[Raziel Ahnara]'s diary

1065692  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2009-02-05
Written: (5579 days ago)

I wrote this a little while ago (maybe a month or so) for my "girlfriend" Autumn. :P



It happened when I first met you.

It happened the first time we hugged.

And it's taken me this long to realize it.

I guess you could say I’ve fallen in love with you. That’s really the
only way I can describe it in so few words.

If nothing else, it’s not quite what it sounds like.

It’s kind of like seeing that perfect sunset. It’s so wonderful that
words like “gorgeous” are an insult. And instead of being greedy and
wanting to keep it all for yourself, you want to share its beauty with
others. But you’re afraid of it. You’re afraid for it. You’re afraid
someone will come along and ruin it, and somehow make the clouds lay
in a different pattern, somehow cause the sky not to be that perfect
shade of indigo, and in some way, make the sun just a little duller.
That’s the way it is with you.

I adore you. But I’m afraid for you, of you, I’m afraid with you.
I’m afraid someone won’t do you any justice. I want you to always
be that bright, perfect sunset, but I can’t be selfish or
unreasonable. I know that things will change, just like cloud
formations across the sky. And it could ruin you. But I know that
someday, you’ll be another perfect sunset. Different from the last
time, but still you.

All I want for you is to smile and mean it, to not have to hurt again,
and to be you, completely unhindered. I want you to be the happiest
you can be, to love as wholly as your heart will allow, and to know
and never doubt that I will be here for you as long as you need and
want me to be.

I love you, Autumn, like my perfect sunset.


I’m such a fucking romantic. Haha.
Honestly, though, if there ever was such a thing as soul-mates, she would be mine.

- Deidre -
1060030  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2008-12-24
Written: (5622 days ago)

Thieved from [Triola]. :D

'The Movie Game'
1. Pick 16 of your Favourite Movies.
2. Go to IMDB and find a quote from each movie.
3. Post them here for everybody to guess.
4. Strike it out when somebody guesses correctly, and put who guessed it and the movie.
5. No Cheating! (No google, or IMDB to help!)


1. "I'm breaking all the rules now anyways. Since I'm going to hell."
2. "No, you know what I do? I light a bunch of candles, and I sprawl out on my sheets, and I listen to Sting. No! I'm a guy. You give me two Popsicle sticks and a rubber band and I'll find a way to fuck it, like a filthy MacGuyver!"
3. "It was a great night, my hetero heroine."
4. "Can you believe Kat gets to shag this guy? No, really, you should send God a bottle of wine or a quiche or something."
5. "If I had survived an old lady ass-kicking I would want to brag about it."
6. "One day, none of this will be yours."
7. "The shit hath hitteth the fan...ith." 10 Things I Hate About You, [Triola]
8. "There will always be women in rubber flirting with me!"
9. "Wait a minute. My name's not 'Alvin.' Somebody else's life is flashing before my eyes. What the hell is that about?!"
10. "What would Jesus not do?"
11. "If I wasn't a key player in this whole conspiracy to brainwash the youth of America with rock music, we could totally date!."
12. "A girdle to set you free! What does that MEAN?"
13. "Laudenum. It kills them, unfortunately... but it keeps the blood warm." Interview with the Vampire, [Triola]
14. "This is not me... this is just a motherfucking decoy."
15. "I'd fight Ghandi."
16. "With the price of meat, wot it is, when you get it, if you get it. ... Good, ya got it." Sweeny Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street, [Triola]

1058505  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2008-12-12
Written: (5635 days ago)

MIDDLE NAME GAME

It's harder than it looks!

Here is what you do. Use the 1st letter of your middle name to answer each of the following... They have to be real places, names, things... nothing made up! Try to use different answers if the person in front of you had the same 1st initial. You CAN'T use your name for the boy/girl name question.

1. Middle name.
Christine

2. Famous artist/band/musician:
Coheed and Cambria

3. 4-letter word:
Chai

4. U.S state:
California

5.Boy name
Carlisle

6. Girl name.
Cecilia

7. animal:
Crane

8. Something in the kitchen:
Colander

9. Reason for being late:
Car trouble

10. Body Part?
Cranium

11.Drink?
Cherry coke

12. Something you shout:
Crap!

13. Something you eat:
Cake

1011507  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2008-02-13
Written: (5938 days ago)
Next in thread: 1011529

You know, it's really something, spending two hours going through old diaries and guestbook messages.

Especially about past relationships.
Or, well, the only relationship related to Elftown in any fashion, anyway.

It's a slightly disturbing feeling going through old writings, seeing into the type of thinking I used back then.
Atrocious, really.
Absolutely ridiculous.

"I'm so depressed," and "everyone hates me," and "why can't I be happy" and "blah blah blah, I'm so emo."

I mean, don't get me wrong.
I still have my days where I think I'm a worthless sack o' shit.
But JESUS, I was whiny and obnoxious.
Seriously.
I know Jake and I don't talk anymore, and things didn't end as well as it initially seemed, but damn... How did he possibly even STAND me back then?

