i had a great day yesterday...i went with Sarah, Emily and my sister to the movies and watched Garfield...Emily screamed and ppl busted out laughing....i thougth the scariest part was when he grabbed his butt dancing.....after the movie we hung out in the lobby and played some airhockey and fun stuff like that...i tried getting Sarah a Garfield but failed....then we went outside where it was hott as hell..and talked about church and stuff...then their ride showed up and we said our goodbyes..mean while Diana and myself were melting while waiting for my dad to show up..then i got a lecture..i have to quit my job and find one closer to home....i found one that pays 7 an hour and i work with scott so im going to see about that one...i wouldnt depend on my father for transportation..i would on scotts mom though....but its all good she likes me...and plus i will pay her gas money if need be..

i had fun today..i had a kick-ass time..i saw Salem at the mall..met Heather for the second time..dont think she remembers me...Matt made an ass of himself at the mall..by yelling "I cant get it up!! it never gets hard!! its always soft!!" the funny thing was he got stopped by a security guard and some dude...they thought he was mad and yea he was talking about his hair.. i hung out with Scott..Mik and Carl..had fun..mik is jumpy and hes a talker but not a walker....Carl is kick-ass..hes awesome...him and Scott went around shooting each other in the front yard...and Scott is just Scott..
i saw Krystal and Jackie there too....
I need to find something to do tomarrow..i dont want to stay home and be bored and since i am leaving on wensday for arkansas and wont be back until the fifth i want to spend some time having fun....

ok this weekend..........on thurs i hung out with a girl from mcc..then previewed the day after tomarrow....fri. i bought Janis a graduation gift and some stuff for my room then i worked.. sat. morn i went to Janis' graduation.. then to work..then i cut my finger open.it was deep but i didnt feel anything and it didnt hurt..bled alot though.....worked for another hour then went home early with the girl from mcc.. and now im here

well today was an interesting day..i got my life threatened...busted 3 guys with marijuana and nearly got my ass kicked...yea it started out when my friend p (as i will call her) saw two guys pass a dime bag of marijuana and then give some to another guy. thats were me and m come in..we both knew something had happened so we operated covertly and wrote a note and had coach h take it up he never read it so when i got done with my test i wrote a note on the bottom of it saying read the note m gave you..he did then he sent m with a student failure notice to the office to talk to the police who then acted on it and arrested 1 guy and like the idiots they are let the other 2 go to threaten us...they got pissed and stormed out of the class and stuff like that. after that m left to use the bathroom and never returned..to this moment we dont know what happend to her....after the bell rang one of the idiots was out there trying to fight me..so i slammed the door in his face and its a good thing we were the only two left in the class..so we stayed until it was clear and talked to the police would didnt do jack shit..and yea we have to get escorted to and from class tomarrow

i had a great weekend!! friday i went and spent time with Janis and we had alot of fun..we went to the mall and then i bought her dinner to partially pay back what i owe her witch i could never pay her back no matter how much i make... then we went to hastings and got some movies and messed around with the instruments..then we went back to her house and watched two of them until about 3:30 in the morning,i listened to funny noises in her stomach....and did some stupid things that made everything akward and made me feel like a fool, then she gave me a ride home. the next day we went and saw Troy..i had fun i dont know if she did...she forgot her wallet in the theatre so i ran back in from the parking lot, into the theatre,, down the hall into the movie, up the stairs and pack to the front lobby and gave it back to her..we had alot of fun. then i had to work..i stoped by to see her today and talked shortly then left...not the kind of visit i wanted but she had work to do and i can understand that.. well im tired so ill be back later

ok the damage toll is one dropped hotdog!! for my first day..oh and a ruined bun...the first day was pretty easy exept for cleaning the popcorn popper i dont like that much.....it takes way to long...the fun part is the floors there all greasey and buttery you can slide to were you are going...like when i get someone water or poweraid i slide to the fridge...its fun...but theres alot of hectic work to be done...break was nice...had bush's chicken...its good..then back to work....i made 40+ dollars last night and i will do the same today and tomarrow...so im good....

