got my ingrown toe nails taken out...lots of blood and tissue and ripping noises...but great entertainment.....i wish lisa could have been with me...i know she wanted to.....i cant wait until she gets back next week..im going to call liz and ask if i can go along for the ride when she picks them up..no matter how much i go through with her...i still love her......anyways..today i went to the mall with mandi and hung out with hanna,amber,trent,kb,max,cc,her bro, and some other ppl...i saw teh amber from when i snuck out.....i dont know her last name...but shes cute...anyways...i came home...got bitched out when i was talking to lisa on the phone cleaned the bathroom....and now im here...writing this

ive been used yet again...and it hurts like hell.....i need to get out of here and find someone that will truly care about me.....this shit is what makes me so ready to leave....im moving again for those of you who even care.....but for some im not even a presence....and it pisses me off....i try not to do wrong to people..but i always do...........i cant ever find someone that will love me as much as i do them.....ive been told plenty by susie and angel that i should just disappear....and never talk to her again....im starting to think they are right....im thinking Lisa wouldnt even notice.........when others are around.....im not acknowledged......i wanted to leave her house, i walked off and i was amazed that she acually chased after me....i thought it was mick at first...i didnt expect Lisa to come after me.......she might care, but its not one of her priorities...niether am i...

Today was good some parts....others were blah.....i went to Lisa's then we dropped her off at her appointment....she said her psychiatrist said i was cute....or something like that....im guessing they talk about me......anyways...we went to micks....hung out there..then i went home....and we are supposed to sneak out tonight...no one better bail

TODAY WAS AWESOME!! let me say that again TODAY WAS AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!....there is no other day that comes to mind were ive had so much fun just being me....Today with Lisa rocked my socks...and we didnt even do anything that would......i went to her house and gave her too big hugs!! one for me and the other for susie....we talked a bit then went to Davids..and he was getting his new wheel chair so he was having a good time too..doing donuts and speeding and whatnot...then i drove Liz's car back to the house....Lisa was jealous bc i got to drive and she didnt, i let her park it..she did a bad job...and her mom told me i parked bad...lol...anyways we went back to Davids and his van is so F'n cool!! the door opens by itself then the ramp comes out..then the whole back end of the fan drops!! its sweet as hell!! we went to the mall and ate at wendeys then then saw Callie, Joe and Amber..i think thats her name...then we walked to Spencers and i got lubed up again!! it smells good..ima buy a bottle..just for the hell of it..oh and a lil sex tip book..it was funny as hell..however funny hell is....then we met up with Liz and David after sitting in Tilt for a bit talking looked around for funny socks,...lol...i still cant stand how they just show off thongs, i feel perverted when i look at them....anyways..we went back to the house and we hugged agains...then i sorta mad her dance...then we put in the ghetto Romeo and Juliet and she currled up in a blanket and cuddled with me......i think shes cuddly!!! i did something to her finger that she says kinda turned her on...lol....then we got into the car and acted goofy...her mom took a picture of us...which is one my page now....yay!! i missed her already..i wanna see her!!......why cant my parents ever go out of town when she still is in town!! then id ride down there during the night..

well yesterday i went to the mall with Lisa and Angel...we saw Callie's Joe and a few other ppl i knew....we played a sit down shooter and what not...i had fun.....then Lisa sat me down and interrogated me..i thought it was cute the way she was acting...i would get up and walk away...but she would always come after me...until i walked to far..then i just turned around and walked back...i couldnt stay away...then we just sat there..they played on the star thing on the floor..then we saw richard...talked to him..then he joined us and went to bestbuy then to Callies....Callie tried to kick me and i made a big mistake....i grabbed her foot and threw her to the ground....i didnt do it on purpose..its a reflex i was taught....the bad thing was she had broken her tail bone a few years back..and it hurt like hell.....she started crying.....i felt like a fool.....she was ok..and attacked me a few times later.....we got there and watched the end of edward scissor hands...im not sure if ive ever watched the whole thing...anyway hung out by the pool until nine....Lisa was trying to get my attention when i was talking to Callie...im not sure if she thinks i still like Callie or not....but she was trying so hard to get my attention...when she hadnt the rest of the day...and i was trying to get hers.......she knows she always has my attention...i thought that was cute....Lisa is proud that we just hung out today...it drove me nuts...im so used to holding her....nothing is the same now....she doesnt look at me the same..hug me the same....her hugs are dead now.....it sucks ass......Dale doesnt know how lucky he is...and he better not fuck up....i secretly wish he would..but i dont want to see Lisa hurt...i still dont think its fair how she has to wait on him for phone calls and stuff...she was yelling about him in the car last night....it kinda made me depressed....she so set on being with him...it kinda makes me wonder what my place in her life is.......

