[Raziel Ahnara]'s diary
The Mask Beneath the Mask
Why the sigh?
I don't remember that sad smile.
A sharp pang in my chest
As you whisper your goodbyes.
Why do you do this to me?
If only I could hear your thoughts,
I might learn what I've done,
What peace I managed to disturb.
I see in your eyes a sadness;
A hurt that doesn't belong.
Maybe this is because it is my own,
And it simply reflects upon me.
Behind that false pain,
There rests a wicked smile
And a wicked sould to match it.
One that takes comfort in my suffering.
Is the real you alive in there?
Or is the real you exposed,
Hiding the lie I thought was the truth?
Can you look me in the eye
And tell me you don't enjoy my pain?
This is the real you, your wicked smile,
And yours are the eyes that lie so convincingly.
I see you for what you really aren't.
Written: May 17th, 2005, 1:00 A.M.
© Deidre Jones
Nyerr.. I desperately need to scan some stuff. >.< I'm never gonna' get around to it, am I?
Yergh.
Meh. Anywho.
Listening to supercool awesomely smexyful Aerosmith... *drool* If there were another man for me (aside from Jake), it would be Steven Tyler (then again, it'd be better if he was like 20 years younger), but I'll settle for relative. ^_~
Alright. Now that we got that out of the way...
I have SO much to do.
Chores
~ Clean my room
~ Clean up the utility room
~ Clean the bathroom (again)
~ Clean the living room
~ Sweep all floors
~ Wash and dry ALL laundry
~ Wash and put away ALL dishes (preferably before dad and Jake arrive)
~ Change litterbox completely
~ Change the rat's cage (hopefully, mom'll do that one)
~ Clean up blue room
~ Vacuum (is that spelled right? O.o) my room
Wow... Maybe I'll get some help with those...
And then there's stuff I need to do the day they're supposed to get here.
Extras
~ Take a shower (wanna be nice and clean ^^)
~ Wear one of the skirts Fran got me (so I can show dad and Jake, but mainly Jake, because they makes me look so pwettymuful ^^)
~ Do my hair all pretty-like (hopefully, mom'll straighten it for me, if not, I'll just put it up in a clip)
~ Brush my teeth (then again, I probably won't eat at all... too nervous! :P I still get butterflies... ^^;;)
~ FIX ALL COUCH CUSHIONS! (They always get all blah-like.. >.<)
~ Find a way to bribe Jacie to be nice (maybe that won't be necessary, though... Dad'll be there, after all... *hopeful whine*)
Wow... I gots SOOOOOO much to do... More than I thought I did. >.O *Twitch* Deadline: 5:00 PM Saturday. Preferred finish time: Sometime Friday night (for all chores, anyhow).
Alright. When I get home tonight, it's time to get to work.
Jake's coming in just five more days!!! ^__________^ I can't contain my excitement!!!!
Bweee!
^_^
1. Tell her you think she's beautiful, not hot or fine or sexy. But it's still nice to hear.
2. Hold her hand at any moment, even if its just for a second. Unless she's busy holding stuff... like a pot of boiling water.
3. Kiss her on the forehead. It makes us feel special. ^^
4. Leave her voice messages to wake up to. Unless they're going to contain things like, "Yeah... we shouldn't go out anymore..."
5. Always tell her you love her, at any and all times. It makes everything better (and if not better, it helps quite a bit at the very least).
6. When she's upset, hold her tight and tell her how much she means to you. Don't let her push you away.
7. Recognize the small things, they usually mean the most. We appreciate it, even though we might say you're wrong when you compliment us.
8. Call her cute things like sweetie and baby. It's guaranteed to bring a smile.
9. Sing to her, no matter how horrible your voice is. We promise, it's not really as bad as you think.
10. Pick her over your guy friends, and especially girl friends. And we'd better be the ONLY girl friend who has your FULL attention.
11. Write her notes, she LOVES them. We'll even write 'em back, that is, unless you don't want us to.
12. Introduce her to family and friends as your GIRLFRIEND. Or your future wife. Either one works. ^^
13. Play with her hair. But don't pull it out. It's not a wrestling match.
14. Pick her up, tickle her, play-wrestle with her. There is no such thing as "play-beating" us, however.
15. Sit in the park and talk to her. Just sit and talk to us. Doesn't even have to be in the park.
16. Tell her funny jokes, tell her stupid jokes, just tell her jokes. But don't tell jokes about us that make fun of us. That won't score you any points.
17. Throw pebbles at her window in the middle of the night, just because you missed her. Do not, however, throw them if she's standing at the window waving goodbye/hello.
