MINE DAMN IT heh *licks face*

I wish Jackline could have time. But thats the least of my problems. I like being around her. She seriously makes me day. Well sooner or later...I won't be chicken enough to kiss her. heh. Well got to go.

I haven't typed in this in a while. But the latest news...um...i lose my girlfriend. I get kicked out of my house. And Life sucks more. So if you still want to talk, talk to me please.

Well gee...been a long time since i typed in my die-ary....yup. Um..Met this chick Lisa. She cool. Her friends seem to want to look out after me. If i said that correctly. I went on a field trip today at school. Some Bullshit ass convention center college career day. It sucked. At lunch it was funny because the convention center they served hotdogs and lays, animal crackers, and mr. pibb. so i took 6 of them. Asked people if they wanted my chips. They would reply yea, sure, ok. And i would reply "Too bad" which is off of sealab 2021 hehe. Well I got to go. L8te.

"Sometimes....

You can cry until there is nothing wet in you.

You can scream and curse to where your throat rebels and ruptures.

You can Pray, All you want to whatever god you think will listen.

And, Still, It makes NO difference.

It goes on, with no sign as to when it might release you.
And you know that if it ever did relent...

It would not be because it cared."

-Written in blood before everything went black.

Believe it or not, but this is actually from a comic book. But It puts alot of meaning to me.

Hm.. Same o same o. I wake up alone. Life feels just like the movie Ground Hog Day. Everyday is the same. Which some of the parts aren't that bad, really. Seeing someone i really care about. Trying anything to make her feel better. I Feel like a god around her, she is the only one really for me to realize she cares for me. I've never seen my mother before. So i don't know what it is like to feel the love of a mother. Yea. She left me when i was 4 months old. Great huh? Well My dad i thought for a long time cared for me, but all these bad women fucked his head up, and now theres a good chance that he doesn't love me. He told me a couple nights ago, " I don't give a fuck what you think". So does that mean he still loves me. I don't think so. So I'm here with only one person, JUST ONE GOD DAMN PERSON THAT CARES FOR ME , ALOT! I mean Yea my friends care for me. But not the same as she does. If i lose her again, I swear on the bible or on any of my family's graves I will kill myself. I don't want to lose her again. Life is to short to not be happy. Thank you James for everything. Thank you to all my wonderful friends!

I'm so alone in this world. I want things i can't have. I will never have it if i keep acting like i do. Hell at the rate i'm at now. I'll prob. Never have her. never.....

Fuck this world
Fuck this Periodic time called life.
Fuck Mom
Fuck Dad
Fuck these so called friends
Fuck the people that don't give a damn
Fuck Death
Fuck life
Fuck Black
Fuck White
Fuck everyone that knows
Fuck Men
Fuck Women
Fuck me
Fuck You.
Fuck it all.

Update. The girl I am in love with. Just made me happy! w00t!

Well this is great. Just fucking great. Well lets see the girl i love is sad now. Because i told her that the only way for me to get over her completely is to go out with someone. (for those that don't know we were together a while back but i fucked up a couple times and we never got back together, she moved on) So i told her that and she all sad and depressed, she claims that its not me but i know its me. Now i'm with another person. Yup. Moved on and feeling like shit. YAY! LIFE SUCKS SOMEMORE. GOD REALLY HATES ME!

Well, Its been a while since i typed in my die-ary heh. But well nothing has really change, Me alone. My frineds are still cool. And well I don't know there is a concert this friday, and my friends tasha [Orange_Skittle] keeps asking me if i'm going. So I might just show up. Well i guess this is the end.

Elftown gave me another chance......i dont care. No one cares why the fuck should I?.....Life....is so fucking lonely....and tis is my own damn fault. But remember no one cares.