Today i got up reformated the pc and reinstalled every thing, talked to angel and lisa on the phone, then went shopping with Mandi, we came back to my house watched a movie and talked alot..played with the blowgun and cookie, then messed around on the pc while i cooked pork chops, got made fun of...she left, got on the pc, talked to lisa, angel, whiitnie, and Mandi on yahoo...angel burst out with a bunch of shit, got me irritated, Mandi seemed really calmed..and i was embarassed....i hated it...made two pics for mandi today, and now im talking to Lisa again

mii wedding to Whiitnie

Whiitnie(10:21:50 AM): hey kristen
Whiitnie(10:21:56 AM): kristin*
Kristin (10:22:01 AM): uh hey
Whiitnie(10:22:01 AM): dont leave!!
Whiitnie(10:22:01 AM): lol
Kristin (10:22:04 AM): y
Whiitnie(10:22:08 AM): ull see!
Whiitnie(10:22:09 AM): lol
Chris (10:22:10 AM): lol ok..whose teh pastor?
Kristin (10:22:10 AM): i gotta find a brace
Kristin (10:22:15 AM): for my knee
Whiitnie(10:22:15 AM): lol
Whiitnie(10:22:16 AM): ii cant be
Yvonne (10:22:17 AM): so when is ur wedding starting?
Kristin (10:22:18 AM): i cant hear u
Kristin (10:22:21 AM): u know that
Kristin (10:22:23 AM): brb
Whiitnie(10:22:28 AM): HURRY!!
Whiitnie(10:22:34 AM): we are having a wedding here lol
Chris (10:22:45 AM): lol
Chris (10:22:55 AM): we are just waiting on someone to become pastor
Whiitnie(10:23:08 AM): holli
Whiitnie(10:23:14 AM): haha
Kristin (10:23:35 AM): high
Whiitnie(10:23:39 AM): kristin
Whiitnie(10:23:42 AM): u wanna be pastor?
Whiitnie(10:23:43 AM): lol
Kristin (10:23:49 AM): hell fuckin no
Whiitnie(10:23:52 AM): lmfao
Whiitnie(10:23:53 AM): please!
Chris (10:23:54 AM): one sec
Kristin (10:23:58 AM): who r these people?
Chris (10:24:07 AM): hi im Chris
Kristin (10:24:08 AM): Whitney??
Whiitnie(10:24:11 AM): me and chris(mii fiancee)
Whiitnie(10:24:16 AM): and his friend
Kristin (10:24:16 AM): ohh
Whiitnie(10:24:17 AM): adn you
Kristin (10:24:18 AM): ur Chris
Kristin (10:24:19 AM): lol
Chris (10:24:22 AM): father of her baby!!
Whiitnie(10:24:23 AM): yah
Whiitnie(10:24:24 AM): lmfao
Chris (10:24:24 AM): yea i am
Whiitnie(10:24:27 AM): haha*
Kristin (10:24:34 AM): whos the other person?
Whiitnie(10:24:34 AM): kristin be the pastor
Whiitnie(10:24:35 AM): please!
Yvonne (10:24:36 AM): what's the baby name?
Whiitnie(10:24:38 AM): his friend
Chris (10:24:39 AM): brat
Whiitnie(10:24:44 AM): no it aint!
Kristin (10:24:47 AM): lol
Kristin (10:24:51 AM): omg
Chris (10:24:51 AM): i thought that what it was
Kristin (10:24:51 AM): lol
Kristin (10:24:53 AM): ok
Kristin (10:25:03 AM): yall want me to be the female pastor?
Chris (10:25:07 AM): yes!!!
Whiitnie(10:25:07 AM): sure
Whiitnie(10:25:08 AM): lol
Kristin (10:25:17 AM): yes
Kristin (10:25:18 AM): ok
Kristin (10:25:24 AM): ill be the fuckin pastor
Whiitnie(10:25:28 AM): lmfao
Yvonne (10:25:29 AM): lol
