[Raziel Ahnara]'s diary
Written about Thursday 2005-04-14
Written: (7163 days ago)
Garr... Jake gets to go to a Velver Revolver/Hooba
*Sniff*
Not only will I miss him, but he gets to go to an awesome concert (this is starting to sound familiar... *cough*KORNCON
I am: so lucky to be alive, and what's more, to have my darling Jake in my life.
I want: to be in the arms of my love.
I have: the most wonderful time when I'm with him.
I wish: others could know what it feels like to feel so loved... to feel so happy.
I hate: hurting anyone, namely Jake. If (or when) I do, it hurts unbearably.
I miss: being able to hold and be held by Jake.
I fear: being alone and hated.
I hear: his voice, and all is right again.
I search: for a way to be with Jake again.
I wonder: if I really deserve all I have, including Jake.
I regret: being insecure. I don't want it to be Jake's responsibilty to make me feel better about myself.
I love: my teddy bear, Jacob Navarro. Eventually, I will marry him, and all will be right. ^^
I always: think about him (and who says that's a bad thing? ^_^).
I am not: unhappy with my life, or my relatoinship. Not in the very least.
I cry: whenever I have to watch him leave, but I know in my heart it won't be the last time I see him at all.\
I love you, Jake. ^^
Written about Monday 2005-04-11
Written: (7166 days ago)
It would seem that today, I have an uncanny knack for annoying people. Let's list them, shall we?
1. Aryel: On the bus this morning.
My very presence annoys her, and when I try to talk, it doesn't get any better.
2. Sarah: This morning.
I smacked her upside the head for mixing up my gender. Which actually made her cry. >.<
3. Joe: Same time.
I was walking to class and he slipped. I couldn't sustain my laughter. He glared at me and told me to shut up and walked off.
4. Amanda (from class): 1st period.
I was loud and obnoxious (in comparison to her previous table partners).
5. Jake: 3rd period (5 minutes ago).
Corrected him on a typo, in what I thought was a joking manner. Apparently I was wrong.
Hmm... 5 people in a time span of 5 hours. Wow, I'm on a roll. Let's see how many more I can annoy before the end of the day! *Rolls eyes* Oy, vay...
Yup, you guessed it.. Another one.
LAYER ONE:
-- Name: Deidre Jones
-- Nickname(s): Deidwa, Deids, Ducky, Deeder (garr, Lani... >.<), Dee Dee, D-Chan (from [Akiame]), Hiro (from my friend Tomo (a.k.a. Alysha)) and some that only Jakey can call me. ^^
-- Birth date: August 29th, 1989
-- Birthplace: Medford, Oregon
-- Current location: Eugene, Oregon
-- Eye color: A pwettymous and sexyful blue
-- Hair color: Brown with blonde streaks/highli
-- Height: 5'3" *Cries* I'm so damned short...
-- Righty or lefty: I wish I were ambidextrous, but I'm right handed (unless I play tennis, then it doesn't matter, but I haven't played in forever)
LAYER TWO
-- Your heritage: Cherokee Indian/Irish/A
-- Your weakness: Having an insatiable need to help others and putting them before myself
-- Your fears: Being alone, being hated
-- Your perfect pizza: Pepperoni and olive with extra cheese... *drools*
-- Goal you'd like to achieve: Hmm... the only thing I can think of right now that I'd like to do in life is to be a mother... A good mother.
LAYER THREE
-- Your most overused phrase: Oh, shut up./What the hell?!
-- Your thoughts first waking up: Sooo damn tired...
-- Your best physical feature: Hmm.. I think either my eyes or just the shape of my figure in general. I might be big, but at least I'm proportional, damn it.
-- Your bedtime: Weekdays, 11:45, weekends, whenever the hell I want. ^^
-- Your most missed memory: I don't really know... I miss some of my friends and my boyfriend (of course), but I dunno about "memories"... *Shrugs*
LAYER FOUR
-- Soda: Cherry Coke
-- Fast food joint: Hmm... I miss In-N-Out Burgers. We don't have those here, but I miss them SO much! *Cries*
-- Single or group dates: Hmm.. I dunno... *grumbles* I've never actually had the chance to be on a date before... >.<
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Lipton Iced Tea (but then, that could just be because that's all my mom ever bought)
-- Chocolate or vanilla: *Squeals* CHOCOLAAAAAAAA
-- Cappuccino or coffee: Hmm.. Coffee for me. ^^ Not black though, blech..
