Lauren was not at all surprised that Lee had eaten too many cheeseburgers, turning even their lunch together into a test of his will. Nor was she surprised that she had had to escort him home after his binge. He invited her in and well, Lauren was a bit hesitant. At the door, she had a wash of guilt as she had a fleeting image of Kakashi and his ^.^ accost her mind. Lee looked at her and his eyes got bigger. If that was possible. It had to be Lauren's imagination...but he looked pouty, as if he guessed why she did not want to enter. He stared, thinking hard for some conditon to set for himself if she refused after all. But she finally shook her head and smiled awkwardly at the sad little ninja. She entered, but just then a thought struck her:

"Where did you get that green jumpsuit?"

Life seemed to filter back into him for a moment, he grinned and his face sparkled with pride. "This was a token from my wonderful Gai-sensei." He leaned closer, suddenly very serious, "It is a key to my training--my success." Lee winked. "But it is a secret. Only two other people know besides myself and Gai-sensei," he whispered to Lauren and added a nod. He knew his secret was safe with his new love. 

"That's why they call you AND your sensei the Green Beast, I would imagine?"

He took her hands and began to pull her forward, abruptly taking her into a very close, very intimate embrace. She could feel his battle-hardened muscles through the smooth green spandex of his ninja suit. His face had turned very sweet, but his voice had become very sly. "Well, I can show you another reason why they call me the Green Beast, and I can assure you I have not learned this from Gai-sensei."

Lauren blinked at his implications. She barely had time to blush before:

"Woud you like to see the Lotus bloom?"

It had been a few days since Laure had seen Kakashi, and she wondered how things went for his new team. If they were indeed his new team.

And now Lauren was walking to the market, longing for a clean new notebook to write all of her thoughts on. She loved the feeling of starting anew. But she was not at all alert on her leisurely stroll, for she had not noticed the form moving at her side. Finally, though her sense keyed into this presence, and she looked up to find who or what had fallen in beside her. Her feet froze, and she started in utter surprise. There was indeed a someone walking next to her, and he was dressed in the most ridiculous green spandex. But the longer she stared the longer she decided it suited him. As her wondering eyes found their way to face of this green-clad young man, she started again as she noticed the...complete oddness of his face. Her eye twitched as the black-hair guy smiled a toothy grin and extended his hand.

"Please, take this sincere card as a token of my devotion." He spoke all most too seriously for the situation. His eyes grew wide with excitement. His face glowed with complete determination. "I wrote it myself to prove that I am worthy of your atttention. See the green envelope, I believe it is very becoming." He nodded his head once.

Lauren stared with a crooked grin on her face. Was this strange guy trying to come onto her? It seemed that way, although he went about it in an unconventional way. Looking at him one could tell there was nothing conventional about him.  She reached out slowly to receive the card. But she stared at his eyebrows the entire time and could not help but wonder, Does he know what tweezers are? Or a good waxing? Maybe that could be my first gift to him.

"You have accepted my gift!" He sayed loudly, and raised his fist in some triumph. 

"Who are you?" Lauren finally found her voice. She had to find out what he was up to, somehow despite her shock.

Wide-stanced at her question, he rested a thumb against his chest. "I am Rock Lee. Second green beast of the village Konoha, self-made ninja, taijutsu specialist!"

Uh-huh....Lauren's grin did not straighten a bit. And for some reason her eye never stopped its periodic twitches. "Pleased...to meet you, Lee. My name is Lauren."

"I have a favor to ask of you."

Eh? A favor? It might be harmless, he seemed harmless, so why not find out what favor he might want of her? "Hmmm?"

"I saw you in the theatre with that Kakashi. Please, please forego your relation with him and choose me instead! I will devote myself to you, if only you promise to be mine!"

There goes my eye again. She was speechless.

"I swear that if you do not become mine I will not sleep for one hundred days!"

Uh! How drastic...she could not allow him to neglect such a thing, so she nodded her consent. But what to tell Kakashi...Oh well, I can take care of that later.

Lee reached out andd grabbed her hand. He started leading her away. "I am over-joyed. Now, let's go. McDonalds has two cheeseburgers for 2 dollars today! My treat, my dear Lauren."

It would be hard to say she was swept away, but she was a little amused. As he dragged her along, she felt a fondness for this strange green-suited, bowl-cut, fuzzy-eyebrowed guy growing in her heart.