Chris (10:25:29 AM): lol
Chris (10:25:35 AM): pastors dont curse!
Whiitnie(10:25:38 AM): haha*
Whiitnie(10:25:41 AM): this one does
Kristin (10:25:41 AM): but someone is gonna have to carry me to the alter
Whiitnie(10:25:41 AM): lol
Kristin (10:25:42 AM): i do
Kristin (10:25:44 AM): im special
Kristin (10:25:45 AM): lol
Whiitnie(10:25:56 AM): ::carries kristin to the alter::
Chris (10:25:57 AM): fucking pastors think they rule the earth
Whiitnie(10:25:59 AM): hapy!!
Whiitnie(10:26:04 AM): happy*
Kristin (10:26:06 AM): lol
Kristin (10:26:11 AM): my knee ahhhhhhhhhhhh
Kristin (10:26:15 AM): ok
Whiitnie(10:26:18 AM): hurry up dork!
Whiitnie(10:26:19 AM): lol
Kristin (10:26:19 AM): i dont rule
Kristin (10:26:23 AM): im just special
Whiitnie(10:26:24 AM): i got a baby on the way
Whiitnie(10:26:25 AM): lol
Whiitnie(10:26:30 AM): too much stresss!!!
Chris (10:26:33 AM): lol we only got 9 months
Whiitnie(10:26:38 AM): haha*
Whiitnie(10:26:40 AM): exactly
Kristin (10:26:41 AM): what
Kristin (10:26:45 AM): im lost
Whiitnie(10:26:52 AM): start the damn thing
Whiitnie(10:26:52 AM): lol
Yvonne (10:26:53 AM): so when is the pastor going to start
Chris (10:26:58 AM): now!!
Whiitnie(10:27:10 AM): ...?
Kristin (10:27:13 AM): oh
Kristin (10:27:14 AM): lol
Chris (10:27:17 AM): yea thats yoru que
Kristin (10:27:18 AM): dearly beloved
Whiitnie(10:27:31 AM): haha* this is fucked up!!
Kristin (10:27:35 AM): we r gathered here to day to join Chris and Whitney
Chris (10:27:37 AM):
Whiitnie(10:27:42 AM): lmfao
Kristin (10:27:42 AM): in holy matchramony
Kristin (10:27:44 AM): lol
Whiitnie(10:27:51 AM):
Yvonne (10:27:54 AM): lol
Chris (10:27:58 AM): she said matromony wrong!! this is a bad sign!!
Whiitnie(10:28:04 AM): haha*
Kristin (10:28:04 AM): Chris repet after me
Kristin (10:28:06 AM): hahaha
Whiitnie(10:28:06 AM): oo shit up
Kristin (10:28:09 AM): leave me alon
Whiitnie(10:28:10 AM): shut*********8
Whiitnie(10:28:11 AM): haha*
Chris (10:28:11 AM): shit up?
Whiitnie(10:28:15 AM): haha
Kristin (10:28:32 AM): LOL
Kristin (10:28:33 AM): OMG
Chris (10:28:37 AM): theres another bad sign!! she spelt repeat wrong!!
Kristin (10:28:38 AM): LOL
Whiitnie(10:28:39 AM): im nervious!!
Whiitnie(10:28:41 AM): can you tell
Whiitnie(10:28:42 AM): haha
Chris (10:28:50 AM):
Kristin (10:28:57 AM): SHUT UP
Whiitnie(10:28:57 AM): ...?
Whiitnie(10:28:59 AM): haha
Kristin (10:29:01 AM): LEAVE ME ALONE
Kristin (10:29:11 AM): OK
Kristin (10:29:16 AM): CHRIS
Kristin (10:29:23 AM): TELL THIS TO WHITNEY
Whiitnie(10:29:36 AM): hah*
Kristin (10:29:36 AM): BABY I WANNA BE UR SPURM DONARER
Kristin (10:29:36 AM): HAHA
Whiitnie(10:29:38 AM): lmfao
Whiitnie(10:29:41 AM): OMG!
Chris (10:29:48 AM): Whiitnie BABY I WANNA BE UR SPURM DONARER
Kristin (10:29:52 AM): HAHA
Whiitnie(10:29:54 AM): haha
Kristin (10:29:55 AM): HAHA
Yvonne (10:29:56 AM): haha
