Last night I had such a beautiful and amazing dream. Not amazing in the way one would usually think...but for once it made me happy. Happier than I've been in months.

I was simply laying beside someone, holding her, a girl with long hair, but I never saw her face. I could feel her hands and her hair and the wind. It was quiet but for the very subtle breeze--neither of us spoke. It all seemed so real...so much so that when I woke I only felt a continuance of the dream and a hope that it was true....and then soon after that ugly sickening blackness that always comes back to haunt me.

My mind loves to trick me, to betray me. Whenever I sense hope it shows me there is nothing to hope for. Whenever I lose hope and will and happiness, it shows me so much that could be right in this life...and then just as quickly kick me to the ground and spit at me, mocking me for ever believing it to be true. I feel like I have already died somehow, yet still struggling to pull myself out of a pit of blackness, but once I finally see the light all I hear are vultures and rats at the top, waiting to peck me into submission once more. Still I try to muster strength to keep going alone in the dark; still I try to hold on to hope.

Maybe this time my dreams have given in to show me what may happen if only I wait for the vultures to loose their appetite and retreat. Maybe the light isn't as far away as it seems, nor the climb so steep. Then again, perhaps I hope for too much. But what else can I do if not have faith in something...someone? I simply hope not to fall back into the pit. Just hold on a little longer...just a little longer...

Just hold on.

The following is a speech of sorts written by [Panda-monium]. I really appreciate what she has to say, and decided that other's should see this as well. Thank you, Panda, for giving me a little more courage to be myself and stand up for what is right.

Well, at last, my FIRST roleplay The Legion is officially open for character applications! Please send me a PM or comment on the page itself if you'd like to join. I'd like to only admit people I knowo and anyone they'd care to invite as well (there's already a few of you, and you know who you are so no need to tell me again heh). Once I get a fair amount of players on each side, including some for me of course, the roleplay shall finally commence! *breaks champgne bottle, throws confetti, dances* weeeeeeeeee!! Yay for Owlie!! (^,^)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r4dUQgIaXGg

If you know anything about David Tennant or Doctor Who, this is the video for you (aka Squee)! XD Seeing smexy David grow exponentially smexier in drag is just fantastic, I swear! And those legs...!! :o *le gasp* You can't miss this one, mate!

A poets curse is his ability to write the most beautiful words to describe the world, the people, the feelings inside...but they are like mutes in a world of people that never cease to talk. Why is it that I can write poetry in an instant with the mention of a single word, and yet I am silent when the time comes to speak my mind to another as I should. All through my head run words and verses and memories, and none of them ever manifest into speech. I wish I were strong enough to simply say out loud what I wish to say so badly. Instead I cower, hiding the back of my mind with an ocassional step into the written word, ever cautious of all else outside it.

How verstile the mind and body are, what things they can accomplish, and yet what things they are afraid of so terribly at the same time. It's amazing how one person, one word, one blink of the eye can alter everything you've ever thought, everything you ever believed in, or didn't believe in, everything you based your world upon. And with that one thing one can either rebuild the foundations of their entire world....or watch helplessly as it crumbles to the ground in dust and rubble, and all there is to do is wait until another such event comes round, for all the effect it may have is to help rebuild it all over again as it was, perhaps even stronger this time. Faith and science, love and hate, body and mind...they can all change so rapidly and with such ease, even being the complicated concepts they are.

The world is a strange and cruel place at times, but still so wonderful in a most morbid and twisted sort of way.

Well...school starts again tomorrow....sounds fun, eh? (>,<) *sigh* Basically this whole break was really a waste of time except for yesterday--I did absolutely nothing but lay on me ass all the time trying to get someone to do something, anything, with me :( Oh well...

I need to actually try this semester and not screw it all up like last time. Which means more homework, less Elftown, and a more unhappy Owlie that might actually go to college if I can pull my assout of the gutter I made already.

Then of course the whole double lunch thing....we're going to need to call a meeting of some sort and try to arrange what we're going to do now that we can't sit in the same area anymore :( Hopefully it won't be as horrible as I think it will be....but that's basically what tomorrow will consist of--running around trying to figure things outall over again like a stupid freshman (>,<) Fun, fun....

I shall update on the morrow to see how things really went down.

*gasp!* TWO, conut 'em, TWO diaries in one day?! What is this travesty cannot be possible!! :o

Just wanted to tell people to visit my friggin page! XP Go to Owlie is... to talk shit ab--I mean...write nice beautiful tear-jerker things about Owlie! :D All friends and acquaintances are welcome to write WHATEVER they so desire, so be as nice or as cruel as you want (^,^) Ta-ta!

Oh Gads, this was friggin hilarious!! XD

“If a Jew dies on a hill, and no one else is around, does he make a religion?”

