Things I'm Thankful For:
1. My perfect girlfriend that makes me feel very patient sometimes XP
2. My amazing friends who are just too complicated and quirky to describe
3. The people I've met on here, expecially people like Squee, Shining Light, Akayume, Cat-chan, and eveyone else. Love (and extreme rape where applicable) for you all! >:D
4. Elftown, for being the most amazing site ever, and for bringing out my best writing skills which inspired me to now become an English Lit Major/Professo
5. Stephen King for being alive and as crazy as he is--don't die before I meet you, you bastard!
6. Great Britan as a whole for multiple reasons, but especially Ireland, land of me fathers :D -- and Owlie <3 Wales (which is a country, btw).........(the irony of this particular number cracks me up a few minutes after writing it XD)
7. Canada for being Canadian and ignored entirely by everyone else, and for spelling correctly by ignoring Americans.
8. Nighttime, and sleep, which I'm off to do, so...
Happy Thanksgiving, Americans, be bloody grateful! XD
I guess I'm being punished. For what, I'm not certain, but I can't think of a better explanation.
I feel empty now. I've never felt such a true apathy before, and it hurts. I can't smile or lie or cry or anything at all really. I don't know what to think or what to say. It seems I just wasn't meant to trust people.
Funny. Just a couple days after I finally believed, here comes mistrust to ruin it all over again. And all I can feel is the self-loathing. Because it's always me that's in the wrong.
Because my own blame and hate are the only things I can control anymore.
So I guess nobody cares enough to even possibly glance at the two entries below this? I realized that no one ever really talks to me of their own will any more. Kinda of depressing, really, and disappointing.
I'd say I'm sorry but I'm feeling too much like wenting at the moment about absolutely nothing right now, not to mention it'd feel like lying. Seriously, it'd be nice to have a comment every now and then, just on anything at all, even a simple "How are you?" would suffice. Just a few little words to reassure me that I'm not a complete fuck-up loner in life that no one cares about and stop me from thinking these thoughts.
Nevermind. Forget what I said.
It's not like you'll read this anyways.
"Los Angeles County fire officials announced that several Malibu neighborhoods were being evacuated today, and local school district leaders canceled Monday classes at five public schools near the fire.
Elsewhere, fire officials said that the Agua Dulce fire has exploded in the Canyon Country area. They have ordered evacuations of 800 homes and say that evacuation centers have been set up at Quartz Hill High School and Saugus High School."
That means that we might not have school tomorrow :D Which would be awesome, since it's also me and my girlfriend's anniversary tomorrow. Though I do feel bad for the people being evacuated. We've been lucky enough to not have to (yet) but we almost have before, and it's not fun. Damn our severe winds and low humidity >:(
This is an excerpt of what may possibly be in my "novel" I'm writing this November. It was a prompt ("muddy boots") on one of the boards on the site. Came out rather nice, methinks, and longer than I thought at about 680 words. Comments please!! (I don't think anyone will, but it'd be awfully nice...please.
They talk about the simple things: plants growing, babies smiling and waving, the weather and the dirtying of the pool out back. Nobody even attempts to mention it, except her. "I wonder why she has to go back to the doctor? I mean, anything they find is small potatoes compared to..." So close, yet she doesn't say it. The rest ignore the mentioning, or at least ignore it enough to not be noticed by others and therefore compelling them to acknowledge the thoughts. That train of thought runs rampant and out of control through each of our minds, destroying everything that gets in its way yet still the words come empty. We sit on the patio, discussing golf and swimming and the new bike, about driving lessons and physical therapy, about the baby to be expected in the following months.
But no one, not even she, mentions the cancer.
Guess whaaaaaaaaaat?
Tis almost Owlie's birthday!! (^,^)
Owlie's turning 16 this year, on Tuesday actually (the 4th). Quite a few of you are probably surprised at my age, since most of me buddies here apparently thought I was at least 17-20 :P Flattering, if rather incorrect.
Things have been rather busy around here lately, not to mention aggravating and angsty, but it seems that the storm clouds blew over and things are alright mostly now.
Also, I may be going to England and Scotland this summer! :D So anyone who lives around there should come hang out with us, cause we're awesome lulz. Not really...but seriously, come chillax with us peeps in London XD omg craziness
So anyways, those are the biggest things going on mostly. I'll be on very little tomorrow, and maybe Monday, and Tuesday......w
Owlie--out!