Kristin (10:30:01 AM): WHITNEY TELL CHRIS
Kristin (10:30:08 AM): UR GONNA HAVE ALL 100 OF HIS KIDS
Chris (10:30:12 AM):
Whiitnie(10:30:27 AM): chris UR GONNA HAVE ALL 100 OF HIS KIDS
Chris (10:30:29 AM): thats alot of sex
Whiitnie(10:30:32 AM): LOL
Whiitnie(10:30:35 AM): too many chaps
Yvonne (10:30:36 AM): lol
Kristin (10:30:37 AM): LOL
Kristin (10:30:41 AM): OK
Whiitnie(10:30:43 AM): im getting scared
Whiitnie(10:30:46 AM): kik
Whiitnie(10:30:48 AM): lol*
Chris (10:30:49 AM):
Kristin (10:30:50 AM): CHIRS U MAY KISS UR BRIDE
Chris (10:30:55 AM):
Whiitnie(10:31:03 AM):
Chris (10:31:04 AM): how much are we paying this pastor?
Whiitnie(10:31:06 AM): we are married
Whiitnie(10:31:09 AM): its free!
Kristin (10:31:14 AM): 5000000 DOLLARS
Chris (10:31:16 AM): no wonder the service sucked
Whiitnie(10:31:18 AM): haha u wish
Yvonne (10:31:23 AM): WOW you two are finally married
Kristin (10:31:25 AM): hell naw my services cost
Whiitnie(10:31:28 AM): haha
Kristin (10:31:37 AM): yay im a sister in law
Kristin (10:31:38 AM): lol
Kristin (10:31:39 AM): haha
Whiitnie(10:31:41 AM): you can have half the cake we dont mess up ::wink:: and come to this party with me
Whiitnie(10:31:43 AM): haha*
Chris (10:31:50 AM): wooot...i love ya baby!!! lets have hot wild sex now!!
Whiitnie(10:31:54 AM): haha*
Whiitnie(10:31:57 AM): oo baby!!
Yvonne (10:32:02 AM): so where the party going to be at?
Kristin (10:32:04 AM): yeah
Whiitnie(10:32:05 AM): lol
Chris (10:32:08 AM): i got the saddle ready
Yvonne (10:32:13 AM): lol
Whiitnie(10:32:14 AM): lmfao
Whiitnie(10:32:15 AM): aww!
Chris (10:32:29 AM): you got the jumper cables and oil?
Whiitnie(10:32:34 AM): lol
Whiitnie(10:32:35 AM): yah
Chris (10:32:54 AM): wooot!!! now no one leave
Kristin (10:33:00 AM): MAMA SAID I CAN COME WHITNEY
Whiitnie(10:33:05 AM): ))))))))))))))))))))))
Whiitnie(10:33:08 AM): WAIT
Whiitnie(10:33:09 AM): YOU CAN!
Chris (10:33:25 AM): have you found out were your moving yet!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Whiitnie(10:33:46 AM): NOPE!
Kristin (10:33:49 AM): lol
Whiitnie(10:33:52 AM): as soon as this baby is born
Chris (10:33:53 AM): thats crappers!!!
Yvonne (10:34:00 AM): lol
Chris (10:34:01 AM): 9 months!!
Kristin (10:34:04 AM): yeah
Whiitnie(10:34:05 AM): lmfao
Whiitnie(10:34:06 AM): yah
Chris (10:34:13 AM): i wanna be there!!
Whiitnie(10:34:17 AM): kristen.. lemme call grandma real quick
Kristin (10:34:24 AM): lol
Kristin (10:34:25 AM): kk
Chris (10:34:32 AM): are you telling ppl you got married?
Chris (10:34:44 AM): they are going to think we are messed up?
Yvonne (10:34:49 AM): lol
Kristin (10:34:57 AM): haha
Kristin (10:35:02 AM): whats ur name?
Chris (10:35:05 AM): bob
Yvonne (10:35:05 AM): how can u say that about ur marriage sirhc
Yvonne (10:35:14 AM): lol
Kristin (10:35:15 AM): whats ur name?
Chris (10:35:18 AM): its Chris
Kristin (10:35:19 AM): i wanna know ur name