I talked to Toni today at lunch..and she acually thinks im kinda strange...she expects every guy to eventually hurt her....and the only reason she thinks im kindof strange is bc im too nice...she said shes not used to it and she will adjust to not being used.... i told her i wasnt that kind of person and i would use her or hurt her on purpose, im guessing that kindof reassured her.....shes grounded at the moment so we dont see each other much outside of school...she lives half a mile away from me and less then 1000 yards...so after school is over i will get to see her alot...this doesnt mean i have forgoten about Janis..i still think she rocks...she has helped me soo much and there is nothing i can to repay her that will equal what she has done for me.....i hope to get to know her and grow close to her..she is a good friend...well im about to go to lunch again and have to work at Galaxy after school so i wont be on until tomarrow...good day

today i had an interview and no i have a job..i work tomarrow at 5:30 to 1 i hope i have fun...yaya...

today i hung out with Janis, i dont think she feels so comfrotable around me anymore...i didnt get to hug her goodbye...i think it was an akward day..but the coolest thing happend..my yard was lit up by hundreds of lightning bugs around 8:30 literlally hundreds..Janis just saw the beginning of it

I had a great night...i bought Janis a crosage...and when i saw her in her dress i nearly collapsed...she looked amazing, i had told her before that she would look more dazzaling then the stars in the night sky..i soon found out that was an understatement...I had alot of fun even though i cant dance...after prom we went to change and i had a conversation with Janis that lasted a little over an hour...when im with her i cant stop talking...i have so much fun with her...after we changed we went to IHOP with Naomi and Kyle and talked about aliens, Naomi's penis, and so many other obsene things...it was fun...but the quesadillas had to much grease and didnt make me feel good at all..i sang my latin opera in the bathroom and when i walked out i got weird looks..what fun..then the gas hit me and i didnt feel so well..Janis told me to sit straight up with my head up and burb...so i did and i felt alot better..yay!!....after they dropped us off i talked to angela for a bit...then we left and talked all the way to my house...had an akward moment of silence at my house and hugged each other goodbye...and said our confusing goodmorning/night it was all great fun...
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Today was another great day...school went as usuall i stole Marlenas glasses and i could see!!! after that when i was home she called and asked if i wanted to swim and i said sure..my dad let me drive there!!! i dont have a license or anything!!! well i left after about 30 mins and went to see Janis, we met up at Taco Bell just as soon as i was about to pull out and try to find her house...we drove to her house and left the cars..then walked to the mall...we talked all the way there..and i still have short term memory problems... :'( i forgot her favorite movie and color..i dont remember if she told me her favorite song..but im thinking she did...i feel bad for forgeting it but i will remember...we walked to TILT and played DDR and i created a massive vacume( for those who dont know what that mean its "i sucked big time!!")..and she did good....after that we walked around a bit and went to Spencers and one of her favorite stores which i now like also..its got swords and stuff!!! after that we walked back to TILT and played DDR again..and i sucked a lil less this time...after that we were walking through Sears about to leave and an old friend spotted her..while they were talking i went and filled out the employment machine thingy....then when i was done with the first part i went back and they said there goodbyes...Janis said i look nervous....do i? maybe just around her....i really dont want to screw up..after that we walked back to her house and talked on the way like usual i dont think there is a single moment when we are together that we dont talk...we got to her house and we said our goodbyes.....she gives great hugs...i had to get two..after that i spent a lil bit infront of her house trying to find the headlights..i drove of and a cop turned around right in front of me....scared the beejjjjjezzuz out of me!!! then some jerk didnt use his blinker and turned less then 10 feet in front of me..i didnt curse when i yelled at him i said "Use your blinker you idiot thats what its there for!!!" and then another guy ran the stop light right next to me...i didnt say anything that time....yay!! i got home and told my dad were i was and told him the truth and he was a little disappointed but i think a little proud at the same time...i had a great day with a great person....

Yesterday i spent the day with someone extremely awesome...i dont see how anyone would want to leave her...i dont know the guy but he must not have been very honest...i dont see how anyone could mistreat and cheat on someone so intelligent, beautiful, kind, and there is so much more i could say about her that wouldnt even be understandable in words..because there are no words to describe her....I am greatly honored to accompany her

Well ive had a great weekend..full of fun and surprise....well now im all alone for 3 days...and it kinda weird how you get freaked out by normal sounds in your house...so i finally let my dog back in my room for the night...bc i figured if shes in tehre with me..she wont make so much noise and freak me out...i had both my knifes out ready to use on something or someone..im glad no one decided to come over that early...hmm well i still have a Spanish report due today that i cant find anything on...its the history and uses of maracas....cant find #$%^.....stupid internet...i found plenty of ways to make them........

its almost midnight...i just got back from the show..Garage 34, ju jitsu and someone else..i cant remember...i met Brandi and talked to her for a while..shes cool....walked around bought some camel reds and marbrouls for about a 1.50 about 6 of them..anywyas i got involved in the mosh pit and was freaked out bci had no idea what the fuck was goin on so i just split and went into the back room..i got in free bc i knew the guy at the front..and yea had fun..now im here and now im goin to bed goodnight...

