[Arbor]'s diary

45970  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2003-07-11
Written: (7783 days ago)

My life is changing, perhaps more so than ever before. For the most part, I have only ever lived in one city, on one street in one house. Yesterday brought a new apartment; also, two new kitties who are about six months old. The male, whose name is Thucydides, I am keeping with me; his sister looks nearly identical to him and she is now friend to [JinXTheMoodieAl].
More on my big move--gotta fly!! hehehe

40711  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2003-06-23
Written: (7802 days ago)
Next in thread: 45277

It is very dark here. Damn this thing--where does it come from?! *rocks back and forth* I want a knife...Damn me!! 
To cry and pierce my flesh, but I won't. I have made a promise. I have made many, yet I struggle to keep this one. 
Go to sleep, You. Let the dreams take you and further your insanity.

40683  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2003-06-23
Written: (7802 days ago)
Next in thread: 40714

[JinXTheMoodieAl] did a Mad Lib. I helped. ^.^
*LOL!*

"When I die I hope somebody comes to the funeral. Somebody loopy. I hope there are big knives full of limp flowers. And there'll be a gigolo who will read passages from Time in my honor. And horny girls will cry out my name. And all the people who humped me when I was little will hang their eyes out. But nobody would ever come to my funeral so nevermind."

37602  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2003-06-12
Written: (7813 days ago)

He was my God...and you slew Him.
He was no better than yours Who was nothing but a man...
Son of God...
This act--you belittled my beliefs. And suffered mine the same fate as your religion.
And His blood does flow...
Would I cry out knowing these breaths were the last to leave my lips? 
I might try...but who knows how much will it would take to make even a whisper while stretched upon a cross...
Did He?

Now...
You have your Savior.
And I have mine.
We are enemies now--follower of the Son of God.
You and I.
I shall turn all I can...be it so. Lost to Him. Foe to Him.

35824  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2003-06-05
Written: (7820 days ago)

Festering
Where is the motivation? Where is the forest, and the Moon?
All that I need--myself and a cool night to make me feel a live.
Breathe, run--for once, running is the best way to solve all of my troubles. For always, nothing more natural than running--my strangest passion: yet sometimes, my best.
The vision always fades. I am but in a room, dreaming of the trees, the night.
My Love.

32994  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2003-05-26
Written: (7829 days ago)
Next in thread: 34523

I never thought there was a worse feeling...until a family member makes me feel like an irresponsible and all around HORRIBLE parent. I don't give a fuck about ANYTHING but my daughter!! Why else would i still be in this shit world we call our home?!
My brother can go fuck himself. Yeah, and my mother and father, too.

31980  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2003-05-23
Written: (7832 days ago)

LIVING SACRIFICE
06.12 Dayton, OH Gathering Ground

31447  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2003-05-22
Written: (7834 days ago)

Fuck it. Maybe I should stop looking for perfection in something I know is flawed beyond repentance. Maybe, I cannot deal with reality, and maybe I would rather deny the general nature of humans. But honestly, FUck it!!
Does that little bastard know how worthless he makes me feel?? 
Perhaps, I should not build my world around one person--I only need my self and my degenerate mind.
Luckily, I am addicted...lucky for some, unfortunate for me.
There is nothing in me. Fuck him, I hate him!!

31397  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2003-05-21
Written: (7834 days ago)

Is it time to watch my blood flow once again? Is it time to hate, and push away all that I love...and believed loved me?

30911  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2003-05-20
Written: (7836 days ago)
Next in thread: 44441

My friend's mother Linda is dying. She's had lupus, hepatitis, and endometriosis. I have been told that her days are passed vomitting--or in a haze of Morphine, but usually both. If you ask her how she is doing, she will always tell you, "Fine. I'm doing fine," as she misses your gaze and looks completely drained.
Alicia has told me that no one really knows how her mom is doing or how long she actually has to live. Linda allows no one to go to her doctors appointments with her; not even her husband Les knows how far her condition has gone. 
This woman who I have known for many years--this jovial, outgoing, energetic woman-has been withered in this short time by terminal illness and denial. What I saw in her eyes, even as she looked away, showed me nothing of who she was just months ago.

