[Erik the Phantom] is so perfect! I love him so much! You should go and see what his diary says about me. He's such a dear! I love him so much! He's such a wonderful person!! I don't know what I would do without him. I'll love him forever! I'll never let anyone put me down again or make me upset! I don't need to listen to anyone but my heary and my beloved [Erik the Phantom].

Okay, I had this really, really, really weird dream last night (well I kinda had it this morning.) and now I want to make into a story.

Okay, first it started out with me and my best friend [Aashild]. Were in this really big mansion, watching My Chemical Romance through a window. They were singing Helena. I don't know how but Gerard somehow saw me through the window. First, he asked Aia to come and talk to him. He asked her what my name was and what my number was. Calmly and cooly she told him. Then he called me in and asked what my cell phone and home number was. I told him and he asked an extra zero to the end. Now the thing is, I find Gerard attractive and so does Amanda but the thing was, he was acting extremely weird. He was sitting on the ground, staring at me. I aseked him what was going on and he said he was madly in love with me! I would have bene fine with that but he said he wanted to stalk me while I was asleep and see me naked. With that, I started running. I hard a time running for some strange reason and I don't know why. But it was so weird. However, he came out and saw me. I yelled, "Stay where you are!" He sat down on the stairs and kept running. I got home and then me, [aia] and some other friends went back to his house because they were holding a party. He kept on following me whenever i went and I was trying to get near his brother because I thought his brought was hot.

That's all I remember! Don't ask why I wanna make it into a story.

I really wish I was dead right now. I feel bad. Last week I did something that really upset my parents and I feel horrible. I wrote a raunchy story and my mom found it. We had a talk about it and she started crying! Both of them were disapointed in me and you have no idea how bad it felt to have both of your parents disapointed in you at the exact time and then have your mother cry because of what you did! She blamed herself for what happened and she shouldn't have! I didn't mean to make her cry!

I want to make one thing perfectly clear!

I SAW HOWL FIRST RYOKO!!!!!!

Okay, I have a to tell ya'll something. I'm going to be gone for a week starting tomorrow. Yes, it really sucks. No tv, no computer, no internet, no cd player, no nothing but some good friends. I sometimes hate our church. We have to ride on the bus for ten hours and we can't bring anything to amuse us except books! It really sucks. So I won't be here for a long time because I doubt I'll find a computer.

This is sooooooooooo sad. I watched it numerous times and I started crying! yes, it is that sad!

http://homepage.mac.com/pockyrevolution/shiis_song.html

I love this song. It's by Dan Fogleburg and I know that my daddy doesn't lead a band but this reminds me of him. He's inspired my love of music so much and it makes him happy when I can play panio very well. I might sing this song at the school's talent show in honor of him.

An only child
Alone and wild
A cabinet maker’s son
His hands were meant
For different work
And his heart was known
To none --
He left his home
And went his lone
And solitary way
And he gave to me
A gift I know I never
Can repay

A quiet man of music
Denied a simpler fate
He tried to be a soldier once
But his music wouldn’t wait
He earned his love
Through discipline
A thundering, velvet hand
His gentle means of sculpting souls
Took me years to understand.

The leader of the band is tired
And his eyes are growing old
But his blood runs through
My instrument
And his song is in my soul --
My life has been a poor attempt
To imitate the man
I’m just a living legacy
To the leader of the band.

My brothers’ lives were
Different
For they heard another call
One went to chicago
And the other to st. paul
And I’m in colorado
When I’m not in some hotel
Living out this life I’ve chose
And come to know so well.

I thank you for the music
And your stories of the road
I thank you for the freedom
When it came my time to go --
I thank you for the kindness
And the times when you got tough
And, pap, I don’t think i
Said ’i love you’ near enough --

The leader of the band is tired
And his eyes are growing old
But his blood runs through
My instrument
And his song is in my soul --
My life has been a poor attempt
To imitate the man
I’m just a living legacy
To the leader of the band
I am the living legacy
To the leader of the band.

OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG!!!!!!! My friend Ali K just joined Elftown! Her sn is [dirtyskank] and she is sooooooooo awesome! I mean, she may be obbessed with sex but it's sooooooo funny! She's extremely sweet (when not cramming a tampon down my throat.) and is so pretty even if she denies it. I have a picture of her in my house. She's the one on the far left. Be nice to her or you'll have to answer to me!!!!!

This is great! Just great! Erik nearly tried to commit suidice again today! No thanks to [White Phoenix aka Ryoko]. I know he did something really mean but it's not his fault! She has no idea how hard life is for him! Hasn't she heard two wrongs don't make a right?