~ Oscar Wilde on Original Jesus

*ish shitting herself* hahahaha I found that on www.uncyclopedia.org (the content-free encyclopedia that anyone can edit!). It's a great site for when you need a little pick me up. Just type in anything you want--I'd recommend Harry Potter or Satan if you want something to laugh at XD

Hehehe have fun!

PLEASE DO NOT READ THE FOLLOWING IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED ABOUT CHRISTIANITY--I DID NOT POST THIS JUST TO OFFEND OTHER PEOPLE.

An extremely interesting insight into what REALLY lies ahead in the "afterlife."

Just a Few of My Thoughts

(Warning: somewhat-intriguing rant ahead!)

I believe that although peace is impossible it is never worthless to continue to strive for it. It should never be bargained for something else or be forgotten and abandoned. There is always time to try.

I believe that true love doesn't exist as others say it does. I believe that love is simply an illusion that people create to give them the hope they need to live on, an illusion pieced together from little fragments of anecdotes in storybooks and verses that only tell you the little happenings of a year or two. But this hope is something that all need and strive for, and that I do believe in--despite the illusion, it is necessary.

I believe that if love does exist, one can only give one's heart away so many times before it shatters under the pressure of uncareful hands.

I believe that people are remarkable beings with the power to change not only their peers and the world they live in, but also themselves--but it is a power that often goes underestimated until it is too late.

It is never too late to appolgize, however simple or complicated the matter may be.

I believe that it is the simple things that drive men mad, not the incredible ones. Despite a lifetime of invisibility to others or of bloodshed, a single flutter of a passing butterfly's wings may drive a man to do the worst in the end.

I believe that if there was a God who created us all in his image, he was no better a being than the average human despite all his power. Like any human would do, a world is only created to watch it's population evolve, flourish, and then dwindle away and become wiped out before creating a newer, better world--simple trial and error without point.

I believe God needs to exist to give people hope as well. Without it, the world would perish under the weight of so much pressure placed solely on their shoulders and no light in the dark to turn to--however, perhaps without Him, many things that make man as terrible and wonderful a thing that he is would never have happened.

I believe that the church, no matter which one or where, has become corrupt over the years into something evil. You can only speak so much of the devil before you realize you are only describing yourself.

I believe that a person's life and all they do is their choice and their choice alone. The world will go mad the day that this does not stand true--in fact, it already has.

I believe we've lost sight of the things that truly matter to us in a foolish search of something better. Sometimes others must be put forth before yourself, and sometimes not. Sometimes it is simply more important to follow your own futile dreams and in the end smile and say you tried, than to follow the broken dreams of others and die in silence, without a single word to say, only thinking one thing--What happened to my life?

I believe that dying with a dream in your mind, a song in your heart, and a smile on your face is infinitely more noble than dying with a sword in your hands, blood on your soul, and a face that none will remember in ten years.

I believe too much time is spent understanding the world and people around us than understanding ourselves.

:D I'm finally creating a roleplay of my own! It's not too terribly original....but I'm still proud of it. hehehe

I was reading a bit of Stephen King when I recalled one of my favorite movies, The Storm of the Century. The line "My name is Legion, for we are many." kept running through my mind and slowly a little idea dropped out of it. So, I wrote it down. I couldn't decide if I wanted to write it or make an RP out of it, but I decided to start with the RP and go from there.

I'd like some help from other peopl if you're willing. I've only got the main storyline up for the most part, but you can find it at The Legion. :) I'm quite looking forward to it....

The Masochism Tango - Tom Lehrer/Dr. Demento

I ache for the touch of your lips, dear,
But much more for the touch of your whips, dear.
You can raise welts
Like nobody else
As we dance to the masochism tango.

Let our love be a flame not an ember,
Say it's me that you want to dismember,
Blacken my eye,
Set fire to my tie
As we dance to the masochism tangeo

At your command,
Before you here I stand,
My heart is in my hand...eww...
It's here that I must be.
My heart entreats,
Just hear those savage beats,
Then go put on your cleats
And come and trample me.

Your heart's hard as ston or mahognay,
That's why I'm in such exquisite agony.
My soul is on fire,
It's aflame with desire,
Which is why I perspire when we tango.

You caught my nose in your left castanet, love,
I can feel the pain yet, love,
Everytime I hear drums.
And I envy the rose that you held in your teeth, love,
With the thorns underneath, love,
Sticking into your gums.

Your eyes cast a spell that bewitches,
The last time I needed twenty stitches
To sew up the gash you made with your lash
As we danced to the masochism tango.

Bash in my brain
And make me scream with pain,
Then kick me once again
And swear we'll never part.
I know too well
I'm underneath your spell
So darling if you smell
Something burning, it's my heart.

Take you cigarette from it's holder
And burn your initials in my shoulder.
Fracture my spine
And swear that you're mine
As we dance to the maso--chism tango.

tee-hee! XD

OOOOOOOOHHHH YEAH BABY!!!!!11!!one!