29584  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2003-05-15
Written: (7841 days ago)
Next in thread: 29899

I shall never leave your side, I whisper into your ear.
And the response is your rasping breath.
The moonlight glints on my sleep-starved eyes: I cannot find the strength to blink and miss one moment of your beauty. My lips pass many times close to your skin, but never to touch. You will burn me.
Inert, the body may only be a vessel, but still a peril. How many times have I been used by all; even you. 
I shall not leave you. My shadow covers you, and you writhe, only to lapse back into the silence of Between. Dare I? No: so, I move not more than an arms reach away. Watching, only watching. Will you sacrifice me, I wonder suddenly? In this state, how could I expect less?
I want to see your dreams, and see that I rule them! Though, I promise you still of my unfaltering companionship, I feel my time is waning. Were I more solid, I might dare...
But the distance will come between us, as it always does. I can never love, just watch. I fade. I fade into nothing more than a whisp of fog, and pass beyond all Life--even further than where you are, my love.
But there surely will be others: there always has been. You will remember me, I fear. 
At least, you may have dreams...

28734  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2003-05-13
Written: (7843 days ago)

Oh, deliver me! It is coming on again...Please, help me fight this...
*cries*

28733  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2003-05-13
Written: (7843 days ago)

I am feeling rather depressed...something wants to materialize, it wants to escape or destroy me.

"I can be a hero/ I can be the light"--Project 86
*shudders* creepy little song!

It is within me again...never truly leaves, only lays dorment. It knows the best times to awaken and destroy my sanctuary. My false world, everything I came to understand in a twisted light. This fantasy always falls away, leaving me empty yet sad. 

28653  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2003-05-13
Written: (7843 days ago)

Amras Galathil (daddy!!)
Nessa Táralóm (me)
Inwë Galathil (my daughter)
Lúthien Galathil (auntie!!)
Galdor Táralóm (my brother)

Hmmm...interesting, Elven names...

28595  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2003-05-12
Written: (7843 days ago)

I WUB SAFARI!!! It is the bestest web browser ever--and I hear it is only a beta-version... :) 
SAFARI!!!!

28258  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2003-05-12
Written: (7844 days ago)

The wind is strong tonight...quite a contrast of last night, which was oddly still-unnervingly so.


I am feeling very foolish right now. So much so, I am on the verge of tears...And I am not COMPLETELY sure why o_O


:P Happy Mother's Day, me!!

27880  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2003-05-11
Written: (7845 days ago)

It has been so long my friend.
I still think about you, and your young life-so wasted.
So sad.
I still want to take your place,
Because you are missed.
In your mind, in your bath-
You know no more seizures-
at least you felt no pain as the water burned through your flesh.
Yes-how fortunate!
You are gone, but I still love you.

The wind blows yellow rose petals across your grave.
Jesse

27491  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2003-05-10
Written: (7846 days ago)
Next in thread: 27496

If ever we should meet...

Ache
So many things to long for...
I hear the Storm
How I shudder!
It comes upon me: with wonder I behold
Each storm becomes a part of me.
Heavy, so heavy...
I am frightened,
And who will stand with me?
The weight--I hope it is never more than I can bear.
Let me cowar
And there is no one to embrace me...

25378  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2003-05-03
Written: (7853 days ago)
Next in thread: 40713

SHAI HULUD "A Profound Hatred of Man"

If these hands would only kill.
They'd cleanse the world with its own blood.
They'd cleanse the world, if these hands would only kill.
These hands should cleanse your soul of the lust and greed of this world.
And they call me a fool, as they do so well.
Destroy the morality none have known for so long if ever at all.
And I would lay down my life to birth a new generation of a righteous culture.
To a people I could proudly love and cherish.
For that's all I've ever asked for and been deprived of.
Not a tear for those of flesh
Not a stayed hand for a world that prostitutes itself.
Not a miniute more of degredation.
Words cannot express my disappointment.
Words cannot express my dispproval.
So I hate.
I hate a world that is capable of triumph.
Do I stand idly by and let this world disintegrate.
This world will pass away, and my emotions with it.
Why should I strive for acceptance and peace of mind.
A Profound Hatred of Man


from the ablum Hearts Once Nourished With Hope and Compassion

24833  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2003-05-01
Written: (7854 days ago)

hehehe...She wants to save the unenlightened. Tell me, God would not have created others in His image?! Not that I am, but how does one proclaim to know the mind and will of God???!!!

24339  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2003-04-29
Written: (7857 days ago)

i want my knife...

 The logged in version 

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