Yvonne (10:35:24 AM): who?
Whiitnie(10:35:25 AM): lol
Kristin (10:35:27 AM): u
Yvonne (10:35:32 AM): im a girl lol
Yvonne (10:35:34 AM): yvonne
Kristin (10:35:40 AM): oh
Kristin (10:35:44 AM): lol
Yvonne (10:35:48 AM): lol
Chris (10:35:52 AM): hey weres our honey moon?
Whiitnie(10:35:57 AM): lol
Whiitnie(10:35:59 AM): i dont know
Kristin (10:36:03 AM): sowwy
Kristin (10:36:10 AM): WHITNEY
Whiitnie(10:36:15 AM): what!
Whiitnie(10:36:16 AM): lol
Yvonne (10:37:15 AM): lol
Whiitnie(10:37:21 AM): he aint right!!
Kristin (10:37:23 AM): high
Whiitnie(10:37:24 AM): why did i marry him!!
Whiitnie(10:37:25 AM): ahh!!
Kristin (10:37:29 AM): i was talkin to muh mama
Kristin (10:37:35 AM): cuz u love him
Chris (10:37:35 AM): bc..you cant resist my sexymuss
Kristin (10:37:41 AM): like i love all 4 of my bfs
Kristin (10:37:44 AM): lol
Kristin (10:37:46 AM): im a whore
Whiitnie(10:37:47 AM): lmfao
Whiitnie(10:37:49 AM): oo yeah!! sexy!!
Yvonne (10:37:50 AM): lol
Chris (10:37:54 AM): lol..i only have 3 gf's
Kristin (10:38:01 AM): i have 4
Chris (10:38:01 AM): and 1 wife
Kristin (10:38:03 AM): bf's
Whiitnie(10:38:03 AM):
Kristin (10:38:08 AM): i have a lil nose
Chris (10:38:12 AM): no!!!1
Kristin (10:38:17 AM): lol
Chris (10:38:17 AM): i didnt marry them
Kristin (10:38:19 AM): hahahaa
Kristin (10:38:23 AM):
Chris (10:38:34 AM): i lvoe the way you talk!!!
Kristin (10:38:38 AM): i was a pastor
Kristin (10:38:40 AM): haha
Chris (10:38:49 AM): funnnnniest
Kristin (10:39:01 AM): life fuckin sux
Chris (10:39:08 AM): why?
Kristin (10:39:29 AM): cuz muh fuckin knee hurts
Yvonne (10:39:31 AM): is that u singing
Chris (10:39:42 AM): ummmm noooo
Chris (10:39:46 AM):
Yvonne (10:39:47 AM): sure
Chris (10:40:00 AM): yea..its horrible
Yvonne (10:40:10 AM): not really
Yvonne (10:40:11 AM): lol
Chris (10:40:18 AM): i cant believe she married a dork like me!
Yvonne (10:40:33 AM): hey she luvs u
Kristin (10:40:40 AM): yeah she does
Chris (10:40:47 AM): i told you they would think your nuts!!
Yvonne (10:40:58 AM): who?
Chris (10:41:04 AM): shes telling them about the wedding
Yvonne (10:41:08 AM): oh lol
Yvonne (10:41:14 AM): i know i can hear her
Chris (10:41:28 AM): can i wear your clothes?
Kristin (10:41:29 AM): KISS MY ASS WHITNEY
Kristin (10:41:35 AM): lol
Kristin (10:41:38 AM): haha
Chris (10:41:53 AM): hey ive seen whitneys ass..sorta..its nice and round
Kristin (10:42:03 AM): lol
Yvonne (10:42:11 AM): lol
Kristin (10:42:41 AM): thats fuckin great Chris
Chris (10:42:43 AM): no i didnt
Yvonne (10:43:07 AM): lol
Chris (10:43:17 AM): bite me you fat ugly biotch!!
Kristin (10:43:19 AM):
Kristin (10:43:33 AM): im so lonely
Chris (10:43:42 AM): i loveth you Whiitnie!
Chris (10:43:53 AM): you must be like brittany spears
Kristin (10:43:59 AM): ill be the judge at the divorce
Chris (10:44:00 AM): expet our wedding was shorter than 1 day
