IMPORTANT! On a permanent HIATUS from ET/EP

what do you know?? it's poem time...! so yeah, here's some poems... enjoy or something.

I don’t look like a person
Not close to the version
Of a person who thinks things they matter
I add to the confusion
When I live in an illusion
That my intention is to shatter

I look like the in crowd,
Even when I stand out,
Cause that’s how I’ve chosen to look,
I fight for individuality,
Freedom of life, sexuality,
And yet I’m right out of the book.

I know where I’m standing,
I’m presence demanding,
But I don’t wear my colours out open
Clothes can be a statement,
But they’re only what you make them,
And I won’t wear them just to show them.

I try to take both sides,
To set it all alright,
I will try to listen when you speak.
I want to understand,
The thoughts of any man,
Because if you never bend you’re truly weak

But even though I try,
To help when you cry
Tolerance can only take you so far
I’m cynical and cold,
I’m young but I’m old,
In the end you are what you are.

Looks can deceive
You wouldn’t believe,
How often that thought has struck me,
I have often been fooled,
But now I’m well schooled,
In the art of being pretty damn lucky

I feel some devotion,
For one cold emotion,
Apathy… the feeling not feeling
You can fall when your faith,
Is but in one place
That’s why I’m not believing

The sentence I’m facing,
Is the almost isolation
But I’ll “suffer” trough it if I must,
Because if you can’t be,
Happy in your own company,
That’s when the battle is lost.

In the end I’ll proudly,
Be joyful and loudly
Laugh when I’m told I look misplaced
So I’ll follow my heart,
And not look the part.
I’ll follow the road that I’ve faced.

17/11/04

The silence is all demanding
When I come home to relax
It does not understand
It does not pat your back
When I’m alone I’m thinking,
And my thoughts they travel far
From bad to bad to good to good,
So simple thoughts they are…

So I am all alone… but I like it
So I am all alone… but I like it
Cause if I can’t be alone with myself
How could I be alone with anybody else?
I’m isolated… but I kinda like it

I like my friends a lot
Even when I close the door
I still love and respect them
Although I’m not listening anymore
Even though I might seem distance
I hope that they can see
It’s not that I don’t want them
It’s just that I miss me

So I am all alone… but I like it
So I am all alone… but I like it
Cause if I can’t be alone with myself
How could I be alone with anybody else?
I’m isolated… but I kinda like it

Back when I was younger,
I was alone a lot,
And back then I’d drove me mad,
So I appreciate the friends I’ve got.
But truth be told it burned me,
I’m not as social as I should have been,
So I have a great need to distance things,
And rest with thoughts within.

So I am all alone… but I like it
So I am all alone… but I like it
Cause if I can’t be alone with myself
How could I be alone with anybody else?
I’m isolated… but I kinda like it

When I sit alone at home,
My computer and music banging,
I realise how thin the threat is,
The threat in which I am hanging
I know I have to balance it well,
The need to be alone and with friends,
Remember to be alone some times,
And spend a lot of time with them.

So I am all alone… but I like it
So I am all alone… but I like it
Cause if I can’t be alone with myself
How could I be alone with anybody else?
I’m isolated… but I kinda like it

Some people might not understand it,
But I won’t try to fight it.
Cause once again I sit in silence alone,
And broken I admit, I like it.

17/11/04

This is another school project that i'll post in here cause it's an easy way to get it from the school computers and to mine... my email has a tendency to fail me... -_- anyways, it's danish so you won't get it...! i'll translate it to german when i get home... yeah... german... yesh, it's gonna be a loooooong proces. but it'll work... i... hope. yeah, anyways, here it is, i'll talk more when i get home...!

lykken:

