin live in a Bat Cave. (See... I went crazy in the process).

Just kidding. Partially. Anyway, I have some great news! Thanks to [MisterScurvy] I now have Macromedia Studio MX, so I can make aminamations. I did all the lessons already (and forgot them all, so I'm pretty much stuck), and despite this, I hope that my Flash Animation Brainchild, Barbecue Man, can come to life sometime in the next month.

In other news, I should be mad, because I didn't get Fan of the Month on eBaum's... damnit... but there is no shame in being beaten by the best, and this guy beats my photo hands down: http://www.ebaumsworld.com/fotmfeb06.html
The madness is in part counteracted by Flash, and also by my delight that my Customer Jokes forum posting is doing great... I've got a lot more postings, including but not limited to:
"what a waste of 30 seconds reading"
"I'm going to throw a brick at your face."
"Too bad most of the fast food employees are dumbasses. Advice for your next life: Go to college."
And several:
"just get my fucking order right"'s.

I think there was one in there that was vaguely supportive of store clerks/fast food workers, although no positive comments on the jokes. He he he, aww well, I feel special not being ignored. I mean, if it was Elftown, no one would say anything good or bad.
Anyway, enough griping, I'm off to serve hundreds of customers at work.

Chinese Banquet / Various eBaum's World Ramblings

Ahh, blog, dearest blog... I know it is kind of sad of me to write a blog entry the day after I wrote a blog entry (the day after I wrote another blog entry, and especially to start it with "blog, dearest blog"), but "sometimes I think you're the only one that gets me. You're my best friend." - Emo video. Seriously... I don't know whether to be happy or mad... I at last got a comment on my customer jokes forum thread on eBaum's world, saying that they were "a waste of 30 seconds reading", or something like that. But I'll probably settle on "happy" that I got any response and leave "mad" for when someone else gets Fan of the Month (Nebs and I spent at least ten minutes taking the photo of me looking like Cousin It, and I don't want those ten minutes to go to waste).

Speaking of go to waist... WHAT A BANQUET!! Last night, my uncle Dick, his Chinese wife JoJo, her son Gigi, JoJo's brother Bobba, Bobba's wife Lee Ching and their son Dring-Dring (sorry... names are spelt phonetically here) came to visit us, and JoJo cooked us a Chinese banquet! It was wonderful... soup with tomato and egg, fish with soy and ginger, octopus, seafood extender with dipping vinegar, asparagus, delicious thin cut potato cooked in oil with capsicum, prawns, lettuce and probably some more stuff that I can't remember. They also brought this super-strong alcohol stuff called "fire water"... WOW!! Boy, I tell you, fire water is a bit of an understatement. Although mixing it with soft drink helped a lot. Come to think of it, last night was quite a bit of a booze up... at any given time there were twice as many glasses on the table as there were people at the table... Nebs and I had our Smirnoff Ice Double Black (2 bottles each), shared a shot glass of fire water and then had some ginger wine (really good!).
Anyway, I think the Chinese branch of our family enjoyed themselves... only 2 of them (JoJo and Dring-Dring) could speak any English, but I think the atmosphere of a big, loud, cheerful family meal was something anyone can appreciate, in any language. So, the visitors stayed the night at our place and left this morning.

Anyway, I've spent today un-neglecting the penpals that I had previously been neglecting... also I sent an email applying to help with graphic design on eBaum's world because a) it's a brilliant site and b) because of my unsurpassed genius at Photoshop... well, okay, I'm not the greatest, but I can do a hell of a great photo manip or website banner... I mean, usually anything to do with my art or poetry goes largely ignored on Elftown, but people ASK me to make them banners for their wikis! And that's saying something! Damn Elftown, sometimes I get real cheesed off that no one gives a crap about my work, and I would join Deviantart, but the username Lady Chaos is taken. Come on! I stole that name from Silver Surfer first, everyone else should leave it alone. Anyway, I'm rambling, cross your fingers for me, I wanna be a graphic design Yoss.

While reading a few of the jokes in the forums on eBaums, Nebs and I found this one, which cracked us up:
Q: What is black and sits at the top of the stairs?
A: Christopher Reeve during a house fire.

Quote of the day - Pez Sez: "Wouldn't you just love to 'nade Steve Jobs?"
(Pez is a die-hard Mac and Steve Jobs fan... Steve must have called the latest Mac some stupid name. 'Nade = grenade).

Customer Jokes

Well, I know I don't give my loyal and faithful blog readers (all two of you!) much to enjoy here... I mean, it's all Prince Charming this and I'm so cool that, and so I thought you deserved a little treat. I was going to make you go all the way into eBaumsworld.com to read these, but considering you actually make the effort to read my blog, you can have them for free. These are some customer jokes that Nebsy and I thought up... they are incredibly funny, and so true, based around the sole premise that customers are stupid and annoying. (Which, if you have ever worked in retail, you will know to be completely accurate).

What's the difference between customers and vegetables?
Customers have arms and legs.

What do customers do when they see there is a huge queue forming behind them?
Take out their credit cards.

Why are customers like bandaids?
Because you want to rip them off.

What's the difference between a customer and a fly?
You can swat a fly and not get fired.

What did the customer say to the mushroom?
"Hi mom!"

What's worse than an impatient, angry customer?
An impatient, angry customer when the boss is watching.

What's the difference between the rubbish bin and the floor?
To a customer: nothing.

What happens when a customer turns a corner?
They get lost.

What seven-letter word attracts customers with complicated orders?
Trainee.

What did the customer with the indecipherable accent say to the tired, flustered clerk?
Garbled nonsense!