Lauren watched from the windowseat as Kakashi dressed. He had a meticulous process for putting on each layer. Now if only he was as precise with his time-keeping, Lauren thought with a smirk. His final touch was pulling up his cover. Lauren, even though she had longed to see his face, still found it hard to look at him without the mask.

"Well, I'm off to crush--I mean instruct my newest students, love." His eye went *meep* ^.^ as he thought of the torturous survival test he soon put them through.

"Team Seven was the one and only group who passed your test? Still? After all these years?"

Kakashi's gaze finally took on some measure of expression--not quite sadness, more like a lingering, loving pride. "Yes, my team seven were extraordinary pupils. They are all individuals to be proud of."

How sweet! How touching! He loved those kids, as if they had been his own kids.

He was at the windowseat in a flash. "It is time for me to go, Lauren." He slowly brought up his hand and caressed her cheek. She had not noticed that both eyes were exposed, and that she was staring straight into them. Before she knew it his eyes shot wide open.

"Sharingan!"

No! Lauren's heart stopped. Why! Now?! Why did he have to use an illusory technique on her after all this time? She was going to let him, there was no argument there. She was really about to panic when:

"Ha! Just kidding!" Kakashi said with the utmost pleasure in himself. His forehead protector slid down over the terrifying appearance of the Sharingan eye. even though he was already smiling intensely.

"Uh--you!" Lauren said as she slowly found that she could breathe again. Sweat dripped down her temple.

Kakashi leaned down and placed a soft kiss on Lauren's forehead. "Later." He zipped out the window, gone simply that fast.

Geez! That Kakashi and his practical jokes! Lauren shook her head and prepared to walk home.

Things were...progressing rather more quickly than either Lauren or Kakashi had expected. Lauren's allure being so strong, Kakashi could barely sit through the movie, he shifted often, making Lauren just a little bit nervous. She reached over and lightly laid her fingertips on his thigh. He paused for the longest time since they sat down together in the darkness of the small theatre. He quickly decided to cover her hand with his own, for fear that it might start to wander around and distract him even further. He closed his hand around her fingers and smiled, so easily.

"Why don't we, skip out on this movie?"

Lauren thought he sounded a little breathless. Was it nerves, or something else? No, not Kakashi, his aire of mystery and calm could rarely be dispersed. This only proved to add to it.  She grinned a bit herself. "What do you have in mind?"

"I happen to know this little place where we could have a something to eat. Some place more...private," he said happily. 

"Oh?" Lauren giggled at his haste to remove them from the theatre.

Kakashi's eye opened..with that thrill, the very same. "It's called my house."

Lauren could not help the flutter of her heart. One nod and before she knew it Kakashi pulled them onto their feet wrapped an arm around her waist and they literally vanished from the theatre.

Meanwhile, a dark figure rose in the back of the theatre. A resolve had formed within him upon seeing Kakashi enter the theatre with a girl such as Lauren. There was a twinkle in this new man's eyes, a witty little grin forming on his face. He would have to wait a while longer but he would find his opportunity to steal Lauren away from the ancient rival of his sensei, that Kakashi-san whose cool andd carefree attitude had so impressed the sensei. It was settled. The Lotus was about to bloom. ;)


[ Later on... ]

The food had barely been touched. But Lauren had to say that it had helped greatly in Kakashi's favor, him taking her back to his house and cooking for her, to put them in their present position. Kakashi slept just as quietly as he conducted himself throughout the day--and who wouldn't, really, after all the 'training' the two of them had just done--so Lauren rolled over within the quiet and peace of the evening-lit room. She closed her eyes, and before drifitng into sleep had flashes of memories of the past hour or so. "It's as if you have been schooled in these techniques. Where do you keep your manual?" Lauren joked as Kakashi hovered above her. He smiled and suddenly blushed, "Well," he stammered and absently rubbed the back of his white haired head, "I suppose you might say that." In the blink of an eye, his Icha Icha novellettes just under the corner of the bed were replaced by a few papers and notes. Lauren had not noticed those, thankfully, and she had not seen him so quickly place them underneath the very mattress on which they now lay.

He laid down next to her and sighed in relief. And in so many seconds he fell asleep. 

Lauren could not help but to join him.