*ahem* Allow me to explain a bit.

For those of you who don't know, University of Southern California (USC) and Univeristy of California in Los Angeles (UCLA) are bitter archrivals in everything they do, especially in football. Unfortunately, my team (UCLA) isn't the best ot football, while USC generally wins too much.

Today's game was HUGE. Rose Bowl was packed to the brim and then some to see UCLA fight off USC. And you know what? For the first time in seven years...UCLA WON, BABY! It was amazing! The perfet interception that turned the tables completely and the spirit of the game....wow. My brother was there, and they were partying before they got back on the bus back to UCLA and didn't stop until 3 AM this morning XD I heard it was pretty insane, the police got involved in the appartment areas with the riots (see http://dailybruin.com/news/articles.asp?id=39216). But it's all worth it for our victory! (^,^) HUZZAH!!

4:30 pm is one of the most beautiful times of day. It's that time just before sunset, when the sun comes in just perfect over the hilltops, lighting everything up so pale and mellow, so peacefully...and yet so menacing. As if just around the bend there is something lurking, waiting, something that no being could ever comprehend. But for those few moments, the world is lit by the lights of the heavens filtering just barely through the veil of clouds and sin to give we the living a ray of hope.

And yet...just as day follows night, the night must always fall. And when that glorious sun begins to fade, turning the world a blood red as it breathes it's last, the world is once more cast into darkness so bitter and cold and alone. When all ties made before are broken, when friends depart, disease spreads, and Death persues tirelessly. And this land, this place we know of that consumes us when the lights go out...there is no escape from it.

Well I've finally began playing FFX, which I got for my birthday back in early September (O,o) Quite amusing game though, what with the slang being a few years out of date XD But I'm actually okay at this one for once. I usually suck ass at turn-based RPGs heh Like that f***ing LotR: Third Age game (>,<) That was crap--how the hell are you supposed to get through Mordor and then beat Sauron with out saving?! You can't! >-( Bleh....anyways...

Sooooo....new poem or two since the last diary entry (which, if some of you are still confused by the shortness of it, you obvoius didn't read my updated House before arriving here) which you can find at Nite Owl's Poetry, like always :D *nudgenudge, winkwink, say no more, say no more*

Yay for Owlie's birthday! *throws confetti for self* (^,^) Well, even though September 4 is me b-day, we almost never celebrate it today, and this was no exception--in fact, I'lve been doing homework a good few hours, and still got more left to do -_-' But Saturday and especially Sunday were a lot of fun! I've never actually had people spend the night at my house, so that was spiffy hehehe

Things Owlie got for hers birthdayness :D
- Ditge of Cerberus: Final Fantasy VII
- V for Vendetta (awesome movie, by the by)
- A lot of piano books, including Phantom of the Opera, RENT, and the Beatles :D
- Final Fantasy X
- To Kill a Mockingbird (book)
- Kingdom Hearts II
- Sea-Monkeys XD hehehe
- The Producers (both new and old, and both are great movies/musicals)
- spiffy black and red *cough*dominatrix*cough* boots ;)
- a Nintendo wallet that looks like the controller (very old-school, I loveles it :D)
- a Sprint cell phone (sorry I'm not more enthusiastic, I just don't like talking on the phone much, but I did need one...)
- a Chuck Norris T-shirt--yay for Chuck Norris!!
- the black-opal bracelt I picked out in Australia (^,^)
- a Japanese-style fan

- And one dead hero :(

Steve Irwin sadly died on my birthday, something I probably won't forget for quite some time. We all sat in my room talking about him after the five of us woke up this morning when Amanda's mum called about it. I used to watch him all the time; he was such a great guy, it was hard not to like him :) It's a shame that he's gone, I know I'll miss him. Animal Planet will never be the same.

"WE LOVE YOU STEVE IRWIN!!" (^,^) ~ The Circle

GADSDAMNIT!! (>,<) I missed school--and it's only the second fucking day!! GAH!! I bet all my teachers hate me now, I bet I just ruined my entire sophmore year, I'm gonna get killed by Mr. Lenaway, and I don't get the 10 ONLY extra credit points EVER in ALG 2/Trig!! *cries* I really wish I knew if I could still get tehre somehow, just have mum come and tell them I was sick or something :( Owlie's sad, and not in an especially good mood, so please be wary of Owlie's temper.....grrrrrrrrrrrrr....*goes to sulk in a corner*

Everyone must visit the awesomeness that is this site!! http://www.angryalien.com XD They're hillarious! It's movies re-enacted by bunnies in 30 seconds hehe They have the classics - Titanic, Scream, Shining, etc. - and a lot of new ones too, like Brokeback "Bunny" lol Very amusing, and sure to put all in a good mood!