encounter the miracle that is life:

http://aimediaserver.com/studiodaily/harvard/harvard.swf

no comment...

ahh I'll burn in hell! ;D

www.pornscore.com

my average is 26.8%... ahem... considering I answer all the 'polygamy' and 'one night stand' type questions negatively... well...

ahem...

stolen from [Mekashef]'s diary -grins-

took the quiz,
here are the 'heroic' results:

http://www.thesuperheroquiz.com/

You are Green Lantern (well, no, "I" am Green Lantern, take your own quiz you freaky thief!)

Green Lantern 70%
Spider-Man 65%
Robin     58%
Superman 55%
Supergirl 50%
Catwoman 45%
Hulk     45%
Wonder Woman 40%
The Flash 35%
Batman     35%
Iron Man 30%

and here comes the villain!

http://www.thesuperheroquiz.com/villain

well not really. the scores are too low even to mention.
damn it! >:(

I have a steadily growing interest for snails *puzzled*
hmm...



somehow I know it's kinda important for me to solve what they have to say. well okay I'll listen to them :)

“I watched a snail crawl along the edge of a chocolate declare. That's my dream. That's my nightmare"

Alice laughed: "There's no use trying," she said; "one can't believe impossible things."
"I daresay you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "When I was younger, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."

Alice in Wonderland

All we want is a headrush
All we want is to get out of our skin for a while
We have nothing to lose because we don't have anything
Anything we want anyway...
We used to hate people
Now we just make fun of them
It's more effective that way
We don't live
We just scratch on day to day
With nothing but matchbooks and sarcasm in our pockets
And all we are waiting for is for something worth waiting for
Let's admit America gets the celebrities we deserve
Let's stop saying "Don't quote me" because if no one quotes you
You probably haven't said a thing worth saying
We need something to kill the pain of all that nothing inside
We all just want to die a little bit
We fear that pop-culture is the only culture we're ever going to have
We want to stop reading magazines
Stop watching T.V.
Stop caring about Hollywood
But we're addicted to the things we hate
We don't run Washington and no one really does
Ask not what you can do for your country
Ask what your country did to you
The only reason you're still alive is because someone
Has decided to let you live

We owe so much money we're not broke we're broken
We're so poor we can't even pay attention
So what do you want?
You want to be famous and rich and happy
But you're terrified you have nothing to offer this world
Nothing to say and no way to say it
But you can say it in three languages

You are more than the sum of what you consume
Desire is not an occupation
You are alternately thrilled and desperate
Skyhigh and fucked

Let's stop praying for someone to save us and start saving ourselves
Let's stop this and start over
Let's go out - let's keep going
This is your life - this is your fucking life

We need something to kill the pain of all that nothing inside
Quit whining you haven't done anything wrong because frankly
You haven't done much of anything
Someone's writing down your mistakes
Someone's documenting your downfall

(KMFDM - Dogma)

peace, love and freedom are like fragile rainbows.

"the machine" produces constant streams of war, hate and dependence.

but...

when you fight back against the aggressor, you are defeated whatever the result is.

I deny forced reality.

REBORN!

I have finally got my courage enough to make the decision I should have made many years ago and made my mind to study a second time in university; this time my dreams will guide me though, for the first time in my life :)

out of engineering
and
into paleoanthropology!

for whatever-you-hold-dear's sake, follow your heart and accept not what life herds you through!

I. Do. Live.

-smiles all around-

;)

Fear no more the heat o' the sun
Nor the furious winters' rages;
Thou thy worldly task hast done,
Home art gone, and ta'en thy wages
Golden lads and girls all must,
As chimney-sweepers, come to dust.
The sceptre, learning, physic, must
All follow this and come to dust.
Fear no more the frown o' th' great;
Thou art past the tyrant's stroke
Care no more to clothe and eat;
To thee the reed is as the oak.
The sceptre, learning, physic, must
All follow this and come to dust.
All lovers young, all lovers must
Consign to thee and come to dust.
Fear no more the lightning flash,
Nor th' all-dreaded thunder-stone;
Fear not slander, censure rash;
Thou hast finished joy and moan.
All lovers young, all lovers must
Consign to thee and come to dust.

...cymbeline...

Today was the global demonstration day of The Global Climate Campaign.

I hope you did what you could have done for the planet to live.

download and listen ^_^
http://rapidshare.com/files/1477412/02_Track_2.mp3.html

this is a hinduist chant, unbelievably beautiful ^^

wish a nice samhain for the wiccan elftowners out there..

okay I accept it finally, I am not suitable for this world, for this life;

I have not the smallest chance of coping with the 'exquisite' intricacies which rules all the humankind.

I'm too plain and it's much too sophisticated for me to stand anymore.

I
am
disgusted
utterly.

of the world or myself? who knows?

what IS real, good, right, appropriate, sane etc...

I am tired of the whole human race.
I am not defeated -for my playground is radically different- in this game, I will not quit.

but, let's call it a draw.

...

