Some things have happend recently that make me look at everyone different....dont change who you are is what i learned.....ive been changing myself for people i dont even know my whole life.....i have so many times i really dont know who i am anymore....it feels like im living a lie...but yet sometimes lies help more then the truth...its just how you use them.............theres not much else to say... exept the same shit keeps happening..i adore the same people..the only thing that changes in my life is them....i wont ever find someone here for me......is there even someone out there? all the ones i love are already "in love" with a futureless idiot............

I cant stand couples being happy and making out in front of me!!!! one is for a reason i can not say....and another just makes me feel fucking lonely..........how do you think it is to live in 3 different cities in 5 fucking months!!!! you never get to know anyone, never get to do anything, never once get to fall in love..........well i did.......im supposed to be here for 3 fucking years........will i? i dont fucking know.....everything in my life is at the Militarys hands......i was only supposed to be here for 6 months but i didnt know that either........the length of time changes so often i could leave tomarrow!!! some of the fucking ppl i know wouldnt even notice........nothing at all would change........im just a fucking shadow to most ppl.......no one gives a fuck if i stay or dont.........how i feel......i stay home all week with nothing to do........i try to find shit to do......but i have no one to do it with.............theres a real shocker........and contrary to popular belief......IM NOT A FUCKING PERVERT OR A CREEP OR WHATEVER THE FUCK YOUR THINKING!!!!! if i come across like that im sorry...but in reality im not....hell if you were at Salems last weekend and you saw how i was saturday night....siting in the dark....freezing....not saying a word....just waiting........thats me!! and do you know the only people who came outside to make sure i was alright??? Kenny and Salem!! the two people i had just met!!!! Sara didnt even give a fuck!!! and ive known her for a couple of months now!! you see how fucking pathetic i am.....im a fucking puppet......tell me to do something and i jump.....all i want is real friends.......a real fucking life...not a shitload of people ive met before......i dont have stupid fucking dreams of leaving Waco....hell i would rather stay.......do you know how many times i think i may have feelings for someone?? my heart gets jerked into all directions and tears me apart!!! the bad thing is that every one of them has ended up with somone who doesnt have much of a future...most ppl here dont...............just think........by the end of the summer i may not even be a memory......bc thats all i have is faint memories............