Well, school has started once again, and already I'm getting plenty of homework. I have about three chapters of reading plus an outline for at least one of them, an essay to write, daily math hw (no surprise there though), and random other silly things. Fun fun. I have a very full schedulre this year, so I'll be plenty busy.
My classes (in order):
- Psychology
- Biology HL/1
- AP US History (a LOT of reading here)
- Mathematics HL/1 (aka Calculus)
- AP English Lang. and Comp.
- Spanish HL/1 (aka Spanish 3 IB)
No breaks in between those really as far as an "easy" class goes. Psych. and Bio. aren't that bad, but the rest are a bit stressful.
I'll still be on fairly often, but don't expect to see me 24/7.
Homework time :) Catch ya later, y'all!
Why must endings in all the stories be happy, and all the endings to life be so sad? Why are there two such extremes, and never something to divide them? Endings can never be eaither happy or sad. Endings are determined by the choices we make--not the little choices, but the big ones in life. Endings can be changed; all life can be changed if one wills it to differ from it's original directions.
The only endings there truly are are the right and the wrong. Fate will not extend her arms toward any single person to change her plans. Only we can set things straight to set up for things to be right in the end. It is our duty as humans to push the plans aside in favor of all others.
This is what defines us.
Just to let everyone know (and sory for the short notice) but I won't be on much if at all for the next two weeks. We're going for a drive up the coast all the way to Oregon to visit my grandparents. I might have some internet access for the first week, but probably not for the second week. To my RP: go on ahead without me if you'd like, though not too far. To Moira: I'll try to beta as much as I can while I'm up there :) To everyone else: Love you all and hope I talk to y'all soon.
Love and peace, mates!
(~,^) Owlie--out! (^,~)
I write this diary in memory of Eddie, my computer. He died this morning on June 24 when I came home. He will be sorely missed. We had some good times and frustrating times, but he always pulled through.
A song in prayer:
"Dearly beloved, we gather here to say our goodbyes--here he lies, no one knew his worth, the late provider of my network--on these nights when we celebrate his birth...in that company called E-Machines, the day he crashed, when his screen flashed: Controooool Alt. Deleeeeete."
XP Ah, I have no life. If you don't know what that little song is from, it's my own version of the intro to RENT's popular "La Vie Boheme" song (^,^) I thought of it randomly.
Eddie, I'll love you always. No one stored my por--*ahem*--i
<3 R.I.P. <3
Well this week has been somewhat interesting, I think.
Since I've actually been writing in this diary on a semi-regular basis (by no means whoring though of course) most of you probably missed the note I made about a week ago about selecting a good poem to read at the first annual poetry reading for my school. Despite my terrible stage fright, I ended up reading four of them--"Sing Me a Song", "Amid the Falling Snow", "For What It's Worth", and "Th King"--which everyone seemed to like a lot :D So that was nice. I'll be sure to go again next year :)
In other news it seems my depression is finally lifting officially. I know I've been saying that for months, but a little secret--I lied before :\ The last months have been absolute crap in it's worst form in my opinion, and just generally hopeless. But I'm feeling a lot better lately, I suppose, with many thanks to friends, not just here at school and such but all you guys on ET too :) I'll try not to be so depressed-soun
I just hope that the hope and faith I've gotten back now isn't in vain. Please don't let it be...
I was reading one of my old poems, titled "My Journey" (you can find it at Nite Owl's Poetry), and I've realized something.
People are always comparing life to a path with a series of forks, driving you closer or farther to your true destination. But really, what path is there to follow? Paths give no room to choose, just a bunch of twists and turns imagined by others. When I picture life now, I see a barren wasteland all around--no trees, no life, no path to guide. Somewhere far in the distance, in any and all directions, is perhaps only an illusion of life and fulfillment that we all strive for. We see it and head for it, hopeful, but after a few miles our hope dwindles and dies slowly, and we stop to make a new judgement--cho
It's so hard to focus on the things we need to find rather than the things we desperately want to find when all of what we see is the same, the same trials and decisions and comprimises over and over. Few find a place where they can stop running and looking and simply rest. Sometimes, that place is still only an illusion, but even so it is restful, peacful.
Nothing is truly hopeless. You need only see that where you are going is just an illusion, a false happiness that crumles with each step. Footsteps will lead you back to where you start, and sometimes that is the only real way, the only true way.
Everyone in this wasteland deserves a chance to go back and choose another way, to take a second chance. Everyone deserves at least that much, if only they make the journey back.