Where did they finally find the customer that had been dead for five weeks?
In with all the other turnips.

Why don't customers need ladders?
Because shelves will do.

How can you tell when a queue has formed behind the customer you are serving?
When they decide to pay in five cent pieces.

What did the customer say as they walked out of the shopping centre?
"Where's the till? I need to pay for all this."

What do you say when you see a customer who needs the bathroom?
"Cleanup in aisle..."

How do you tell that it's closing time?
There is a little old lady customer behind the tallest set of shelves.

What did the customer say to the question "Eat in or take away?"
"Gift-wrapped, please."

What did the drive-thru customer do when told that there was a 2 minute wait on their burger?
Drive off without it.

Why did the customer walk out without paying for the saucepan?
Because he thought it was stainless steal.

What did the customer say to the sales assistant about the table?
"That's a very big barstool!"

eBaum Groupie #... well, they don't give us numbers

2004, it was Elftown. 2005, it was the Labor Party. The Thing That I Have Joined for 2006 is *drumroll*... www.ebaumsworld.com.

It is, in no uncertain terms (sorry Elftown), the best site on the net... like a never-ending Mad Magazine, only with animations and games and pictures and everything! And now that I have broadband, I can fully appreciate it! I prattled on about how good it was in my first forum posting (Ever. I have no idea how forums work. It's weird...)

Anyway, I'm going to go think up funny stuff to post in the forum for funny stuff... I have already got plans for my very first Flash Animation (oooh, I get all tingly just thinking about it!)

For those too lazy to lift your eyes, the web address for eBaums World is: www.ebaumsworld.com

Oooh, oooh, right, in other news!! I watched Jackass The Movie... it was BRILLIANT - 5 stars, right up there with Kill Bill and The Proposition... I probably enjoyed it more than most of The Proposition, it was just so funny! The perfect movie for my attention span. Unless you clicked on the link to eBaumsworld, the I command you to go out and rent Jackass.

Tattil Smithie Strikes Back

Well, perhaps being Home Alone wasn't quite the adventure Nebs and I (and Pez) had planned... not a drop of alcohol was consumed (well, okay, we did put some dry sherry in the spiced beef pasta salad we made... see The Cyber Kitchen for the recipe), no drugs were taken (well, okay, no ILLEGAL drugs were taken... me damn stomach ulcer needs its prescription pills) and very few firearms were used. But we did manage to have McDonalds twice in a row! Yaaay!

In other news, my alter ego (ego with a capital E-G-O) "Tattil Smithie" has struck again. I first used that name when I wrote in to The Age to complain about the glossiness and the "it's only for rich people"-ness of the Melbourne Magazine... lousy piece of crap that it is. I just didn't want to put my real name to such an unapologetic whinge. Anyway, I, or rather, Tattil, actually wrote in to the January edition of the Melbourne Magazine to complain about an article... basically the article was on fashion, and it was bagging out Target, and I thought (okay, Tattil thought): "Why do you rich bastards need to heap MORE crap on poor people like me who can't afford to buy clothes at better shops than Target and other cheap-ass places?" So Tattil Smithie wrote her second whiny letter (appearing in your copy of the Melbourne Magazine sometime in Feb.)

Just for the heck of it, here is an artists' interpretation of Tattil Smithie:


Hmmmm... I've just done some thinking and realised... Because the prize for the best letter of the issue is like, a weekend away for two at a fancy-pants hotel, the only letters in the last issue were ass-kissing ones... so there is a good chance that Tattil's Gripe won't get published. Unless they want some poorly-written variety... Still, cross your fingers that Tatters gets her letter published, it will be worth it to stick it to those rich snobbies.

Like It's 1999

Yes, tap the keg*, crank up the music, spark the doobies**, and put some poor sucker with a mobile phone on Cop Watch*** at the bottom of the street, because THE PARTY STARTS HERE!!

Yes, that's right, early tomorrow morning, The Parentals leave for Newcastle, leaving Nebs and I to fend for ourselves for 4 days. Ohh, it's going to be bliss! Breakfast in front of the computer every day, dishes in the sink until the night before our parents get back, McDonalds every day for lunch...
On the down side, there'll be no one to drive me to and pick me up from work, cook dinner, or bring the newspaper into the house in the morning so I don't have to run out in my PJ's to get it.

Also, on the 25th of Jan, it's Prince Charming's 24th birthday... I still haven't bought him a present, and I'm not sure what to get. I mean, how do you get a meaningful present for a guy? With girls, it's easy, just buy us jewellery and you've got sentimental value and guaranteed use all in one, but for guys? *sigh*

Busy, Busy, Busy

Okay, I do realise the sigh and roll of your eyes as you embark on reading a blog entry titled "busy, busy, busy". So I'll try to keep it short and sweet.

Yes, I've been busy. The Prince and I have had many marvellous adventures... we got locked out of his flat, went to Rickett's Point Teahouse, watched The Beach, went to Cafe 181, watched Romeo + Juliet, and much more mischief. Work has been good... well, as good as work can be. The customers have been their good ol' docile selves, the meat shop is still cold, the bosses are still frightening.

I did eventually send my ex Mr Cadaver back his copy of Pulp Fiction and computer games... now he can "bring out the gimp" whenever he wants... heh heh. And, in other news, we now officially have broadband! So fast! So much internet! Yaaay!!!

On the 22nd or 23rd, my mum and dad are going to drive up to Newcastle. Nebs and I will have to fend for ourselves for 5 days! It's going to be a non-stop party, and you, dearest blog, will get all the details. Well, okay, not ALL the details. But hopefully there'll be some cool stories.