What defines justification? Not just the dictionary definition...but how people come to the conclusion that what they are doing/going to do/have done is o.k? Disctionary definition of justify,"To prove to be just, right, or reasonable," Take the things that sick guy did to that Shasta girl after killing her family... Some one can't really think that is just/right... Can they? And now he sits in his prison cell and smiles at people as they walk by I hear... Just the same...How can girls go to bars every night and try to pick up some guy to take home that night? Does that click as right? Is it their dream to find a smoking alcoholic and possible drug addict for a husband? If so how the hell did that romantic aspiration come in to play? They can't have thought like that their entire lives... At what age/event do they go from, "I want a good guy who can make me laugh." to "I want a smoker with gingevitus, hepititus, cancer, and a bad liver, who drinks and does drugs..." As I myself have such high standards for people in general see something like that as almost a form of masochism... Do they hate them selves or something? I guess who am I to determine that that isn't exactly a "high aspiration"...Everyone wants something differient... But still... What differs in human justification from one person to another? I mean...We all grow up on the same planet right? We all breath the same poluted air... We all see the sky, and the clouds, and the sun, and have swam in the same dirty recycled water... *sigh* I don't know where i'm going with that... I guess I am trying to figure out what I, myself. justify... What differs from what other people see as right and myself.. How can I play games all the time and just look forward to winter so I can snowboard finally... I just kind of dwell in my hobbit hole until I can snowboard Lol...My aspiration for this year anyhow..Other than my college classes...Which I am taking an abnormal amount of... Hope I still have alot of time to snowboard... I am not sure what I really want out of life =p. I am thinking I am just going to go to college here, for fall, and possibly spring, depending on what I need to exchange to France, or Sweden or something... I really don't mind which I go to...France would help me master the language though, so that is my preference... But Sweden... Lil lives in Sweden... And if there has ever been one thing that I have wanted unfailingly it has been to meet her... I can't even think of why anymore... I just know that when I talk to her, my heart lifts yet I get sad at the same time because it seems so far away... I want to be far away though... I wish I could go to India with her! She is going to ride elephants without me... I wish I could be there... I feel bad that I couldn't go there this summer like I siad I would... Now I feel like anything else I say would be uncredible... Like I am just a maybe memory to her =p We don't talk much anymore... I feel awkward when she is online because I feel like I want to say something...But I usually don't...We just kind of... look at eachothers house all the time..in silence... Kit talks to me though hehe, she is hilarious =) her diaries are funny too.. And they usually draw images in my mind of what it would be like in Sweden, and what Lil is like. And she is one of the most stubborn people I have met =).

  On another note... Callie moved away this morning, at 2 A.M. She moved to somewhere in Oregon...She never gave me my books back... That makes me sad... Even if was just going to give them to some other friends anyways.. I love to give stuff away =) It is fun... People seem happier when there is something they don't have to work hours to aquire... Anyways... I went over to see her before she left cause she called and said she wanted to say bye.. So I walked over there bare foot...25 blocks there.... and when I got there, one of her other friends was there... Some major dyke that hates ALL men unless they are gay =p. So Callie just gave me a small hug and we both said bye... She was searching for some hint of sadness in me, I could tell... But there was none... I am happy she is leaving =p. For her sake and mine...

  It feels kind of good to be alone... Not have any real obligation to come out of my home for anyone... I will eventually of course... But I am just kind of basking in lonelyness at the moment... I think it feels good...If only for a little while... Sometimes I get depressed though... Usually when I see Lil on and we look at eachothers house and say nothing... =p Juts kind of sets this dramatic chain reaction off in my head... And I think about how much I think Coeur d'Alene sucks... And how much I want to see the world...With Lil? With Steven? Will DJ be there? Will Kit be there? that seems like it would be the most fun in the world! all 5 of us...Maybe 1 more person, but, all of us just traveling all over the world =). I am too much like Peter Pan for my own good =p. Listening to Green Day - Good Riddance... My favorite songs right now I think are: Blindside - Pitiful, Breaking Benjamin - Forget it, Matchbook Romance - Tiger Lily.

  K... Guess I am done now... Think i'm going to call my mom so we can finish filling out my financial aid crap for college =p.

Poor Diary =(. It's all empty. Well...I'll just have to remedy that....


Well....I didn't sleep...again.....And I know it's not the computers fault, because it happened for the several days that I wasn't around a computer as well...So I think I actually have Insomnia...Unless sleeping once every 2-3 days is natural. I am in Portland right now =) Yay!. Finally away from Coeur d'Alene if only for a little while, depending on my choices.....I don't think I will have to Worry about CDA much longer though....I hear the weather in Paris is nice.....Well....Kinda..... I'm looking for some one to draw....But I can't find a picture...Mostly because I wont look though i'd say. And no way in hell am I looking for one in the search engines, last time alsmost made me throw up right off! Some of the nastiest things you will ever see, on the internet, they are found! *nods* It's 1:00 P.M.....Still awake.....Blast! I need to find a more productive way to spend my Insomnia....I will just title that the time that I should normally be sleeping, or should ahve gone to sleep and haven't yet. I am going to Pacific City today =), then to Eugene on Monday! This "getaway/trip/runaway" has been well worth it id say, I am feeling much better =). And am actually making decisions for once, instead of getting depressed right when I need to make a decision and then not making any at all..... I think I am beeing cured =). But it's all in my head....So I'm curing myself =). *sigh* Back to work on my wiki page thingies.