[Raziel Ahnara]'s diary
*shifty eyes* I didn't do that... *kicks away can of spray paint*
Black hole sun, won't you come and wash away the rain?
Black hole sun, won't you come, won't you come?
Written about Tuesday 2005-11-08
Written: (6955 days ago)
Something is up with you. You were just overcome by this powerful urge to call and attempt to talk to Alex (from California).
Maybe it isn't so strange. He was your best friend for two years straight.
You really want to talk to him. See how he's doing. Talk about whatever.
It's all this stupid song's fault. Stupid Richard Marx and his stupid "Right Here Waiting", and that stupid night you and Alex sang karaoke...
It's all so [ fucking ] stupid.
Time to calm your nerves. A bath sounds good...
Written about Monday 2005-11-07
Written: (6956 days ago)
If I was a bad habit I'd be: Hypocrisy Hypocrites make the world go crazy.
If I was a swear word i'd be: Damnit Why not? That's the one I say the most. :P
If I was an ice cream flavor I'd be: Dulce de Leche Smooth and sweet. ^_~
If I was a disease I'd be: Diabetes I'm such a sugar freak. ^^;
If I was a feeling I'd be: Confusion I'm always asking, "Huh?"
If I was a color I'd be: Purple Somewhere between pink (girly) and blue (tomboy...ish). ^^;
If I was a currency I'd be: $2 bill Because I'm just that special. :P Not really... e.e
If I were a day of the week, I'd be: Wednesday Not the best, but decent. That's how I'm most often described.
If I were a time of day, I'd be: Dusk There's an indescribable beauty in the twilight.
If I were a kind of weather, I'd be: Overcast, light rain Soft, simple, but just enough to annoy the hell out of every woman who just did her hair.
If I were a sin, I'd be: Envy I'm always wishing for something, when I should be grateful for what I have.
If I were a liquid, I'd be: Egg Nog Hey, it's smooth, creamy, and the same color as my skin. e.e I need a tan.
If I were a flower/plant, I'd be: Water Lily As enchanting and beautiful as its surroundings. 'Course... that could be a bad thing, for me. :P
If I were a musical instrument, I'd be: Cello Large, deep, and a beautiful voice. It all describes me... save for the beautiful voice, anyway. ^^;
If I were an animal, I'd be: Cat, Balinese (Related to the Siamese) Adorable, loveable, not nearly as noisy, and oh-so-snuggly. The blue eyes help, too. ^^
If I were a sound, I'd be: Laughter I'd like to think I'm funny.
If I were an element, I'd be: Water Calm and soothing, until you piss me off.
If I were a song, I'd be: "Mad Season" - Matchbox 20, or "Creep" - Radiohead Both those songs describe me almost too well.
If I were a material, I'd be: Satin Do you see a pattern here with the smoothness? :P
If I were a word, I'd be: Emotion Simply because I have so much of it.
If I were a body part, I'd be: Eyes You can find more answers in one's eyes than you can if they told you their life story.
If I were a facial expression, I'd be: A smirk A look for everyone to appreciate. :P
If I were a shape, I'd be a: Circle I'm in shape. Round is a shape. :P
If I were a number, I'd be: 5 For some reason, I like numbers that are multiples of five... o.O
Bah. It's 6:00 and I'm already getting tired. e.e
Things I Desperately Need (Currently):
- More Midol (Damned monthly... e.e)
- Either a NoDoze or a Yellow Jacket (If you can't get caffeine from a soda, you can get it from pills.)
- A break (Sometimes, I hate Talisman... e.e)
...
- A hug. (Mneh. Speaks for itself. e.e)
More to come.
[ 50-Question Survey ]
The typical part:
What is your favorite…: (If you had to choose just ONE for each answer.)
1. Color?: Blue (I know, how original. :P ^^;;)
2. Food?: Caramel (Caramel and chocolate and whipped cream… ^^ Nummy stickiness! ^__^)
3. Movie?: The Rocky Horror Picture Show (All in the spirit of Halloween. Plus, Tim Curry’s hot in drag. :P)
4. Song?:The new song Jakey created. (A work of musical genius. *Nod* Yep.)
5. Band?: Aerosmith (Duh. You couldn’t guess that? Frickin’ no-brainer… Why?! What do you mean, “why”?! Because they’re [ GODS ]. That is why.)