Jeg ved ikke hvad lykke er. For jeg har ikke fundet den endnu.
Jeg vil ikke stræbe efter lykken, for det har ikke virket før.
Jeg kan ikke ”tro” på lykken, for det er noget du skal ”føle”
Jeg tror at musik kan gøre der lykkelig, men kun så længe musikken spiller.
Jeg tror at familien er lykken, men er familie kun af kød og blod?
Jeg tror på lykken, men kun når jeg er lykkelig.
Jeg frygter ulykken, for jeg er ulykkelig.
Jeg tror jeg har fundet lykken, altid kort før jeg mister den.
Jeg prøver på at fange lykken, blot for at se den flyve væk.
Jeg er lykkelig, når andre er lykkelige.
Jeg tror alle kan opnå lykken, på lykkens betingelser.
Jeg vil gerne være lykkelig, jeg ville også gerne kunne flyve.
Jeg vil ikke være ulykkelig, jeg vil heller ikke dø.
Jeg ville ønske alle tårer var af lykke, men ikke at alle smil af sorg.
Jeg tror lykken er at grine, jeg griner når du slår dig.
Jeg tror lykken er at være fri, men jeg har brug for venner for at være lykkelig.
Jeg vil gerne se andre lykkelig, men ikke hvis det begrænser min egen lykke.
Jeg vil ofre min lykke for få mennesker, men kun dem der gør mig lykkelig.
Jeg tror de simple ting gør en lykkelig, men alligevel er det kompliceret.
Jeg synes lykken er kompliceret, men selve ordet er så simpelt.
Jeg kan lærer et barn at sige ”lykke”, men ikke at være lykkelig.
Jeg tror mennesker der har mere end mig er lykkelige, selv når de græder.
Jeg tror mennesker der har mindre end mig er ulykkelige, selv når de smile.
Jeg tror lykken er penge, det er vel derfor jeg er ”fattig”…
Jeg tror lykken er materiel, men mine forældres ting har ikke gjort mig lykkelig.
Jeg tror lykken er venner, men ingen kan såre dig som en ven.
Jeg tror at håbets endelig mål, i sidste ende er lykken.
Jeg tror på lykken, for uden håbet, er du intet.

Yeah... long story about that one so don't think to much about it... well, most of you don't understand it either way... but if anyone does... yeah. nevermind.

i was reading though some poetry when i saw this one.. hehe, it still fits... especially right now. damn i love my sister... or not.

I used to love my sister…
It’s not like we like each other, well not bloody likely!
So let’s be honest, well that’s not thing that happens often…
I would hate you guts, if I actually cared enough about you…
To me you’re just another bump on the road, another plank in my coffin.

Cause I defiantly don’t like you,
And you defiantly don’t like me,
We’ve got absolutely nothing in common,
So just fucking let me be.
Fucking let me be, dear sister

Everything that means ‘mother fucking bitch’ to me,
To you it’s everything that says ‘WEE!! THAT’S ME!!’,
I really don’t wanna have ANYTHING to do with you,
I think it’ll turn out fine as long as you hate me to.

Cause I defiantly don’t like you,
And you defiantly don’t like me,
We’ve got absolutely nothing in common,
So just fucking let me be.
Fucking let me be, dear sister

Apparently we’re related, oh that’s yuck!
Don’t EVER tell me something like that again,
What did you say? Sisters? Holy fuck!
‘OH NO!!’ I don’t want you as a friend!

Cause I definitely don’t like you,
And you defiantly don’t like me,
We’ve got absolutely nothing in common,
So just fucking let me be.
Fucking let me be, dear sister

Heh, from back when my poems where un-rimish and damn bad... but still some of the poems that mean the most to me are from back them... hmm, what can i say, in all it's ugliness i still worked for me back then.

(oooh, found a new poem while reading though old ones...! this one is even better! heh. man, this poem truly relfects the more wacko site of my personality... Yesh. anybody ever doubted i was lightly nuts?? you wont after this!)

One to three, and a-ha-ha-,
Do I like you? Na-da-da!!

Here it goes and it shows, just how much I dislike you.
Sometimes I hide it, but I usually don’t try to.
You piss me of; I’m all the way op and ringing.
This show ain’t over before the fat bitch’s singing.

And she sings:

Come right down you little bitch,
My hands are shaking, and my eyes the twitch,
I’m so angry that I’m breathing fire,
You can run bitch, but I won’t get tired.
That’s the length I’m willing to take it to,
To make sure everybody knows,
I officially hate you!

Family you just don’t hurt,
But little bitch, mark my words,
If you as much as get near to me,
I don’t think you’ve gotten the message clearly,

I don’t care if you’re my sister or my former friend,
I will hit you with this club until your head it bends,
I will make sure that you will be conscience the entire time through,
I hope that my message is clear to you,
I hope you understand that I officially hate you!