This weekend i had fun........i met Salem for the first time Friday.......she let me go to her painting party.......her room doesnt look so good right now but it will soon.........we saw alot of people at the mall we knew.......i saw Lauren..........then we got a big cookie, got followed around Spencers......and got ice cream and left............saw drew at Tilt and Salem Played DDR for a couple of mins....shes not so good...but its funny so watch..........we went to the gas station and got flipped off a couple of times.......Salem was yelling "ORANGE ROCKS!!!" at cars.....Me and Kenny got a lil high of the gas......we got there and just chilled for a while........then started painting......Robbie came over and got all the tall places..........Salem painted my arm....and Sara put her hand print on my chest..........we got tired and critized the work for a bit.....then washed the brushes and relaxed.....me and Kenny came up with an idea to steal a door for Salem's room.....we played a game that night and had fun.........went to sleep.......the next morning we woke up......i think.....either that or im still dreaming.......Me, Kenny, and Lee went to steal the door from and abandoned house a block away, but got caught......Lee is one crafty lil fellar...he quickly came up with a reason.......he said that we had lost a dog..and were looking for it.......luckly the old man didnt see the hammer, philipps or flathead in my pocket or we would have been screwed (pun not intended).................Me and Kenny got in a big ass fight.....and i kicked his ass........that will show him not to play me in thumb wars...and he is goin to help me take over the world........i found out by reading the 10 amendments that it may be in the earth itself.......kinda like a journey to the center of the earth when they found that ocean under earth.......so we are goin to got down into a volcano......anyways back to the weekend......um....it started storming.......Salem and Sara found a bottle of wine....and Salem pored it out......Salem and her mom went to the cancer tubes and we hung out in the video store.........we rented some vids...and watched them after me and Kenny watched Salem and Sara paint some of the trimm.....they wouldnt let us so we didnt have anything to do.........oh me and Kenny wanted to kick Lukes ass all weekend......he was begging for it literally.....we didnt bc of the fear that he may try to butt fuck us........he talked about it alot...........um.......................oh then i was called creepy by Sara which i really didnt like....i went out side and sat there for about an hour......Kenny came out and we talked about goin to the zoo next weekend........went in for less then 10 mins...and then went back out for about 30mins.......Then Salem came out as i was goin back in and pulled me out again to see if anything was wrong......there was but it didnt matter...i couldnt tell her anything.......its the only person whos eyes looked so sincere........they stunned me......she sat with me for a lil bit then went back inside.......i went in about 20 mins later.........stayed 5 and went back out for another 10..........i stayed out so long bc as i sat there i lost all feelings......the cold seemed to take them away.......i couldnt feel my hands......feet.....even face.........i had no pain.....no fear......it was peacefull...i think i even said to myself "this must be what death is like" after the 10 mins i didnt want to get up....i had drifted.....i started falling asleep......i woke up when Kenny came out about 10 mins later........and then Lee said something about eggin houses or filling up the mailboxes with shaving cream or something......by the time i got back in Salem had already fallen asleep........Luke and Lee were argueing about who was goin on the paper route and who was staying i yelled at both of them bc i was tired of the argueing shit.......i left my brother and sister in Arkansas bc of that shit.......they started argueing about who was goin to wake their father up and i yelled at Luke and told him to shut the fuck up and just wake him up.......being the ass he is he tried to say something smart but said something completely gay...and went to wake up his dad.........i fell asleep on the couch.......woke up....thought Kenny was Sara and thought Sara was her feet.........Salem came in asked were Sara was and i pointed at Kenny.....she joined them on the floor as did i..........i fell off the couch and stayed on the floor.......woke up to a sauage waving infront of my face....i dont like them much....but i ate it anyway.................we mostly chilled the rest of the morning................and then left with Kenny...........i said goodbye to Salem but forgot to thank her for a great weekend........next time i need to bring a camera............Thx for the awesome weekend Salem..ill miss you...............hope to see u soon.....
-Chris

wow its been a while since i last wrote in here............hmmmmmm...i have the past month to write............ummmmmmmm.......im goin to summ it up............i pissed of Shannon, and im sorry, i pissed of Audrey, i am sorry, we are fine now, im not sure if Shannons still mad at me.................ummmmmmmmm..........Candice is prolly pissed at me..........but all in all i had a good month...............i met some new people, realized who my real friends were, and that real friends really do have problems.............ive had headaches thinking too much......but they go away when im around friends........i met Meagan Shes awesomely cool!!!!! cute too................started talking to Patsy Beason......shes cool too...........today i started pickin on the new Security Guard..................................he thinks hes mister big tough man................this morning Max came up with his own belief that the sky is the ocean......and planes are submarines with wings, and theres no difference between sky divers and scuba divers, they each dive........and that birds are messed up fish.......we swore we saw some dolphins swim by...........and they think atlantis may be in the sky, not in the ocean...........personally i think its around the poles........i will find it..........................................oh and the owls that live in my backyard ate a squirrel........i heard it screaming......sounded so horrible.........poor mister squirrel.......*tear* Tomarrow im either supposed to help Kristina with her bio. or hang out with Bethany......but i'd rather hang with Kristina.........shes not trying to be preppy.............ive had a lot of time to think........and i found out i think to much......i have way to many philosophies.......and crap like that.......to much to make sense or to write down..................if only i could plug in my brian and download it so i wouldnt have to think about all that............i just want to keep it simple.......all i need is.........good friends........good food......good times......good memories.........good moments.........a good life................all goodness becomes greatness, and no greatness becomes a weakness, remain strong in what you believe.....only you stand between fate and future...........

