Today I officially graduated high school, class of 2009, a Valedictorian and a 4 year member of the California Scholarship Federation.

It seemed to go by so fast, I guess. It doesn't feel like an end or a beginning. It doesn't really feel like anything but another summer. Maybe it'll sink in soon.

Everyone says they're proud of me, but I can't see exactly why they're proud. Proud of not being a complete and utter worthless pile of shit? I suppose that's a compliment. I should be proud of being one of the many Valedictorians (which just means I didn't flunk my higher level classes, which are ironically less work than average classes), but I don't really feel that proud about that either.

Hmm. I guess I just haven't quite come to terms with it all. Well, I'll realize it in the middle of summer everything that's happened. In the meantime, congratulations to my fellow graduates here and everywhere :D

Random quotes from Star Trek: TOS, the greatest show ever.

"You know why you're not afraid to die, Spock? You're more afraid of living. Each day you stay alive is just one more day you might slip and let your human half peek out. That's it, isn't it? Insecurity. Why you wouldn't know what to do with a genuine warm decent feeling."
--Dr. Leonard McCoy

"In this galaxy, there's a mathematical probability of three million Earth-type planets. And in all of the universe, three million million galaxies like this. And in all of that... and perhaps more, only one of each of us."
-- Dr, Leonard McCoy

"You see, I feel sorrier for you than I do for him, because you'll never know the things that love can drive a man to. The ecstasies, the miseries, the broken rules, the desperate chances, the glorious failures and the glorious victories. All of these things you'll never know, simply because the word "love" isn't written into your book."
--Dr. Leonard McCoy

"Those of you who have served for long on this vessel have encountered alien life-forms. You know the greatest danger facing us is ourselves, and irrational fear of the unknown. But there's no such thing as 'the unknown,' only things temporarily hidden, temporarily not understood."
--Captain James Kirk

"The only thing unbearable in the world is that nothing is unbearable."

And thus the college acceptance/rejection gamble begins.

I applied to a total of nine colleges this year--six UC's and three CSU's. Luckily I got into all three CSU's, but...

Today I got my first rejection letter from the only UC I thought for sure I'd get in to, which, logically, pretty much rules the rest of them out unless the system is REALLY fucked up (which I suppose is always possible, since my friend the IB-Valedictorian-Eagle Scout didn't get in to CSLO).

*sigh*

Fuck my life.

News news news :)

First of all, this past Monday was the first day of school. Basically, this year will be like last year, except a little harder and a little more awesome at the same tome :D I'm taking Spanish 4 AP, IB Biology, IB Mathematics, US Government and Politics AP, English Literature AP, and TAing for my favorite teacher's English class :D Fun fun.

In other news, Owlie was published in another book :D A poetry book, of course. I even made the first page of the book, which is kinda awesome hehehe But I'm excited about it (^,^)

In less happy news, my cat Pancho has diabetes apparently :( He's in the hospital right now and will be for the next few days. Its really quiet without him--Owlie's very worried and sad :( Even the other cats are freaking out a little.

But anyways, that's about it.

This is Owlie, signing off.

So, not like anyone cares, but my mother just had a major head wound in the airport across the country from our home. We missed our flight, and possibly missed the entire vacation. If i post something new within a day or two, that means they won't let us on the flight at all and we had to head back home already.

Again not like anyone cares...but just in case.

Message if actually interested in details.

For all who don't know, and for the few that care to read, I'm going off on vacation for the next week or so. I'll be back on here June 9 at the earliest, unless by some stroke of luck there's internet access and phone service in the Caribbean :P In which case you'll see me earlier than that. But don't get your hopes up. I'll take lots of pictures and post them someplace if anyone's interested.

In other news, my shitty Biology teacher might give me a C in the class. Which sucks. That's about all I have to say on that matter.

BUT! School is over at last!! Sort of. This summer is going to suck some serious ass, methinks. Technically I only have 2 WEEKS of summer instead of 2 MONTHS like everyone else. Taking PE over the summer in the 100+ heat for 4 weeks is not going to be dandy -_- Vacation's nice, but not whem my mother is hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt and doesn't care anymore. Bleh :\

At least I'll be in another country for a while. Just as hot, but at least its not a bloody desert -_-

See ya next week, guys!

So guess what? I has blog nao: http://niteowlnest.blogspot.com/

Yup, world just ended.

Dunno why I got it, or what I'll put on it, but there it is. I think I'll be putting some of my actual writings there if anyone's intersted in that. I plan on writing at least one small piece of fiction every week. We'll see how that plays out :P

In other news, we have only three weeks left of school including this one :D This week I have a Calculus final on Taylor series and vectors, and a two-day Spanish 3 final.

