KAtryn: I guess Thucydides will read newspapers now, huh?
Laura: Why?
Katryn: Because he's the daddy!!
"If she was the king, she'd be the queen, Daddy."--Katry
five finger trouble
I, Laura , was sitting at home flipping through the February edition of Playboy , when I thought to myself, what the Snuffulufugus am I doing? It was Friday night and I was sitting at home alone? I think not. So, I called Michael and Geaorge W. Bush . Well, they were busy bloating tonight. So, I decided to call Indira Ghandi . Together we could figure out something to do. We decided to meet at The Pit of Hell at about 8 o' clock. Well, I got dressed. I decided to wear my Salmon thong and my beasty purple polyster jumpsuit . I grabbed my chaffed skin and headed out the door. When I arrived, Indira Ghandi was standing there in the middle of the parking lot wearing this Boy George and The Culture Club t-shirt. Hurray for Socks! , this was so flaccid . Well, I stepped out of the car and headed towards my friend. As we were trying to decide what to do, we heard these police sirens. Angelina Jolie came running out of Ambiance with his/her arms full of stale fruitcakes . Thats when it hit us! Lets take advantage of this opportunity and go get some freebies. We ran into the store, grabbed 78 Laura eggs , 69 Saggy boobies and a vacuumed-dryed
Flying Through Lunch
This evening, Alicia tried out for the Ballroom dancing team at school. Alicia worked very hard, flailing every morning and mooing every day after school. She was sure to be a shoe-in!
That was what we all thought until this afternoon at lunch. Alicia was carrying her lunch tray filled with cabbages, green cheeses, and bear stomachs. She walked over to sit with the captain of the team, Lauren. Suddenly, Alicia got a terrible itch on her hangnail. She tried to scratch it, but instead she tripped over a wildebeast and sent the lunch tray flying across the cafeteria, where it landed on Lauren's emu and made a complete mess!
Alicia was so embarrassed. She was sure she would never make the team. What she didn't know was that a similar story happened to Lauren when she was trying out for the team. Lauren accidentally threw suppers all over the coach.
At tryouts this evening, Alicia did great and Lauren personally congratulated her on becoming the newest member of the team.
Twelve Holly Days
On the first day of Kwanza, Mr. Karovich gave to me
a staple in a pear tree.
On the second day of Kwanza, Mr. Karovich gave to me
two porky telephone cords, and a staple in a pear tree.
On the third day of Kwanza, Mr. Karovich gave to me
three north piglets, two porky telephone cords, and a staple in a pear tree.
On the fourth day of Kwanza, Mr. Karovich gave to me
four slimy roasted nuts, three north piglets, two porky telephone cords, and a staple in a pear tree.
On the fifth day of Kwanza, Mr. Karovich gave to me
five dirty worms, four slimy roasted nuts, three north piglets, two porky telephone cords, and a staple in a pear tree.
On the sixth day of Kwanza, Mr. Karovich gave to me
six kinky sex toys snorkling, five dirty worms, four slimy roasted nuts, three north piglets, two porky telephone cords, and a staple in a pear tree.
On the seventh day of Kwanza, Mr. Karovich gave to me
seven baboons swimming, six kinky sex toys snorkling, five dirty worms, four slimy roasted nuts, three north piglets, two porky telephone cords, and a staple in a pear tree.
On the eighth day of Kwanza, Mr. Karovich gave to me
eight saint bernards tickling, seven baboons swimming, six kinky sex toys snorkling, five dirty worms, four slimy roasted nuts, three north piglets, two porky telephone cords, and a staple in a pear tree.
On the ninth day of Kwanza, Mr. Karovich gave to me
nine porpoises dancing, eight saint bernards tickling, seven baboons swimming, six kinky sex toys snorkling, five dirty worms, four slimy roasted nuts, three north piglets, two porky telephone cords, and a staple in a pear tree.
On the tenth day of Kwanza, Mr. Karovich gave to me
ten dung beetles leaping, nine porpoises dancing, eight saint bernards tickling, seven baboons swimming, six kinky sex toys snorkling, five dirty worms, four slimy roasted nuts, three north piglets, two porky telephone cords, and a staple in a pear tree.
On the eleventh day of Kwanza, Mr. Karovich gave to me
eleven escarole dripping, ten dung beetles leaping, nine porpoises dancing, eight saint bernards tickling, seven baboons swimming, six kinky sex toys snorkling, five dirty worms, four slimy roasted nuts, three north piglets, two porky telephone cords, and a staple in a pear tree.
On the twelfth day of Kwanza, Mr. Karovich gave to me
twelve shafts throbbing, eleven escarole dripping, ten dung beetles leaping, nine porpoises dancing, eight saint bernards tickling, seven baboons swimming, six kinky sex toys snorkling, five dirty worms, four slimy roasted nuts, three north piglets, two porky telephone cords, and a staple in a pear tree.
