[Raziel Ahnara]'s diary

886711  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2006-12-13
Written: (6553 days ago)

I ruin lives.


Get
over

it.

875047  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2006-11-15
Written: (6582 days ago)
871744  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-11-06
Written: (6590 days ago)



I want you to cry over me.
Die over me.
Even for a moment,
even for a moment.
I want you to hurt over me,
feel like I feel.
I want you to cry over,
die over me, baby,
just one time.


It's so easy for you
to forget about me.

Did I ever mean anything?




871172  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2006-11-05
Written: (6592 days ago)

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend your cool... and a lot of the songs fit with the setting.

Here we go!

Opening Credits:
Right Here - Staind (Sure... O.o)

Waking Up:
Tango: Maureen - Mark and Joanne of RENT (Hahaha. Well, it would wake me up. XD)

First Day At School:
Innocent - Our Lady Peace (Er.. kinda? o.O)

Falling In Love:
These Things - She Wants Revenge (HAHAHAHA! XD It talks about masturbation and denial. Oh, yeah. That's love, alright. XD)

Fight Song:
The Suffering - Coheed and Cambria (I guess that might make sense, but it would make more sense if it were The Velorium Camper II: Backend of Forever)

Breaking Up:
I'll Cover You (Reprise) - Collins of RENT (This makes me wanna cry.. :( Because it's a love song for a lover who died. *tear*)

Prom:
Our Hero's Reprise - Floater (I dunno. XD)

Life:
What You Like - Darren Hayes (Well, I dunno what to make of this one. Because it's technically about pleasing people.)

Mental Breakdown:
A Thousand Words - Savage Garden (XD Well, this is about deception... and getting back at someone. Hm.)

Driving:
Buddha for Mary - 30 Seconds to Mars (Yeah... Makes no sense. XD)

Flashback:
Could I Be You - Matchbox Twenty (Aww... *sad*)

Getting back together:
Policy of Truth - Depeche Mode (That doesn't bode well. O.O It's talking about lying when necessary. O.O)

Wedding:
Separate Ways - Journey (Erp... Uh... I dunno that this is such a great song for a wedding. XD)

Birth of Child:
Strange Relationship - Darren Hayes (HAHAHAHAHAHA! XD Yes. I have a strange rising and falling relationship... with a child. XD)

Final Battle:
Good Girls Go to Heaven (Bad Girls Go Everywhere) - Meat Loaf (Hahaha, yes, the ultimate battle is between the good and bad girls. XD)

Death Scene:
Edge of the Earth - 30 Seconds to Mars (I dunno what to make of this one. O.o)

Funeral Song:
Moonlight Sonata - Beethoven (Makes sense. I would want either this or Ave Maria. They're both so pretty...)

End Credits:
I Can't Ever Get Enough of You - Darren Hayes (Er.. sure. O.o)

865952  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2006-10-21
Written: (6606 days ago)
Next in thread: 865967

Join.

You know you want to.

http://www.heroesmini.com/?ref_id=880859

At least click on the link. *pout*

865606  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2006-10-20
Written: (6608 days ago)

I [dig] it.

857787  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2006-09-29
Written: (6629 days ago)

You should join me.

I needs me some more friends.

And you love me.

Don't you?


http://www.catch27.com/join.php?invite=129641
854909  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2006-09-20
Written: (6638 days ago)




Phantom:
I gave you my music.
Made your song take wing.
And now, how you've repaid me.
Denied me and betrayed me.
He was bound to love you
When he heard you sing.
Christine...

*sobs*


*Echo of Christine and Raoul*:
Say you'll share with me
One love, one lifetime.
Say the word and I will follow you.
Share each day with me, each night, each morning...


Phantom:
You will curse the day you did not do
All that the Phantom asked of you!




That part always makes me cry...


850329  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2006-09-08
Written: (6650 days ago)





[Song]: Soul Meets Body
[Artist]: Death Cab for Cutie
[Album]: Plans


I want to live where soul meets body
And let the sun wrap its arms around me
And bathe my skin in water cool and cleansing
And feel, feel what its like to be new

Cause in my head there's a greyhound station
Where I send my thoughts to far off destinations
So they may have a chance of finding a place
where they're far more suited than here

I cannot guess what we'll discover
Between the dirt with our palms cut like shovels
But I know our filthy hand can wash one another's
And not one speck will remain

I do believe it's true
That there are roads left in both of our shoes
If the silence takes you
Then I hope it takes me too
So brown eyes I hold you near
Cause you're the only song I want to hear
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere

Where soul meets body
Where soul meets body
Where soul meets body

I do believe it's true
That there are holes left in both of our shoes
If the silence takes you
Then I hope it takes me too
So brown eyes I hold you near
Cause you're the only song I want to hear
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere



841550  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2006-08-20
Written: (6668 days ago)




Stolen from [moira hawthorne], who stole it from [Cia_mar].
I thought it was cute. ^^



LOVE


Tech Support: Yes, How may I help you?


Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love. Can you guide me through the process?


Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?


Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?


Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?


Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?


Tech Support: What programs are running ?


Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now.


Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ?


Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?


Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.


Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?


Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.


Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error - Program not run on external components." What should I do?


Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.


Customer: So, what should I do?


Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.


Customer: Okay, done.


Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.


Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?


Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.


Customer: Thank you, God.


God/Tech Support: You're Welcome, Anytime.



841183  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2006-08-20
Written: (6669 days ago)

"You haven't the vaguest conception under God of what you ask."

I love that line.

From Interview with a Vampire,. Claudia's new vampy friend Madeline's telling him to make her a vampire.. yeah. ^^; Anywho.

Why am I up at this ungodly hour?

First off, I fell asleep somewhere in the time frame of 12:30 and 1:30 this morning. So.. having only had roughly six hours of sleep, my body felt it was energized enough to start the day!

Oh, and that bad things regarding my current monthly dillema were happening in my sleep.

I've been moving around so much this morning, I didn't think I'd be able to go back to sleep.



There you have it.

This is why I'm up at seven A.M.





...god, I'm tired. >.<

841000  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2006-08-20
Written: (6669 days ago)

How many windows do you have in your room?
Two.

What is the color of your walls?
Beige, Caramel, Creme, White, Tan, Brown, Sand, Ivory, etc. It's a weird little design. ^^;

Hardwood floor, tile, or carpet?
I was unlucky enough to sleep in what used to be part of an attic, but at least they gave me carpeting. :P XD

Do you get ready for the day in your room or the bathroom?
Bedroom, generally, although lately, I've been sleeping in the guest room downstairs because it's not as hot.

Is your room big?
Hahahahahahaha- Oh, were you serious?

What is your bedroom view out the window(s)?
A fence, a couple trees (I sometimes ponder to myself whether or not they're real), the neighbor's backyard, and sometimes the neighbor, who is a very scary, old, large disabled woman who's never heard of a bra. >.<

Do you have the following in your room(s):
[_] desk
[_] cell phone (Nope, it's always with me, actually. XD)
[_] chair/stool
[_] bookshelf (I did last week, and I will soon...just...not right now...)
[X] dresser
[_] Computer/laptop
[_] bean bag
[X] pictures
[X] mirror
[X] bed
[X] clothes on the floor
[_] plastic flamingo (Quoi? o.O)
[_] guitar(s)
[_] lava lamp
[X] smoke detector
[_] piano/keyboard
[_] locking door
[_] can of soda
[_] bottle of water
[_] a blacklight
[_] medals/ribbons
[_] trophies
[_] awards
[_] water polo ball
[_] soccer ball
[_] volleyball
[_] basketball
[_] softball stuff
[_] track gear
[_] frisbee
[_] beach ball
[_] football
[_] tennis ball
[_] Hockey stuff
[_] lacrosse stick
[_] gymnastics stuff
[_] dance stuff
[_] cheerleading stuff
[_] horseback riding stuff
[X] swim stuff (What is with all the sports? XP)
[X] cd's
[_] Digital Camera
[X] sofa/futon/round chair
[X] bottles of liquor (The bottles, but not the liquor. :P XD)
[_] flag
[_] stop sign/any sign
[_] caution tape
[_] paintball gun
[_] airsoft gun
[_] Real Gun
[_] Cigarettes
[X] Candles
[X] Books
[_] Nintendo
[_] Playstation 2
[_] Game Cube
[_] X box
[_] bike
[X] Stereo
[_] Lighter
[_] Visine
[_] your mom
[_] Gum
[_] a guy
[X] condoms (Hooray condom roses. XD)

NOW REPOST THIS AS "Bedroom Survey"

840638  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2006-08-19
Written: (6670 days ago)

Stole this from [Jewl]. :P ^^



Just copy, paste, listen to your playlist RANDOMIZED, skip the first one, and then fill it in as your music goes! You will be spooked at how things match up!
(Please note, I did not write that.)