Fuck you little bitch,
My hand still shake and my eyes still twitch,
I’ll show you my club when there’s blood on it,
Die motherfucker, why won’t you just deal with it.

And I guess I’m a little bit overreacting,
But I’m so angry that I don’t hear you asking,
Perhaps if you beg I will hear your screams,
But believe me this won’t be haunting my dreams…

There’s just no limit to how far I’ll take it,
I’ll get into your head, even if I have to break it,
You just don’t understand the place I’m willing to take it to,
To make it clear to everybody that I officially hate you!

I officially hate you!

new poem... had a slight panic attack.. i wrote half of it then, half of it now... so it's a poem that's taken longer then most... here goes:

I didn’t like the situation, so I went of to depressionville for a little vacation.
And all of the sudden I can’t go back, cause I forgot to breath and had a panic attack.
Behind every victory I find defeat, and my only defence is to forget and delete.
My angst it echoes off the wall, cause it’s way to hot and my room’s so small.

When it happens I can’t tell,
And I thought it was over for a while,
My trips to a place I know to well,
Welcome to depressionville.

As my heart beats harder and I try to breath, I try to do something, write or read.
But the pages are jumping up and down; ready to leave for loony town.
And I scratch and I feel and I try not to scream, oh gods oh gods let this be a dream.
I thought I had left that road behind, but how can you leave a road that’s in your mind?

So it happens once again,
And all my thoughts stand still,
Can only think is this the end?
Welcome to depressionville.

So I lie here almost crying pathetically, cause damn it all I want my apathy.
Emotions are good emotion are fine, emotions are great if they’re not mine.
I build a castle to protect myself, now all there stands is an empty shell,
Cause I came out believing the world was new, and I wanna go back cause that isn’t true.

And I don’t wanna go back,
Emotions are a thrill,
But I just had a panic attack,
Welcome to depressionville.

Yeah now I’m back in good old depressionville.

Witch
In the war between good and evil, your Wizardly self is rotten with the stench of EVIL.

You are gifted with the elemental plane of Air
The Evil Witch is a wizard whose powerful magical abilities are extraplanar in origin. Though wizards typically learn the basics of spellcasting at magic academies or from learned mentors, Witches learn magical skills from entities and their minions from other planes of existence, or from other Witches. Occasionally, these extraplanar entities contact youthful humans or demihumans for magical instruction; other times, humans and demihumans seek out the entities through arcane rituals and petition them for instruction. The entities agree to such instruction for a variety of reasons-- some hope to train their students to eventually become emissaries; some hope to use them as conduits for various forces; some hope to seduce them as consorts; and some simply share their magical secrets for their own amusement.

Your powers are highly attuned to the elemental plane of air. Storms and the powers of the winds come at your beck and call. Sometimes a magic user tuned to the elemental plane of air has the power to fly at will, and infuse his living body with the powers of his element. Often mages of air will build their strongholds or magical dwellings in high places such as mountain tops or flying citadels high above the earth where they can be close to their element. Some of the more powerfull spells in your arsenal include Lightning Bolt, Desert Twister, and Divine Wind.

i feel like a little rable... all you people watching my house (if there are any) will have one more diary note to look at! MUAHAHAHA! a bit like how idian does it... man that girl likes her diary... *nods* i'm not doing much, the vacation started today so i am all like.... YEAAAAAAH! on the other hand Tine comes today, and as much as i LOVE to talk to her... she's a bit like, what to mention? uhm... imagine a real hyper person you know on speed... yeah that would be Tine... she's something, she is. i think by the end of the week i will be more tired then i was before the vacation started... not that i mind much, i'll have something to do and i bet it'll be fun... mhm... *nods again* at the moment i am not doing much except sitting in front of my computer and planning to clean my room.. ladidi ladidej vil jeg ryde op? nej nej!! hehe... that'll be all for now... at least til i figure out what in earth else to write about... well i could make a five facts... hm.... i could...

