*sits there wondering why*

eh i tried,and i failed...
least i tried to help,but i dont think it'll matter...
why i say anything, i dont know,i'm probably hoping they'd pay attention....
you cant make someone happy,they have to want it for themselves...

and i wonder....mallory? why do i put myself in these situations? dont know,never will...some questions won't be answered and some answers will never be questioned...
you can say,"fuck the world",but the worlds just going to say "fuck you too" back....and i cant let that happen,i won't be the weak one and let them win over me.I have to be the one who makes each day something worth living for...there's someone out there who knows what i mean..

[....suprise! it's a sad diary,again...]

http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://dbz.icequake.net/share/img/comics/johnny_the_homicidal_maniac/vol5/johnny_the_homicidal_maniac_5_p05.jpg&;imgrefurl=http://dbz.icequake.net/share/img/comics/johnny_the_homicidal_maniac/vol5/&h=1520&w=979&sz=392&tbnid=8fUwDjlnLBMJ:&tbnh=149&tbnw=96&start=12&prev=/images%3Fq%3Djohnny%2Bthe%2Bhomicidal%2Bmaniac%26hl%3Den%26lr%3D%26sa%3DG

MR SNOWMAN =-O

looking for something? ^^ there's my pic, and if it doesnt show up,let me know.

finally got my picture ^^

Don't you just wish there were ways you could save someone? Wishing you knew the right words to say,and when to say them?So many times i really wish i could say something to help,but then i'd be hypocritic,because i don't follow my own opinions at sometimes.I can't even help myself,when it comes to shit like that.If only....

What sign of affection are you?

and this is what i got....
kiss on the lips - you're sweet and simple but quite daring. you move for the kill confidently knowing the other person wants the same thing.

Lighthouses
The ties that bind can gag and I'm bound by boundless insignificance. Set yourself on fire if you can't feel this burn. Did you run out of ink so soon? Let my roots be my guide- and my heart as my eyes. This light will lead you home. There's not enough apathy in my soul: my heart refuses to grow cold. Just remember- you could fake this feeling forever. Nothing is sacred where hearts aren't beating (Where is your spine?)...If my dreams must die, let them die in me, for the sake of understanding what I could not see. For what I'll never say, for what I'll never be: this was never for you, it was always for me. You'll never see: We're just flesh after all.

My love exists through my relationships with my friends whose bonds wouldn't be as strong if it weren't for the one thing we all have in common; the love of the freedom music gives us. It has strengthened my compassion towards them and my family, as well as people who live other lives. This is a somewhat bitter response to those who corrupt one of, if not the most pure form of love there is. It nauseates me to know that it is so simple, so pure, and all in our control, and yet it is infected so easily. I've been humbled by the thoughts this experience has let me have- the people I've met, talked to, connected with. The places we've been/plan to go to. Living out a dream is a humbling experience, and at the same time, an extremely fragile one.

Hey it's me mallory,i havent wrote in my diary in ages,so i am going to do it now....i just wanted to tell all my friends that do read my diary,that i thank you for always listening to me and being beside me when i needed you,and even when i didnt,lol,well not like that,lol.But n e hoo,i LOVE ALL OF YA! ^_______^

i want dreams to come true so bad,but what made me think they would? a house is not a home where i am right now,so much drama,and little peace. I'm so angry inside right now, i dont know wut to do, nor what to say. I can't continue to make myself think everything is okay. So until i feel complete.....(yeah whenever that is)...then i'll be back on elftown. Until then,i dont know what to feel.

http://www.chaindlk.com/interviews/index.php?rl=1&images/LacunaCoil/LacunaCoil_pic.jpg

cutest thing ever

not too sure how long i want to be coming to elftown.

i am now on elfpack,and my name is [twisted mistress]

"Goodnight" [By Evanescence]

Goodnight, sleep tight
No more tears
In the morning I'll be here
And when we say goodnight,
Dry your eyes
Because we said goodnight,
And not goodbye
We said goodnight
And not goodbye

To all my friends that read this,i want you to know that i do love, and appreciate you for being here for me whenever i was depressed, i love you's much.

"With a needle through your skin,sharp blade,bleed
your thoughts of it hurting are thumping,mindlessness of nothing.Pierce it like a sword cutting their neck.Blood drip down and running down,emptyness inside.Soul whispering and shouting,its a dangerous territory,memories are boring,your torment is ignoring you and me."

it was on my mind,lol...i just made it up,cuz i got bored.

*Sighs and tears* Sometimes i wish i didnt have things to think about,or choices to make.I can't help but cry,when i think about these things.Life is all about what choices you make,what paths you go on-and it hurts me to even know why i risk certain things,when i know it's gonna hurt me in the long run.*sighs* I feel so stupid and useless for doing what i do,i wish i didnt have certain things.The choice i have to make is with someone whom i thought i loved and whom i thought i'd want to care for.As tears fall down my face,i think about the person i am,and the person i thought i would be.I'm not what ppl think i am,i will say that i am a gentle person,when it's time to be,I am a bitch when there is time for that,and i take self defense when i feel attacked.
I'm tired of being in this fuckin life,and i dont wanna do this anymore,but i do know if i take that chance,i'd hurt my mother and all the ppl that are there for me.The friends i have here,i can't say if i have real friends,yet i can't say i dont.
This time when i make a choice,i'll know what i'm doing,then again i can't promise that.

some care and some don't
some can when some won't
you dont care,and you dont want to
you won't dare,and you won't try to.
Leave me here,and don't come near
you only make me have more fear.

by mallory.

*sighs* emotionally,i'm exhausted and it feels so weird,because i'm usually semi-happy.But i can obviously tell that one day i'm gonna give up and say 'fuck it all',thats the scary part of it.I dont really pro-suicide,but neither am i anti-suicide.I dont know how to feel,and i dont know why i cant seem to be patient enough.I am with someone right now,but i dont seem to feel 'emotionally-connected'...it feels like i dont see him much,nor speak to him much.But what would that matter for,after all the person does love me,and i love the person.I dont usually keep hoping for something,if its not obviously working,but neither do i give up quickly.I have learned that although nothing happens when i want it to,that it wont-i just have to wait till the perfect time for it to happen.
again this is a sad entry in my diary,but who cares,as if anyone would pay attention to it. *walks out*