Hey, who wants to beat this guy into the ground with me? >:(
I finally found the song that was stuck in my head for a moneth :D I heard it in our school's production of "The Fantasticks" but couldn't find it anywhere. It's called "It Depends on What You Pay"....aka "The Rape Song" XD *roflroflrofl!
Rape!
R-a-a-a-pe!
Raa-aa-aa-pe!
A pretty rape!
A literary rape!
We've the obvious open schoolboy rape,
With little mandolins and perhaps a cape.
The rape by coach; it's little in request.
The rape by day, but the rape by night is best.
Just try to see it.
And you will soon agree, señors,
Why
Invite regret,
When you can get the sort of rape
You'll never ever forget.
Chrous:
You can get the rape emphatic.
You can get the rape polite.
You can get the rape with Indians:
A very charming sight.
You can get the rape on horseback;
They'll all say it's new and gay.
So you see the sort of rape
Depends on what you pay.
It depends on what you
Pay.
The kids will love it.
It depends on what you pay!
So why be stingy?
It depends on what you --
The spectacular rape,
With costumes ordered from the East.
Requires rehearsal
And takes a dozen men at least.
A couple of singers,
And a string quartet.
A major production.
Requires a set.
Sounds expensive!
Just try to see it.
And you will soon si,si señors,
Why
Invite regret,
When you can get the sort of rape
You'll never ever forget.
(Chorus x1)
So why be stingy?
It depends on what you pay!
The kids will love it.
It depends on what you --
The comic rape.
Perhaps it's just a trifle too unique.
Romantic rape:
Done while canoeing on a moonlit creek.
The gothic rape!
I play "Valkyrie" on a bass bassoon!
The drunken rape.
It's done completely in a cheap saloon.
The rape Venetian
Needs a blue lagoon.
The rape with moonlight
Or without a moon.
Moonlight is expensive but it's in demand.
The military rape:
It's done with drummer and a band.
You understand?
I understand.
It's very grand.
It's very grand.
It's done with drums and a great big brass band!
Yeah!
Just try to see it.
I see it!
I see it!
And you will soon si,si señors,
Why
Invite regret,
When you can get the sort of rape
You'll never ever forget.
(Chorus x3)
So why be stingy?
It depends on what you pay!
The kids will love it.
It depends on what you
Ra-aa-aa-pe!
Ole!
I'm thinking about speaking at a poetry reading this next Thursday (the 12th), but I can't decide on what poem I'd like best to read, or if I should go at all even. I'd like people's opinions on this one, if you can :) I might get a video of this reading, so if I do I might share it with you--but then again, I film terribly haha At least you'll know how I sound like then :P
Last night I had such a beautiful and amazing dream. Not amazing in the way one would usually think...but for once it made me happy. Happier than I've been in months.
I was simply laying beside someone, holding her, a girl with long hair, but I never saw her face. I could feel her hands and her hair and the wind. It was quiet but for the very subtle breeze--neithe
My mind loves to trick me, to betray me. Whenever I sense hope it shows me there is nothing to hope for. Whenever I lose hope and will and happiness, it shows me so much that could be right in this life...and then just as quickly kick me to the ground and spit at me, mocking me for ever believing it to be true. I feel like I have already died somehow, yet still struggling to pull myself out of a pit of blackness, but once I finally see the light all I hear are vultures and rats at the top, waiting to peck me into submission once more. Still I try to muster strength to keep going alone in the dark; still I try to hold on to hope.
Maybe this time my dreams have given in to show me what may happen if only I wait for the vultures to loose their appetite and retreat. Maybe the light isn't as far away as it seems, nor the climb so steep. Then again, perhaps I hope for too much. But what else can I do if not have faith in something...so
Just hold on.
The following is a speech of sorts written by [Panda-monium]. I really appreciate what she has to say, and decided that other's should see this as well. Thank you, Panda, for giving me a little more courage to be myself and stand up for what is right.
Well, at last, my FIRST roleplay The Legion is officially open for character applications! Please send me a PM or comment on the page itself if you'd like to join. I'd like to only admit people I knowo and anyone they'd care to invite as well (there's already a few of you, and you know who you are so no need to tell me again heh). Once I get a fair amount of players on each side, including some for me of course, the roleplay shall finally commence! *breaks champgne bottle, throws confetti, dances* weeeeeeeeee!! Yay for Owlie!! (^,^)