Just goes to show you not everyone's as mature as they seem.
Even me.
Scary thought.

But, another pattern of mine I noticed was, "Oh, I love everything, life is so amazing," which, every thirty seconds changed to, "Why does everyone hate me? What did I do wrong? Quick, somebody call the wahhhhmbulance."

-.-

Meh.

It's all in the past, I guess.


Moving on?
I think so.


- Deidre -

945341  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2007-06-04
Written: (6191 days ago)

Survey time. I is bored.

The Seven Deadly Sins:

ANGER:
1. Who did you last get angry with? My throat. It's been bothering me like crazy. :/
2. What is your weapon of choice? Something shiny and sharp.
3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex? Yeah. But only if they deserve it. :P
4.How about of the same sex? Not usually. But again, only if they deserve it.
5.Who was the last person who got really angry at you? I dunno. Minty, probably.
6.What is your pet peeve? Stupidity and drama.
7.Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily? Depends on what happened and how severe it was.


SLOTH:
1.What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't done in a long time? Turn off my phone.
2. What is the latest you've ever woken up? Probably, like, six in the evening.
3.Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't? No one.
4. What is the last lame excuse you made? I don't remember.
5.Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through? Once. I was in the throes of insomnia.
6. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today? None. I never heard it.

GLUTTONY:
1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice? Caramel frappuccino. :P
2. Meat eaters: white meat or red meat? I prefer chicken to steak.
3. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/event? Three beers, three dirty mamas (roughly three shots of tequila, half a glass of Khalua, and the rest is milk), roughly five straight shots of tequila, and four DRINKS of whiskey (amounting to somewhere around eight to ten shots). In that order. XP I was so sick.
4. Have you ever used a professional diet company? No.
5. Do you have an issue with your weight? Some days.
6. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods? Sweet and salty foods, mostly. I'm not too big on spicy.
7. Have you ever looked at a small house pet or child and thought "Food!"? ..no.


LUST:
1. How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family)? Seven.
2. 2. How many people have seen YOU naked (not counting physicians/family)? Five.
3. Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of your gender of choice during a normal conversation? Hahaha, yeah.
4. Have you "done it"? Many times.
5. What is your favorite body part on a person of your gender of choice? Hmm... Back or neck, probably.
6. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute? Not a prostitute, but a fellow student once, yes.
7. Have you ever had to get tested for an STD or pregnancy? I've never HAD to, but I chose to.


GREED:
1. How many credit cards do you own? None.
2. What's your guilty pleasure store? Torrid.
3. If you had $1 million, what would you do with it? Pay off all our bills and such and take my family and a couple friends to Florida or something like that.
4. Would you rather be rich, or famous? Rich, I suppose.
5. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks? Possibly.
6. Have you ever stolen anything? Yeah.
7. how many MP3s are on your hard drive? Hahaha... I'm a pirate. :P Over six gigs. :P


PRIDE:
1. What one thing have you done that you're most proud of? Managed to stay drug-free.
2. What one thing have you done that your parents are most proud of? Probably graduating high school (I will in three days)
3. What thing would you like to accomplish in your life? Succeed in business, have a happy marriage, have kids, etc.
4. Do you get annoyed by coming in second place? Sometimes, yes.
5. Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors? No.
6. Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score? Yeah.
7. What did you do today that you're proud of? Nothing.


ENVY:
1. What item (or person) of your friends would you most want to have for your own? Money. :P XD
2. Who would you want to go on "Trading Spaces" with? Scott, probably. I'd like to see what he'd do to my room. :P
3. If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be? No one.
4. Have you ever been cheated on? Yes.
5. Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own? Yes.
6. What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself? The ability to trust people more.
7. Do you wish you'd come up with this survey? No.

926740  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2007-04-04
Written: (6252 days ago)

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend your cool... and a lot of the songs fit with the setting.

Here we go!

Opening Credits:
Perfect World - Billy Talent
(Hm. Interesting. And kind of misleading. XD)

Waking Up:
Gone - Switchfoot
(Well, yes, yesterday is gone. It's got a nice beat. Easy to wake up to. ^^)

First Day At School:
World in My Eyes - Depeche Mode
(That's... different.)

Falling In Love:
A Question of Lust - Depeche Mode
("It's a question of lust, it's a question of trust, it's a question of not letting what we've built up crumble to dust. And it's all of these things and more that keep us together." ^-^)

Fight Song:
Faggot - Mindless Self Indulgence
(Hahaha. Yeah.)

Breaking Up:
Bed of Lies - Matchbox 20
(That's really fitting and extremely disconcerting. :/)

Prom:
Addicted to Love - Robert Palmer
(Hahaha, and at that age, it's so true. <3)

Life:
Oh! Gravity. - Switchfoot
("Oh! Gravity, why can't we seem to keep it together. Friends of my enemies, why can't we seem to keep it together?")

Mental Breakdown:
Cinema - Floater
(Not so much a mental breakdown than a bad acid trip, but it works.)

Driving:
93 Million Miles
(That's a long ass drive. XD)

Flashback:
Tonight - Staind
(That works really well, actually.)