Good thing: Tine is coming!
dreaded thing: Tine is coming!
funny thing: Tine is coming!
omg i'm gonna die thing: Tine is coming!
you'll never guess!: (...or maybe you will...) Tine is coming!

yesterday i made one of those five fact and it was pretty negative... so now i'll make on that's positive! (or i'll try!)

time for another diary entry, because, 1) i feel like it. 2) i haven't written quite as often as i want to... 3) there's a lot of shit further down in my diary that i just want to forget, but not delete, so if i keep on writting, one day it will be way down there on an older page or something... *Shrugs* it only makes me sad to think about...

anyways, i'll make one of my top fives, but i'll change the name to five facts because i think that fits it better (and sounds better) it's five facts about my life at the moment or something... i write them because they're fun to do, and they make you remember more specific things then just what you where feeling and who you where crushing on at the time...

so here goes:

(lets start of with a positive one) "good thing" i actually passed my german essay.... hehe... i worked five bloody hours on it, and damn it payed of... got an 8. (would be like a C or something) and that was the highest grade in my class so... if i keep on going like this i will actually pass german... HURRAY!!
(now here's what pisses me of) worries: what to chose...? the fact that i have no money and will never be able to get all the money i need before christmass is over? or the fact that's it's so windy i will never reach 500 km? i dunno which to chose, but i am close to a break down... fuck life is a downer at the moment...
embaresment: rowing clothes just aren't charming... lets face it, they're not... they don't show any figure, and you're not really looking your best... i have in the past week managed to show up looking like shit (rowing clothes) infront of two extremly nice looking guys... *Sigh* why does god hate me? why isn't there even a god to blame for it? *long sigh*
something i've bought nothing, cause guess what? i am a poor pathetic sucker... it helped to get that out of my system... or not...
lovelife... well that would kinda imply i have one... and i don't... not that i'm not in love... i hate my life, i really do... why do i always fall for guys i have absolutly no chance of EVER dating? i mean it? and on top of that he's my friend so i have to walk around on a fucking cloud everytime i see him... earth to suzie... jeez... sometimes... why is life so darn complicated...?

so that was it... doesn't that just sound positive? not really... i am such a ray of sunshine ain't i? *rolls eyes*

Another day went down the drain,
No marks of sorrow, joy, or pain,
Just another random day,
Disappeared, flew away…
And I didn’t do anything new today
It wasn’t all that, it was okay,
I didn’t learn anything or used what I know,
Just another day put up for show.
And I wake up like I always do,
No big dreams about things I never knew,
Random dreams about random things
Wash myself in the shower and then I sing:

And another day passes, yeah,
Wait, where did it go go?
And another day passes yeah,
Right out the window, flew right by me,
Wish I could catch it, but no no.
And another day passes. Right by me.

So what did you do today in school?
Played it tough and played it cool?
Not really, just laughed at older jokes,
Chatting with the girls and teasing the blokes
Another name for me today
Or the same name they call me anyway,
No new friends and I hadn’t thought so,
It was okay really, although,
It passed before I realised where it went
The sky still set and the roads still bent,
And I dunno why I’m writing now,
Cause I’ve got nothing to talk about:

And another day passes, yeah,
Wait where did it go go?
And another day passes yeah,
Right out the window, flew right by me,
Wish I could catch it, but no no.
And another day passes. Right by me.

And so this was a normal day in my life,
No heart bleeding metaphors about hearts and knifes,
No nothing, no new thing, no nothing at all,
Cause it’s early October and it’s windy this fall
And I go to school and I have no new plans,
And I don’t expect anybody to understand,
Cause I know that everybody can relate,
To busy mornings, and enjoying to late…
Everybody knows what if feels to wake up,
Wondering if you’ve done things enough,
Planning the day so you’ll get it all right,
And then sit up and wonder at night:

Cause another day passes, yeah,
Wait where did it go go?
And another day passes yeah,
Right out the window, flew right by me,
Wish I could catch it, but no no.
And another day passes. Right by us all

01/10/04

Never been good at this stuff,
But maybe I should give a try,
I dunno why anger comes so easy to me,
And loves so hard… why?

And every guy that’s ever approached me,
I’ve pushed away so scared,
But I’ve never had to push you away
I know you never cared…

But you’ve got one thing no one else got,
Something I’ve been missing for a while,
And this one thing I know you’ve got,
I don’t care what it is, cause you make me smile.

