I LOVE JOESEPH PARKES

Violet


Crying alone in the darkness, the once young girl sat, screaming out into the engulfing misery. Her eyes blood shot and streaming, the knife that she once hid safely underneath her loose floorboard, was now steadily slicing horizontally across her wrist.
Blood flowing, the now young woman lay, soon to be unconscious, on the hard wooden floor.
Her life up until this point had been a series of suicide attempts following the death of her family. She had no one, and although she was now the age of an adult her heart still remained that of a child.
Her mother died during Violet’s birth, and her father then died soon after, in what seemed to be, or should I say in the police’s opinion “suicide”.
She was then sent to live with foster parents, as there was no other living relation she could live with. Her foster parents soon fell in love with her and adopted violet as one of their own.
For many years violet lived happily with her family and experienced all the good things that comes with childhood and teenage life that is up until her fifteenth birthday. After that, things started to go downhill. Violets mother went into hospital with an acute case of leukaemia and as a way of expressing the pure hatred she felt upon her self she started to experiment with self-harming. For the first couple of times she could feel the pain, and she liked it, but after about six months it no longer seemed a thing she ‘liked’ to do, it had by then became a thing she craved, an addiction.
Her mother died shortly after her seventeenth birthday, violet was devastated, the cutting and solvent abuse became more and more serious as time went on, the cuts got deeper and the tablets got of a higher quantity.
After violets mother died her father had became abusive, he would come home drunk every night and it was her that would have to deal the abuse that then followed.
The cutting was now not only an addiction it was an obsession. Even then it still wasn’t enough, there was nothing that was keeping her interested in life, she needed something of her own, and by this I don’t mean scars left behind from the now almost deadly cutting.
Violet’s eighteenth birthday, she sat in her room, with the only possession she had left that had given her happiness since her fifteenth birthday. Her father had by then left violet to deal with life as it was handed to her, explaining that she was an adult and could take care of herself, with that one sentence he left, with no regrets or regards.
In the painful days following the leave of violets father, violet found a new toy, a new instrument to cut away at her flesh; the blade that was supposed to lie inside a sharpener was now in violets hands.
The cutting became easier, became quicker, became a lot deeper and became a lot more dangerous.
On Christmas Eve she used the blade for the last time, the last time she ever would, this night would be the last night of her life, and she wasn’t scared of dieing, not anymore.

this is a story i started when Char was at my house i finished it yesterday, not very good but meh i like it

thursday, hmm, got here on monday, i miss you guys allready, ive changed my mind bout coming to live over here, im so bored, so mother fucking bored, times like theese i get out a sharpener blade and hack my arm to pieces just for the sake of it, i havent had a fag since sunday and im just about ready to slaughter someone i really am, im so mother fucking stupid soooo stupid, ive got myself addicted to the worlds like number one killer, i miss Char, my best friend, and Edd, my boyfriend, and my other best friend eddy, more than anything, my mind is made up, i hate my mum for all the pain she inflicts on me, but that hate isnt strong enough to get me to live without those three people, the three most important people in my life,  my step brother joe lost his girlfriend who he's been going out with for a year and started self harming again, like he used to, i hate seeing him like this, thats what i would be like , probably even worse, without those three people, thats what this diary message is for to tell those three people how much i love them

here's a
poem just for you catherine


all in my own world of misery
all i think of is what my so called friends said
i will stare into space for eternity
as my arms bled

take me for who i am
or dont take me at all
if you look into my eyes
in regret i will fall

swinging on this rope
i allways knew this was my fate
you walked into the room
but in the end it was just too late