Okay, below is my enstallment. ^.^ It's not as funny as [moonlitawakening]'s but I gave it a go. LOL! I cannot wait until she gets her '1000 years of pain!' And she'll like, by gob!! ;)

^.^

"It's not by chance that I met you," Kakashi whispered into her ear. "But don't expect me to be punctual--I'll let you in on that straight off." He smiled at her, propelling any doubt from her. This guy was serious. And so was she, she would see his face. She would be the first.

She arrived at the precise hour. Lauren planned keep her time a little bit better than Hatake-san. Looking back, who would have guessed that she would have happened upon him at the exotic pet store while she was buying grooming supplies for her panther the day before.

[ Flashback ]

Brushes and food--she browsed idly, never seeing the mysterious ninja enter the store. She caught his eye while he was headed to the newstand, searching out his 'favorite' novellettes. Being captivated beyond belief, wondering if this lady would care to catch Chronicles of Riddick sometime and also curious to see what kind of pet she kept--it must be interesting, only befitting such a fabulous person.

He followned her with grand stealth, and much to his surprise she entered the exoctic cat corner of the store. Heh...

He materialed behind her, and said, "Well, I am a ddog-kind of person myself.."

Lauren's heart jumped at the sudden voice in her ear. The soothing, carefree tones of an unfamiliar man. She had shrieked and everone was staring at the two of them. She peeked back to see just who had so oddly chosen to startle her. 

One very delighted eye peeped at her, and this masked man who disagreed with her choice of pets was smiling all too pleasantly at her. Maybe he was embarrassed by all the attention she had gathered toward them?

"Good afternoon," he said, still smiling. He stood back and rested his hans onto his hips.

"Good afternoon," Lauren said a little shyly. "Do I know you?" She asked slowly, quickly intrigued by this ninja whose face she could barely make out, with his forehead protector draped over his right eye, and the aforementioned mask.

"No, probably not." Yes, well, I can ask her now, better now than to wait, and if she says 'no' then I can always hypnotize her...he thought to himself with high hope. Either way, he would be taking her to see Chronicles of Riddick. "You know, if you leave your little panther at home, would you care to see a great Vin Diesel flick with me?"

Lauren, not quite sure what to say, just nodded. How could she refuse, it seemed impossible.

"Great! I'll meet you here tomorrow afternoon." His voice was pleased.

But his one eye was finally open after all that smiling and it looked so...captivated. Really.

Part of the thrill of him, Lauren decided outside of his sudden appearance, was the pure lack of interest in his eye. His one eye...How odd, she mused. I wonder what is up with his other?

And then, he was gone in a 'whoosh,' leaving Lauren stunned.

She watched her back the entire walk home.

Kakashi--he cooked, CoR, secret scroll, panther
Lee--card, McDonalds, dolphin

Well, here's my beef..my dilemma, my bane...

It's THAT weekend approaching, the trip to New York to see my father in law off to his home country of Hungary. My mother in law suggested I go with her on this 9-12 hour trip. I told her I would if I could, but the more I think about it the more I want to shoot myself, as I have to work the next day....*sighs* Now, I try to back out, I try to suggest other courses of actions, but she keeps pushing to get me to go. And of course the guilt I promised I would not feel has emerged; it's ugly, it's nagging. Should I go, or should I not? Damn it all...And I try to talk to Michael about--you know, it's his mother, and it's my insanity, so you'd think he might have some words of wisdom to share. But what do I get when I ask him...I get him staring at Mythbusters, not saying anything. Damn it damn it damn it! I am on the verge of insanity--with my apartment, with money, with myself, and with this impending drive of doom, adn now I have this guilt hovering...hovering...I want time to myself. Every week I keep saying "Next week, there will be a little more time, maybe a few hours at least." But no, SOMETHING always comes up, SOMETHING always needs to be done. Fuck! Here goes my mind, I hope Micahel is enjoying the opening stages of his quickly approaching wife of madness; I hope he wants a future of Me with a mushy, crazy brain. Fucking...god damn it...I just know I am going to call her back and say I WILL go after all. And then I'll cry myself to sleep...every night until Saturday...and at work Sunday after spending the prior 24 hours in a car *gag gag* with my parents in law, with only, oh, 3 hours of sleep. Thank you. Thank you. Why do I have to have feelings; why do I feel bad??