um... this morning my pants fit......now they dont????....umm....i might be losing weight too fast, and im not even trying too........hell i dont need a diet, i just feel like eating.....hmmmmmm....well im goin to church soon.....ill write more when i get back

yesterday i ate a borrito, munchies a coke, and a bowl of cereal. that is all i ate, not even 1 complete meal, no wonder im losing weight, but i havent had hunger pains..............is that good?.............

hmm...not much today, school was normal...........i called my mom, and she cancelled court so im not goin to arkansas next week........still drifting from Mary, not so much Sara i talk to her, but i really dont think she likes me so much......i called Candice, she said she would call back....never happend......oh so did Mary.....hasnt happend either....................................umm.. met Allison......havent talked to Shannon all day, i just had to screw that up.....i ate 11 slices of pizza in english, thats 1.25 pizzas!!! or 1 1/4..........been bored most of the day....i annoyed Shalem, she doesnt like me so much either, im not that good with first impressions.......yea so my day sucked, my lil bro is here, not the one with a crush on Shannon and Candice my other bro, the one who does look mexican.........um and hes asleep on the floor at the moment, my rents are gone at another meeting in Austin, so im bored if anyone reads this and wants to call go ahead, ill be up till 1 am. plz call me 755-6892.....wait no fuck that shit.......ive been on all fucking day waiting to talk to these fuckers, and they want to play a fucking game when they probably spent 4 fucking hours playing it, that games not going to be around to save ur ass when u need it..............its a fucking game give it a break!!!! its not goin to be there when u need help, money, FRIENDSHIP....ever since u started the damn game i cant seem to talk to either of you....i dont see the point in trying anymore!!! if u wanna fucking talk you can call me tomarrow morning, but i doubt you will, you have a game to play

um....yea, today i really didnt do much.....i attacked Sara [dontKIKmeimdown] at lunch, messed with Lauren again, jumped from table to table, tried breaking Ms. Neels overhead, while April [scum buckett] was asking about her sex life, slept in english, was hungry in spanish, and came home, about 5 my rents got back from Arkansas they had been there all week, then i had to get off and fix my pc, it worked for a while, but i bet it will piss me off tomarrow morn. well its about 11 so im goin to bed.

Nothing really happend today, i went to school and tried very hard not to act akward around Shannon, i really didnt talk to many ppl in the morn, and i didnt see Mary at all. Sara wasnt there so i couldnt pick on her, i havent seen or talked to them much since they started playing that stupid game, its like it sucked out their brains or something!!! Anyways all my classes went fine. bored and tired, was the whole day basicaly, even after school, i talked to April [scum buckett] for a lil while, but thats about it, and at the moment im talking to Shannon

you never get to hear what you hope do you? that was my day

i had fun today again, i went to school saw Shannon!!! that was the best part of the school day, everything else was peachy!!, then after school i got some chinese good stuff!! then Shannon called and we talked for a little bit, she came over to do her French project, we did most of it then went into my room and chilled out in there listining to music and playing with the tape recorder, oh!! and we watched Poppy kill a masqito!! i told u my dog was a killer!! then i took a piece of red paper and put it over the lamp and made my room red!! that was cool lookin, she i attacked her on the bed and tried to get her flip flops off so i could tickle her feet, but she has some strong does, and she slapped my ass so hard it still stings!!, then she called her mom at 9:15 and we sat outside and talked until she got here......any days with Shannon are the days i enjoy,

Today the boredom really set in, i did nothing, and my step mom started crying bc i was doin my laundry, thats fucked up isnt it? i always do my own laundry, she said she was tired of me putting clothes on top of the dryier, woooppie they were my clothes!!! anyways if u havent met her then il tell u shes a crazy bitch, um..i have been waiting for Shannon to get home all day so i can talk to her, i miss her alot, and its only been two days!! im pretty pathetic i guess, and im glad theres school tomarrow!! i acually get to see some ppl i havent seen in a while, not that it bothers me not to see them, but some it does, oh and this RO game is getting on my nerves, i cant even talk to some of my friends bc of it, im goin to get rid of it when i rule the world, its making some ppl extremely bored. anyways, im happy i get to see Shannon soon!!! i hope she gets home tonight and calls me........

