guys are scum. they use and cheat... I cant believe he could make me feel so bad...so shit. at the very moment i want to die. but im not going to let him win. just so he knows.
I
I know how it feels now. I know what i mustve put him through when i got another boyfriend. He is the love of my life. he now has another girlfreind. it feels as if my heart has been ripped out and has stopped beating, ive lost count how many times ive cried since we broke up. I feel like cutting, screaming, and taking my anger out on something. how stupid was i to have dumped him! i had the perfect relationship goingand i threw it all away just like that, because thats how selfish i am, thats how stupid i am. im always thinking of myself. i dont think of how much pain i cause others. If only i saw how i hurt him before, i wouldve reilised, and done something, anything...... its too late now...
wel ignore that diary entry.... hmm well me and chris broke up, i couldnt handle him being so far away, but he is still coming to see me and my friendys! ^^ yay! that im happy about...
ermmmm: school, was ok, kinda sucked at one point! but yes i cheered up,
yesterday: very upset.. mel told me to move on from him, and that i will cope, so i did, well im ALMOST there now...
today: Going out today, hopeing to have fun! waha!
hmm im boreded, *yawn* *shivers* its cold in here all of a sudden, mayb i have a ghost! waha! that would rock! yeh so anyways... bye bye
well it looks like life is now more shit than it can ever get.. god i fucking hate my life, it goes wrong all the time.. pfffffft....
" Nobody knows and nobody cares that i die on the inside "
See what I mean, life is fucked up. Then there is the whole mel and lois thing. About then always getting drunk almost everyday, it basically when they see eachother outside of school that they get drunk, and even sometimes IN school! I mean they are just being stupid, do they really want to fuck up their lives and the peoples around them even more?! Then there is the mel, phil & kite situation. Ok here goes the story. It all started at the live @ cooper I wasn’t at! Ok well jenni saw this dude she liked. His name was phil. The next day I went to see jenni to find out I was going to meet her new boyfriend. Phil. Phil was a really nice guy, he brought his friend michael with him, we all got to be really good friends. Well eventually phil dumped jenni because he faniced Mel & Jess. Two of my bestest buddies. Jenni was absolutly shattered. She really did “Love” phil. Well phil then got with jess. But not for long because his attraction for mel was getting stronger. Soon he dumped jess and went out with mel. Mel couldn’t be happier. Mel and phil “loved” (noticed the love word again) they were going steady. They went the whole way, stayed together for ages. Then phil started to get annoyed with mels drinking. Dumped mel. Mel was sooooooooooooo
So now phil is going out with Elektra this very day. Its still hurting mel. Oh I almost forgot. Mel out with this really sweet guy called kite. But she cheated on him with phil, when phil was with elektra. That really hurt kite. He is depressed and told me its really hard to get over mel because he liked her so much.
Then last nite we were all at live @ cooper. But mel, kite, michael, and jenni all left half way through! Thanks for telling me! I was looking everywhere for them! Grrrrrr. The bench is screwed. We all drifting apart. L its sad. I love everybody. They are all my friends. I don’t want us all to break up because some GUYS! Us girls should all stick together! Fuck the guys! xxxxxxx
well this has been SUCH a good day....uck my life is so screwed right at this moment.. i guess ill work it out as i go along..
hmm havent written in my diary for a while.. well me and chris are still together ^^ good good ^^ because i LOVE him... no one can take him away from me.. i dont know what i would do with out him.. i would probs kill myself... i would give up on life. Well on the 20th of this month me and chris would be together for 3 months... ^^
well school is ok... i had 3 days off school because i was ILL! grrrr....grrrr
*yawn*
oh great um getting tired..
well i hope you had fun wasting your time reading this...
GOODBYE
Today has been been soo bad.. i feel like cutting again.. but i know if i do it wont help.. it doesnt anymore... it used to feel like i had sooo much pressure inside of me that if i just drew blood then all the pressure would escape and i wouldnt feel so bad.... i feel as if im torn in two... some one help....
well today sucked! well most pf the day! my friends Pippa and Mel [M e l i s s a] got suspended for writing on the wall in EYELINER "Satan Shall not enter here" pffttttttttt stupid Miss.Boyne i hate her sooooooooooooo
today feeling worse about myself.... my self asteam is 0 my confidence is 0.... pff i think i look horrible... no one agrees thou... they all are strange.... pffffff that is all i can say... pfffffffff
pfff god today... reel bad day....
i wish i culd just run and run and run untill my heart burst.
if only.......
hehe going 2 a a kinda weird party thing..... hmmmm.... i will miss you lots chris!!! i love you!! hmmmm...... it was weird wen me and chris started 2 feel eachothers pain... weird... O.o mayb it s sign... but for wat eactl... hmmmm
helloooooo! just thought i would write in my diary!!!! muhahhahaahahh
ok people im going on holiday on Friday, and im staying over my friends house on thursday! coz u kno im going on holiday with my friend! =P i will miss u all! and i love you all! especialy my hun *huggles and kisses* u kno who u r.... dunnp wat i will do, coz i will miss you soooo much! but i will b back with prezzies for all my friends that live near me! =D and lots of photos!!!! yeh!! more pics of me and Jenni!!!!! =P hmm well today is practically the only day i can talk if i think about it.... and later im packing!!! so u kno : busy busy busy!!!! =P lol well i hope u dont miss me too much! and dont forget me!!!! byeeeeee! xxxxx
well i have a new picture and only [Cookieholic] and [Suzu] have commented on it.... probs means that i should take it down... pity i quite liked it.. well kinda!
Tinkerbell loves you all!!!!! including the person i love - kno who u r...