Well, I am home...and as of 2400 last night, I was a civilian again....Its bittersweet...I didnt get to go to basic as I hoped, My shoulder fucked up RIGHT before I got on the Bus to go to BCT. Not everything is as I imagined it would be....I cant go into detail to much because the thing its about concerns someone who is also on ET, and I dont want them do know how I am feeling right now....all my friends have picked me up right where i left off, nobody is treating me like the Failure I had thought myself to be...but I still see this as a failure....I went to accomplish something and I was to weak to do it...more later

Well, I guess fate has different plans for me than I originally thought...The Army was a flop, I am more screweed up Physically now then I was when I went in. I jacked up my shoulder pretty bad, andthe only way to fix it, is to get OrthoAscopic Bone Surgery, Which I really dontwant to do. As it sits now, I have nothing, I donthave a Job, a Car, Health Insurance, i havethe clothes on my back, and a spare bedroom with my parents at their house. I dont know what I am going to do, but Oddly enough, I am not scared, or worriedin the slightest...more later

I did something this past week, i didnt think I was capable of. I became jealous...and not just monorly jealous, I was the incarnation of jealousy. People really really, need to learn how to keep their mouths shut, I heard some things from a few friends of mine that were completly untrue. The problem is, I believed them becuase the person that it was about, was not around for me to ask. I can only imagine she hates me now, I jumped to conclusions without asking her first. I truely am sorry Casey, I love you so much, I am just afarid to see you hurt. I am done listening to people, if they have soething to tell me about someone, tell it to someone else. Unless the problem directly involves you, I dont want to hear it. No amount of apologizing can possibly make up for my appearant lack of understanding....I thought I was better than that. I only hope that you dont hate me for the 20 questions i put you through, you did not deserve it, and I am truely, truely sorry for having confronted you the way I did. I promised you that I would always talk to you if something was wrong, I didnt follow through on an important promise....even worse, Instead of trying to talk to someone else about what I was thinking, I buried my troubles into a bottle. I made a promise to someone very special to me that I would not drink anymore, and I broke that promise last night....i started drinking late, but i started nonetheless....the person that I made the promise to is not on elftown, but I hope that she knows I am sorry, I plan to make good on my promise from now on though...well, that is all of my ramblings for now, I will probably have more tonight when I get home from my DEP function (Army thing) 

here are a few reasons guys like girls so much
1.
They will always smell good
even if its just shampoo


2.
The way their heads always
find the right spot on our shoulder


3.
How cute they look when they sleep


4.
The ease in which they fit into our arms



5.
The way they kiss you and
all of a sudden everything
is right in the world


6.
How cute they are when they eat


7.
The way they take hours
to get dressed
but in the end
it makes it all worth while


8.
Because they are always
warm even when its minus 30 outside


9.
The way they look good
no matter what they wear





10.
The way they fish for compliments
even though you both know that you
think she's the most
beautiful thing on this earth


11.
How cute they are when they argue


12.
The way her hand always finds yours


13.
The way they smile


14.
The way you feel when you see their name
on the call ID after you just had a big fight


15.
The way she says
"lets not fight anymore"
even though you know that
an hour later....


16.
The way they kiss when you do something nice for them


17.
The way they kiss you
when you say
"I love you"


18.
Actually ... just the way they kiss you...


19.
The way they fall into your arms
when they cry


20.
Then the way they apologize
for crying over something that silly


21.
The way they hit you
and expect it to hurt


22.
Then the way they apologize
when it does hurt.
(even though we don't admit it)!


23.
The way they say
"I miss you"


24. The way you miss them


25.
The way their tears
make you want to
change the world
so that it
doesn't hurt her anymore.....
Yet regardless
if you love them,
hate them,
wish they would die
or
know that you would die
without them ...
it matters not. Because once in your life,
whatever they were to the world
they become everything to you.
When you look them in the eyes,
traveling to
the depths of their souls
and
you say a million things
without trace of a sound,
you know that yo ur own life
is inevitable consumed within the rhythmic beatings
of her very heart. We love them for a million reasons,
No paper would do it justice.
It is a thing not of the mind
but of the heart.
A feeling.
Only felt.

[These are 31 things every guy want girls to know]


