[Raziel Ahnara]'s diary
This is my friend. His name is Aaron. He turned seventeen the other day, so I felt compelled to make something for him. ^^
So I made him creepy and bloody and vampire-esque (unbenkownst to me at the time, he actually has a thing for vampires; bonus).
What do you think?
"Eventually"
1:51 PM
It's agonizing to simply
wait for a revelation to
come. It's frustrating
to see what you've done
wrong, and know you don't
have a solution. It's
aggravating to know that
you don't deserve what
you have, and someone
is there to remind you
all the time. So you're
waiting for someone to
put you in your place.
Someone to set you
straight. Someone to
say "It'll be okay...
eventually." When does
"eventually" come? When
can you finally smile
and say, "I've made it
all right again."
Will you hate me when
you see my face? Will
you know me when you
speak my name? Will
you love me like you
did before I destroyed
everything we know?
"Eventually" © Deidre Jones, 06/01/06
So, another day without lunch. That's fun. Maybe I'll buy something later.
Probably not.
I should just be anorexic.
Maybe I'd look better.
[1] I have read a lot of books.
[_] I have been on some sort of varsity team.
[_] I have run more than 2 miles without stopping.
[_] I have been to Canada.
[_] I have been to Europe.
[2] I have watched cartoons for hours.
[3] I have tripped UP the stairs.
[_] I have fallen down an entire flight of stairs.
[_] I have been snowboarding/s
[4] I have played ping pong.
[5] I swam in the ocean.
[_] I have been on a whale watch.
[6] I have seen fireworks.
[7] I have seen a shooting star.
[_] I have seen a meteor shower.
[8] I have almost drowned.
[9] I have been so embarrassed I wanted to disappear.
[10] I have listened to one CD over & over & over again.
[_] I have had stitches.
[_] I have had frostbite.
[11] have licked a frozen pole and got stuck there.
[12] I have stayed up til 2 doing homework/proje
[_] I currently have a job.
[13] I have been ice skating.
[14] I have been rollerblading.
[15] I have fallen flat on my face.
[16] I have tripped over my own two feet.
[17] I have been in a fist fight.
[18] I have played videogames for more than 3 hours straight.
[19] I have watched the power rangers.
[_] I attend Church regularly.
[20] I have played Truth or Dare.
[21] I have already had my 16th birthday.
[_] I have already had my 17th birthday.
[22] I've called someone stupid. And meant it.
[23] I've been in a verbal argument.
[24] I've cried in school.
[_] I've played basketball on a team.
[_] I've played football on a team.
[_] I've played soccer on a team.
[_] I've done cheerleading on a team.
[25] I've played softball on a team.
[_] I've played volleyball on a team.
[_] I've played tennis on a team.
[_] I've been on a track or cross country team.
[26] I've been swimming more than 20 times in my life.
[_] I've bungee jumped.
[27] I've climbed a rock wall.
[_] I've lost more than $20.
[28] I've called myself an idiot.
[29] I've called someone else an idiot.
[30] I've cried myself to sleep. 'Cos I'm emo like that. XD
[31] I've had (or have) pets.
[32] I've owned a spice girls CD.
[33] I've owned a britney spears CD.
[34] I've owned an N*Sync CD.
[35] I've owned a backstreet boys CD Egh... Alright, that's enough of making me feel like a loser. e.e
[_] I've mooned someone.
[_] I have sworn at someone of authority before
[36] I've been in the newspaper.
[_] I've been on TV.
[_] I've been to Hawaii.
[_] I've eaten sushi.
[_] I've been on the other side of a waterfall.
[37] I've watched all of the Lord of the Rings movies.
[38] I've watched all the Harry Potter movies.
[_] I've watched all of the Rocky movies.
[39] I've watched the 3 stooges.
[_] I've watched "Newlyweds" Nick & Jessica.
[40] I've watched Looney Tunes. Hellz yes!
[_] I've been stuffed into a locker/I have stuffed others into lockers.
[41] I've been called a geek.
[42] I've studied hard for a test and got a bad grade.
[43] I've not studied at all for a test and aced it.
[_] I've hugged my mom within the past 24 hrs.
[_] I've hugged my dad within the past 24 hours.