Well here i am again writing in this fucking journal...diary...or what the fuck ever it is...i don't fucking care anymore. Im fucking tired......I'm tired of people fucking hating me...im tired of my dad and his fucking problems...I'm tired of people that say there my friends and then go around and call me an asshole for being nice.....I'm tired of my head hurting, heartbreaking, and Life. Ah yes Life... FUCK IT! I FUCKING HATE WHAT THIS SO CALLED GOD DID THIS TO ME. FUCK EVERYONE THAT BELIEVES IN THAT PIECE OF SHIT. FUCK ELFTOWN AND THERE "COPYRIGHT" BULLSHIT! FUCK EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING THAT FUCKING MOVES THERE JUST A FUCKING WASTE OF FUCKING SPACE! JUST FUCK IT ALL! ALL.....

Once again another day i woke up and i'm still alive....damn god why me.....well anyway....Later to day i almost got jumped by a bunch of fucking niggers!!! YAY!! me and trent [GradeZero] and don't start with the races mail....theres a difference.....Nigger - someone that picks on someone for who they want to be. Black Person- Someone that accept me for who the fuck i am!

MY FUCKING HEAD HURTS!!!

Well yet another day of me sitting here....BORED!!! i want to go to the concert but i dontk think i will..........wip de do!!! God i hate this....

Push my fingers into my eyes...
It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache...
But it's made of all the things I am today...
Jesus, it never ends, it works it's way inside...
If the pain goes on...
Aaaaaaaah!

I have screamed until my veins collapsed
I've waited last, my time's elapsed
Now, All I do is live with so much fate
I've wished for this, I've bitched at that
I've left behind this little fact:
You cannot kill what you did not create
I've gotta say what I've gotta say
And then I swear I'll go away
But I can't promise you'll enjoy the words
I guess I'll save the best for last
My future seems like on big past
You'll live with me 'cause you left me no choice

I push my fingers into my eyes
It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache
If the pain goes on,
I'm not gonna make it!

Pull me back together
Our seperate the skin from the bone
Leave me all the Pieces, and then you can leave me
alone
Tell me the reality is better than dream
But I found out the hard way,
Nothing is what it seems!

I push my fingers into my eyes
It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache
But it's made of all the thing I am today
Jesus, it never ends, it works it's way inside
If the pain goes on,
I'm not gonna make it!

All I've got...all I've got is insane...
All I've got...all I've got is insane...
All I've got...all I've got is insane!
All I've got...all I've got is insane!

I push my fingers into my eyes
It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache
But it's made of all the thing I am today
Jesus, it never ends, it works it's way inside
If the pain goes on,
I'm not gonna make it!

Well havnt type on this in a while....well i had an awsome weekend......i mean hell i go to shekins to the skatepark then to the abanded k-mart get caught back to shekins then back to the skatepark....man what a wonderful friday...
Saturday i wake up clean my room, go to hastings to go see a concert Locus was playing.....then go to shikens then to courtney's then back to shikens......
Sunday....well sunday sucked but the rest of the weekend was awsome thx yumm tasting Ovaltine.....^.-

Gut seinen einen anderen Tag mit mir beschwerend mich. Noch wieder Lebens saugt. Ich verpasse sara gerade darf sehen sie. Aber ich verpasse sie. (Prob ertönt gruselig) Aber mein ehemalig gf Janis ist aufgelöst worden mit ihrem bf gestern nachdem er hat betrügt auf ihrem dem Ganzen messen Zeit sie sind gegangen aus. der,,, . Sie hat mich erzählt, daß sie weiß, wie ich jetzt gefühlt habe. .....and ich habe erzählt, daß es ihres nicht ausmacht. .....time hat vorbei. .....

Где - любовь в мире! Никто, кажется, не любит меня мой папа, Моя подруга только как друг для нее. Мой друг даже не действует подобно этому ......... бог, я ненавижу этот мир.

Wenn der Tag ist, den ich mein Selbst töten kann, das ich wünsche, daß ich tot irgendwann ich hier war. Leben saugt, Mein Vater Saugt, warum nicht ich kann, bin tot. Ich bin tot, sage ich, daß diese Briefe DWCTUA bedeuten!