Kristin (10:44:19 AM): IM THE JUDGE
Chris (10:44:19 AM): ok...what if you cheat on me?
Chris (10:44:31 AM): i need to sue yvonne
Yvonne (10:44:52 AM): why? what
Chris (10:45:02 AM): ew...i kissed her and she had throw up in her mouth...thats worse them burping in it
Yvonne (10:45:10 AM): lol
Kristin (10:45:21 AM): hahaha
Chris (10:45:35 AM): want me to kill him?
Chris (10:45:40 AM): ill do it
Chris (10:45:44 AM): ok
Chris (10:45:47 AM): wait...i cant
Chris (10:45:55 AM): im going to the movies with Mandi at 2
Yvonne (10:46:03 AM): who's mandi?
Chris (10:46:14 AM): no..im not dating her
Chris (10:46:22 AM): im going on a date..but im not dating her
Chris (10:46:29 AM): ill pretend like its you
Kristin (10:46:33 AM): i wanna call somebody
Yvonne (10:46:46 AM): lol
Kristin (10:46:53 AM): im bored
Chris (10:46:54 AM): shes mad after a joyess occasion
Kristin (10:46:55 AM):
Kristin (10:46:58 AM):
Chris (10:47:03 AM): lol
Kristin (10:47:04 AM): monkey
Kristin (10:47:05 AM): lol
Chris (10:47:11 AM): im a monkey
Yvonne (10:47:14 AM): lol
Kristin (10:47:18 AM): haha
Kristin (10:47:24 AM): im the
Kristin (10:47:44 AM): lol
Chris (10:47:52 AM): so you rhorny?
Chris (10:48:02 AM): no..kristin
Kristin (10:48:03 AM): who?
Kristin (10:48:15 AM): WHAT
Kristin (10:48:20 AM): MAN IM NOT HORNY
Yvonne (10:48:24 AM): lol
Chris (10:48:24 AM): hey baby!! do you wanna make out
Kristin (10:48:28 AM): IM NOT A FUCKIN HORN DOG LIKE WHITNEY
Kristin (10:48:29 AM): lol
Chris (10:48:36 AM): lol...thats what i love about her
Yvonne (10:48:40 AM): lol
Kristin (10:48:44 AM): lol
Chris (10:48:54 AM): lol ok
Kristin (10:48:59 AM): shit fire
Kristin (10:49:00 AM): brb
Chris (10:49:06 AM): hot wild pic sex on the dance floor!!
Chris (10:49:14 AM): pig
Chris (10:49:18 AM): if you want
Chris (10:49:34 AM): put those things on elftown
Chris (10:49:50 AM): the pictures of our hot wild pig sex
Chris (10:49:55 AM): well then put it on there
Chris (10:50:12 AM): im sure if we recorded it we could make millions on that porno
Kristin (10:50:15 AM): what
Kristin (10:50:16 AM): ok
Kristin (10:50:19 AM): well look chics
Kristin (10:50:23 AM): imma go lay down
Chris (10:50:25 AM): lol
Yvonne (10:50:27 AM): lol
Kristin (10:50:29 AM): if u wanna talk call the cell
Kristin (10:50:31 AM): love ya
Chris (10:50:32 AM): byes!!
Kristin (10:50:34 AM): later dayz
Yahoo! Messenger (10:50:42 AM): Kristin has left the conference.
Chris (10:50:52 AM): so..were do you wanna go for our honey moon?
Yvonne (10:50:59 AM): i guess i'll leave yall alone then
Yvonne (10:51:01 AM): ok
Chris (10:51:07 AM): im not cheatin on you
Yvonne (10:51:14 AM): nice meeting u
Chris (10:51:27 AM): i didnt have sexual relations iwth that woman
Yahoo! Messenger (10:51:27 AM): Yvonne has left the conference.
Yahoo! Messenger (10:52:09 AM): Whiitniehas left the conference.