6. Actor?: Mel Gibson (I should be related to Mel Gibson and all the members of Aerosmith. They would make the best uncles. ^^)
7. TV Show?: Whose Line is it Anyway? (Okay, okay… We need to have Colin Mochrie and Ryan Stiles as friends of the family, too. ^^ )
8. Animal?: Kitties! (Purr, purr. =^.^=)
9. Author?: Eoin Colfer (For the time being, at least. ^^)
10. Book?: The Artemis Fowl series (By, can you guess? … *fanfare* Eoin Colfer! Hehe. ^^)
The Reversal:
What is your most hated…: (Again, choose one.)
1. Color?: Green (There are so many shades of it that look so… gross. Several of which can remind you of vomit and snot. >.<)
2. Food?: Mushrooms (Yes, tomatoes are gross when eaten raw, and true, zucchini isn’t all that great either, but nothing tastes or feels as bad as mushrooms. My dad force-fed me one once. I immediately spit it out. Unfortunately, my stomach saw that as a good opportunity to get rid of the rest of the dinner I’d eaten thus far as well. )
3. Movie?: Battlefield Earth (I love John Travolta, but honestly, what in hell was he thinking? )
4. Song?: Livin’ La Vida Loca (*Shudders even at the mention of the name*)
5. Band?: Ricky Martin (*Shudders again* Actually, technically, just about anything similar to him, Brittany Spears, and anything that might be remotely akin to rap. >.<)
6. Actor?: Fran Drescher (Someone shoot her. Please. Now. *twitch*)
7. TV Show?: Spongebob Squarepants (I should sue the creators for lowering my IQ.)
8. Animal?: Spider (I know it’s really overdone, but it’s the grossest damned creature I can think of. That and mosquitoes. )
9. Author?: Anne Rice (I understand she’s intelligent, but I can’t for the life of me understand even a sentence in any of the books she’s written because her sentences trail on (much like this one) and eventually get off track but still manage to use large and pompously-inte
10. Book?: Anything Anne Rice has written. (My reasons are stated above… obviously. e.e)
The Less Typical:
Choose which one you like better.
1. Macabre / Romance = Romance (I always thought sex and relationships were better than satirical deaths.)
2. Violence / Fluff = Violence (Violence! It’s what makes movies! :P ^^)
3. Angel / Demon = Angel (I can’t imagine one would rather trust their lives in the arms of a demon, wouldn’t you say?)
4. Excitement / Comfort = Comfort (Right now, comfort means cuddling. And cuddling is good. ^^)
5. Land / Sea = Land (I love to swim, but I think most women will agree with me when I say I dun like sand up my crotch. >.<)
6. Too Cold / Too Hot = Too cold (If it’s too hot, there’s only so much you can take off. Once you’re nekkid you’re still hot. What’re you gonna’ do then? Peel off skin? e.e)
7. Dragon / Unicorn = Dragon (Unicorns are beautiful, but nothing beats a dragon when it comes to fantasy. ‘Cept maybe a Jakeybear. ^^)
8. Fantasy / Sci-Fi = Fantasy (I personally prefer wands to lightsabers.)
9. Magical Powers / Societal Powers = Magical Powers (Oh, come on. Who doesn’t want to be able to fly without polluting?)
10. Sleeping / Eating = Eating (It’s easier to eat sometimes than to sleep. Plus I think one can go longer without sleep than they can without food. o.O)
The Unique:
1. If you could choose your death, how would you die?: Naturally. (Really now, why die in a blaze of glory when it can be peaceful. But it doesn’t matter. I dun plan on dying for a VERY long time. ^__^)
2. If you could meet any one person in history, who would it be?: Hmm… Probably Chris Farley. (I’d tell him to stay off drugs, and then tell him how awesome I thought he was. ^^ “Oh my freaking gord!”)
