Follow these rules to maintain your sanity
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in"
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors".
7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."
8. Don't use any punctuation marks
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they
answer.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape
of jungle sounds all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend
their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name,
Rock Hard Devon.
17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!", "I won!"
"3rd time this week!!!!!"
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot,
yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!"
19. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are
going to have to let one of you go."
A- Damn good in bed
B-You are always fun when it comes to meeting new people.
C- your wild and crazy
D-You have trouble trusting people.
E-Damn good in bed
F-People totally adore you
G-Love is something you deeply believe in.
H-You have very good personality and looks.
I-Love is something you deeply believe in.
J-Everyone loves you.
K- You like to try new things
L-You have a nice ass
M-success comes easily to you.
N-Have a big warm heart.
O-You love foreplay.
P-You are popular with all types of people.
Q-You are a hypocrite.
R-You have a beautiful smile.
S-People think you are so sexy.
T-you are one of the best in bed.
U-You are really chill.
V-You are not judgemental.
W-You are very broad minded.
X- You never let ppl tell u wat to do
y- you are one of the strongest out there
Z-You're Super cool.
Month One
Mommy, I am only 8 inches long, but I have all my organs. I love the sound of your voice. Every time I hear it, I wave my arms and legs. The sound of your heart beat is my favorite lullaby.
Reality
Baby is 1/4 inch in length
Heart, digestive system, backbone and spinal cord begin to form.
The baby doesn't even have limbs at this point, so it'd be impossible to "wave" them. And the baby doesn't have ears, so it would not be able to hear the mother's heartbeat.
Month Two
Mommy, today I learned how to suck my thumb. If you could see me, you could definitely tell that I am a baby. I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though. It is so nice and warm in here.
Reality
Baby is 1-1/8 inches long
Heart is functioning
Eyes, nose, lips, tongue, ears and teeth are forming
By the end of the month your baby’s upper and lower limb buds will also appear.
(In other words, it would be impossible for the baby to be sucking its thumb. It isn't something the baby can do until the fourth month or later.)
Month Three
You know what mommy, I'm a girl!! I hope that makes you happy. I always want you to be happy. I don't like it when you cry. You sound so sad. It makes me sad too, and I cry with you even though you can't hear me.
Reality
Sex is unidentifiable until the fourth month.
Month Four
Mommy, my hair is starting to grow. It is very short and fine, but I will have a lot of it. I spend a lot of my time exercising. I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes, and stretch my arms and legs. I am becoming quite good at it too.
Reality
Ok, at this point it's pretty accurate.
Month Five
You went to the doctor today. Mommy, he lied to you. He said that I'm not a baby. I am a baby mommy, your baby. I think and feel. Mommy, what's an abortion?
Reality
The majority of abortions are done in the first trimester. Most clinics don't even offer second-trimest
Month Six
I can hear that doctor again. I don't like him. He seems cold and heartless. Something is intruding my home. The doctor called it a needle. Mommy what is it? It burns! Please make him stop! I can't get away from it! Mommy! HELP me!
Reality
Again, it would be very, very rare for the abortion to happen this late in the pregnancy. Not to mention the fact that the baby would have no idea what was actually going on during the conversation, or the abortion itself.
Month Seven
Mommy, I am okay. I am in Jesus's arms. he is holding me. He told me about abortion. Why didn't you want me mommy?
Every Abortion Is Just...
One more heart that was stopped. Two more eyes that will never see. Two more hands that will never touch. Two more legs that will never run. One more mouth that will never speak.
["I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.]
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
[I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights. ]
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
[I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.]
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I
wish they could adopt me.
[I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again. ]
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
[We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men. ]
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
[I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman. ]
I am the domestic-viole
[I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male. ]
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
[I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that. ]
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
[I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me. ]
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
[I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love. ]
107 ways to say i love you.......humm
Afrikaans - Ek het jou lief
Albanian - Te dua
Arabic - Ana behibak (to male)
Arabic - Ana behibek (to female)
Armenian - Yes kez sirumen
Bambara - M'bi fe
Bangla - Aamee tuma ke bhalo baashi
Belarusian - Ya tabe kahayu
Bisaya - Nahigugma ako kanimo
Bulgarian - Obicham te
Cambodian - Bung Srorlagn Oun (to female)
Oun Srorlagn Bung (to male)
Cantonese Chinese - Ngo oiy ney a
Catalan - T'estimo
Cheyenne - Ne mohotatse
Chichewa - Ndimakukonda
Corsican - Ti tengu caru (to male)
Creol - Mi aime jou
Croatian - Volim te
Czech - Miluji te
Danish - Jeg Elsker Dig
Dutch - Ik hou van jou
English - I love you
Esperanto - Mi amas vin
Estonian - Ma armastan sind
Ethiopian - Ewedishalehu : male/female to female
Ewedihalehu: male/female to male.