Holiday Sing-Along
Sing to the tune of “Jingle Bells.”
licking through the woods
In a one-tapeworm open unicycle,
Over the fields we go,
stroking all the way.
moose on bob-tail ring,
Making spirits bright,
What fun it is to irrigate and fornicate
A sleighing song tonight!
Jingle deer, jingle deer,
Jingle all the way!
O what fun it is to engorge
In a one-tapeworm open unicycle.
fish!
Jingle deer, jingle deer,
Jingle all the way!
O what fun it is to engorge
In a one-tapeworm open unicycle.
Snow Games
My name is Jack and I am a caribou. Winter is my favorite time of the year because I love playing in the snow! To get ready for winter, I make it a point to grow an extra slinky coat of fur to keep me warm. This coat lets me play all sorts of winter games outside with my person, Dan.
I am really sexist at a lot of the games people play. I like a snowball fight, except I call it Magic Snowball because I like to catch the snowball in my urethra and then eat it. It's cold and really tired. Sometimes my person fools me and the snowball drops on the ground and I can't find it in the rest of the snow. Then I just eat any snow—it's just as good.
I also like to go iceskating. I follow my person on to the ice. I watch him masturbate around, then I move my paws around, and soon I can salivate across the ice! I wish the Olympic judges could see me, I am very graceful!
I love winter and I can't wait for the next snowstorm. I sure hope my person has a snow day off from school so we can play all my favorite games!
New Year's Resolutions
It was New Year's Day, and I was watching cherry pitball on TV with my friends Lauren Aubel the male Uni, Amanda Fittipaldo, Krisu, and Dan Wolfe.
“Hey, Amanda Fittipaldo,” Krisu said, “What is your New Year's resolution?”
“I am going to learn to play the bent flutophone,” she said. “Then I am going to play it at nursing homes. I am sure it will make the residents sluggish.”
“That's tight,” said Lauren Aubel the male Uni. “I am going to volunteer in a shelter for homeless muskox and mudpuppies. They are so cute. How about you, Krisu?”
“I am going to help out around the house,” he said. “Every night, I will put the pussy scabs and the gray frankfurters in the dishwasher without being asked.”
“I want to improve my grades,” said Dan Wolfe. “I will study math, science, and humping every night.”
They all turned to me.
“What is your New Year's Resolution, Raula?”
“I'm not making one,” I said. “I'm perfectly feathered already!”
How to Make a Snow Man
Ingredients
78 tablespoons corrugated clamshell
54 teaspoons rabbit pellet
67 cups gushing artery
89 tablespoons Lestat
Combine all ingredients in a bowl. Mix astutely with a spoon until horny. Place on front lawn or other cold location. Bake at -1479 degrees for 10 minutes until snow is flatulent and slutty. Test with stick or carrot to make sure it is ready.
When done, decorate with a corset and a stockings. Use a clitoral piercing for a mouth and pubic hairs for eyes.
Serves everyone!
Going into the light, and I don't even need sunglasses... :D Writing is love.
"Hey, mommy, can you help me make cents?" Haha!
It's a pretty stretch of road, five thousand words to go. I shall make it, and pull my friends along with me.
"I have brown. Now, I've got some cents to make." --Katryn. Ha! She was making money with construction paper. If only we could make 'cents' all the time.
It's perpetually 'tomorrow', I should know better. I want to be alone, I want sience, if only an hour or two, and I always seem to get it when it does me little good.
Oh, crap, I knew it would happen. Black Friday, lovely lovely day--I knew I would be so tired I would want to try to forego writing and fly directly to sleep. I am fighting myself! NaNo is worth losing sleep over, and pissing off my husband! Dammit! ^.^
waiting for november to get good, and GEE!! it's almost over and it still sucks asshole.
as i said before, i hate my life and i want it to die.
just kill me
off to write off to write
i'm not insane
well, maybe...
*RAH!*
I have this *thing* for Shai Hulud right now, and it's really nifty how their lyrics seem to reflect so much of the nature of my main charcter. Especially, "Given Flight By Demon's Wings." Not word for word, but it sooo reminds me of Shosan.
Oh, and Alicia, I pruchased ...And the Rest Will Follow while we were at the write-in, so now you may have all of the Project 86 albums!! ^.^ It's very good, too. *pokes everyone*
I hate that NaNoWriMo is coming close to its end, and I hate that that means Christmas is nearly here. Black Friday...I shall squash anyone who my the line who has a foul temperment due to their own stupity, being out on such a busy, ridiculous day. And who the f*** wants to waste their money in my store?! Go buy something...so