i had a sorta good day...exept for that fact that Angel hates my guts and would rather me bleed to death than ever forgive me....i spent the day with Lisa....even when in pain..i still have fun with her....i was attacked...it hurt...Angel broke a nail..and did something else to her hand in the process of choking and digging her nails into the back of my neck....i didnt try to stop her...i know i deserve every bit of it for what i had done to Lisa....i love her..and im sorry for what i did....but sorry will never be enough in this world we live in...someone i love hurt themselves today..i will add to their pain...by causing my own.

Yesterday was one of the most amazingly odd days...i expected not to come home in one piece...of all the things i was thinking..i wanted Lisa to take out all her anger on me...i caused her alot of pain...and i didnt want to be teh cause and not get my own....i tried to get her to take it out on me....i put her hands around my throat..and she kissed my forehead....i put her hands on my mouth and nose so she could smother me...she carrassed my cheek...i had her hands beat me up...and she laughed....i wanted her to guage my eyes out...and she held me....i love her alot...it hurt when she first told me she hated me....and she has a reason too....i made a big mistake.....i took what i had for granted...and i dont ever want to do that again...Lisa means alot to me and i dont want to lose her...it confuses me that she would rather hold me..than killl me...for what i did...i truly do love her....

Today i woke up and scott ran into me in the hallway..i guess he woke up about the same time..anyways...the furniture dudes came and gave my sis all this furniture crap she doesnt need...so..then we were trying to make plans for the day with Mandi and Bri...first it was going ot the lake...then we decided to go to her house..and watch a movie..and swim we had lots of fun..i drowned in the pool a few times....Scott and Bri's lips were attached the whole time....i dont really want to say much of what Mandi and i were doing..i may edit this diary and put it in later...all in all i had a shitload of fun...i felt a little guilty through all of it bc of what i had told Lisa..so as soon as i got home..i got online and talked to her..she seems ok about it..but id rather her try to kill me, yell at me or something....shes eeriely calm...its kinda scary...im going to her house tomarrow...i hope everythings ok..

i had a lot of fun today...we went to hero records for a concert and it got cancelled by the fire marshal..so i had some peoples come over to my house...we had a small party...it was Mandi, Briana, Hannah, Kb, Chris, Scott, Trent, and i..we had alot of fun...we pooled our money together and went on a food run..watched jeepers creepers and some other stuff...cant really say...i dont remember much..

yea...so Angel told me to write in here so i am...Scotts over at the moment..and hes talking to Angel on the phone..im washing clothes for the show tonight.....and i rode to Shannons house and back this morning..i went to sleep at dawn and woke up 4 hours later....soo...ive got nothing to do

talked to Lisa from 12:30..to 3..combine that with the time before is about 6 or 7 hours...woot!!..i owe alot of money!! damn phones bills....and i need a job!! im going to appy at sonic tomarrow

hmm...Today i woke up..washed the car..and then was left home alone until sunday..with virtually no food..or money!!! so..its a game of survival...i talked to Lisa for a little over 3 hours tonight...blah!! i love her! and i want her back now!...umm im talking to Angel right now..and ihave no idea what else to write so byes1

yea so today i woke up around 12...went to scotts...hung out and talked to angel for a few hours...left with mick and scott and rode to the mall to meet angel..she could go..so we walked around...meet up with Mary..and brendon and porto-matt..and then went to brendons..watched a lil jay and silent bob....left....talked to Angel on the cell while trying not to it telephone polls..got an ice tea at bushes..road home in under 15 mins....went home...called Lisa....talked to her for a bit..accidently read Angels status message out loud..and now...i started something...it would have been better if i didnt ruin her vacation by reading that....now theres a sitiuation afoot about Dale might be cheating on her...which sucks ass...i dont want her to get hurt at all....i wish she want hundreds of miles away..or i would be with her right now....this fucking sucks...and its my fault she knows....im sorry..