Finished my two hard AP tests--Calculus I think I did alright, History I don't really know. I think I might have barely passed :/ But tomorrow is my AP English Language and Composition test, and I'm not worried about that one hardly at all :P

Thursday I have a poetry reading at my school that should be pretty good, unlike last time when it ran the same day that "Our Town" opened -_- That was lame. Also, the fifteenth is one of me best buddy's birthdays :D Yay, party and relaxation!

It looks like I'm going to end up with four B's and two A's this year, which isn't that good--a bit worse than I had hoped--but it works out okay I guess. The grades are weighted, so technically I think I still have a 4.0+ GPA :) I'm just trying to forget about it and just keep them up and don't fuck up anymore than I already have.

But anyways, that's the news, and I'm out.

So...it's the last month of my Junior year of high school. Not very pleased about it actually. Very little to look forward to for quite a long while.

So here's what's going on in May that will probably end in my death:

--All my final tests. Hardcore finals in all classes but one (English).
--Last DBQ (Document-Based Question) in US History, and last quiz
--Final project in History (due dat unknown)
--Final project in Spanish (due May 9)
--Final project/assignment in Psychology on Panic Disorders (due May 21)
--Final project/lab in Biology HL (due date unknown)
--AP Calculus AB Exam=rape me (May 7)
--AP US History Exam=possible rape me, possible okayness (May 9)
--AP English Language Exam=probable pwnage with my essay-writing l33t skillz (May 14)
--Poetry readings and portaits for friends on my "free time" (lol)
--Probably other stuff not assigned yet -_-''''

For those who don't know, AP Exams are giant tests of doom that rape you in the ass for college credits. Based on the score you get (1-5, 3 being the passing grade), most colleges will consider it as having taken the class and you can skip basically your whole freshman year at a university. Crazziness. However, sometimes they take it if you pass, sometimes you have to rape it harcore for it to matter to them.

Basically, what all this means, is that I'm quite busy for a while. I might not be on as much as I usually am, what with the major studying and such.

Also, my mood has been testy lately since my grades are dropping a little and I'm running out of time to get them back up. Right now I have two A's (Spanish and Psychology) and four B's (English, Biology, Calculus, US History), which may not seem bad but my goal was four A's and two B's. I might be able to barely manage that, or at least to bring one of the up to an A. Fucking Bio. teacher keeps docking points for nothing, so I'm on the edge of a C for nothing at all. Asshole.

Anyways...

If I'm not on, I'm reviewing the differences between Madison's and Jefferson's administrations, or possibly reviewing theories of integration and substitution, or cramming everything I know about Nathaniel Hawthorne and George Orwell into my brain. Fun stuff, but it has to be done.

See ya eventually.

So I'm thinking of sending in a secret to Post Secret (see www.postsecret.com). I haven't decided what exactly to say, and I've been brooding over it for weeks now. I sent one in, as a preliminary, just to see if I could do it.

A little while back I actually wrote a secret of mine on a dollar bill and spent at the student store. I kinda like the idea. I just hope that someone reads it and understands what it means.

(I'm really not depressed at all, by the way, since I kinda sound like it :P I found my old Star Fox 64 game which makes me smile insanely, and anyone who's ever played it will agree with its awesomeness :D)

But besides all that,

Happy St. Patty's Day!!

So I tried out for my first play today--Arthur Miller's The Crucible. No idea if I'll be in it yet, I didn't even get to read lines for the characters I signed up for (Elizabeth Proctor, Rebecca Nurse, and Mrs. Putnam--didn't want to be too daring). I read for Mary Warren's couple lines in the beginning and that's it. But it was fun anyways. I'll see this morning if I made callbacks.

Sadly, literally right before leaving to go to auditions, I got after-school work for nothing in my 6th period. Bastard...he hates cell phones so much that if it's on at all he'd rather take it away for good, but they told him he couldn't do that anymore...*sigh* Oh well. I'll deal.

Anyways...I've had a major lack in creativity lately with all the testing and the essays going on, and it'll only be worse from now on, especially in April, where we literally have testing every day except two fridays. Bleh....

But I'm late for school, so I'd best be off. Hopefully you'll see a new poem up or something in the next few days/week or two.

Cheers and beers, mates (^,~)

So, yeah, Valentine's Day...

This is the first time I've actually had someone to do something with. There was nothing really special. It was just simplicity. I was sick and she was busy, but we managed a small cheap but sentimental present (a real pearl in an oyster, courtesy of me) and a massage, and dinner like we usually do.

I've never hated Valentine's Day, honestly. I always thought it was kinda pointless as far as shool goes, and I think it's a horrible idea to force elementary kids to give Valentines to everyone in the class. But I don't think huge flamboyant public displays are called for. That does piss me off. Show offs, suck-ups, lousy lays, shallow people, rich assholes. That's what shows through Valentine's Day. My idea of perfection is the day off from life, laying at home with simple snacks, some liquor, and a good movie. Just a day for just us relatively alone for once would be nice.