[_] I've met a celebrity/musi
[44] I've written poetry.
[_] I've been arrested.
[45] I've been attracted to someone much older than me.
[46] I've been tickled till I've cried.
[47] I've tickled someone else until they cried.
[48] I've had/have siblings.
[_] I've been to a rock concert.
[49] I've listened to classical music and enjoyed it.
[50] I've been in a play.
[51] I've been picked last in gym class.
[_] I've been picked first in gym class.
[52] I've been picked in that middle-range in gym class.
[53] I've cried in front of my friends.
[_] I've read a book longer than 1,000 pages.
[_] I've played Halo 2.
[54] I've freaked out over a sports game.
[_] I've been to Alaska.
[_] I've been to China.
[_] I've been to Spain.
[_] I've been to Japan.
[55] I've had a fight with someone on AIM
[56] I've had a fight with someone face-to-face.
[57] I've had serious converstations on any IM.
[58] I've forgiven someone who has done something wrong to me.
[59] I've been forgiven.
[_] I've screamed at a scary movie.
[_] I've cried at a chick flick.
[60] I've watched a lot of action movies.
[61] I've screamed at the top of my lungs.
[_] I've been to a rap concert.
[62] I've been to a pop concert.
[63] I've lived in more than 2 homes.
[64] I've driven on the highway/been on the highway
[65] I've driven more than 40 miles in a day/been in a car that went more than 40 miles in a day
[_] I've been in a car accident
[_] I've done drugs.
[66] I've been homesick.
[67] I've thrown up.
[_] I've puked on someone.
[68] I've been horseback riding.
[69] I've filled out more than 10 myspace surveys.
[70] I've spoken my mind in public.
[71] I've proved someone wrong.
[72] I've been proven wrong by someone.
[_] I've broken a leg.
[_] I've broken an arm.
[73] I've fallen off a swing.
[74] I've swung on a swing for more than 30 mins straight.
[75] I've watched Winnie the Pooh movies.
[76] I've forgotten my backpack when I've gone to school.
[77] I've lost my backpack.
[78] I've come close to dying.
[79] I've seen someone die.
[80] I've known someone who has died.
[81] I've wanted to be an actor/actress at some point.
[82] I've done modeling.
[83] I've forgotten to brush my teeth some mornings.
[84] I've taken something/some
[85] I've realized how good my life is.
[_] I've counted my blessings.
[86] I've made fun of a classmate.
[87] I've been asked out by someone and I said no.
[88] I've slapped someone in the face.
[_] I've been skateboarding.
[89] I've been backstabbed by someone I thought was a friend.
[90] I've lied to someone to their face.
[91] I've told a little white lie.
[92] I've taken a day off from school just so I don't go insane.
[93] I've fainted.
[_] I've had an argument with someone about whether cheerleading is a sport or not.
[94] I've pushed someone into a pool.
[95] I've been pushed into a pool.
[96] I've been/am in love.
96 out of 158. Hm. 61% >.< Bleh.
Written about Monday 2006-05-15
Written: (6770 days ago)
Supposedly, if I have 35 or more of the listed things, I'm spoiled. Let's see, shall we?
[_] own car
[X] cell phone
[X] own phone line (if the cell counts)
[X] bf/gf
[_] own bathroom
[X] own room
[X (kinda)] 2 or more story house
[_] built-in pool
[X] guest house (room? o.O)
[_] game room
[_] tv in your room
[_] Double Bed
[_] more than 20 pairs of shoes
[_] 10+ things from a designer store
[X] good grades (how does this make you spoiled?)
[_] Dior sunglasses
[_] louis vuitton purse (No, my mom has one, though. XD)
[_] iPod
[_] XBOX
[X] PS2
[X] mp3 player
[_] Mercedes Benz (yours or family car)-
[_] basketball hoop
[_] air hockey table
[_] pool table
[_] ping pong table
[X] trampoline
[_] live ON a lake or pond.
