[Arbor]'s diary

20491  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2003-04-12
Written: (7874 days ago)

...I want to die for you...

20008  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2003-04-09
Written: (7876 days ago)

I want to be Jesus Christ...

19612  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2003-04-08
Written: (7878 days ago)

something stabbing me in the ribs...can i feel more worthless...*sobs*

19407  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2003-04-07
Written: (7879 days ago)
Next in thread: 20402

I am feeling quite odd at the moment--
And damnit!! I am one sexy bitch!! 
O_o I think I am tired...just a bit...I get silly when I am tired...
It's after midnight, and I really want to go outside and scream profanity into the dark, cold night...No reason, just want to!! Can I?! PLEASE??!!
hehe

19405  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2003-04-07
Written: (7879 days ago)

I awoke a few mornings ago to my daughter calling: "Birdie! Birdie!? Birdie!!" from her bed to a bird that was singing outside of her window...As if it could hear her...To carry on a conversation with it. It was so cute, I almost cried!! 
My little one is getting so cute and clever and crazy--she just turned three in February!! :)

18984  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2003-04-05
Written: (7881 days ago)
Next in thread: 18986

I did not write these lyrics--a Christian hardcore band called UNDERoath did...and I cried as I read them...these are only pieces of the song...

"Cries of the Past"--UNDERoath
It happened all so fast heavy with sleep my eyes closed
The next thing I remember was crawling out from the car and seeing you lying there
Holding your head and kissing you for the last time
The taste of blood on my lips
Your clothes ripped apart perfumed with gas
It seems like it was yesterday when the rain poured down
I can still hear your screams as if it was happening all over again
Saturday, December 4th that night would become a grave that would crush my heart
Joy and laughter exchanged for grief and silence
Searching for so long to find you and the moment you were ripped from me...
The wind blew your heart over my eyes and I slept for days praying not to awake, but these dreams can only last so long...
Touching your cold hand wishing it would touch me back...
It feels so real like old times but it's nothing, it's nothing

18930  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2003-04-05
Written: (7881 days ago)
Next in thread: 18943, 18945

You know what really, REALLY gets on my nerves?? When Elftowners say they are Elfwood artits or writers, yet they leave blank the page links!!! Do not tell me you are an artist or writer, then give me no opportunity to check out your master-pieces...Or is it because you only WISH you were an artist or writer of the Woods?!!!! 
RAAHHH!!! 

YOU ALL KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!

18790  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2003-04-04
Written: (7882 days ago)

What power it is that you have over me!
 You can make me bleed
Or make me burn.
Do as you will...
I am nothing without you to make solid my Shadow.

18255  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2003-04-02
Written: (7884 days ago)

And all things will bow to me...
No darkness envelops as does mine,
No breeze as cold as my wrath,
No blaze can rage as my hate.

And you will feel nothing
but Rapture...
No sight as captivating as my earth--
My element, my calling, my joy.

Yet...

There is but One who knows my weakness--
My fear...
And I shall perish...
All things will rejoice...

My spirit cries out--
Let the water never greet me,
Let it never take me, and use me,
And enslave me...

17650  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2003-03-31
Written: (7886 days ago)

...so...sleepy...I miss Elfwood!! *sob* 

16572  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2003-03-27
Written: (7890 days ago)
Next in thread: 16627

My poor, little, Titanium g4 Powerbook is going to die!! A small portion of the lcd is destroyed (the crystals ruptured or something X.x)...And the stripes will spred, and then, good-bye to my Mac!! *sniffles* It is like my other baby. :( VALETEAMO

16283  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2003-03-25
Written: (7891 days ago)

See the palid flesh
So new, so warm.
Hides the blood,
Hides the spirit,
Hides the darkness.
My home-my body
The knife-my fire.
When the world rushes at my door
And mars what once was my only sacred place
I find my flame,
I find the flesh.
The door flung wide-
The spirit is gone.
And the blood-the blood flows coldly,
now fetid, now soulless.

15648  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2003-03-22
Written: (7895 days ago)

I am in love with Soul Embraced...so excellent!! Especially, 'cause of the connection to Living Sacrifice, as I have mentioned before.

"Wishing I were dead/ i'd leave all this behind and let it end/ another day blackened by hate/ another night could seal my fate/ it's so hard but i try to live/ to the sky my heart i give/ my god come down and save this soul/ trapped in fear and the unknown/ the darkness surrounds me embedded in death/ taking my last breath/ i've been the enemy/ i am my enemy/ my life descending slowly/ i reach out as i'm drowning/ in emptiness i am dying"--Soul Embraced

14886  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2003-03-18
Written: (7899 days ago)

Rejoice in all that is dark and beautiful!! Elfwood is up once more!! My heart is singing, not only for this reason; I bought new music today!! When I found out that two of the members of Soul Embraced are actually from Living Sacrifice, I just had to but S.E.'s new album Immune. It is totally descent music--have to listen more to give myself the hook and become obssessed with it! Music makes me feel all...*sigh* hehehe

"The part of me that will become the darkest place of all/ one thought/ one spoken word/ all of this exist unto you/ in everything i believe and see/ that confirms the love we have all perverted..."--LIVING SACRIFICE

14189  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2003-03-14
Written: (7903 days ago)

"Why did you go away?/ the sun won't come out today/ you've taken my world away/ why did you go away?"-- DOGWOOD

You know, Matt Aragon was a really great album by DOGWOOD. *sigh* Music moves me like nothing else can; I think it is the only thing that I am addicted to--well, there is caffiene but who is not addicted to that in one way or another?

