Yesterday was one of the most amazingly odd days...i expected not to come home in one piece...of all the things i was thinking..i wanted Lisa to take out all her anger on me...i caused her alot of pain...and i didnt want to be teh cause and not get my own....i tried to get her to take it out on me....i put her hands around my throat..and she kissed my forehead....i put her hands on my mouth and nose so she could smother me...she carrassed my cheek...i had her hands beat me up...and she laughed....i wanted her to guage my eyes out...and she held me....i love her alot...it hurt when she first told me she hated me....and she has a reason too....i made a big mistake.....i took what i had for granted...and i dont ever want to do that again...Lisa means alot to me and i dont want to lose her...it confuses me that she would rather hold me..than killl me...for what i did...i truly do love her....

Today i woke up and scott ran into me in the hallway..i guess he woke up about the same time..anyways...the furniture dudes came and gave my sis all this furniture crap she doesnt need...so..then we were trying to make plans for the day with Mandi and Bri...first it was going ot the lake...then we decided to go to her house..and watch a movie..and swim we had lots of fun..i drowned in the pool a few times....Scott and Bri's lips were attached the whole time....i dont really want to say much of what Mandi and i were doing..i may edit this diary and put it in later...all in all i had a shitload of fun...i felt a little guilty through all of it bc of what i had told Lisa..so as soon as i got home..i got online and talked to her..she seems ok about it..but id rather her try to kill me, yell at me or something....shes eeriely calm...its kinda scary...im going to her house tomarrow...i hope everythings ok..

i had a lot of fun today...we went to hero records for a concert and it got cancelled by the fire marshal..so i had some peoples come over to my house...we had a small party...it was Mandi, Briana, Hannah, Kb, Chris, Scott, Trent, and i..we had alot of fun...we pooled our money together and went on a food run..watched jeepers creepers and some other stuff...cant really say...i dont remember much..

yea...so Angel told me to write in here so i am...Scotts over at the moment..and hes talking to Angel on the phone..im washing clothes for the show tonight.....and i rode to Shannons house and back this morning..i went to sleep at dawn and woke up 4 hours later....soo...ive got nothing to do

talked to Lisa from 12:30..to 3..combine that with the time before is about 6 or 7 hours...woot!!..i owe alot of money!! damn phones bills....and i need a job!! im going to appy at sonic tomarrow

hmm...Today i woke up..washed the car..and then was left home alone until sunday..with virtually no food..or money!!! so..its a game of survival...i talked to Lisa for a little over 3 hours tonight...blah!! i love her! and i want her back now!...umm im talking to Angel right now..and ihave no idea what else to write so byes1

yea so today i woke up around 12...went to scotts...hung out and talked to angel for a few hours...left with mick and scott and rode to the mall to meet angel..she could go..so we walked around...meet up with Mary..and brendon and porto-matt..and then went to brendons..watched a lil jay and silent bob....left....talked to Angel on the cell while trying not to it telephone polls..got an ice tea at bushes..road home in under 15 mins....went home...called Lisa....talked to her for a bit..accidently read Angels status message out loud..and now...i started something...it would have been better if i didnt ruin her vacation by reading that....now theres a sitiuation afoot about Dale might be cheating on her...which sucks ass...i dont want her to get hurt at all....i wish she want hundreds of miles away..or i would be with her right now....this fucking sucks...and its my fault she knows....im sorry..

ok so..im bored nuts agian..the only person keeping me sane at the moment is Angel...shes entertaining to talk to...and yea..i still miss Lisa...i ran out of o.j. and peanuts.....i went to see Anchorman today with vincent....umm....went to scotts before that...chilled with him for a bit...and now im here...