Faroese - Eg elski teg
Farsi - Doset daram
Filipino - Mahal kita
Finnish - Mina rakastan sinua
French - Je t'aime, Je t'adore
Gaelic - Ta gra agam ort
Georgian - Mikvarhar
German - Ich liebe dich
Greek - S'agapo
Gujarati - Hu tumney prem karu chu
Hiligaynon - Palangga ko ikaw
Hawaiian - Aloha wau ia oi
Hebrew - Ani ohev otah (to female)
Hebrew - Ani ohev et otha (to male)
Hiligaynon - Guina higugma ko ikaw
Hindi - Hum Tumhe Pyar Karte hae
Hmong - Kuv hlub koj
Hopi - Nu' umi unangwa'ta
Hungarian - Szeretlek
Icelandic - Eg elska tig
Ilonggo - Palangga ko ikaw
Indonesian - Saya cinta padamu
Inuit - Negligevapse
Irish - Taim i' ngra leat
Italian - Ti amo
Japanese - Aishiteru
Kannada - Naa ninna preetisuve
Kapampangan - Kaluguran daka
Kiswahili - Nakupenda
Konkani - Tu magel moga cho
Korean - Sarang Heyo
Latin - Te amo
Latvian - Es tevi miilu
Lebanese - Bahibak
Lithuanian - Tave myliu
Malay - Saya cintakan mu / Aku cinta padamu
Malayalam - Njan Ninne Premikunnu
Mandarin Chinese - Wo ai ni
Marathi - Me tula prem karto
Mohawk - Kanbhik
Moroccan - Ana moajaba bik
Nahuatl - Ni mits neki
Navaho - Ayor anosh'ni
Norwegian - Jeg Elsker Deg
Pandacan - Syota na kita!!
Pangasinan - Inaru Taka
Papiamento - Mi ta stimabo
Persian - Doo-set daaram
Pig Latin - Iay ovlay ouyay
Polish - Kocham Cie
Portuguese - Eu te amo
Romanian - Te ubesk
Roman Numerals - 333
Russian - Ya tebya liubliu
Scot Gaelic - Tha gra\dh agam ort
Serbian - Volim te
Setswana - Ke a go rata
Sign Language - ,\,,/ (represents position of fingers when signing 'I Love You'
Sindhi - Maa tokhe pyar kendo ahyan
Sioux - Techihhila
Slovak - Lu`bim ta
Slovenian - Ljubim te
Spanish - Te quiero / Te amo
Swahili - Ninapenda wewe
Swedish - Jag alskar dig
Swiss-German - Ich lieb Di
Tagalog - Mahal kita
Taiwanese - Wa ga ei li
Tahitian - Ua Here Vau Ia Oe
Tamil - Naan unnai kathalikiraen
Telugu - Nenu ninnu premistunnanu
Thai - Chan rak khun (to male)
Thai - Phom rak khun (to female)
Turkish - Seni Seviyorum
Ukrainian - Ya tebe kahayu
Urdu - mai aap say pyaar karta hoo
Vietnamese - Anh ye^u em (to female)
Vietnamese - Em ye^u anh (to male)
Welsh - 'Rwy'n dy garu
Yiddish - Ikh hob dikh
Yoruba - Mo ni fe
1.*_ My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE_*. "If you're
going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2.*_ My mother taught me RELIGION_*. "You better pray that will come
out of the carpet."
3.*_ My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL_*. "If you don't straighten
up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4.*_ My mother taught me LOGIC_*. " Because I said so, that's why."
5.*_ My mother taught me MORE LOGIC_*. "If you fall out of that swing
and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6.*_ My mother taught me FORESIGHT_*. "Make sure you wear clean
underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7.*_ My mother taught me IRONY_*. "Keep crying, and I'll give you
something to cry about."
8.*_ My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS_*. "Shut your
mouth and eat your supper."
9.*_ My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM_
dirt on the back of your neck!"
10.*_ My mother taught me about STAMINA_*. "You'll sit there until all
that spinach is gone."
11.*_ My mother taught me about WEATHER_*. "This room of yours looks as
if a tornado went through it."
12.*_ My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY_*. "If I told you once, I've
told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13.*_ My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE_*. "I brought you into
this world, and I can take you out."
14.*_ My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION_*
like your father!"
15.*_ My mother taught me about ENVY_*. "There are millions of less
fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like
you do."
16. *_My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION_*
home"
17. *_My mother taught me about RECEIVING_* "You are going to get it
when you get home!"
18.*_ My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE_*. "If you don't stop
crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
19.*_ My mother taught me ESP_*. "Put your sweater on; don't you think
I know when you are cold?"
20.*_ My mother taught me HUMOR_*. "When that lawn mower cuts off your
toes, don't come running to me."
21.*_ My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT_*. "If you don't eat
your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22.*_ My mother taught me GENETICS_*. "You're just like your father."
23. *_My mother taught me about my ROOTS_*. "Shut that door behind you.
Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24.*_ My mother taught me WISDOM_*. "When you get to be my age, you'll
understand."
25. And my favorite: -*_ My mother taught me about JUSTICE_*. "One day
you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
Ding-dong Saddam will be hanged Finally I mean how long does it take to kill a mass murder these days? Personally I was the troop that found him I would have taken him to the middle of the desert and flayed his ass alive. Now we have these people in Florida saying they saw a convicted serial killer wince when they gave him the lethal injection and are now trying to say that it is an inhuman form of punishment .Oh yah I sure he was concern when his victims screamed and begged for there lives But god for bid he fells any pain .On the other hand innocent people who are completely paralyzed and have stated in their wishes that they not be kept alive on life support get to starve to death oh goody the man or women that killed 5 people by brutally stabbing them to death gets to feel no pain at all but a man that was in a car accident and is now paralyzed get to painfully stave to death. Where the justice in the world?
It seems that christmas comes around and every RPG i am in comes to a screaching halt its quiet boring mind you I do selabrate christmas but I don't see why every thing has to come to a screaching holt because of it I mean I celabrate and still find time to come on hear
I'm bored