1. were not as perverted as we think they all are.
2. No matter what YOU say, your ex-boyfriend IS a LOSER.
3. We like you to give us hugs and kisses sometimes too.
4. Don't argue with us when we call you beautiful.
5. Don't treat tus like crap, what goes around comes around.
6. we know your pretty, that's one of the reason's were going out with you.
7. Don't go into detail about your period. It scares us.
8. If you have cramps and we ask you what's wrong, just tell us it's that time of the month and nothing more.
9. If you really liked us for us, you would let us think that our mustache, beard, or sideburns looked cool.
10. We never shave our legs. So get over it.
11. NEVER ask us if you can put makeup on us. It's just wrong............
12. Don't make bets about us, because one of your friends will tell us, if you don't.
13. When we tell you that you're not fat, believe us.
14. We absolutely do not care about the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, 98 Degrees, or what any other guy looks like for that matter.
15. We may not be able to pee accurately all of the time, but at least we can stand up and go pee.
16. Just cause you think you're always right, doesn't mean that you don't have to apologize when you do something "wrong."
17. You expect us to say and do sweet things for you, but it would be nice if you did the same every once in a while. We like to know that you love us.
18. We can't always be spontaneous, so try to help us make the plans sometimes.
19. Don't ask us to beat up another guy for you, cause you might get what you wish for.
20. Never kick us in the nuts "just to see what we would say". That's just mean.
21. Never pretend like you are going to break up with us and laugh when we believe you.
22. Pamela Anderson's boobs aren't fake anymore, but we like yours better anyway.
23. Size doesn't matter, except to idiots who don't want a relationship
24. PMS is not an excuse.
25. If you want us to put the seat down when we're done, you should put it up when you're done.
26............ Don't tell us how cute your ex-boyfriend was. That doesn't turn us on.
27. And always remember: The way to a guys heart is through his stomach..... and maybe....oh nevermind.
28. NEVER ask us to kiss other guys. You might be that comfy with your friends, but to us it's just wrong.
29. We always notice how funny it is after you rip out our heart, stick it down our throat and still want to be friends.
30. And last but not least: We know you're not always right, but we'll pretend like you are anyway
31. If your fighting a guy and your winning no matter how much you say it HE is still letting you win!

There surely is nothing other than the single purpose of the present moment. A man's whole life is the succession of moment after moment. If one fully understands the present moment, there will be nothing else to pursue. Live being true to the single purpose of the present moment.

Everyone lets the present moment slip by, then looks for it as if he thought it were somewhere else. No one seems to have noticed this fact. But grasping this firmly, one must pile experience on experience. And once one has come to this understanding, he will be a different person from that point on, though he may not always bear it in mind.

When one understands this settling into single-mindness well, all his affairs will thin out. Loyalty is also contained in this single-mindness.

Hagakure, The way of the Samurai

I will

I will do everything in my power to prove that I can do anything I set my mind to.

I will never be like my father, cold and distant.

I will get back all the time that was taken from me over the years.

I will make you all proud.

I will make something of myself.

I will not give up.

I will not accept anything as "As good as it will get."

I will Love you for as long as you will have my love, no shorter, and no longer.

I will never forget the good times...or the bad that I shared with everyone throughout my life.

and I will.....Promise to keep all of the promises I have made over the years, whether it be now...or in 5 years, I will not let you face this world alone....

I think I have found it....My reason for being here. A lot haschanged since my last Diary entry, first of all, Meand my g/f broke up about 2 days before Thanksgiving. I joined the United States Army, just incase any of you guysdidnt know. I ship out June 14th, I am starting to get scared....but it isthe best thing I can do with my life right now.  Although I cant standthethought of serving "President" Bush for 4 years....

I had the Freakiest dream lasty Night!! Perhaps it was becuase i fell asleep at the computer...i don't know but I dreamt that everyone i had met on ET showed up in my Town at the EXACT same time.....and we all hung out for like 3 days straight.....it was freaky...i woke up with my head on the keyboard at like 2:30ish this morning and went to my bed where sadly the dream did not continue..lol...Maybe i should get some more sleep so I don't fall asleep at my comp.

Today was by far, the Most Horrible day I have ever had. My GirlFriend whom I love very much...decided she wanted an open RElationShip...I didn't take to well to that idea.....I aint sure exactly which one of us broke up with who but we are over.....I feel like shit and I don't know what I am gonna do......Peace out Everyone...I'll see ya around.

The Wiccan Rede

Bide the Wiccan laws ye must,
in perfect love and perfect trust.

Live and let live -
fairly take and fairly give.

Cast the Circle thrice about
to keep all evil spirits out.

To bind the spell every time,
let the spell be spake in rhyme.

Soft of eye and light of touch -
speak ye little, listen much.

Deosil go by the waxing Moon -
sing and dance the Wiccan Rune.

Widdershins go when the Moon doth wane,
and the werewolf howls by the dread wolfsbane.

When the Lady's Moon is new,
kiss the hand to Her times two.

When the Moon rides at Her peak,
then your heart's desire seek.

Heed the North wind's mighty gale -
lock the door and drop the sail.

When the wind comes from the South,
love will kiss thee on the mouth.

When the wind blows from the East,
expect the new and set the feast.

When the West wind blows o'er thee,
departed spirits restless be.

* Nine woods in the Cauldron go -
burn them quick and burn them slow.

Elder be ye Lady's tree -
burn it not or cursed ye'll be.

When the Wheel begins to turn,
let the Beltane fires burn.

When the Wheel has turned a Yule,
lighty the Log and let Pan rule.

Heed ye flower, bush and tree -
by the Lady blessed be.

Where the rippling waters go,
cast a stone and truth ye'll know.

When ye are in dire need,
hearken not to others' greed.

With the fool no season spend,
or be counted as his friend.

Merry meet and merry part -
bright the cheeks and warm the heart.

When misfortune is enow,
wear the blue star on thy brow.

True in love ever be,
unless thy lover's false to thee.

Eight words the Wiccan Rede fulfill -
an ye harm none, do what ye will.

Okay, anyone ever had that feeling, where you just wanna Punch your Parents in the Face as hard as you can and not stop until they're fucking bledding uncontrollably on the verge of DEATH......yeah well i'm theyre now.....