*Sighs and tears* Sometimes i wish i didnt have things to think about,or choices to make.I can't help but cry,when i think about these things.Life is all about what choices you make,what paths you go on-and it hurts me to even know why i risk certain things,when i know it's gonna hurt me in the long run.*sighs* I feel so stupid and useless for doing what i do,i wish i didnt have certain things.The choice i have to make is with someone whom i thought i loved and whom i thought i'd want to care for.As tears fall down my face,i think about the person i am,and the person i thought i would be.I'm not what ppl think i am,i will say that i am a gentle person,when it's time to be,I am a bitch when there is time for that,and i take self defense when i feel attacked.
I'm tired of being in this fuckin life,and i dont wanna do this anymore,but i do know if i take that chance,i'd hurt my mother and all the ppl that are there for me.The friends i have here,i can't say if i have real friends,yet i can't say i dont.
This time when i make a choice,i'll know what i'm doing,then again i can't promise that.

some care and some don't
some can when some won't
you dont care,and you dont want to
you won't dare,and you won't try to.
Leave me here,and don't come near
you only make me have more fear.

by mallory.

*sighs* emotionally,i'm exhausted and it feels so weird,because i'm usually semi-happy.But i can obviously tell that one day i'm gonna give up and say 'fuck it all',thats the scary part of it.I dont really pro-suicide,but neither am i anti-suicide.I dont know how to feel,and i dont know why i cant seem to be patient enough.I am with someone right now,but i dont seem to feel 'emotionally-connected'...it feels like i dont see him much,nor speak to him much.But what would that matter for,after all the person does love me,and i love the person.I dont usually keep hoping for something,if its not obviously working,but neither do i give up quickly.I have learned that although nothing happens when i want it to,that it wont-i just have to wait till the perfect time for it to happen.
again this is a sad entry in my diary,but who cares,as if anyone would pay attention to it. *walks out*

[i feel weird right now,like my day has been going good,then it turns to start feeling akward for some odd reason.]
I dont ever think this diary will hold happy memories,i dont see why it should.I could be happy,but then somehow i dont think it'll last very long,heh,something always has to ruin it,sometimes it's me,sometimes it's not...

so much for my happy ending....(lays in my coffin)

When has this diary ever been filled with things about my happyness?its always sad;nothing changes and prob never will,*blinks*.Um so yeah i guess yesterday i had some family problems,and its beginning to be very hard for me to ever want to go every day feeling like life is so hard.I know ppl have worse lives than me,and they can say im spoiled as hell what am i sad about.well hmm just because you have everything (or enough) doesnt mean theres going to be happinesss.its been proven money,materials,etc don't always bring happiness,and they werent lying.
love from friends n loved one's is the only thing that keeps me going O_O; if i ever lose that-it's my life that will lose also.

I can't be happy without you here,its beginning to feel like an isolation,but still knowing i have you

I wish i knew why i havent heard from that certain someone...i want to talk and spend time.Hopefully i will soon...i wuv him

Ever wonder wut it feels like to have 37 cuts on ur arm,and many of them are faded? Yeah thats me,well to me it's an obsession and a pleasure of having something wicked and bloody to stare at.It's such a way of letting yourself know wut pain is really like,when u see blood flowing from your arm..
who said u had to stop at only 37 ;)

To my bf:
"Echo"

[Chorus:]
Close my eyes
Let the whole thing pass me by
There is no time
To waste asking why
I'll run away with you by my side
I'll run away with you by my side
I need to let go, let go, let go, let go of this pride,
(Asking why)

I think about your face
And how I fall into your eyes
The outline that I trace
Around the one that I call mine
Time that called for space
Unclear where you drew the line
I don't need to solve this case
And I don't need to look behind

[Chorus]

Do I expect to change, the past I hold inside,
with all the words I say,
repeating over in my mind,
somethings you can't erase, no matter how hard you try,
an exit to escape is all there is left to find.

Close my eyes
Let the whole thing pass me by
There is no time
To waste asking why
I'll run away with you by my side
I'll run away with you by my side
I need to let go, let go, let go, let go of this pride,
Until this echo, echo, echo, echo in my mind
Until this echo, echo, echo, echo can subside

(I know I always loved you)
(I know I always loved you)
(I know I always loved you)

So I close my eyes
Let the whole thing pass me by
There is no time
To waste asking why
I'll run away with you by my side
I'll run away with you by my side
I need to let go, let go, let go, let go of this pride,
Until this echo, echo, echo, echo in my mind
Until this echo, echo, echo, echo can subside

I want to get this cd!