Years have passed and still I sit here,
And marvel at your mouth,
All the smiles that spread from there,
And the words you’re letting out

And you make laugh like no one else,
I sit and wonder why
Other guys I like they break my heart,
But you’ve never made me cry.

Cause you’ve got one thing no one else got,
Something I’ve been missing for a while,
And this one thing I know you’ve got,
I don’t care what it is, cause you make me smile.

I guess what really set you out,
Is I don’t need you to kiss me,
I don’t need you to declare you love,
Or tell me that you miss me,

I just need you to be my friend,
Like you have been for quit a while,
Just being my friend is good enough,
Cause you’re the one who makes me smile.

hmmm, long time since i've written anything really... ah what to do... i remember back when used to write a diary everyday i used to do these top 5 thingys... i think i'll do that for the heck of it, but maybe a top 10 because i haven't done one in such a long time... so here's my top ten somethingy!

creapiest thing: driving home from Ishøj when it's real dark and yeah that's actually very very scary... no matter how tough i like to think i am, that scares the shit out of me.
most disgusting thing: all the dead fish floating around in the harbour in various stages of decay.... and it SMELLS... ugh, man i felt like puking today...
ambition: 500 km... it shouldn't be that fucking HARD!!
drink: i like orange juice and i spend WAY to much money on it...
thing i hate people calling me: a dictonary... now they don't call me that but they use me like it and it pisses me of...
thing that makes wanna kill: next guy asking me to cyber WILL have his balls cut of... no i don't want to cyber, why would i be on a homepage for ARTIST and WRITERS if i wanted to CYBER!?
cooleste person deciding my future as a rower: Froskov... i dunno what it is, but that guy is just cool. ^_^ (even though he'll prolly flunk me)
annoying thing: headaches... i hate them... i really really hate them...
borring country: Slovakia... ever tried making an essay about Slovakia? it is bad... it is REAL bad.
Emotion: boredom and confusion... the two emotions that rule my life...

so that's it... i did it! i wrote something, enjoy! or maybe not... XD

I might as well throw myself of that rock,
It’s not like I would give a fuck,
When everything became black and dark,
I wouldn’t be looking at the stars,
I wouldn’t be sailing the Danish seas,
There’s would be crapping birds above me,
And the trees wouldn’t sway in the summer breeze,
And no more dead fish, and stinging bees,
Might as well kill myself right here and now,
The tricky question is how,

I imagine myself, walking down the beach of grey,
One of these days, one of the days,
And the sea would welcome me with waves of blue,
Like it always do, like it always do.

See the sea it doesn’t blame or accuse me,
It’s never ever tried to use me,
And as we row in silence the stars above me,
It almost looks as though they love me,
And when the sun goes down the waves they lay,
So quietly in this Danish bay,
I can see the stars and the light of the city,
Lighting the sky with colours so pretty,
And even now when it’s not filled with lightning,
I remember that the sea can be frightening.

I imagine myself, walking down the beach of grey,
One of these days, one of the days,
And the sea would welcome me with waves of blue,
Like it always do, like it always do.

The sea is quite for once this fall,
It’s like there is no wind at all,
The ships lay unused in the docks at the harbour,
The deep blue sea is my knight in armour,
And the water ripples as I sail,
On this mission to fail,
As I look out from my boat,
I notice how we smoothly float,
Above the water below the sky,
Before the sorrow, and beyond the why’s…

I imagine myself, walking down the beach of grey,
One of these days, one of the days,
And the sea would welcome me with waves of blue,
Like it always do, like it always do.

So I could kill myself and die,
And people they could wonder why,
Ask themselves what went wrong,
With a person who had seemed so strong,
Or maybe they thought me weak,
What words of wisdom would they speak?
What knowledge and torment would they share?
With they very few people who actually cared?
But though I love the sea I’m afraid to drown,
And I would miss it so I’ll stick around.