Yeah, that'd be great :)

Happy Valentine's Day to the hopeful singles out there. Be happy, mates.

So, today after second period I had to go home for the fact that I basically could hardly speak or breathe my throat hurt so bad. Not to mention my headache (I don't usually get headaches, and when I do....well, they're bad). I waited for a full hour before my step-mother came to get me. As I was leaving, hobbling on outside with a hand clapped to my forehead like an idiot, this other girl that had been in the health office told me that she hopes I feel better and smiled.

It always makes me feel better knowing that at least one person still has a heart for strangers. Love and peace to whoever you are.

So today we got to see GEORGE CARLIN! In person! In our own town! Crazy madness, it is! I have no idea why the hell he'd want to come out here at all, really I don't, but it's still fucking awesome.

It made me sad though, to realize that he's just turned 70 years old. All my favorite people are either dead or about ready to die. It sucks, really.

But yeah, he was hilarious. He had some guy start for him named Something Blaire, and he was pretty damn funny too. All in all, a decent day. But lots of homework so I can't stay too long. Just thought I'd put up a normal chillaxed diary entry for once :)

Love and peace.

I exploded in Spanish today. For no reason. Danny (a guy that I secrety hate and wish to hurt, but I woudn't tell his best friend that) ran into me during a stupid pointless activity, probably actually by accident, but the way he didn't care anooyed me, so I threw the chalk down, slammed my hand on the chalkboard to erase what I wrote and smacked him hard in the back of the head shoting "Stop being a fucking asshole!"....literally, in front of the class. So we started yelling for a short bit, and after thinking about it for a few minutes, I realized I had no idea why I was yelling at him. At all. It just sort of came out, and I went for it.

This anger thing is getting worse. And it bothers me. It didn't use to much, when my anger was generally logical, but to burst out swearing and shouting for a little bump is not logical. I'm losing it. I can feel it in the pit of my stomach, aching. I wish I knew how to stop it. I wish I knew if someone could help me.

I need help.

Things I'm Thankful For:

1. My perfect girlfriend that makes me feel very patient sometimes XP
2. My amazing friends who are just too complicated and quirky to describe
3. The people I've met on here, expecially people like Squee, Shining Light, Akayume, Cat-chan, and eveyone else. Love (and extreme rape where applicable) for you all! >:D
4. Elftown, for being the most amazing site ever, and for bringing out my best writing skills which inspired me to now become an English Lit Major/Professor :D
5. Stephen King for being alive and as crazy as he is--don't die before I meet you, you bastard!
6. Great Britan as a whole for multiple reasons, but especially Ireland, land of me fathers :D -- and Owlie <3 Wales (which is a country, btw).........(the irony of this particular number cracks me up a few minutes after writing it XD)
7. Canada for being Canadian and ignored entirely by everyone else, and for spelling correctly by ignoring Americans.
8. Nighttime, and sleep, which I'm off to do, so...

Happy Thanksgiving, Americans, be bloody grateful! XD

I guess I'm being punished. For what, I'm not certain, but I can't think of a better explanation.

I feel empty now. I've never felt such a true apathy before, and it hurts. I can't smile or lie or cry or anything at all really. I don't know what to think or what to say. It seems I just wasn't meant to trust people.

Funny. Just a couple days after I finally believed, here comes mistrust to ruin it all over again. And all I can feel is the self-loathing. Because it's always me that's in the wrong.

Because my own blame and hate are the only things I can control anymore.

So I guess nobody cares enough to even possibly glance at the two entries below this? I realized that no one ever really talks to me of their own will any more. Kinda of depressing, really, and disappointing.

I'd say I'm sorry but I'm feeling too much like wenting at the moment about absolutely nothing right now, not to mention it'd feel like lying. Seriously, it'd be nice to have a comment every now and then, just on anything at all, even a simple "How are you?" would suffice. Just a few little words to reassure me that I'm not a complete fuck-up loner in life that no one cares about and stop me from thinking these thoughts.

Nevermind. Forget what I said.

It's not like you'll read this anyways.

"Los Angeles County fire officials announced that several Malibu neighborhoods were being evacuated today, and local school district leaders canceled Monday classes at five public schools near the fire.

Elsewhere, fire officials said that the Agua Dulce fire has exploded in the Canyon Country area. They have ordered evacuations of 800 homes and say that evacuation centers have been set up at Quartz Hill High School and Saugus High School."


That means that we might not have school tomorrow :D Which would be awesome, since it's also me and my girlfriend's anniversary tomorrow. Though I do feel bad for the people being evacuated. We've been lucky enough to not have to (yet) but we almost have before, and it's not fun. Damn our severe winds and low humidity >:(