I think one of my coworkers gave me mono: how swheet of her!! Just hope my daughter does not get it!! :P to you katrina, damnit!! 

Yep, just fade into the music for tonight....fading...*.*

13819  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2003-03-11
Written: (7905 days ago)

I feel like quoting!! Aye!! Quoting some of my favourite bands!!

"do you remember all the bad times/ when precious few were found by my side?/you stood by/ while others whispered word of my demise/ your presence, a comfort in the longest of nights/ I cried and cried and you let me/ hide behind the love you always gave"-- stavesacre
"My assumption that if I could find some way to get back there/ intervention straight to your heart/ without it everything is so perfect/ why can't I just hide the past/ forget about the good times?"--DOGWOOD
"praying heaven will open wide/ and hold you tight/ as for me, I'll be all right...but for now/ i hope you can hear me as I cry/ I love you and good-bye"--underoath
"Nameless faces and sounds/ voices screamin' in pain/ huddled shadows and sirens voices calling my name/ Well I can't sleep but I'm not awake to this hazy dim version of reality"--Strung Out

13667  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2003-03-11
Written: (7906 days ago)

Is it wrong to want someone? Is wrong to dream of him in the ways I would want to have him? My dreams are only visions; they themselves are not mutinous. I would be, though, if I acted out those scenes I have seen in my dreams. How far am I prepared to take this? How heavily will it weigh on my conscience?
I seriously think the only reason humans are alive is to hurt each other and make each other miserable!!
How horrible am I?

12804  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2003-03-06
Written: (7911 days ago)

<a href="http://www.geocities.com/teo592/quiz/dragon.html" target="new">

A SILVER Dragon Lies Beneath!

</a>
I took the <a href="http://www.geocities.com/teo592/quiz/dragon.html" target="new">Inner Dragon Online Quiz</a> and found out I am a Silver Dragon on the inside. My Inner Dragon is to dragons what the Ranger is to humans. Like all metallic dragons, Silvers rigidly adhere to an internal code of conduct. Each Silver, however, must develop their code individually, a fact which explains their unique dispositions and actions. Silvers are often considered shadows dwelling on the periphery of dragon culture (much like human Rangers), but they can always be counted upon to speak the truth and help their allies. Because no one but a Silver knows what they'll do next, their alignment is "Chaotic Neutral."<br><br>

Being a Silver isn't all shady head-games, though. I possess considerable intelligence and self-confidence (whether they manifest themselves or not :P ). Magic isn't really my bag, but I'm awfully good at slipping in and out undetected. Which, by the way, is probably due to my slightly-below-average size. My favorable attributes are dependability, durability, problem-solving, mist, and pewter. Like my human counterpart - the Ranger - I'm a superb weapons user and have an especially good command of my icy breath weapon. I know I might be tough to understand at times, but that's just my way.<br><br>

12644  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2003-03-05
Written: (7912 days ago)
Next in thread: 12706

I have this habit of cutting myself...when I get severely depressed or what not. It is an inescapable urge; I have to fight to resist taking the knife to my flesh. When I get really desparate and feel I need the punishment, I make a salt water solution and rub it into my wound--continuously. Am I screwed up or what? Fighting--so far, winning. grrr...he keeps making me feel miserable-I do not want to make him uncomfortable, but all I know is that I want him!! Cannot stop thinking of him. Curse me!

12409  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2003-03-03
Written: (7914 days ago)

Definitely feeling like crap right now. I just...want him!! Why? Why can't i be a good girl! I know that I shall try my hardest to get him...then, i shall have caused an unquantifiable amount of trouble, hurt, and confusion for more than two people!! Can i hate myself any more.
I swear the only reason I am still living is for my daughter...

12276  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2003-03-02
Written: (7915 days ago)

I decided to go for a nice, long run through the Mill Creek Park trails. Well, I ran my a*% off and then got sick; I had to leave work. No money for yoa!! Time to sleep some more, me no feel well. :(

 The logged in version 

News about Elftown
Help - How does Elftown work?
Get $10 worth of Bitcoin/Ethereum for free (you have to buy cryptos for $100 to get it) and support Elftown!
 
Elftown – the social site made for fans of scifi and fantasy

Visit our facebook page