Rin has had her kittens. The first one looks like mom and dad, little tiger stripes, the second looks more cloudy but still the browns and blacks of tabby-dom, repeat second for third and THEN the fourth..wow! It was a little white kitty, it looks like we might, possibly get our little Siamesie...hopefully, there will not be anymore. :)

wow, one could swim in some of the blue whales' blood vessels...
*watches a deep ocean special and listens to inuyasha sndtrk. simultaneously* ^.^

KAtryn: I guess Thucydides will read newspapers now, huh?

Laura: Why?

Katryn: Because he's the daddy!!

"If she was the king, she'd be the queen, Daddy."--Katryn, after I said i was the King of Groceries.

five finger trouble

I, Laura , was sitting at home flipping through the February edition of Playboy , when I thought to myself, what the Snuffulufugus am I doing? It was Friday night and I was sitting at home alone? I think not. So, I called Michael and Geaorge W. Bush . Well, they were busy bloating tonight. So, I decided to call Indira Ghandi . Together we could figure out something to do. We decided to meet at The Pit of Hell at about 8 o' clock. Well, I got dressed. I decided to wear my Salmon thong and my beasty purple polyster jumpsuit . I grabbed my chaffed skin and headed out the door. When I arrived, Indira Ghandi was standing there in the middle of the parking lot wearing this Boy George and The Culture Club t-shirt. Hurray for Socks! , this was so flaccid . Well, I stepped out of the car and headed towards my friend. As we were trying to decide what to do, we heard these police sirens. Angelina Jolie came running out of Ambiance with his/her arms full of stale fruitcakes . Thats when it hit us! Lets take advantage of this opportunity and go get some freebies. We ran into the store, grabbed 78 Laura eggs , 69 Saggy boobies and a vacuumed-dryed, crusty vagina . Then we grabbed this old man named Izekial Yoder 's dolphin shorts to stuff all of it in as we made a run for it. As we were running out the door, I accidentally stepped on a string that had unravelled from Indira Ghandi 's loincloth and caused him/her to fall flat on his/her eyelash which caused me to trip over him/her and caused the dolphin shorts full of the goods to fall right under the foot arch of the police man. Next time, I think I'll stay home and read Playboy .

Flying Through Lunch

This evening, Alicia tried out for the Ballroom dancing team at school. Alicia worked very hard, flailing every morning and mooing every day after school. She was sure to be a shoe-in!

That was what we all thought until this afternoon at lunch. Alicia was carrying her lunch tray filled with cabbages, green cheeses, and bear stomachs. She walked over to sit with the captain of the team, Lauren. Suddenly, Alicia got a terrible itch on her hangnail. She tried to scratch it, but instead she tripped over a wildebeast and sent the lunch tray flying across the cafeteria, where it landed on Lauren's emu and made a complete mess!

Alicia was so embarrassed. She was sure she would never make the team. What she didn't know was that a similar story happened to Lauren when she was trying out for the team. Lauren accidentally threw suppers all over the coach.

At tryouts this evening, Alicia did great and Lauren personally congratulated her on becoming the newest member of the team.

Twelve Holly Days

On the first day of Kwanza, Mr. Karovich gave to me
a staple in a pear tree.

On the second day of Kwanza, Mr. Karovich gave to me
two porky telephone cords, and a staple in a pear tree.

On the third day of Kwanza, Mr. Karovich gave to me
three north piglets, two porky telephone cords, and a staple in a pear tree.

On the fourth day of Kwanza, Mr. Karovich gave to me
four slimy roasted nuts, three north piglets, two porky telephone cords, and a staple in a pear tree.

On the fifth day of Kwanza, Mr. Karovich gave to me
five dirty worms, four slimy roasted nuts, three north piglets, two porky telephone cords, and a staple in a pear tree.

On the sixth day of Kwanza, Mr. Karovich gave to me
six kinky sex toys snorkling, five dirty worms, four slimy roasted nuts, three north piglets, two porky telephone cords, and a staple in a pear tree.

On the seventh day of Kwanza, Mr. Karovich gave to me
seven baboons swimming, six kinky sex toys snorkling, five dirty worms, four slimy roasted nuts, three north piglets, two porky telephone cords, and a staple in a pear tree.

On the eighth day of Kwanza, Mr. Karovich gave to me
eight saint bernards tickling, seven baboons swimming, six kinky sex toys snorkling, five dirty worms, four slimy roasted nuts, three north piglets, two porky telephone cords, and a staple in a pear tree.