3. If you could have one supernatural power, what would it be?: I’d have the power to make anyone happy just by giving them a hug. (Then, I’d go all around the world and hug everybody, then no one would be sad or angry. *Nod* Yep. It’d be a good life. ^^)
4.People often say "I'd sell my soul for..." rather flippantly. Is there anything you would sell your soul for? (If so, what?): No. (The most evil thing someone could ever do is sell their soul.)
5. If you could learn the truth of one unsolved mystery of the world, what would it be?: Why most people are so ignorant and closed-minded. (It must take work being so annoying.)
6. If you could do one good deed for the world, regardless of cost, monetary or otherwise, what would you do?: Put all the stupid people on Mars and let them deal with whatever other life forces there may be. (Then everyone would REALLY be happy. :P)
7. If you could choose between giving yourself and your family everything you ever wanted and giving a whole country everything they needed to survive, what would you do?: My family. (I’m sorry. My heart goes out to those starving and homeless people in deprived countries, but when it comes right down to it, my family matters more than people I don’t know.)
8. If you could pick one artist and steal their talent, who would it be?: Jake Navarro. (Awesome artist, writer, and photo-shop expert. Who wouldn’t want his powe- er.. I mean… talent? :P Love you, babe! ^^)
9. If you could make a movie, what would it be about?: The story of my relationship with Jake and everything we’ve been through. (Because our relationship matters so much more than anyone else’s. :P ^^)
10. If you could be one of your characters, which one would you be, why, and what would you do with your life as a result?: I have no idea. (I dun really have any characters I’d wanna be, simply because most of them all have a really crappy past. :P ^^;)
Finally, the random:
1. What animal would you like to have as your familiar?: Either a cat or a snake. (I say cat because I love cats intensely. ^^ I say snake because that’s my Chinese zodiac sign, and apparently, that’s the animal I’d be best suited to have as a pet. o.O ^^)
2. What's your favorite amphibious creature?: A newt, I suppose. (I’ve never really thought about it before. )
3. What are you most bitter about in your past?: My friends completely forgetting about me after I moved away when they promised me they wouldn’t. (Yes, trying to deal with my parent’s divorce was difficult, but there’s no feeling like calling up your supposed best friend only to hear, “I think you have the wrong number. I don’t know who you are.”)
4. What is your favorite holiday and why do you like it?: Christmas (I love spending time with my family and making cookies for “Santa” (my sis still believes in him, so we go all out ^^), decorating a tree, and opening presents, of course. :P)
5. If you could be a character in a movie or video game, who would you be?: I would be Crysta from FernGully. (Seriously! Who wouldn’t want to be friends with a bat voiced by Robin Williams?! ^____^)
6. If you could have any job in the world, you would be a(n)...?: Author (I love writing, and I love to see people’s reaction to what I’d written.)
7. If you could influence one major decision that is in limbo in government for the future, what would you do?: Somehow get rid of all debt. (Sounds good to have more money, doesn’t it?)
8. If you had to live your life as an intelligent inanimate object, what would you like to be?: Don’t know. (How can something be intelligent if it’s inanimate?)
9. If you were the only gay eskimo in your tribe, would you try to turn another eskimo gay, or try to turn straight?: Try to turn straight. (Because unfortunately, everyone else shuns the “different” one.)
10. Who is the one person who has influenced your life the most, what did they do, who were they, and why did they matter so much?: My mother. (Despite how often we fight, she’s always got the best advice (even if I don’t agree with it, it’s usually the best solution).)
and I remember we had
this real nice [ swamp ]..."
Written about Monday 2005-10-17
Written: (6976 days ago)
1. What time did you get up this morning? 6:45 AM
2. Diamonds or Pearls? Hmm... Diamonds, if I had to choose. But if I had the choice to any gem, it would either be a sapphire or an amethyst.
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Hmm... Good question. I think it was Sky High. Yeah, so I'm a kid at heart. Whatcha' gonna' do about it, huh? :P
4. What is your favorite T. V. show? Hmm... I'd have to say... Law and Order: SVU
5. What did you have for breakfast? Erm.. an eighth of a bottle of soda? o.O My friend stole the rest. e.e
6. What is your middle name? Christine
7. Favorite cuisine? Cuisine? Oh, hell, I dunno... I'm fine with a cheeseburger from McDonald's or something. o.O
8. What foods do you dislike? Zucchini (did I spell that right? o.O), peas, lima beans, liver, raw tomatoes, mushrooms (unless they're very finely sliced and on pizza, otherwise, forget it), and green beans.