ok so..im bored nuts agian..the only person keeping me sane at the moment is Angel...shes entertaining to talk to...and yea..i still miss Lisa...i ran out of o.j. and peanuts.....i went to see Anchorman today with vincent....umm....went to scotts before that...chilled with him for a bit...and now im here...

Im sitting here drowning myself in orange juice and peanuts....i tried calling Lisa today around ten..but shes probably out having fun in Padre...so ill try again tomarrow....i miss her like crazy..i hope shes having fun and im going to try to see her as soon as she gets back..

going nuts..missing Lisa....going even more nuts

Last night was the last night i would see Lisa for about a week..she went to south padre for vacation...im going to miss her alot..we had fun last night...we went to alburtsons and shopped..and i said alot of old lady's were sexy and wrinkles turn me on lol...Lisa elbowed me in the ribs..and that really hurt..but im still alive..we talked to an old guy at the register who thought we werent old enough to drink fu fu berry soda....it was good...then we went back to her house and chilled out..attacked each other..flirted..all that good stuff Angel was there too..i forgot that detail..we playes with a blue rubber ball in the store...it got stuck on the top of a shelf...hehe what fun....and then...we sat on each other....then Larry got there....he pissed Angel of so she beat the shit out of him..and he cryed like a baby.....he kicked her in the stomach....she got really really pissed....then we hung out and did some other things which i will censor out of this diary....and then went to Davids and had some spehgetti..i thought it was great..as did Angel....im not sure if Lisa did or not...when we got back...i sat lisa down in the living room and talked to her...i told her i loved her...and i meant that....we layed down in her bed together for a little bit..i love being with her and holding her...she makes me feel alot better...i truly do
love her

i really dont know what to think or do right now...The fling Lisa and i had is over....she still has feelings for Dale..and i dont know what to do or how to act around her now..its like..there wasnt a limit..and now theres a big brick wall.....Yesterday i met Angel and i kicked her ass on the trampoline..and sat on her and started teasing her about her black belt....i was asking her where she bought it and stuff like that....and she has problems with ppl touching her toes...so i took advantage of that.....and yea...i did flirt with her..and Lisa obviously didnt like that...i know its too soon to be trying to go after anyone else..but i hate being emotionaly alone..Lisa was someone i could hold..now i cant do that..i feel guilty when i do anything like that with her now....and when she looks at me her eyes glaze over..and she just looks into my eyes...i dont know what to think then...bc she did that alot when we could do things...i can really tell more of what shes thinking at the moment..then anytime else...I flirted with Angel alot yesterday..and at some points i didnt mean to....some things that ticked Lisa off about it were that i carrassed Angels side...and i dont mean to do that..its just that if im still for a long period of time..i have to do something with my hands...like carrasse her side..or pet Shanel or the other dogs..i mess with my watch alot..or something..or like now..im typing..bc i dont want to stop moving them...and the way i look at them both....Lisa used to be more to me then a good friend...now thats what she is is just a good friend...i cant look at her like i used to..it just hurts.......and Angel is a good friend too..thats why i look at her like that....i dont meant to do it..and yea theres a big dif....I didnt mean to do anything like that..its just that i really really do hate being emotionaly alone...it basicly kills everything about me...my whole personality goes to shit...and i know thats one thing they like about me.....some ppl have always told me to act like an ass..thats how everyone gets there girls.....i was like fuck that..and walked off..i cant be an ass to anybody unless i really try...so...Today im going with them to a bbq...i dont know whats going to happen....im just waiting for the phone call that says they're home so i can go..