Im sitting here drowning myself in orange juice and peanuts....i tried calling Lisa today around ten..but shes probably out having fun in Padre...so ill try again tomarrow....i miss her like crazy..i hope shes having fun and im going to try to see her as soon as she gets back..

going nuts..missing Lisa....going even more nuts

Last night was the last night i would see Lisa for about a week..she went to south padre for vacation...im going to miss her alot..we had fun last night...we went to alburtsons and shopped..and i said alot of old lady's were sexy and wrinkles turn me on lol...Lisa elbowed me in the ribs..and that really hurt..but im still alive..we talked to an old guy at the register who thought we werent old enough to drink fu fu berry soda....it was good...then we went back to her house and chilled out..attacked each other..flirted..all that good stuff Angel was there too..i forgot that detail..we playes with a blue rubber ball in the store...it got stuck on the top of a shelf...hehe what fun....and then...we sat on each other....then Larry got there....he pissed Angel of so she beat the shit out of him..and he cryed like a baby.....he kicked her in the stomach....she got really really pissed....then we hung out and did some other things which i will censor out of this diary....and then went to Davids and had some spehgetti..i thought it was great..as did Angel....im not sure if Lisa did or not...when we got back...i sat lisa down in the living room and talked to her...i told her i loved her...and i meant that....we layed down in her bed together for a little bit..i love being with her and holding her...she makes me feel alot better...i truly do
love her

i really dont know what to think or do right now...The fling Lisa and i had is over....she still has feelings for Dale..and i dont know what to do or how to act around her now..its like..there wasnt a limit..and now theres a big brick wall.....Yesterday i met Angel and i kicked her ass on the trampoline..and sat on her and started teasing her about her black belt....i was asking her where she bought it and stuff like that....and she has problems with ppl touching her toes...so i took advantage of that.....and yea...i did flirt with her..and Lisa obviously didnt like that...i know its too soon to be trying to go after anyone else..but i hate being emotionaly alone..Lisa was someone i could hold..now i cant do that..i feel guilty when i do anything like that with her now....and when she looks at me her eyes glaze over..and she just looks into my eyes...i dont know what to think then...bc she did that alot when we could do things...i can really tell more of what shes thinking at the moment..then anytime else...I flirted with Angel alot yesterday..and at some points i didnt mean to....some things that ticked Lisa off about it were that i carrassed Angels side...and i dont mean to do that..its just that if im still for a long period of time..i have to do something with my hands...like carrasse her side..or pet Shanel or the other dogs..i mess with my watch alot..or something..or like now..im typing..bc i dont want to stop moving them...and the way i look at them both....Lisa used to be more to me then a good friend...now thats what she is is just a good friend...i cant look at her like i used to..it just hurts.......and Angel is a good friend too..thats why i look at her like that....i dont meant to do it..and yea theres a big dif....I didnt mean to do anything like that..its just that i really really do hate being emotionaly alone...it basicly kills everything about me...my whole personality goes to shit...and i know thats one thing they like about me.....some ppl have always told me to act like an ass..thats how everyone gets there girls.....i was like fuck that..and walked off..i cant be an ass to anybody unless i really try...so...Today im going with them to a bbq...i dont know whats going to happen....im just waiting for the phone call that says they're home so i can go..

Well at the end of last week rocked...i hung out with Lisa and she rocks!!! theres more things id like to tell her then that but she wont let me until shes ready...so yea..im waiting on her....shes great....im at her house at the moment...weve had fun today...its Her, Susie and I we tried napping in her bed..that didnt work..then i started picking on them...i had fun....im still having fun..and now im stuck with her lil bro watching him..so i g2g for now...im having a very good day

Well im finaly glad elftown is back up...i was about to go nuts....well heres all i can remember...about 2 weeks ago i met Sarah, Emily, and Jose...there pretty awesome..better then most ppl i have met.....i found out that Sarahs birthday was on the 26th of June so we wanted to plan something for her...but through my own stupidity the whole thing fell apart and we ended up baking a really retarded cake...and i bought her flowers bc i didnt know what else to get her...i wasnt trying to earn brownie points...i just feel like she fears me for some reason....maybe i come on to strong...im not trying to..anyway then yesterday i went with Scott and Mick to Target and the mall..and had so many ppl staring at us...mostly at scott's mohawk...and im glad Mick knows so many ppl...someone who knew him was there...so we hung out with them...there names were Cali, Lisa...and some guy they had just met Scott...who asked Lisa out in spencers...Cali rocks....we say we recognize each other...but i have no idea were i recognize her from..its a puzzler....they invited me to go with them to grams central..but i forgot to ask what time and were its at...yea..im a loser....so i sat around the house last night doing nothing....that bugs the crap out of me...so yea...last couple of weeks have been good and bad..and somewhat confusing..but enjoyable..