9. What is your favorite chip flavor? Hmm... Possibly potato chip, or maybe just plain corn chips. o.O
10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? I dun really have a favorite CD, so much as a mix of a bunch of different songs. ^^;
11. What kind of car do you drive? Unfortunately, I don't have one, and I don't drive.
12. Favorite sandwich? The Traditional from Quizno's ^^;;
13. What characteristic do you despise? Ignorance
14. Favorite item of clothing? My flare jeans and the black tank-top I'm currently wearing (in other words, what I'm wearing today, minus my shoes ^^;).
15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would go? Egypt or Germany. Well... Hmm... Bah. To much moneh. Off to Jakey's house! ^__^ *huggles for Jakey* ^^
16. What color is your bathroom? White, beige, and periwinkle blue.
17. Favorite brand of clothing? I dunno... o.O I dun really pay any major attention to the brand.
18. Where would you retire to? Uhm... my room...? o.O
19. What was your most memorable birthday? Iunno... o.O The one that I remember most right now was my most recent simply because it was a little less than two months ago.
20. Favorite sport to watch? I dun like sports. >.<
21. Furthest Place you are sending this? Cyberspace...? O.o
22. Who do you least expect to send this back to you? I...er... don't... o.O I never sent it to anyone, and no one ever sent it to me. I stole it from [moira hawthorne]'s diary. ^^;;
23. Person you expect to send it back first? "dont know...... it's
just an email questionare... gods why did we have to waste three
perfectly good question slots on these dumb queries about who will
recieve and send this retarded email ? >.<" Well said, Moira. ^^
24. What is your favorite ice cream? Dulce de leche. ^__^
25. Who is your favorite Disney Character? Stitch from Lilo and Stitch. ^^
A Batty Rap
Batty Koda (as voiced by Robin Williams)
(Rap)
Yo, the name is Batty
The logic is erratic
Potato in a jacket
Toys in the attic
I rock and I ramble
My brain is scrambled
Wrapped like an animal
But I'm a mammal
(Spoken)
All of our cosmetics are noncarcinogeti
(Rap)
I've been brain-fried, electrified
Infected and injectified
Vivisectified
And fed pesticide
My face is all cut up
'Cos my radar's all shut up
Nurse I need a check up
From the neck up
I'm Batty
(Spoken)
"Seems to have no effect, Doctor."
"Get me another one. Get me another animal!"
(Rap)
They used and abused me
Battered and bruised me
Red wires, green wires
Stuck 'em right through me
So hear my batty word and exercise a little prudence
When dealing with... humans
Toxic Love
Hexxus, the spirit of destruction (as voiced by Tim Curry)
Hit me one time.
Hit me twice.
Oh! Ahh!
Ohh, that's rather nice.
Oil and grime,
Poison sludge.
Diesel clouds
And noxious muck.
Slime beneath me, mmm
Slime up above.
Ooh, you'll love my...
*Panting* ...Toxic love.
(Evil Laughter)
I see the world
And all the creatures in it.
I suck 'em dry
And spit 'em out like spinach.
'Cos greedy humans
Will always lend a hand
With the destruction
Of this worthless jungle land.
And what a beautiful machine
They have provided
To slice a patch of doom
With my sweet breath to guide it.
(Laughing Hysterically)
Filty brown
Acid rain
Pouring down
Like egg chow mein.
Slime beneath me, mmm
Slime up above.
Oooh, you'll love my...
*Panting* ...Toxic love.
"Toys in the attic..." -- Yay for the Aerosmith reference! ^__^
Again, to anyone who cares:</i>
Bah. Forget EVERYTHING I said. I was being a loser and feeling pretty crappy because of something I have to deal with every day anyway. I'm feeling much better now, thanks to Jake, so everyone, give him a round of applause for putting up with me. (Just kidding, babe.)
Please, if you have any patience left, talk to me. I'm bored.