Well i'm pretty sure my words here will be useless as always...but i'm sorry for what i am going to do tonight....i don't mean to hurt anyone,but i cant deal with 3 tragic things that have happened to me in less than 3 days...and it hurts me real bad....i dont think there's more that u need to know...good night, i luv u

I LOVE AMBER FOREVER,VISIT OUR WIKI psycho death

http://www.geocities.com/CollegePark/Hall/1238/sayings.html

Sometimes this house feels like a prison
That I just can't leave behind
There's so many rules I got to follow
Cuz you can't let go
I don't wanna hear it and I just can't believe it
All the stupid things you say but
One day...I won't take this anymore
One day...I'll be old enough to do what I want to
I won't have to run away and you won't be there to say I'm not allowed to...One day
Sometimes I wonder if you know me
Or if you just pretend to care
Tell me, are you on a mission to bring me down?
Go away...don't look at me
Cuz we're not the same and you can't do nothing
you can say that it's not okay but i'm not afraid
and you can't do nothing...One day

To whom this concerns,and you know who you are,if not you will get a message from me saying this was to you.
A sweet spirit and not decay
sings peacefully to my dying heart
awakening it's every beat,
cherishing everytime we meet.
Your an angel that looks over me,
care for me,is what you do best.
I never have to wonder how it will be
those times that we talk together.
Never do we have agony against another,
our love is more than a boy loves his mother.
To live without you is unimaginable,
neither do i want to make it possible.
If i had one breath to give to anyone,
your the one i would save.
If I ever had a chance to start again,
i would want you as my friend.

A dark myth sings a beautiful theory,
a soul without any remorse or regret.
A heart has no fault in finding broken promises,
but what a demented spill of blood and a
dark,twisted mind.
The best warped life is another dark secret,
and there are many ways life can end but the heart is the way of death.The mind can be openly twisted and make it possible for thoughts to wander,and wander without doubt of dark theorys.
By mallory

The pain I feel is something so real,I"m happy but something lies await to end it.I feel confused,twisted and bruised.The temptation of dying is so imaginable,if i did I would leave these few i feel that love me and the many that hate me. Down in deep sorrow,i don't feel good for tomorrow. To feel that no one understands me and turn around to see a friend,It is You! says my heart-how would my heart know your cared? I guess it knows more than i thought.
So glad your here,am I.Your the loving friend I always pondered for,what more could I request. In earlier times it was peaceful between us,but now there is more movement we encounter.Thank you doesnt mean much but it could with one single touch..

By Me (mallory)

a picture of me...^^

I'm tired of thinking life's just gonna be the way i planned,if to have any plans that will work.I begin to think am i living just to test my misery and how long i can endure it? I think the answer is finally what i thought it was,and there's nothing i can do about it..
I can't keep thinking prayers are gonna work,what faith do i have,or i thought i had.Life maybe short,but it was fucking stupid the whole time,nothing ever was simple,not even the simpliest things were possible.
Has anyone ever wondered why i feel the way i do? Has anyone ever stopped and asked how i was feeling? fuck no,and i dun think if they ever did ask,that they cared...its become too common to say how are u doing...do u really care how i'm doing?
then again, u will never know,cuz i dont intend to tell u shit...u dont deserve what i have to say..as if it was important to u anyway.....

I want you to listen and i want to listen also,
A feeling of love is the possibility of reason-
A dark hate is the impossibility of experience
You don't know what life will ever bring,but you
can know what to be prepared for.

Are you the kind they talk about? Are you the one who makes happiness possible,protection for those who crave it,without doubt?

There should be no reason for me to not trust you,your the one they say is true,and the one nobody can detain from me.What would i know about love if u weren't here? would i know much about how it feels to not doubt anything?

I no longer wonder these things,because i have an angel combined with all those elements.

FUNERAL FOR A FRIEND


"Bullet Theory"


Who shot the bullet
That killed the air tonight
Without a thought, without a reason
Take a gun called hate
Up against your heart
And pull the trigger


It's over, it's only over
It's only over when we say


The smoke and mirrors
The lies that wind your tongue
Is this oppression what we wanted or what we needed?
As we function on impatience
And our patience is wearing thin
And live a lie that will destroy us all


Back and to the left come on
And shoot motherfucker


You like this baby?
You want to dance a little longer?