Today was a boring day, i went to pick up an application for HEB, i was bored the rest of the day, i got asked a wierd question, but im not goin to mention it. well that was the day, night

i had lots of fun today, even though the bestest person in the world left for OK. today and i dont get to see he until monday, maybe sunday. i had fun though, i went to her house at about 9 in the morn, the first thing i noticed is how funny she looks in the morning!! then we went to her room and she layed back down and i climbed up and layed next to her and we talked for about 30 to 45 mins. while we talked i noticed she still had my dog tag on, she had slept with it, that meant alot to me, i dont think anyone has slept with anything i ever gave them on, i always thought they put it on when i was around, but i know Shannon doesnt do that, its always on her. then she took a shower and i watched her put on makeup, she takes forever!!!, she got nervous bc i was watching, i peeked up over the bed rail to spy on her some of the time, she laughed, then we ate, i had a Fajita!!!(thx Shannons mom!!) and she had a sandwich, and we both had a glass of milk, b4 we watched bill and teds exellent adventure we went into her room and i turned on Evanescence's "hello" and danced with her, i had fun she thought it was retarded, then we went back to the movei,during that i took over her slippers and tickled her feet, she got used to it after a while, so i bit her leg, and told her it tasted like chicken!! then we watched final destinations 2, now that was gruesome, i was saying "SHIT!!" through out the movie, i layed on her too, her leg started gettin numb, and i bit her shoulder, muahahahaha *cough* then we finished the movie, after i got off her and tried tickiling her again, didnt work, then we left, and i got a ride home, i gave her a hug and my cd player. then they drove of into the day, and i miss her already :'( but i get to see her soon!!

i didnt have any fun today, i went to Sara and Marys to see them, but Mary left with Drew about 5 mins. later, i had a chance to go but i didnt feel like walking, i stayed with Sara, who i acually went to see, Courtney and JB, but yet boredome set in from the lack of conversation, or lack of anyone caring what was goin on, i got a ride home from JB's mom, stuck here, and yea, no fun at all today!!!! im still in pain and it sucks, ummm..........i guess help is all i can say, but it wont do any good, never does, umm...yea...bye

I love spring break!!!!!! Today i went with Shannon and Whitney and her bf and his friends to the lake, i rode in the trunk, i fell asleep some of the time, it was so lonely no one to talk to :( , but then i was free and a bright light came raining down upon me and flooded into my eyes, and it BURNT LIKE HELL!!! you try being in a trunk for 30 mins and then opening it and lookin at the sun, if fuckin hurts!!!! then we went to the waters edge and it was cold as hell, i no longer had a lovely bunch of coconuts they were peanuts :'( , then we had a sand fight then me and Shannon went to the playground was having fun then Whitney and her bf joined us, we messed around for a while then went back to the table and ate, layed down for about 20 mins, then went back to the waters edge messed around until about 4 30 and then left, i rode in the trunk again, but this time i got Shannon's PUNK ROCKER SNOOPY!!!! got out about 10 mins later then we went to Shannons house, they left and we played cards, then went to Max's, was there about 30 mins then went back to Shannons, had a staring contest, then rock paper scissors, then thumb war!!! we talked a little bit, then my dad showed up, and she walked me to the car, i gave her a hug, and my day ended there, it was a good day, i will always remember it, Thx Shannon

okies, today i had fun again, Shannon and Candice came over, and we beat the shit out of my lil bro, and just chilled, we went from trying to push a bolder off a small cliff, which landed in roots and we couldnt get it out, one day we will, to running around in the yard, then into my room were they trashed it, but i dont have much to trash so it was easy to clean up, we had a pillow fight, then dinner, then my rents left and we were all alone, then we just got on the computer and now i have a video of Shannon punching Candice in the boob, oh and my lil bro is crushing on both of them, well its hard not to, especially when ur 10, then we messed around on the net with an old friend of miine and my brother, Candice and him got into and arguement, Candice won, my bros a dumbass, then we watched some tv and Shannons mom picked them up, Tomarrow we go to the lake!!!