On the ninth day of Kwanza, Mr. Karovich gave to me
nine porpoises dancing, eight saint bernards tickling, seven baboons swimming, six kinky sex toys snorkling, five dirty worms, four slimy roasted nuts, three north piglets, two porky telephone cords, and a staple in a pear tree.

On the tenth day of Kwanza, Mr. Karovich gave to me
ten dung beetles leaping, nine porpoises dancing, eight saint bernards tickling, seven baboons swimming, six kinky sex toys snorkling, five dirty worms, four slimy roasted nuts, three north piglets, two porky telephone cords, and a staple in a pear tree.

On the eleventh day of Kwanza, Mr. Karovich gave to me
eleven escarole dripping, ten dung beetles leaping, nine porpoises dancing, eight saint bernards tickling, seven baboons swimming, six kinky sex toys snorkling, five dirty worms, four slimy roasted nuts, three north piglets, two porky telephone cords, and a staple in a pear tree.

On the twelfth day of Kwanza, Mr. Karovich gave to me
twelve shafts throbbing, eleven escarole dripping, ten dung beetles leaping, nine porpoises dancing, eight saint bernards tickling, seven baboons swimming, six kinky sex toys snorkling, five dirty worms, four slimy roasted nuts, three north piglets, two porky telephone cords, and a staple in a pear tree.

Holiday Sing-Along

Sing to the tune of “Jingle Bells.”

licking through the woods
In a one-tapeworm open unicycle,
Over the fields we go,
stroking all the way.
moose on bob-tail ring,
Making spirits bright,
What fun it is to irrigate and fornicate
A sleighing song tonight!

Jingle deer, jingle deer,
Jingle all the way!
O what fun it is to engorge
In a one-tapeworm open unicycle.
fish!

Jingle deer, jingle deer,
Jingle all the way!
O what fun it is to engorge
In a one-tapeworm open unicycle.

Snow Games

My name is Jack and I am a caribou. Winter is my favorite time of the year because I love playing in the snow! To get ready for winter, I make it a point to grow an extra slinky coat of fur to keep me warm. This coat lets me play all sorts of winter games outside with my person, Dan.

I am really sexist at a lot of the games people play. I like a snowball fight, except I call it Magic Snowball because I like to catch the snowball in my urethra and then eat it. It's cold and really tired. Sometimes my person fools me and the snowball drops on the ground and I can't find it in the rest of the snow. Then I just eat any snow—it's just as good.

I also like to go iceskating. I follow my person on to the ice. I watch him masturbate around, then I move my paws around, and soon I can salivate across the ice! I wish the Olympic judges could see me, I am very graceful!

I love winter and I can't wait for the next snowstorm. I sure hope my person has a snow day off from school so we can play all my favorite games!

New Year's Resolutions

It was New Year's Day, and I was watching cherry pitball on TV with my friends Lauren Aubel the male Uni, Amanda Fittipaldo, Krisu, and Dan Wolfe.

“Hey, Amanda Fittipaldo,” Krisu said, “What is your New Year's resolution?”

“I am going to learn to play the bent flutophone,” she said. “Then I am going to play it at nursing homes. I am sure it will make the residents sluggish.”


“That's tight,” said Lauren Aubel the male Uni. “I am going to volunteer in a shelter for homeless muskox and mudpuppies. They are so cute. How about you, Krisu?”

“I am going to help out around the house,” he said. “Every night, I will put the pussy scabs and the gray frankfurters in the dishwasher without being asked.”

“I want to improve my grades,” said Dan Wolfe. “I will study math, science, and humping every night.”

They all turned to me.

“What is your New Year's Resolution, Raula?”

“I'm not making one,” I said. “I'm perfectly feathered already!”

How to Make a Snow Man

Ingredients

78 tablespoons corrugated clamshell
54 teaspoons rabbit pellet
67 cups gushing artery
89 tablespoons Lestat

Combine all ingredients in a bowl. Mix astutely with a spoon until horny. Place on front lawn or other cold location. Bake at -1479 degrees for 10 minutes until snow is flatulent and slutty. Test with stick or carrot to make sure it is ready.

When done, decorate with a corset and a stockings. Use a clitoral piercing for a mouth and pubic hairs for eyes.

Serves everyone!