LAYER FIVE
-- Smoke: Eww... Did once (experimental thing), never will again. c(< ) Bleh.
-- Cuss: Yerr... guilty.
-- Sing: Hehe, mainly in the shower. :P
-- Take a shower every day: No, I'll admit it. I'm a dirty girl sometimes... *Laughs*
-- Have a crush(es): Yeah, but don't tell Jakey I have a crush on him! It's a secret! ^^
-- Do you think you've been in love: Bwah?! That's a stupid question, of course I am!
-- Want to go to college: Yup, then after college, I can marry my Jakey. *Happy sigh*
-- Like high school: Ehh.. meh.
-- Want to get married: Uhh... didn't I just say that? :P In any case, yes, I do.
-- Believe in yourself: *Smiles and nods*
-- Get motion sickness: I can get nauseous sometimes, but I've never gotten sick.
-- Think you're attractive: Ha! What a silly thing to ask! Haven't you seen me? I'm the queen of sexyness, and if you're gonna' bow to me, get in line! ^_~
-- Think you're a health freak: Bahahahahaha! That's funny! Not in the least.
-- Get along with your parents: Err... yeah, kinda' sorta.
-- Like thunderstorms: Like? No. Love.
-- Play an instrument: I wish.
LAYER SIX
In the past month...
-- Drank alcohol: Yeah, tonight I tried a little bit of a margarita. >.< Bleh.
-- Smoked: Nope.
-- Done a drug: Agh! Gods, no!
-- Had sex: Nope, still a virgin.
-- Made out: Maybe, maybe not. :P
-- Gone on a date: Mer... No...
-- Gone to the mall: I don't think I have... But then, you can't trust my memory.
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: I don't think I've ever eaten a whole box of Oreo's.
-- Eaten sushi: Never tried it... not too big a fan of raw fish.
-- Been on stage: Egad, no. >.<
-- Gone skating: Nope, lazy and no skates.
-- Made homemade cookies: Nope, but it would be pretty cool if I could.
--Gone skinny-dipping
-- Dyed your hair: No... I cut it though (or rather, my grandma did.... >.<)
-- Stolen anything: Not that I know of, unless I'm a sleepwalking kleptomaniac.
LAYER SEVEN
Ever...
-- Played a game that required removal of clothing: *Blush* No, but it'd be fun if played with the right person... *cough*Jakey*c
-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: I might've, I dunno.
-- Been caught doing something: Yeah... :P
-- Been called a tease: Hmm.. I don't think I have. I could be wrong though.
-- Gotten beaten up: Mer... we won't go there.
-- Shoplifted: Ehehe... uh... no? *Spotlights surround me* What?! No! 7Eleven will never catch me alvive!
-- Changed who you were to fit in: Mer... Guilty...
LAYER EIGHT
-- Age you hope to be married: Hopefully around 22 or 23 (that's about the age I should be getting out of college).
-- Numbers and names of children: One boy and one girl, but we haven't thought up names yet.
-- Describe your dream wedding: Oh, gosh, I dunno... As long as I'm marrying Jake, it doesn't matter. ^^
-- How do you want to die: In my sleep, naturally. I don't want to suffer.
-- Where do you want to go to college: Just about whereever that'll accept me.
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: I don't know. Possibly a writer, maybe a child psychologist..
-- What country would you most like to visit: Either Germany or Egypt.
LAYER NINE
In a guy/girl...
-- Best eye color: Green
-- Best hair color: Brown
-- Short or long hair: Long. ^^ I looooooooooove long hair on a man, more accurately, MY man. ^_~
-- Height: Taller than me (by how much, I dun care, just as long as Jake never grows to be, like, 10 feet tall).