Getting back together:
Tear You Apart - She Wants Revenge
(That's perfect. That totally makes it about make-up sex. XD)

Wedding:
You're a God - Vertical Horizon
(Awww. ^^ I adore this song. <3)

Birth of Child:
You Can Still Be Free - Savage Garden
(I like it. It seems fitting.)

Final Battle:
A Question of Time - Depeche Mode
("I've got to get to you first, before they do. It's just a question of time before they get their hands on you. They'll make you just like the rest. I've got to get to you first.")

Death Scene:
The Shadow Proves the Sunshine - Switchfoot
(Aww. No matter how bad it is, there's always something good to come of it. "We are crooked souls trying to stay up straight, dry eyes in the pouring rain, well, the shadow proves the sunshine.")

Funeral Song:
A Time to Be So Small - Interpol
("As the cadaverous mob saves its doors for the dead men, you cannot leave.")

End Credits:
Line and Sinker - Billy Talent
(Awesome. Even though it's kind of angry. XD)

916975  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2007-03-05
Written: (6282 days ago)

Lateralus is inspiring.

It fills my soul with happiness.













































































And thoughts of Scott, but that's not so surprising. :P

<333



- Deidre -

915327  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2007-02-28
Written: (6287 days ago)

Title: Here's to the Night
Artist: Eve 6
Album: Horrorscope

So denied, so I lied.
Are you the now or never kind?
In a day, and a day, love,
I'm gonna be gone for good again.

Are you willing to be had?
Are you cool with just tonight?
Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well.

Here's to the nights we felt alive.
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry.
Here's to goodbye, tomorrow's gonna come too soon.

Put your name on the line
Along with place and time.
Want to stay, not to go, I want to ditch the logical.
Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well.

Here's to the nights we felt alive.
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry.
Here's to goodbye, tomorrow's gonna come too soon.

All my time is froze in motion.
Can't I stay an hour or two or more?
Don't let me let you go.

Don't let me let you go.

Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well.

Here's to the nights we felt alive.
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry.
Here's to goodbye, tomorrow's gonna come too soon.

Too soon...

Here's to the nights we felt alive.
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry.
Here's to goodbye, tomorrow's gonna come too soon.

886711  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2006-12-13
Written: (6364 days ago)

I ruin lives.


Get
over

it.

875047  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2006-11-15
Written: (6393 days ago)
871744  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-11-06
Written: (6401 days ago)



I want you to cry over me.
Die over me.
Even for a moment,
even for a moment.
I want you to hurt over me,
feel like I feel.
I want you to cry over,
die over me, baby,
just one time.


It's so easy for you
to forget about me.

Did I ever mean anything?




871172  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2006-11-05
Written: (6403 days ago)

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend your cool... and a lot of the songs fit with the setting.

Here we go!

Opening Credits:
Right Here - Staind (Sure... O.o)

Waking Up:
Tango: Maureen - Mark and Joanne of RENT (Hahaha. Well, it would wake me up. XD)

First Day At School:
Innocent - Our Lady Peace (Er.. kinda? o.O)

Falling In Love:
These Things - She Wants Revenge (HAHAHAHA! XD It talks about masturbation and denial. Oh, yeah. That's love, alright. XD)

Fight Song:
The Suffering - Coheed and Cambria (I guess that might make sense, but it would make more sense if it were The Velorium Camper II: Backend of Forever)

Breaking Up:
I'll Cover You (Reprise) - Collins of RENT (This makes me wanna cry.. :( Because it's a love song for a lover who died. *tear*)

Prom:
Our Hero's Reprise - Floater (I dunno. XD)

Life:
What You Like - Darren Hayes (Well, I dunno what to make of this one. Because it's technically about pleasing people.)

Mental Breakdown:
A Thousand Words - Savage Garden (XD Well, this is about deception... and getting back at someone. Hm.)

Driving:
Buddha for Mary - 30 Seconds to Mars (Yeah... Makes no sense. XD)

Flashback:
Could I Be You - Matchbox Twenty (Aww... *sad*)

Getting back together:
Policy of Truth - Depeche Mode (That doesn't bode well. O.O It's talking about lying when necessary. O.O)

Wedding:
Separate Ways - Journey (Erp... Uh... I dunno that this is such a great song for a wedding. XD)

Birth of Child:
Strange Relationship - Darren Hayes (HAHAHAHAHAHA! XD Yes. I have a strange rising and falling relationship... with a child. XD)

Final Battle:
Good Girls Go to Heaven (Bad Girls Go Everywhere) - Meat Loaf (Hahaha, yes, the ultimate battle is between the good and bad girls. XD)

Death Scene:
Edge of the Earth - 30 Seconds to Mars (I dunno what to make of this one. O.o)

Funeral Song:
Moonlight Sonata - Beethoven (Makes sense. I would want either this or Ave Maria. They're both so pretty...)

End Credits:
I Can't Ever Get Enough of You - Darren Hayes (Er.. sure. O.o)

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