Hehe. ^^ I love you guys. Thanks for dealing with me even when I seem to not want to. *Hugs and kisses to all of you... again... but this time they're for a good cause... I'm rambling again...* ^^
Missing: </i>
I love you, but I need some time to myself. I'll most likely not be coming on for a couple days (but knowing myself, a couple hours). I'll be fine, so please don't worry. I'm just being complicated, annoying, and a nuisance, I'm sure.
Hugs and kisses to all of you.
I find it strange that normal people want to be famous...
Written about Thursday 2005-09-15
Written: (7009 days ago)
...
[ Damn. ] I was hoping it was more.
I shall now go rent a wrecking ball to completely tear my house and diary to shreds! HAHAHAH! Why, you ask? Because, simply put... I. Am. A. Moron. Who doesn't deserve the wonderful man she has. So, getting rid of the emo-esque quotes and putting what once was back up again. ^__^
And a special section goes to the love of my life.
Jake, love, thank you so much. You have no idea how much you've helped me. And, you're right, had we not stayed up and talked this out, I certainly would not be in decent shape today... I'm afraid to think what I might have done. So please, forgive any indecent thoughts, forgive how I sounded, forgive any wrong I did you... Because I never meant it. I'm sorry. I love you so much, and I'd like to think I'm not stupid enough to act the way I did, but I guess I thought wrong. Thank you for staying with me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for everything.
I love you.
*Sigh* Today'll be a good day. ^^ Though I wish I got more sleep, at least we're not running in P.E. today.
Bah. Besides. Sleep is overrated. :P ^^;
Stupid Girl
Year of the Spider[ Cold ]
Wanna love ya
Wanna bug ya
Wanna squeeze ya
Stupid girl
Wanna touch ya,
Wanna take ya,
Wanna shut ya,
Stupid girl.
I can’t take this,
Born to break this.
She’s going away,
(she’s going away)
What’s wrong with my life today?
She’s going away,
(she’s going away)
What’s wrong with my life today?
Stupid girl, stupid girl
I’m a loner,
I’m a loser,
I’m a winner,
In my mind.
I’m a bad one,
I’m a good one,
I’m a sick one,
With a smile.
I can’t take this,
Born to break this.
She’s going away,
(she’s going away)
What’s wrong with my life today?
She’s going away,
(she’s going away)
What’s wrong with my life today?
Stupid girl, stupid girl
(acoustic break)
Stupid girl, stupid girl
(whoa)
She’s going away,
(she’s going away)
What’s wrong with my life today?
She’s going away,
(she’s going away)
What’s wrong with my life today?
Stupid girl, stupid girl
To The End
Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge[ My Chemical Romance ]
He calls the mansion not a house, but a tomb.
He's always choking from the stench and the fume.
The wedding party all collapsed in the room,
So send my resignation to the bride and the groom.
Let's go down
This elevator only goes up to ten.
He's not around, he's always looking at men.
Down by the pool he doesn't have many friends
As they are. Face down and bloated, snap a shot with the lens.
Would you marry me?
Would you bury me?
Would you carry me to the end?
So say goodbye (to the vows you take),
And say goodbye (to the life you make),
And say goodbye to the hearts you break and all the cyanide you drank.
Woah, woah, woah, woah.
She keeps a picture of the body she lends.
Got nasty blisters from the money she spends.
She's got a life of her own, and it shows by the Benz;
She drives at 90 by the Barbies and Kens.
If you ever say "never" to late,
I'll forget all the diamonds you ate.
Lost in a coma and covered in cake.
Increase the medication, show the vows at the wake.
'Cos if you marry me,
Would you bury me?
Would you carry me too the end?
Say goodbye (to the vows you take),
Say goodbye (to the life you make),
Say goodbye to the hearts you break and all the cyanide you drank.
Say goodbye (to the last parade),
Say goodbye (the choice you made),
Say goodbye to the hearts you break and all the cyanide you drank.
Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah.
Say goodbye (to the vows you take),
Say goodbye (to the life you make),
Say goodbye to the hearts you break and all the cyanide you drank.
Say goodbye (to the last parade),
Say goodbye (for the choice you made),
Say goodbye to the hearts you break and all the cyanide you drank.
To the last parade, and the parties fade, and the choice you made...
To the end.