-- Best weight: Who cares?
-- Best articles of clothing: Hmm... whatever brings out his eyes. ^^ I love his eyes...
-- Best first date location: Anywhere and everywhere, as long as they're there.
-- Best first kiss location: Again, anywhere and everywhere.
LAYER TEN
-- Number of drugs taken illegally: Zero!!! ^^ *is proud of self*
-- Number of people I could trust with my life: At least two.
-- Number of CDs that I own: Too many (but not nearly as many as Jake)
-- Number of piercing: None (my ear piercings healed up >.< Garr..)
-- Number of tattoos: *Whines* Zero...
-- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: School or city newspaper?
-- Number of scars on my body: Hmm.. good question. I dunno, I did a lot of stupid shi- stuff that got me scars. I.E., sticking my hand in a fan that was set on "High" when I was 5.
-- Number of things in my past that I regret: Lots of things, too many to count. But that isn't a bad thing, because, in my opinion, if you live without regret, you never really experience things.
Bored... more of those lame-o list thingies.
What are you listening to?: The Used, "In Love and Death"
What are you watching?: Erm.. the monitor?
What time is it?: 5:15 PM, PT
What are you wearing?: Black tank top, blue jeans, white bra, underwear (you don't need to picture that :P) and no socks or shoes. Barefoot, bwaha!
Wanna cyber?: Ohh, yeha.. ohh, mmmm, babby, ohh, I whant u 2.... Get the fuck away from me, you sick perverted pedophile.
Hey baby, nice shoes...: Yeah? Well, your crotch can meet them if you really wanna push it.
What're you drinking?: Nothing at the present time.
Eating?: Spree candy. ^^ >.O Sour...
Got both hands on the keyboard?: Yeah, and that's where they'll stay.
You sure bout that?: You sick bastard, you really want to lose vital organs, don't you?
Who are you talkin’ to?: Not really talking to anyone, but I am singing.
What other windows do you have open? None. Simply Elftown, for it has consumed my home life. >.<
How bored are you?: Very. Care to be a victim of torture for the cure?
If you could be anywhere, where would you be?: Hmm... Probably anywhere that Jake was. ^^
Who would you be with?: Uhm, did I not just say Jake?
What would you be doing?: Oh.. nothing...ille
Written about Wednesday 2005-04-06
Written: (7171 days ago)
*Sigh* I've seen better days...
Bliss
By: [Raziel Ahnara]
I love spending hours alone
Just knowing you're here to please, and be my man
Hearing your breath escape your lips
It's all total bliss
Whether it's on the computer, on the phone
You bring a smile like no one else can
All my worries rush away at the lightest brush of your fingertips
It's all total bliss
Thoughts of you bring me to the brink
You fulfill my desires with a simple smile
Heaven is revealed in only one of your kisses
It's all total bliss
Such euphoria, I can't even think
You've only been holding me a little while
Help me discover what I've been missin'
It'll never get better than this
4/2/05
Monty Python and Mel Brooks:
Fucking Geniuses
Let It Bleed
The UsedThis poison's my intoxication
broke the needle off in my skin
picked the scab and picked the bleeding
and assumed that it was all in vain
A positive scab that's never healing
Calloused hit me in the face
A burning bridge that's so misleading
Poison's more potent now with the flame
Let it bleed
Take the red for what it's worth woah
Watch the fire
Fill your lungs with smoke for the last time
If you feel like dying you might wanna sing
The fire department couldn't drown the city
They didn't even try to wash it clean
And what did you think that I was sober?
Put me out cause I'm on fucking fire
A positive scab that's never healing
Regret that I kept this clean
The most that I can do for you is keep on lying
It's not a lie if you can let it sing
Let it bleed
Take the red for what it's worth woah
Watch the fire
Fill your lungs with smoke for the last time
If you feel like dying you might wanna sing!
Ohoh you might wanna sing
Ahaha you might wanna sing
Hahah you might wanna sing
Hahahaha sing!
You might wanna sing!
You might wanna sing!
You might wanna sing or scream at...