I want.. wait.. no no, I NEED Starbuck! Yeeeha!
Karaaaa, hear my pleas!!! C'moooon! Fly me to the mooon!
hee hee... :)

if you haven't seen this yet please watch it, and watch it even if you did already :)

free hugs campaign ^_^

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4&eurl=

-hugs all around him-

we starve, look at one another short of breath,
walking proudly in our winter coats,
wearing smells from lab'ratories,
facing a dying nation of moving paper fantasy,
list'ning for the new told lies with supreme visions of lonely tunes.
somewhere, inside something, there is a rush of greatness.
who knows what stands in front of our lives;
i fashion my future on films in space.
silence tells me secretly everything, everything.

manchester england, england
manchester england, england
(eyes look your last)
across the atlantic sea
(arms, take your last embrace)
and i'm a genius, genius
(and lips, owe you the 'dors)
i believe in god
(of breath. seal with a righteous kiss)
and i believe that god believes in claude,
(seal with a righteous kiss)
that's me. that's me.
(the rest is silence)
that's me.
(the rest is silence)
that's me.
(the rest is silence)

we starve, look at one another short of breath,
walking proudly in our winter coats,
wearing smells from lab'ratories,
facing a dying nation of moving paper fantasy,
list'ning for the new told lies with supreme visions of lonely tunes.

singing our space songs on a spider web sitar,
'life is around you and in you.'
answer for timothy leary, deary.

let the sun shine,
let the sunshine in,
the sun shine in.

:)


* * * ~ * * * ~ * * *

what is real?

If the universe is endless then somewhere far away must have some place for your weirdest dreams to be real. Laws of Possibility demand it.

If time is endless then there must be some period for my weirdest dreams to come true!

Be careful what you wish for.

Be careful what you forsake,
what you forget to wish for...

Peter Pan said, “Fairies only exist if you believe in them.”

YAY!

From a Lebanese Artist; Zena el-Khalil,

Letter from Lebanon


"I have started coughing, but I don’t know why. I am not sick. I don’t have a cold. I think it’s a reaction I’m having to stress. My body feels weak. My mouth is always dry, no matter how much water I drink. And I’m afraid to
drink too much water because I don’t want it to run out!

Last night was probably the most frightful night I have ever experienced in my whole entire life. I was so tired and exhausted… have not slept in days. When there is finally a quiet moment, the tension in my stomach
and heart prevents me from falling asleep.

Last night we counted at least 15 bombs falling into Dahiyeh (Beirut Suburbs).. and these were just the ones we heard. At some point during the night, I said to myself that if I didn’t at least try to get some sleep that I was going to go crazy from fatigue; and that that was what was going to kill me. Haven¹t been able to eat either, so am losing physical strength. It¹s all psychological at this point. I know I have to be strong, and I will be, but I can’t deny what I¹m going through. And I think it’s important that people hear about the downside as well as the bravery. So many of us are already working hard to fix things, we are running around Beirut trying to get food and water and medicine to people, we are doing things online, etc, but it doesn’t mean we are not scared, sick or tired.

So, last night amidst the worst shelling we’ve had so far, I realized that I was not afraid of the noise anymore; how quickly you get used to it. I realized what was hurting the most was the “UNKNOWN”. What is going to
happen tomorrow? When will this all end? How are we going to start re-building again? Are the refugees going to be ok? How are the people in the south? And why punish a whole country? What is the real plan behind all of this? How much worse is it going to get?

My husband and I have been housing foreign “refugees” helping them to find their way out of the country. Two managed to leave this morning, a German and Swiss. The other two are British and American. The craziest thing
is that out of all people, the American embassy has been the LEAST helpful to its citizens here. The phone line to the embassy has been practically out of service. My friend, Amanda, (whom I just met a few days ago, by the way) had to hire a cab to take her to the embassy (which is a ride out of Beirut) and all they could tell her was that they didn¹t know what they were going to do and to keep checking the website. Only thing she has gotten on the website is that she now knows that there is going to be an evacuation (5 days later), but when it happens, she is going to have to pay for it! Yes, they are saying to their citizens that they are going to bill them for their ride
out! Can you believe that?!

Trying to evacuate people has put me under stress. The question is what am I to do if I had the opportunity to leave? Would I leave? What do I do with my friends? My family? My art studio? I have a British passport; I could
be evacuated with my husband. But what would happen to my best friend Maya? She has a very rare and bad case of CANCER! I have been taking care of her since she was diagnosed a few months ago and I know that my care for her is what has helped her do so well. Her type of cancer is “untreatable”, but ironically, the day the shelling started, her doctor told us her tumors had shrunk! Unbelievable- a true miracle. I can’t leave Maya!

What about art work in my studio? What about all my brushes and paints and glitter and books! All my books! Again- the crazy things that cross your mind.

What about our photo albums? All our family pictures? The memories…

What about the doodles I drew on my balcony a few summers ago when I was suffering from a bad break up?

What about all the love letters I have saved? Letters that document my youth that I wanted to some day give to my daughter.