[_] own a pair of skiis
[_] own a snowboard
[_] has a boat
[_] has a jet ski
[_] has a beach house/ cabin
[_] only child
[X] stereo system in bedroom
[_] DVD player in bedroom
[X] 100+ dvd's
[_] gets $50+ for allowance each month
[_] goes shopping every month...or every week
[_] shops at abercrombie
[_] goes snowboarding/ skiing every weekend
[_] makeup
[_] cologne/perfum
[X] AIM
[X] MSN
[_] Yahoo
[_] 5+ trophies
[X] own digital camera
[_] walk-in closet
[_] electric scooter
[_] dirt bike
[_] 4X4 truck
[_] guitar/drums
[_] hammock
[_] been on a cruise
[_] traveled out of the country ("Clooney"! ...and Canada.)
[X] weight set/ workout set in house
[_] personal fit trainer
[_] expensive jewerly
[_] met a celeb
[_] straightener/ curling iron
[X] gets hair done/nails/spa
[_] on/was on a team for the school college
[_] own batting cage
[_] 100+ in wallet/ purse right now
[_] own savings account
[X] 1+ BEST friends (That makes you spoiled? O.o Maybe you're just really good with people. e.e)
[_] been to the carribean
[_] been to europe
[_] been to hawaii
[_] been to NY
[X] shopped in seattle
[_] eaten at the space neetle in seattle
[_] been on the eifel tower in paris
[_] been on the statue of liberty in NY
[_] been on the honor roll for 2+ years
[_] went on a trip for sweet sixteen birthday (I stayed home! XD)
[_] lives on a private property
[_] license
[X] moved 3+ times
[_] sports car
[_] hot tub
[X] pet(s)
[_] ranch
[_] verizon
[X] cingular
[_] virgin mobile
[_] been to 5+ states in the US.
[X] don't have a job
[_] 100+ buddies on messenger
[_] alarm clock (... Okay, now it's just getting ridiculous. e.e)
[_] home-cooked meal almost everyday
[_] lunch (Honestly e.e)
[_] been in a limo (For a funeral >_>)
[_] own camcorder
[_] own laptop
[_] own computer
[X] someone who loves you
Total: 24
Written about Monday 2006-05-08
Written: (6777 days ago)
"A Beautiful Lie"
[ A ] [ Beautiful ] [ Lie ]
30 Seconds to Mars
Lie awake in bed at night
And think about your life
Do you want to be different?
Try to let go of the truth
The battles of your youth
'Cause this is just a game
It's a beautiful lie
It's a perfect denial
Such a beautiful lie to believe in
So beautiful, beautiful lie
Makes me
Its time to forget about the past
To wash away what happened last
Hide behind an empty face
Don't ask too much the same
'Cause this is just a game
It's a beautiful lie
It's a perfect denial
Such a beautiful lie to believe in
So beautiful, beautiful lie
Makes me
Lie ... beautiful ... ohhhhh
Everyone's looking at me
I'm running 'round in circles (plagued with)
A quiet desperation's building higher
I've got to remember this is just a game
So beautiful, beautiful
It's a beautiful lie (x4)
It's a beautiful lie
It's a perfect denial
Such a beautiful lie to believe in
So beautiful, beautiful lie makes me
Written about Wednesday 2006-05-03
Written: (6782 days ago)
*epileptic strobes*
*theme music*
Welcome back to another round of "Haha! You Said the Wrong Thing!"
Our subject this afternoon is Nicole Leupold.
Hi, Nicole, how are you doing this afternoon?
". . ." *giggling*
Well, I suppose that answers our question, right folks?
*audience laughs*
So, tell us, Nicole, what brings you to "Haha! You Said the Wrong Thing!"?
". . ." *giggling*
Ohhhh, it must be a big one, folks!
Let's go to the I-Spy-Stupidom
*whirring, beeping, machiney noises*
*image shows up on screen*
*title*
WHAT SHE MEANT TO SAY:
"So, hey, you know what's hot?"
"What?"
"Drowning Pool!"
*title*
WHAT SHE SAID:
"So, hey, you know what's hot?"
"What?"
"Drowning!"
*audience laughs*
Hahahaha! Oh, my, Nicole my dear, you silly girl.
Audience?
*audience shouts*
"Haha! You said the wrong thing!"
That's right!
Thank you everyone, and join us next time for another episode of "Haha! You Said the Wrong Thing!"