yesterday it started out shitty after school, im pretty much forgettin about Julie...i went to the mall with a friend of mine and saw Sara, Courtney, MaryEllen, April..and numerous other people i know..they made us go into all these chick stores and even through victorias secret. i dont know about you but i feel like a pervert when i see thongs laid out on a table..after that we got ice cream and drinks then went to jc pennys then got a big cookie...left the mall with her parents and went back to there place i played Halo with her dad..which wasa good thing..he likes me now...then watched soem of Texas Chainsaw Massacre until she sat on the remote and the dvd player froze up and we couldnt get it working agian..then came home..got on for a while and went to sleep...

do i have a sign on my back that says "use me"?
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Today i woke up late..took a shower and got dressed went to school...hopped on the charter bus and left for Killien the choir got straight 1's and sweepstakes...wentt of fuddruckers...ate 1 and a half of there burgers...mixed my drinks and put lemons in it...came back to school finished my web page...slept in spanish...came home...mowed the damn lawn so i might get the chance to see someone special this weekend and i hurried on that bc i acually thought she might call me...almost blacked out bc of the heat and my lack of hydration(i dont drink water...its nasty) im not hungry at all...decided to try and have a little fun and stalked my parents in the woods by our house while they explored...i made wierd sounds and freaked out my step mom...now im sitting here alone and bored to fuck...waiting to be called waiting to get out of here.....i said i would wait, but that didnt mean i didnt want to see her...i havent seen her since monday morn..and i might have this morn, but im blind as fuck so it doesnt make a difference, some people are either bitchy or bein just plain fucked up stupid....again........meanwhile i sit here wondering and worring....my dads tryin to get me to cheer up..but everytime the phone rings i get excited and then he says its her...but then it turns out to be some stupid credit company again...it pisses me off....im tired and alone....i had brief happiness today...but its gone...it had nothing to do with winning the sweepstakes either.....

i had some intense training in Martial arts today...i did 20 rolls, crescent kicks..roundhouses..side kicks..jumping side kick...back fists...double backfists..split kick...spinning roundhouse and cresent kicks....jumping front kick...and some rondori....and some drills...all none stop all 20 times each..for about an hour...Havent seen much of Julie lately..wish i could....somehow i doubt she will call me back...but at least she warned me....right now im so bored.....im about to go to bed in about 15 mins......umm thats all i have to say for today....

I had a dream lastnight about donuts...weird huh? i really wanted donuts this morning alot...and i cant find my id anywere..im wondering were i put it.........i saw it monday other then that i dont remember my dad much...i was in a hazz..and no not of smoke..........

Some things have happend recently that make me look at everyone different....dont change who you are is what i learned.....ive been changing myself for people i dont even know my whole life.....i have so many times i really dont know who i am anymore....it feels like im living a lie...but yet sometimes lies help more then the truth...its just how you use them.............theres not much else to say... exept the same shit keeps happening..i adore the same people..the only thing that changes in my life is them....i wont ever find someone here for me......is there even someone out there? all the ones i love are already "in love" with a futureless idiot............

I cant stand couples being happy and making out in front of me!!!! one is for a reason i can not say....and another just makes me feel fucking lonely..........how do you think it is to live in 3 different cities in 5 fucking months!!!! you never get to know anyone, never get to do anything, never once get to fall in love..........well i did.......im supposed to be here for 3 fucking years........will i? i dont fucking know.....everything in my life is at the Militarys hands......i was only supposed to be here for 6 months but i didnt know that either........the length of time changes so often i could leave tomarrow!!! some of the fucking ppl i know wouldnt even notice........nothing at all would change........im just a fucking shadow to most ppl.......no one gives a fuck if i stay or dont.........how i feel......i stay home all week with nothing to do........i try to find shit to do......but i have no one to do it with.............theres a real shocker........and contrary to popular belief......IM NOT A FUCKING PERVERT OR A CREEP OR WHATEVER THE FUCK YOUR THINKING!!!!! if i come across like that im sorry...but in reality im not....hell if you were at Salems last weekend and you saw how i was saturday night....siting in the dark....freezing....not saying a word....just waiting........thats me!! and do you know the only people who came outside to make sure i was alright??? Kenny and Salem!! the two people i had just met!!!! Sara didnt even give a fuck!!! and ive known her for a couple of months now!! you see how fucking pathetic i am.....im a fucking puppet......tell me to do something and i jump.....all i want is real friends.......a real fucking life...not a shitload of people ive met before......i dont have stupid fucking dreams of leaving Waco....hell i would rather stay.......do you know how many times i think i may have feelings for someone?? my heart gets jerked into all directions and tears me apart!!! the bad thing is that every one of them has ended up with somone who doesnt have much of a future...most ppl here dont...............just think........by the end of the summer i may not even be a memory......bc thats all i have is faint memories............