i had a great day yesterday...i went with Sarah, Emily and my sister to the movies and watched Garfield...Emily screamed and ppl busted out laughing....i thougth the scariest part was when he grabbed his butt dancing.....after the movie we hung out in the lobby and played some airhockey and fun stuff like that...i tried getting Sarah a Garfield but failed....then we went outside where it was hott as hell..and talked about church and stuff...then their ride showed up and we said our goodbyes..mean while Diana and myself were melting while waiting for my dad to show up..then i got a lecture..i have to quit my job and find one closer to home....i found one that pays 7 an hour and i work with scott so im going to see about that one...i wouldnt depend on my father for transportation..i would on scotts mom though....but its all good she likes me...and plus i will pay her gas money if need be..

i had fun today..i had a kick-ass time..i saw Salem at the mall..met Heather for the second time..dont think she remembers me...Matt made an ass of himself at the mall..by yelling "I cant get it up!! it never gets hard!! its always soft!!" the funny thing was he got stopped by a security guard and some dude...they thought he was mad and yea he was talking about his hair.. i hung out with Scott..Mik and Carl..had fun..mik is jumpy and hes a talker but not a walker....Carl is kick-ass..hes awesome...him and Scott went around shooting each other in the front yard...and Scott is just Scott..
i saw Krystal and Jackie there too....
I need to find something to do tomarrow..i dont want to stay home and be bored and since i am leaving on wensday for arkansas and wont be back until the fifth i want to spend some time having fun....

ok this weekend..........on thurs i hung out with a girl from mcc..then previewed the day after tomarrow....fri. i bought Janis a graduation gift and some stuff for my room then i worked.. sat. morn i went to Janis' graduation.. then to work..then i cut my finger open.it was deep but i didnt feel anything and it didnt hurt..bled alot though.....worked for another hour then went home early with the girl from mcc.. and now im here

well today was an interesting day..i got my life threatened...busted 3 guys with marijuana and nearly got my ass kicked...yea it started out when my friend p (as i will call her) saw two guys pass a dime bag of marijuana and then give some to another guy. thats were me and m come in..we both knew something had happened so we operated covertly and wrote a note and had coach h take it up he never read it so when i got done with my test i wrote a note on the bottom of it saying read the note m gave you..he did then he sent m with a student failure notice to the office to talk to the police who then acted on it and arrested 1 guy and like the idiots they are let the other 2 go to threaten us...they got pissed and stormed out of the class and stuff like that. after that m left to use the bathroom and never returned..to this moment we dont know what happend to her....after the bell rang one of the idiots was out there trying to fight me..so i slammed the door in his face and its a good thing we were the only two left in the class..so we stayed until it was clear and talked to the police would didnt do jack shit..and yea we have to get escorted to and from class tomarrow

i had a great weekend!! friday i went and spent time with Janis and we had alot of fun..we went to the mall and then i bought her dinner to partially pay back what i owe her witch i could never pay her back no matter how much i make... then we went to hastings and got some movies and messed around with the instruments..then we went back to her house and watched two of them until about 3:30 in the morning,i listened to funny noises in her stomach....and did some stupid things that made everything akward and made me feel like a fool, then she gave me a ride home. the next day we went and saw Troy..i had fun i dont know if she did...she forgot her wallet in the theatre so i ran back in from the parking lot, into the theatre,, down the hall into the movie, up the stairs and pack to the front lobby and gave it back to her..we had alot of fun. then i had to work..i stoped by to see her today and talked shortly then left...not the kind of visit i wanted but she had work to do and i can understand that.. well im tired so ill be back later

ok the damage toll is one dropped hotdog!! for my first day..oh and a ruined bun...the first day was pretty easy exept for cleaning the popcorn popper i dont like that much.....it takes way to long...the fun part is the floors there all greasey and buttery you can slide to were you are going...like when i get someone water or poweraid i slide to the fridge...its fun...but theres alot of hectic work to be done...break was nice...had bush's chicken...its good..then back to work....i made 40+ dollars last night and i will do the same today and tomarrow...so im good....