I imagine myself, walking down the beach of grey,
One of these days, one of the days,
And the sea would welcome me with waves of blue,
Like it always do, like it always do. 

i haven't written any poems lately, i dunno, i think i have to be in hate to write anything, and seeing as how i am to fed up to bother to hate anyone, no poetry has come out of me... on the other hand i'm listening to music, and finally pulled myself together to go look for the vandals official homepages... who's the vandals you ask? honestly i dunno much about them, i just found some demos with their music, and it's greeeeaaaat, they're lyrics are real good. so here's some of them. some of them i've heard, and some of them i only know the lyrics:

(be warned, lots of songs, cause how could i chose just one or two? o_O)

from

The Quickening

the vandals

der var en gang jeg prøvede at se det positive i alt... og det tror jeg jeg starter med igen... slut med paranoia, har haft for meget af det på det sidte, en person er glemt, slettet... og det der svage håb eller hvad fanden det var, på en reaktion. glemt.

i dag har været en god dag, ikke fordi den har været anderledes end andre dage, men i dag, vil jeg se på et godt... jeg har venner, jeg har skole, og jeg har lyse og stormfulde danmark... det er i hvert fald en start...

i dag, har været en god dag.

ah, this is my newest english essay... i think i'll delete soon again, but i just have to find away to get it from my computer at school till my own computer.. and if everything fails i can do it through ET. so enjoy it while it's here... i bet you wont.

When Teasing becomes bullying:

Why do people tease and bully? I wish I knew. I don’t know, maybe they do it cause they feel insecure, that’s the reason my parents gave the first time I came home crying… and the third… and the hundred… but I don’t think the people who used to ‘bully’ me seemed the least bit insecure… more like bored. Perhaps they do it because they’re bored, and have nothing better to do. Seriously, if that’s the case, this place, and the world in general, needs to motivate its youngster… because, it can’t be fair that so many have to suffer because of pure boredom…!

In a way it’s a cycle, I think it is anyway. I know from personal experience, that it keeps on following you, no matter where you are. But that’s the thing they all say, with ‘all’ I mean teachers, parents, and other clever heads shouting out on TV about how unfair it all is… I know it’s unfair, tell me about it.

What really makes it a cycle in my eyes it that it’s a bit like the domino effect… someone from the higher layers of the class say something, to someone a bit lower, who then in return teases someone even lower, and the finally the next bullies the final one… if that made any sense. When you get bullied, I think it’s that much easier to fall in the category of someone who will bully to get revenge, or to feel better about themselves. 

What is the difference between teasing and bullying? I remember back when I was little I thought the lines were very clear. The name calling and the punch from time to time was teasing… it HAD to be teasing, why else wouldn’t anybody help me? Bullying was when you got beaten up everyday, if it was just once every second day, it wasn’t bullying. Very very naïve way of looking at it I think now, but it was my way of dealing with the lack of help.

Then I grew a bit older and the lines blurred, I met a lot of people who were worse of then me, where they had gotten beaten up everyday, but I also met people who’s life had been a piece of cake compared to the rest of us. The funny thing is that, a lot of the people that I met who’d only ever experienced being called names, and names being fat once a week, claimed they got bullied. But if that was bullying… what was it that I had went through then? Was that bullying?

It’s all about how you tackle it. There’s people like me who learned to shrug it of (don’t get me wrong, it hurt as hell, but there’s just a limit to how much you can hurt) and then there’s… well, in my eyes the weak ones. The ones who got called fat twice a week for a year, the ones who’ve time and time again told me how hard their life is, how they want to die. And then I sit back and think, wait… what did I go trough compared to them?

Okay, so they’re not necessarily weak, but in my eyes they are… why? I don’t know why. I guess it’s just when you’ve back on top, it’s hard to feel sympathy for someone you feel doesn’t have a real reason to claim they’ve been bullied. So now, years after, or actually more like, one or two years later, I’ve changed my mind. I was bullied, because if half the female population can claim they’ve been bullied, I sure can to.

Now, how do we stop bullying? Fat chance mate. There is absolutely NO chance of that ever happening. That sounds cynical but it’s the truth… it’s just not going to happen.

I don’t know HOW many times I’ve read in the papers that now was going to be the end; they would change the system, so it would be like in Sweden. How many times the politicians have talked about stopping bullying. (And that’s all it ever gets to… talking.) How many times teachers have promised to help, my parents have told me to just stand up against them… and it doesn’t work, and it never happens. NEVER.