1. What's my mood like right now?
"When You Really Love a Woman" - Bryan Adams
Aw. ^^ I kinda' want cuddles, too. O.o Crazy. ^^;

2. How's tomorrow going to be for me?
"Stop" - Matchbox Twenty
Lazy? :P

3. What kind of person am I?
"Song to Say Goodbye" - Placebo
"You are one of God's mistakes, you crying tragic waste of skin." O.O :(

4. Am I loved?
"I Caught Fire" - The Used
That's such an ADD response. XD "Am I loved?" "Hey, cool, I caught FIRE!" ... e.e XD

5. How can I achieve my highest potential?
"Neverender" - Coheed and Cambria
I don't know how I should take that... >.>

6. What should I do with my life?
"Change Your Mind" - The All-American Rejects
Okay, then. :P

7. Is everything really going to be alright in the end?
"You Won't Be Mine" - Matchbox Twenty
I guess not. XD

8. What is my best quality?
"Mosquito" - Floater
*twitch* I hate mosquitoes. e.e

9. How does my sex life look?
"Faggot" - Mindless Self Indulgence
So, either I'm gonna' be a lesbian, or I'm going to turn someone gay. XD

10. What's the meaning of life?
"I'm Still Here" - John Rzeznik (of the Goo Goo Dolls)
I guess life's all about me. :P Kidding. ^^

11. What do people think of me?
"Bottle" - Floater
They think I'm a drunk? o.O :P

12. Would I make a good lover?
"Yesterday" - Staind
I would have... yesterday. XD

13. How crazy am I?
"Darkness" - Darren Hayes
I'm crazy like darkness. :P XD

14. Will I have a good life in general?
"Seasons of Wither" - Aerosmith
Merf?! O.O

15. Can (anyone) ever really love me?
"I'm a Fake" - The Used
Mawr. :(

16. What's going to happen to me this week?
"Stupid Motherfucker" - Mindless Self Indulgence
Well, that sounds promising. XD

17. How will I change the world?
"Dublin Sky" - Darren Hayes
Quoi?

18. How will I die?
"You Are So Last Summer" - Taking Back Sunday
"The truth is you could slit my throat, and with my one last gasping breath, I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt." O.O :/

19. Describe your diet.
"Pierrot the Clown" - Placebo
Apparently I eat depressed clowns. XD

20. What's my favorite part of life?
"Creepin' Up On You" - Darren Hayes
Nice. XD



It's my plan to do this weekly. :P XD
840525  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2006-08-19
Written: (6670 days ago)



Yeah, yeah, I know, it's rap. Bite me. I adore this song. It makes me cry, actually. :/ Well... the sung part, anyway. e.e



Song: Hailie's Song
Artist: Eminem


[ Intro - Spoken ]
Yo, I can't sing it
I feel like singin'
I wanna fuckin' sing
Cuz I'm happy
Yeah, I'm happy
Ha Ha
I got my baby back
Yo, check it out

[ Verse 1 - Sung ]
Some days I sit, starin' out the window
Watchin' this world pass me by
Sometimes I think theres nothin' to live for
I almost break down and cry

Somtimes I think I'm crazy
I'm crazy, oh so crazy
Why am I here, am I just wasting my time?

But then I see my baby
Suddenly I'm not crazy
It all makes sense when I look into her eyes

[ Chorus ]
Somtimes it feels like the world's on my shoulders
Everyone's leanin' on me
Cuz sometimes it feels like the world's almost over
But then she comes back to me

[ Verse 2 - Sung ]
My baby girl [Hailie laughs] keeps gettin' older
I watch her grow up with pride
People make jokes, cuz they don't understand me
They just don't see my real side

I act like shit don't phase me,
Inside it drives me crazy
My insecurities could eat me alive

But then I see my baby
Suddenly I'm not crazy
It all makes sense when I look into her eyes

[ Chorus ]

[ Verse 3 - Rapped ]
Man, if I could sing, I'd keep singing this song to my daughter
If I could hit the notes, I'd blow something as long as my father
To show her how I feel about her, how proud I am that I got her
God, I'm a daddy, I'm so glad that her mum didn't abort
Now you probly get this picture from my public persona
That I'm a pistol-packing drug-addict who bags on his momma,
But I wanna just take this time out to be perfectly honest
Cuz there's a lot of shit I keep bottled that hurts deep inside o' my soul,
And just know that I grow colder the older I grow
This boulder on my shoulder gets heavy and harder to hold
And this load is like the weight of the world
And I think my neck is breaking should I just give up,
Or try to live up to these expectations?
Now look, I love my daughter more than life in itself,
But I got a wife that's determined to make my life livin'hell
But I handle it well, given the circumstances I'm dealt
So many chances, man, it's too bad, coulda had someone else
But the years that I've wasted are nothing to the tears that I've tasted
So here's what I'm facin':
3 felonies, 6 years of probation
I've went to jail for this woman, I've been to bat for this woman
I've taken bats to peoples backs, bent over backwards for this woman
Man, I shoulda seen it comin', why'd I stick my penis up in?
Woulda ripped the pre-nup up if I'd seen what she was fuckin'
But fuck it, it's over, there's no more reason to cry no more
I got my baby, baby the only lady that I adore, Hailie
So sayonara, try tomorra, nice to know ya
My baby's travelled back to the arms of her rightful owner
And suddenly it seems that my shoulder blades have just shifted
It's like the greatest gift you can get
The weight has been lifted