This poison's my intoxication
broke the needle off in my skin
Picked the scab and picked the bleeding
And yeah.. assumed that it was all in vain
Let it bleed
Take the red for what it's worth, woah
Watch the fire
I'mma fill your lungs with smoke for the last time
If you feel like dying
If you feel like dying
If you feel like dying, You might wanna sing
Hahaha You might wanna sing
Haha You might wanna sing
Sound Effects and Overdramatics
The UsedWhen the shirt came off, it was all in time
When a minute turned into a mile
And then I broke that grin, and I cut it out
And you got all turned on by the taste of your sin
When I mention blue, all you thought was color
When you mention drugs, all I thought was sober
When your pants came off and I turned you over
When you mention blue
Kill, smile, cut it out for me this time
This is not a smile, haven't seen him smile in a little while
Keep the mask aligned
Get it up in time
There's a space between valleys
and try and catch a vibe
Make a circle square, a rectangle curve
Use a smile as a noun and I think like a verb
Run quick switch sides
Spill the filled up canister
And the room is shaking
Now you're changing places,
and I switched my pace,
and my breathing races when you mention blue
Kill, smile, cut it out for me this time
This is not a smile haven't seen him smile in a little while
Kill, smile, cut it out for me this time
This is not a smile haven't seen him smile in a little while
Kill, smile, cut out for me cut it cut it out
Smile, cut it out for me cut it cut it out
We cut it out
Get down and stay awake
Smile
Lay it Down
AerosmithRuby red, her lips were on fire
A do me with a kiss if you please
Tell me what your sweetheart desires
Tell me how you want it to be
'Cause if it's love you want
Then you won't mind a little tenderness
That sometimes is so hard to find
(Lay it down)
Lay it down
Make it alright
(Lay it down)
Lay it down
I'll hold you so tight
(Lay it down)
Oh... before the morning light
It's gonna be alright
Oh... lay it down
Come and lay it down tonight
Tell me how you feel when we make love
Tell me is it real or just make believe
You will never know what your made of
'Til you open up your heart to receive
'Cause if the love you got that same old crime
We're talkin' tenderness that's so hard to find
And I'm gettin' behind you
(Lay it down)
Lay it down
Make it alright
(Lay it down)
A lay it down
I'll hold you so tight
(Lay it down)
Yeah... before the morning light
It's gonna be alright
Oh... lay it down
Come and lay it down tonight
Do you remember them times talkin' in your sleep
With a pocket full'a rubbers you never could keep
From your best friends lover you dreamt about then
When you pullin' up the covers the voices in your head
Say if you want it bad
Don't ever let it slip away
'Cause if it's love you want and tenderness... yeah
(Lay it down)
Lay it down
Make it alright
(Lay it down)
Lay it down
I'll hold you so tight
(Lay it down)
Oh... before the morning light
It's gonna be alright
Oh... lay it down
Gonna lay it down tonight
Gonna come around tonight
You gotta lay it down
Jakey madesh! ^_^ I wuvvles!
Yesterday's Feelings
The UsedClose my eyes and move to the back of my mind
Where worries are washed out to sea
See the changes, people's faces blurred out
Like the sun spots or raindrops
Now all those feelings, those yesterdays feelings will all be lost in time
but today I've wasted away for today is on my mind
Left the only worries I had in my hands
Away from the light in my eyes
Holding tight and try not to hide how I feel
'Cause feelings mean nothing now
All those feelings, those yesterdays feelings will all be lost in time
but today I've wasted away for today is on my mind
(yeah today is on my mind)
Now I can't care to worry
I'm feeling so lonely
Breaking apart all this love in my heart
Close my eyes and move to the back of my mind
Where feelings mean nothing now
All those feelings, those yesterdays feelings will all be lost in time (all be lost in time)
But today I've wasted away for today is on my mind
for today is on my mind
yeah today is on my mind
Now I can't care to worry
I'm feeling so lonely
Breaking apart all this love in my heart
~STUPID QUESTIONS~
[Spell your first name backwards]: erdieD
[The story behind your Elftown name]- Raziel Ahnara came from a modern day fantasy story of twin elf siblings. Raziel (the male) and Ahnara (the female) were brother and sister, but I liked their names, so I decided to make it my name. ^^
[Where do you live?]: Oregon
{DESCRIBE YOUR}
[Wallet]: It's a plain one. I wrote on it in silver marker, though...