That leads us back to the ‘they’re just insecure’ theory… ask any person who’s been bullied, they’ve heard that phrase tons and tons of time. And they’ve been told to stand up for themselves… maybe it helps some people. It didn’t help me. It didn’t help anyone I know who’s been bullied. That it all goes away if you stand up, it a myth, a legend, a nice little fantasy that bullied and parents a like, like to nurse and carry around in there little hearts, like a little torch of hope.

Extinguish the fire; it’s not going to happen.

Nope, that, stand up once and you will succeed theory… I can’t relate to it, or believe in it, not even one second. Nope, it’s a long battle it is. It’s not about defending yourself every time someone says something; it’s about taking it all with a laid back relaxed look. There’s not much fun in bullying someone who just couldn’t care less. And that’s the thing, it’s not about looking like you don’t care, it’s about really not giving a shit. Personally, they didn’t stop bullying me, before I became so cynical, cold, and unsympathetic that I really didn’t care if they bullied me or not.

And then it stopped. Imagine my surprise then. Now, I’d gotten to the point, were all I wanted to do was die really, but I was to proud to kill myself, and when people called me names I shrugged it of… bang. Right then and there… it was over. Okay, it’s a bit much saying it just stopped like that, but slowly the names went from intending to harm, till just out of pure habit.

And then I did one think I swore would never do, but I think it helped me a lot. I befriended the people who used to bully me, on my premises. I didn’t let them call me names. I made it clear I didn’t need them. If they called me names, I just stopped talking to them, and that worked. When I had, after years of trying, made it absolutely clear I didn’t need them, they didn’t need to bully me anymore. So now, I have the time, the energy, and the will, to not only make new friends of my own, bullies and bullied alike, but also help the people I feel need my help.

So I don’t believe you can stop bullying, or prevent it… but you can live through it. It takes time, way to long time, and yet… for some it just takes the glimpse of an eye… for me it took more then a glimpse of an eye and it will affect me the rest of my life. I don’t think I’ll ever get rid of that cynical way of thinking, and cold way of viewing people that I gained when I got bullied. On the other hand, it takes way more to hurt me now, and I can handle a lot of things other kids my age might not be able to…

In the end… bullying is a part of life. Deal with it. I’m not saying you have to step down or just accept it, but, it’s there. You can’t change that, I can’t change that, and the many teachers and concerned parents have only been known to make it worse, in my experience anyway. Bullies have worried parent’s as well after all… that’s, by the way, a thing not to forget, bullies are people to… People I have on occasions thought about brutally assassinating, but people just the same.

So, the conclusion? I don’t know why people bully, boredom or insecurity… I don’t care and I don’t know. I will never understand it, and I have come too far to want to know. And how to prevent and/or stop bullying? Now let’s finish it of with a nice cynical sentence to make sure it’s still the right person writing this… I was thinking about ‘bullying is a part of live, deal with it’ but I’ve already said it. So instead, I think I’ll finish of with one of my favourite quotes for any bullied person who has considered suicide.

Suicide - A permanent solution to a TEMPORARY problem...

And that wasn’t even half cynical.


























Suzie Duncan - Bendix, Jupiter, 17/09/04.

i've finally pulled myself together to starts making the 'poems of a year' collection.... this entire year i have sorted my poems after which month i wrote it in... january march so on... and now i'm starting to put them all together. the best from each month... and damn there's a lot of them, no matter how much i cut of, i still end up with like, 41 pages of poetry, and the year isn't over yet! i seriously have to cut down on something... but what? i like all of them, that's why they're there... someday i might post it here on ET... but i'm thinking about showing it to one of my new teachers frist, at the moment... and then perhaps i'll get it published... i dunno yet. wish me luck with it all. ^_^ i need it. :P

STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY FRIENDS!

this poem is very cruel... i mean, be warned from the start, i diss a lot of ppl in here, and i sound rather arogant... but hey, we all feel like that sometimes... don't we? *looks around hopefully* it was supposed to be a "love song", (no, not that kind of love song, just about how i look at love... which is the closest you can get to a love song coming from me...) but ended up being more about love poetry in general... i just... have a problem with some of the poetry i read sometimes... uh never mind, read it if you dare! MUAHAHAHA! look at evil me!! XD