What about my other best friend? My dog, Tampopo? My beautiful Jack Russel Terrier who has never let me down. Who has always been a source of purity and compassion… Who has eyes of an angle… Dogs are not allowed to
evacuate. My American friend Christine is going to have to leave her dog with me; a black pug named Baousi (means Kiss in Arabic). She is heartbroken! She almost didn’t want to evacuate. She went to so many embassies to try and register with them and see if they would take her dog. Don’t worry Christine, I will take great care of Baousi.

My sister has been volunteering to help the refugees who are being sheltered in public schools. Right now they are calling on Lebanese citizens to help out with money, medicine, food, water, blankets and mattresses. She has
been going to people and asking for money and then going out to buy medicines for refugees- her own initiative! My mom has joined in too. a friend has put together a website for accepting donations:

http://atrissi.com/helplebanon/

Biggest cynical statement of the day: Israel has told people to evacuate from the south because they are going to
annihilate the south of Lebanon. However, the people can not leave because all the roads have been destroyed/blocked. And yesterday when people did try and leave, the Israelis opened fire on them! A massacre is happening!

Update on the attacks, as of yesterday:
- Israelis have been bombing the south of Lebanon with phosphorus and other chemical bombs.
- Israelis have bombed all ports along the coastline of Lebanon.
- Israelis have bombed all our local army radars and some outposts
- Israelis have bombed/attacked the fire fighting brigade and the Search and Rescue Brigade in the South. Innocent civilian lives were lost. It was a massacre- the buildings were also housing refugees.
- Israelis have continued to bomb the suburb of Beirut, Dahiyeh & Haret Hreik
- Israelis have now killed over 100 civilians and there are several hundreds wounded - and they continue to bomb the south
- Israelis have started hitting roads that lead to the mountains. They hit a main one leading to the Shouf.
- Israelis have hit a gas plant in the mountains

… I can’t keep up with what they have hit.

*** Israel has begun to target Lebanese army outposts. They have killed Lebanese soldiers. They are no longer just targeting Hizuballah. They mean to kill all of Lebanon.

The reality:

Israel is trying to bring Lebanon to its knees. Israel is trying to destroy Lebanon and the Lebanese spirit. Israel is trying to turn Lebanese against each other. Israel is trying to turn us into animals scrounging for food, water and shelter. Israel and the United States of America are trying to drag Syria and Iran into this too. They are using Lebanon as bait. Lebanon is stuck in the middle. The Americans and Israelis are trying to launch a regional war!!

Please help in any way you can. Please pass on the message, this email-reprint if you wish. Please tell people what is going on. Please put pressure on your respective governments to step in and do something.

Lebanon is a peaceful country. We are the only country in the region in which people of all religions co-exist peacefully.

It is unbelievable how biased the news is. They are not reporting the real damage being caused. They don¹t report that the Israelis are killing innocent civilians. It seems from this end that all they are focusing on is G8!

Are the Israeli & US government really just trying to wipe us all out?? Well, you can tell them that I¹m not leaving. And there are many of us who are not leaving. We love Lebanon. We love what we have spent our lives
building.

Tell them about people like me.. who build culture and tolerance. Who work for peace and understanding. Who work to educate. Who work to promote love and compassion. There are thousands like me here. What about us?

Tell them about people like me, that despite all of this, I have still not learnt to hate. They can take everything from me, but not my dignity. Not my morals and beliefs. They will never never break my spirit.

Tell the Israeli citizens what their government is doing to us. Tell them that violence begets violence. Remind them that Lebanon is their neighbor and that co-existence is possible. How are we going to ever reach an
understanding through violence? We were so close… We were so close…

Please stop this brutality!

Still with love,
Zena el-Khalil

By the way, did I mention Maya’s tumors are getting smaller? Did I mention there was a wedding across the street yesterday?"

this weekend we've had a secret party, a psychedelic goa trance rave. it was a totally underground event and yes it was great!
just beside a beautiful lake, atop a mountain... in an opening within an old pine forest... with beautiful freak people dressed colorfully, dancing wildly and freely and happily to mother gaia beneath their feet...
everything was to be shared, every smile was honest every hug real..

We've seen a little glimpse of what heaven will look like. A heaven not promised by a higher, haughty being; but a heaven to be created by humble humanbeings with a desire for:

Peace Love Freedom!

BOM!

another rainy cloudy morning.. and I will be off to work in a few minutes. with the deadline of my thesis presentation fast approaching and not so much of a work at the workplace, it's a complete nightmare everyday. I sit and wait. sit and wait.
in the evening I come home and after a little cruise on the net, I contünue to work on my thesis. No time for social life, no time for hobbies even for drawing. anyway I didn't have any inspiration for drawing for quite a long time. this includes my thesis.

I don't like my work, I don't like my school, I don't like my life. I only suspend everything and try to wait for the time I will be off to Nederlands. long time to december.. vey long.

I kick many (and it's really 'many', fate has begun throwing them at me!) chances of relationships aside also, no energy for another one. but being alone is also tiring for the being!

I'm "in the mouth of madness"!!!

I humbly surrender myself to music and meditation... my only refuge...

om namah shivaya...