[Jewellery you wear daily]: Um... none.
[Pillow cover]: Leopard print
[Coffee cup]: Dutch Bros.
[CD in stereo right now]: The Used "In Love and Death"
[What are you are wearing now]: My purple pajamas with a hood on the shirt plus little star on the bottom. And on my pants, there's a little horeshoe, and around it, it says "Lucky to have me". ^^
[In my mouth]: Er.. air? My tongue? What's the correct answer?! I was on the moon! With Steve!
[In my head]: A brain...?
[Eating]: Nothing
[Some of your favourite movies]: Hmm.. Rocky Horror Picture Show, Robin Hood: Men in Tights, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, etc.
[Something you're looking forward to]: Summer... Disney World and a visit to Jakey. ^_^ Yay!
[The last thing you ate]: Jambalya (dinner)
[Something that you are deathly afraid of?]: Being alone and helpless.
[Do you like candles?] Depends on whether or not they're scented, and if they are, it also depends on what scent.
[Do you believe in a thing called love]: I believe in a thing called love, just listen to the rhythm of my heart, there's a chance we can make it now, we'll be rockin' till the sun goes down, I believe in a thing called looooooooooooo
[Do you believe in soul mates?]: Hmm... Let's see... A little more than a year ago, I met the one person that turned my whole life around for the better, and we are a perfect match. What does that tell you?
[Do you believe in love at first sight]: But of course. ^^
[Do you believe in forgiveness]: "Forgiveness is the key to our unhappiness." - Affirmation, Savage Garden
[If you could have any animal for a pet]: Hmm... Either a crow, a snake, or another kitty (or two ^_~)
[What are 2 places you wouldn't mind relocating to?]: California (more accurately, whereever Jakey is), aaaaaaaaaaaaan
[one of your favorite pig out foods?]: Pepperoni Pizza!!!
[Anyone you miss that you haven't seen in a long time?]: Oh god, yes. I haven't seen my Jakey-bear in 2 and a half months... *sniff*
{In the last 24 hours, have you:}
[Cried:] Almost, but no.
[Gotten sick:] I think I might be sick now. >.<
[Sang:] A little, yeah.
[Eaten:] A little more than 2 hours ago. ^^
[Felt stupid:] Always, er.. I mean.... Uh.. Next question.
[Hugged someone:] Tee hee! Yup. Hugging and poking people ish fun. ^^ I poked my mom earlier, and it made her squirm. It was funny.
[Met someone new]: I met someone new yesterday. His name's Chris. We played a couple games of Shaft, and he beat me. >.< Garr on his luck.
[Talked to an ex]: Ex? What is this ex you speak of?
[Talked to someone you have a crush on]: Yup. Jakey. But shhhh! He doesn't know! ^_~
[Fought with your parents:] Just an hour or so ago... >.<
[Dreamed about someone you can't be with:] No. Unless you mean in a physical sense. Then yeah, all the time. *Sniff* I miss my Jakey!
[Are you center of attention or the wallflower:] I'm no social butterfly, but I'm no hermit, either.
[What type of automobile do you drive]: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
[Would u rather be with friends or on a date:] Hmm... Well, if it's a date with Jakey, then the date. If it's not, then my friends.
[Do you attend church:] Not really. I used to.
[Do you like being around people:] My friends and my loverly Jakey. ^^
[Who have you known the longest:] Uh... *shrugs* Jakey?
[who do you argue the most with:] My mom.
[Who do you always get along with:] Jakey. ^_^
[Who has the coolest sibling(s):] No one, I think. Everyone has a pain in the ass sib.
[Who is the smartest:] Einstein?
[Who is your Hero:] Kirby!!!!!! Dun dun dun duuuuuuuuuuuuu