Dear diary, i hate you stinkin guts you make me vomit your the scum between my toes love Bob

Well i had alot of fun today, i got to hang out with the bestest Friends i haved, she is coolest, i r likeing her, we took pictures, killed my lil bro and sent him to tiwain, but they sent him back bc we didnt have enough stamps, damn postal service, so picky
oh she is scared of roaches, i ran my finger tips up her arm like bugs were crawling up them and she freaked!!! it was funny, then i walked her to her car and slipped, that was a good impression, and my dog poppy, got the special treatment from Shannon, oh and Shannon she took advantage of u.......i cant believe u made out with my dog and not me :'( i guess that makes her a lesbian since she is a female dog, anyways, she is cool, and i definetly need to spend more time with her

umm.....yes a simple math problem that all should learn
Skateboard+Hill+Road/Dumbass= Serious Road Rash*Hospital Bill

If u dont understand that then i might as well tell u, i got grabed a skateboard, walked up my hill, stood on the skateboard began rolling, skateboard stops i go flying, land head first on road, tear up shoulder, back, hip, knee, there is blood on the hospital wall, they made me wait to long so i thought i would bleed on there stuff,and im still bleeding, this bandage wont stop anything, it just keeps coming, so if i dont drown in blood by tomarrow i will go do something else stupid, oh yea, im hurt someone comfort me, come to my home (plz be someone i know) or call me 755-6892 rather the first one, well now that im done being pitifull, um goodnights

"I cant love what i dont know?" how the hell am i supposed to get to know someone thats never around?
All i know is that i loved the time we had together, if i could try to spend more time with you, i would have, but now i know that wouldnt have made a difference, you made up your mind about me a long time ago, i wouldnt have done wat i did if i didnt care about you, but now i know i shouldnt have, i have learned more than you think about what happend that night. maybe it was for the best, you hurt me more with those few words than i could have ever hurt you, i know what i did was immature, but i was nervous and scared, sometimes i think you really never cared, through our so called "relationship" i loved you, but i always ended up gettin hurt, im not saying u never go hurt, but i dont think u did, it was a short lived relationship, all i have ever wanted is a relationship like Mary and Drews, i want someone i can hold, kiss, cherish, and love more than anything, i know when i find that person i wont be nervous around them, i can tell them anything, u were that person for about 20 minutes that friday night, after that i felt guilty, i fucked up 2 peoples lives, i should have just left everyone alone, kept it to myself, like i do everything, i expect you are critizing me by now, if only you knew the truth, but you wouldnt listen. i know theres no second chance, even after i know only a fraction of what u really thought of me, how come you never told me that? You lied to my face, and i dont like that, i never lied to you, i said i was sorry and i was, but now im not so sure, if u want we can talk but i doubt that will ever happen, have a nice day

Well i lost the wonderful person, at least she had the guts to tell, me, i think those days of her not acknowledging me were meant to prepare me for what was coming, she left me, which im glad she did, i hate breaking up with ppl, its feels so much better when she broke up with me then i thought, at least now im free. i can be myself again, instead of being worried and nervous all the time.....I still love her, i love her even more than i did b4 now, bc of how honest she was, and the favor she acually did for me, she reminded me of what love and pain felt like, i hadnt had a relationship in a long time, bc i move around to much, but i believe my final stop is here at least until college, i thank her for what she has done and given me, i still love her and i will always be here for her, but yes i will move on.......................thank you Becca