*exit song*
*fade to black*
*end*
that it won't take long 'til
I'm [ free ] of my [ disease ].</center></b>
Missing: </b>
Day of Silence
For the anger.
For the pain.
For the hatred.
For the suffering.
For the shunning.
For the imprisonment.
For the discrimination
For the misunderstandi
For the misunderstood.
For the harassment.
For the injustice.
For the silence.
For the abuse.
For the loss.
For me.
Deidre C. Jones - April 26th, 2006 - Day of Silence
[A] "Deidre! Being on Elftown is not responsible!"
[D] "I know! That's why I'm on DeviantArt!" *grin*
[A] "...we're done."
Matchbox 20
[Rest] [Stop]
Mad Season
Just three miles from the rest stop
And she slams on the breaks
She said, I tried to be but I’m not
So could you please collect your things
I don’t wanna be cold
I don’t wanna be cruel
But I gotta find more
Than what’s happening with you
And if you’d - open up the door
She said - while you were sleeping
I was listening to the radio
And wondering what you’re dreaming when
It came to mind that I didn’t care
So I thought - hell if it’s over
I had better end it quick
Or I could lose my nerve
Are you listening - can you hear me
Have you forgotten
Just three miles from the rest stop
And my mouth’s too dry to rage
The light was shining from the radio
I could barely see her face
But she knew all the words that I never had said
She knew the crumpled-up promise of this
Broken down man - and as I opened up the door
She said - while you were sleeping
I was listening to the radio
And wondering what you’re dreaming when
It came to mind that I didn’t care
So I thought - hell if it’s over
I had better end it quick
Or I could lose my nerve
Are you listening - can you hear me
Have you forgotten
She said - while you were sleeping
I was listening to the radio
And wondering what you’re dreaming when
It came to mind that I didn’t care
So I thought - hell if it’s over
I had better end it quick
Or I could lose my nerve
Are you listening - can you hear me
While you were sleeping
I was listening to the radio
And wondering what you’re dreaming when
It came to mind that I didn’t care
So I thought - hell if it’s over
I had better end it quick
Or I could lose all my nerve
Are you listening - can you hear me
Matchbox 20
[Leave]
Mad Season
It’s amazing
How you make your face just like a wall
How you take your heart and turn it off
How I turn my head and lose it all
It’s unnerving
How just one move puts me by myself
There you go just trusting someone else
Now I know I put us both through hell
I’m not saying there wasn’t nothing wrong
I just didn’t think you’d ever get tired of me
I’m now saying we ever had the right to hold on
I just didn’t wanna let it get away from me
But if that’s how it’s gonna leave
Straight out from underneath
Then we’ll see who’s sorry now
If that’s how it’s gonna stand, when
You know you’ve been depending on
The one you’re leaving now
The one you’re leaving out
It’s aggravating
How you threw me on and you tore me out
How your good intentions turn to doubt
The way you needed time to sort it out
I’m not saying there wasn’t nothing wrong
I just didn’t think you’d ever get tired of me
I’m now saying we ever had the right to hold on
I just didn’t wanna let it get away from me
But if that’s how it’s gonna leave
Straight out from underneath
Then we’ll see who’s sorry now
If that’s how it’s gonna stand, when
You know you’ve been depending on
The one you’re leaving now
The one you’re leaving out
The one you’re leaving now
The one you’re leaving out
I’m not saying there wasn’t nothing wrong
I just didn’t think you’d ever get tired of me
But if that’s how it’s gonna leave
Straight out from underneath
Then we’ll see who’s sorry now
If that’s how it’s gonna stand, when
You know you’ve been depending on
The one you’re leaving now
The one you’re leaving out
Tell me is that how it’s going to end
When you know you’ve been depending on
The one you’re leaving now
And the one you’re leaving out
The one you’re leaving now
The one you’re leaving out
while the tears slide down your face.
Written about Thursday 2006-03-30
Written: (6816 days ago)
Character: [V]
Quote:</b>
"<b>Voilà!
In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran,
cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate.
This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is it vestige of the vox populi, now vacant,
vanished, as the once vital voice of the verisimilitude now venerates what they once vilified.
However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified, and has vowed to
vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and
vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition.
The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for
the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous.
Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose vis-à-vis an introduction,
and so it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me [V]."
Best fucking line...
Just copy, paste, listen to your playlist RANDOMIZED, skip the first one, and then fill it in as your music goes! You will be spooked at how things match up!
(Please note, I did not write that.)
1. What's my mood like right now?
Hero - Darren Hayes
(That's kinda' funny... 'cos it's not meant to be in a good way: Ladies and gentlemen, listen up please, I don't want to be your hero.)
2. How's tomorrow going to be for me?
Just Push Play - Aerosmith
(Damn. I sound impatient, don't I?)
3. What kind of person am I?
Trust - Megadeth
(Also not meant in a good way... ^^;)
4. Am I loved?
Bottle - Floater
(About alcohol. So, I guess this would mean that the bottle loves me. o.O)
5. How can I achieve my highest potential?
Fly Away from Here - Aerosmith
(Yes, yes. Let's just run away... that TOTALLY makes sense. e.e)
6. What should I do with my life?
On the Attack - Dropkick Murphys
(I have always been the, "Rahh, kill," kind of person. ^^;)
7. Is everything really going to be alright in the end?
Golden Head - Floater
(Considering the song is about disease... O.O)
8. What is my best quality?
Superhero - Stephen Lynch
(Pretty self-explanito
9. How does my sex life look?
If I Were Gay - Stephen Lynch
(XD I didn't rig this, I swear. *can't stop laughing*)
10. What's the meaning of life?
Los (Less) - Rammstein
(I think the song talks about being without anything. So... maybe the meaning of life is to be nothing? o.O)
11. What do people think of me?
You See Me Crying - Aerosmith
(Nuh uh! *wipes tears, sniffles* You see nothing! I'm not EMO, DAMMIT! :P)
12. Would I make a good lover?
Seasons of Wither - Aerosmith
(I dunno if this is good or not. o.O You tell me: http://www.lyr
13. How crazy am I?
Johnny Cope/Green Groves of Erin - Amadan
(No clue. XD)
14. Will I have a good life in general?
A Thousand Words - Savage Garden
(Well, considering the first two lines of the song are, "We stumble in a tangled web, decaying friendships almost dead..." *worried*)
15. Can (anyone) ever really love me?
No More, No More - Aerosmith
(Erp. :( Sad.)
16. What's going to happen to me this week?
View of Heaven - Yellowcard
(Aw. ^^)
it wasn't cool to breathe anymore.
I've kissed someone..
01. [X] on the cheek.
02. [X] on the lips.
03. [X] on their hands or fingers.
04. [X] in my room.
05. [X] in their room.
06. [X] of the opposite sex.
07. [X] of the same sex. (relatives dont count)
08. [X] a little younger than me.
09. [X] a little older than me.
10. [X] with black hair.
11. [_] with curly hair.
12. [X] blonde hair and blue eyes.
13. [_] with red hair.
14. [X] with straight hair.
15. [X] shorter than me.
16. [X] with a lip ring.
17. [X] who I truly love/loved.
18. [_] who was drunk.
19. [_] who was high.
20. [X] in the morning.
21. [X] right after waking up.
22. [X] just before bed.
23. [X] late at night.
24. [_] who I had just met.
25. [_] who I really didn't want to kiss.
26. [X] just talking not dating.
27. [X] on a bed.
28. [_] in a graveyard.
29. [X] at school.
30. [X] against a wall.
31. [_] at a show.
32. [X] at the beach.
33. [_] at a concert.
34. [X] in a pool.
35. [X] who was/is a good friend.
36. [X] in the rain.
37. [_] with an std.
38. [X] in the shower
39. [X] in a car/taxi/bus.
40. [X] in the movies.
41. [X] in a bathroom/laund
42. [X] in the dark.
43. [_] on a roof top.
44. [X] under water.
45. [_] while driving.
46. [_] a stranger.
47. [_] more than one person at once.
48. [X] crying.
49. [_] goodbye forever.
50. [_] when I was drunk.
51. [_] who didn't speak english.
52. [X] in a hot tub.
36/52, and I didn't even count relatives. O.O 'Course, most of those were either Jake or me being all motherly-like to my friends... ^^;