[ End Chorus - Sung ]
Now it don't feel like the world's on my shoulders
Everyone's leanin' on me
Cuz my baby know's that her daddy's a soldier
Nothin' can take her from me

[ Outro - Spoken ]
Woo!
I told you I can't sing.
Oh well, I tried
Hailie, 'member when I said
If you ever need anything, daddy will be right there?
Well guess what?
Daddy's here.
And I ain't goin'nowhere baby
I love you! (kiss)



837124  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2006-08-11
Written: (6678 days ago)
Next in thread: 837239



[ Song ]: On Fire
[ Artist ]: Switchfoot
[ Album ]: A Beautiful Letdown


They tell you where you need to go
They tell you when you'll need to leave
They tell you what you need to know
They tell you who you need to be

But everything inside you knows
There's more than what you've heard
There's so much more than empty conversations
Filled with empty words

And you're on fire
When he's near you
You're on fire
When he speaks
You're on fire
Burning at these mysteries

Give me one more time around
Give me one more chance to see
Give me everything you are
Give me one more chance to be... (near you)

Cause everything inside me looks like
Everything I hate
You are the hope I have for change
You are the only chance I'll take

When I'm on fire
When you're near me
I'm on fire
When you speak
And I'm on fire
Burning at these mysteries
These mysteries...

I'm standing on the edge of me
I'm standing on the edge of me
I'm standing on the edge of me
I'm standing on the edge of everything I've never been before.
And I've been standing on the edge of me
Standing on the edge

And I'm on fire
When you're near me
I'm on fire
When you speak
(Yea) I'm on fire
Burning at these mysteries... these mysteries... these mysteries
Ah you're the mystery
You're the mystery




[ Song ]: 24
[ Artist ]: Switchfoot
[ Album ]: A Beautiful Letdown


Twenty four oceans
Twenty four skies
Twenty four failures
Twenty four tries
Twenty four finds me
In twenty-fourth place
Twenty four drop outs
At the end of the day
Life is not what I thought it was
Twenty four hours ago

Still I'm singing spirit take me up in arms with you
And I'm not who I thought I was twenty four hours ago
Still I'm singing spirit take me up in arms with you

Twenty four reasons to admit that I'm wrong
With all my excuses still twenty four strong

See I'm not copping out not copping out not copping out
When You're raising the dead in me
Oh, oh I am the second man
Oh, oh I am the second man now
Oh, oh I am the second man now

And you're raising these twenty four voices
With twenty four hearts
With all of my symphonies
In twenty four parts
But I want to be one today
Centered and true

I'm singing spirit take me up in arms with you
You're raising the dead in me
Oh, oh I am the second man
Oh, oh I am the second man now
Oh, oh I am the second man now
And You're raising the dead in me

I want to see miracles, see the world change
Wrestled the angel, for more than a name
For more than a feeling
For more than a cause
I'm singing spirit take me up in arms with you
And you're raising the dead in me
Twenty four voices
With twenty four hearts
With all of my symphonies
In twenty four parts.
I'm not copping out. Not copping out. Not copping out.



833795  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2006-08-02
Written: (6686 days ago)
Next in thread: 833814



[ Song ]: 5 and 1/2 Minute Hallway
[ Artist ]: Poe
[ Album ]: Haunted


I live
at the end
of a five
and a half
minute hallway
But as far as I can see
you are still miles from me
In your doorway

And oh
by the way
When the landlord came today
He measured everything
I knew he'd get it wrong
But I just played along
Cause I was hoping that would fix it all

But there's only so far I can go
When you're living in a hallway that keeps growing
I think to myself
Five more minutes and
I'll be there
Inside your door

But there's more
to this story
Than I've been letting on
There are words made of letters
Unwritten
And yes
I forgive you
For leading me on

You can think of it like this
When you can't resist
I'm in your hallway standing on a cliff
And just when I think I've found the trick
I'm tumbling
Like an echo

'Cause there's only so far I can go
When you're living in a hallway that keeps growing
I think to myself
Thirty seconds and
I'll be there



Daughter:
You never listen to me!

Father:
We cannot really experiment with love as freely as we wish
It is really a much more complicated... topic




If you read (or have read)
House of Leaves
you will understand.




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