Okay, so we only have one day of school left and stuff so we're all doing stuff we're normally not allowed to do like listen to music on our headphones and play Gameboys. Well, we were watching DVD's on Ted's DVD player that he brought to school. You see, at least five different teachers came over and asked what we were doing so we told them we were just watching with a DVD. They thought it was cool and it was okay with them so they just left. However, this one woman who had been watching us for a while finally came over while we were watching my La Nouba DVD and asked what we were doing. I thought she was going to be like the others but boy was I wrong! She told Ted he had to take it his administrator and see if it was okay to use! Okay, so we'll like "Mrs. Gibbs is cool, she'll let him off the hook." Turns out she wasn't there so the teacher ended up taking it away from him and now, his parents have to come to the school and file a complaint! We were all so pissed! Not only could we not finish watching our DVD but she did something she couldn't do! I mean for one, if it wasn't allowed to be here, a teacher would have taken it up already and it wasn't like we were watching porn or nothing. (I mean, we wouldn't sink that low! That's disgusting!) I mean, I was going to go and show her what we were watching. I mean, it's a circus! Come on! It wasn't even rated meaning that anyone could view it! What really gets me is the teacher that took it was voted teacher of the year! Now that's a laugh!

Forever Weak
05-24-05

It’s not my fault I can’t climb
The highest mountain peak
It’s not my fault I can’t scream
Or that I can’t publicly speak
I cannot run fast enough
I can’t even jump high
I’m nothing compared to nothing
So all I can do is cry
I’m a weakling with no backbone
I have no guts or spine
I can’t stare a buzzard in the face
I can’t stand still on a perfect line
If you point out my faults I will admit them
Call me stupid and I’ll say that’s true
Shout the word ‘Ugly’ and I’ll turn around
These things are nothing new
I wish to be strong but I can’t be
I give up way to easily
So forever I will stay this way
Small, timid and weak little me

This is really how I feel. I am weak. I don't not deny it.

Okay guys. I am EXTREMELY sorry about not being on for so long. The people working on our road thought it was an 'okay' idea to run over our phone line so I'm stuck using the school's computers! Hopefully, our net will be up by tomorrow.

Amelia, I know you're angry at me and I am sorry. I was mad at you. I know I should have tried to talk to you but for some reason i just didn't. You'll probaly never talk to me again and I'll me be sad because I am loosing on my great friends.

Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow.
Don't walk behind me, I may not lead.
Just walk beside me and be my friend.-- Albert Camus

I FOUND THE PERFECT PICTURE OF MY FUTURE HUSBAND!

I LOVE MY QUIDAM SOUNDTRACK!

Its loaded with extra features! If you put it into the computer, you get to see all these really cool things like pictures and some clips. There's also an interview with the man who directed it. I love this show and i wann see it soooooooooooooo badly!

Finally! We've reached Orlando! Here I am typing on my aunt's computer. The net is a bit slow but it will do just fine for now! I am happyliy counting down the days until La Nouba. Only three short days! I can't wait, I can't wait, I JUST CAN'T WAIT!

If you can tell by my mood, I was harrased by jackass hicks at my school again! Gunner said:

1. No one would want to go out with a girl who looked like a guy.

2. No guy will ever go out with me.

3. No guy will ever marry me.

He's such a jerk! i hope he dies and I hate him! Why does he have to be so mean to me?

Currently Playing
Severe Tire Damage
By They Might Be Giants
see related
- Birdhouse in your Soul
GAH! Today is not my day at all! 

Okay, first of all my so called friend Scott has been calling me dumb and stupid! At frist, I shook it off because I thought he was joking and he's been in a bad mood but the more I thought about it, it made me think. Did he really mean it? Is he right? Am I really dumb? Then, I ended up crying on the bus because it really hurt my feelings and he wanted to talk but I just didn't feel like talking to him. He just to insensitive!

And the worse thing happened to me today! HICKY PLAYER ASKED ME TO HOMECOMING! ARGH! And he's broken up with his girlfriend so he's no after me! Some guys get the message that you don't want to go out with them but not HickPlayer! I better break out the rejection hot line numbers again!

My poor dairy! I've ingored it so!

But anyways...

School has been good and I have three thing going on with guys.

1. Rupert Look a Like- Rupert Grint is Ron Weasely from the HP movies and I already have a huge obbession with red heads so this guy is my total dream boat! I finally intreacted with him and now I thing he digs me!

2. Gunner- Gah! Gunner is a HICK! He's a freak and he likes me sadly. He wants my number and wants to go on a date with me. NO DICE BUDDY! I'm already pretending to have a boy friend and if that dosen't work, my friend Brit will pretend to be my girlfriend. Plus, he already has a girlfriend.

3. Mataeo- He's this really, really, REALLY cute guy who rides my bus, in my first peroid and my fourth period. Problem is he enjoys annoying me for some strange reason and everytime I give him my notebook he writes all these really dumb things in it!