18. Let her fall asleep in your arms. You will actually end up being the most comfortable pillow we've ever gotten to rest on.
19. Carve your names into a tree. But nowhere else. Carving your skin doesn't make us smile, it makes us worry about you and how much you're bleeding.
20. If she's mad at you, kiss her. But do not use this as an opportunity to french and feel us up. We need comfort, but not THAT kind.
21. Give her piggy back rides. But don't force us if you hear, "I don't want to break your back."
22. Buy her ice cream. Things are even sweeter when shared with the one's you love, though.
23. Treat her the SAME around your friends as you do when you're alone. This doesn't mean you get to ignore and make fun of us when we're alone, though.
24. Let her take as many pictures of you as she wants. We want to have your smile with us wherever we go.
25. Look her in the eyes. Remember, our eyes are in our heads.
26. Slow dance with her, even if there isn't any music playing. It isn't stupid, it's sweet. Get used to it.
27. Kiss her in the rain. It's sweet AND refreshing! ^^
28. If you're in love with her, TELL her. If you don't, we'll find out anyway. But we still want to hear it from you.
Mees wants a hug...
Sense of Humour
The Tension and the SparkDarren Hayes
You will like my sense of humor
You will be addicted to my smile
Laughing all the while
And I will end each conversation
I will leave the room with upper hand
And you will understand
You will find my scent attractive
You will like my real, engaging eyes
And playful, childlike smile
You will find my style appealing
I will overpower you with wits
And I will be a hit
If only you'd run to me
If only you'd come to me
If only you'd relax upon your rules
And dare to be love's fool
If only you'd come for me
If only you'd run to me
If only you'd relax upon those rules
And dare to be love's fool
Waking up from a coma (tossing, turning)
Sweat has covered my body (my mouth felt dry)
My life flashing before me (nothing much to say)
Still it was so boring (did you hear me sing?)
Only I could adore you (the wind through the trees)
Silently barking orders (rushing up to me)
This is only beginning (don't anger the sea)
Oh, the wave's crashing higher and higher on me
Crash, crash, crash, crash
If only you'd relax upon your rules
And dare to be love's fool
If only you'd run to me
All the blinking lights, noise of eternity (if only you'd come to me)
All the sentences swirling inside of me (you will like my sense of humor)
Inside of me (and dare to be love's fool)
(If only you'd come to me)
I have censored my eyes, I get drawn through my ears (if only you'd run to me)
Redirected desire now
It comes out as tears (you will like my sense of humor)
You know, it comes out as tears (and dare to be love's fool)
You will like my sense of humor
You will like my sense of humor
Ego
The Tension and the SparkDarren Hayes
I have been contemplating letting go
Of you ego
Thought I’d let you know
You’re getting old
It was so irritating saving face
When I fell from grace
I thought you would erase
Without a trace
But you stayed
But you remained
But you
It’s always about you
I have been quietly edging away
To keep the flames at bay
Make this puppy stay
To limit my use of
Personal pronouns are the death of me
See I just said 'me'
You’re an endless sea of vanity
It’s all for you babe
For you babe
For you
It’s always about you
I have been silently taking offence
And at great expense
As my feelings dent
I’m lickin' my scratches
It serves no purpose, doesn’t gratify
And you’re dissatisfied
And though you’re belly's full
There’s always more room for you babe
For you babe
For you
It’s always about you
The most awesomerest word/name I've ever come up with!!!
SMOOFLE!
http://quiz.ra
Translation: I miss you
*Eh-mere-eh-ne
Blow Away
StaindLive in my head for just one day
I see myself and look away
The road is showing now on my face
Soon I'll disappear with
I'll disappear without a fucking trace
Faces that I've seen turn old and grey
I've lost too many friends along the way
Memories I never thought would fade
They fade and blow away
I wish that I could disappear
Unzip my skin and leave it here
So I could be no one again
And never let nobody,
I'd let nobody
I'd let nobody in
Faces that I've seen turn old and grey
I've lost too many friends along the way
Memories I never thought would fade
They fade and blow away
So now the walls are closing in
Because in life you sink or swim
Sometimes these shoes don't feel right in my head
Feel like a book that can't be,
A book that can't be,
A book that can't be read
Faces that I've seen turn old and grey
I've lost too many friends along the way
Memories I never thought would fade
They fade and blow away
Realization of the Moment:
Mood is Doom backwards (and vice versa).Written about Friday 2005-04-29
Written: (7147 days ago)
One of the best quotes ever...
"Everyone is entitled to stupidity, but you're abusing the privilege."That's just mean. My mother and my boyfriend are ganging up on me. There's just something wrong with that alliance. >.<