guys are scum. they use and cheat... I cant believe he could make me feel so bad...so shit. at the very moment i want to die. but im not going to let him win. just so he knows.
I
really happy =) jordan and me still together =) owchy. I hurt my wrist and streched the muscle in my leg. All in one day. stupid Gym Class... Stupid horse vault thing. ive sprained my wrist. =( grrrrrrr....
Well now im going out with a guy called Jordan. Hes really good looking and has a great personality. everything a girl could dream of. When im lying in his arms i feel soo special. =) We both miss eachother permanitly when we arent together. Im staying over his house next weekend. =). But last night tim stayed over jordans. and while tim was at his house jordan came to see me. we kissed etc etc. but when tim came to call for jordan at mine so to to jordans house. His face looked so... lonely and jealus. After all he is my Ex. but usually i feel bad. but i didnt. I was happy that i was happy. and nothing is going to ruin it. Im just hoping that Jordan doesnt feel guilty and dump me because of it. please dont let that happen! I really think im falling for Jordan. BIG TIME. im not going to let tim ands his feelings for me, detroy my relatuonship with jordan =)
man im tired. lots of people are saying they like my eyes. well i guess thats a good thing, i always say:
Eyes are the window to the soul.
yup...anyway. today.. hmm... well i got a senior mangement detention. which is basically a detention after school, with a senior member of staff....
in other words. THE OLD PEOPLE. *cough* yup... moving on.
well my friend's dad took her away from us yestarday. All yje way to fucking Banbury. that sucks. we always have so much fun. We are complete oposites, but weve known eachother for so long. HOPEFULLY if her tite ass dad will let her, she can stay at mine on the weekend. and she gets to see her boyfriend. Sure i talk to her on MSN and shit. but it isnt the same as laughing togther and shit. Well ones thing for sure. Kelly i WILL get you back into Bicester our scabby town even if it kills me. untill then Miss you!
Well lately at school i cant help staring at him. he stands practically oposite our group and sometimes comes over to hang with me and and friends. He is funny but when I get hurt he has this whole new side about him, caring, gentle. *sigh* i wish i knew how he felt. Sometimes i catch him looking at me, but i shrug it off as me imaging it, thinking "Oh georgie dont be stupid he is looking at someone else".... grrrr im confuzzled. Ive liked him since last year. and have never had the courage to tell him.
As for my other best friend. I dont know whats happening between. us, one minute im her bestest chum then comes another friend of mine and all of a sudden im only a "friend" shoved in the background. I feel like im not as close to her as i was. its all fuzzy. like the outlines of our relationship are all fuzzy and broken... I love her i really do. but mayb its time to step out from the background.
At this very moment in time im Happy. quite settled in my life right now. surrounded by my friends love and warmth. but i can just see the horrible parts of life coming forward to smash the happiness to pieces. I guess ill worry about it when it comes. Now im going to live my life with no interuptions..
ok im a better mood today. apart from my technogoly lesson when my fucking techer convoscated my spikey jewlery. said it was "dangerous" i said to his face "if youve got a porblem with who i am fucking say it." and walked out to see the councellor. lol dont think he will be pleased...
guys are scum. i hate them. they lie and they cheat. i just want everyone to know that
I
blah
I know how it feels now. I know what i mustve put him through when i got another boyfriend. He is the love of my life. he now has another girlfreind. it feels as if my heart has been ripped out and has stopped beating, ive lost count how many times ive cried since we broke up. I feel like cutting, screaming, and taking my anger out on something. how stupid was i to have dumped him! i had the perfect relationship goingand i threw it all away just like that, because thats how selfish i am, thats how stupid i am. im always thinking of myself. i dont think of how much pain i cause others. If only i saw how i hurt him before, i wouldve reilised, and done something, anything...... its too late now...
wel ignore that diary entry.... hmm well me and chris broke up, i couldnt handle him being so far away, but he is still coming to see me and my friendys! ^^ yay! that im happy about...
ermmmm: school, was ok, kinda sucked at one point! but yes i cheered up,
yesterday: very upset.. mel told me to move on from him, and that i will cope, so i did, well im ALMOST there now...
today: Going out today, hopeing to have fun! waha!
hmm im boreded, *yawn* *shivers* its cold in here all of a sudden, mayb i have a ghost! waha! that would rock! yeh so anyways... bye bye
well it looks like life is now more shit than it can ever get.. god i fucking hate my life, it goes wrong all the time.. pfffffft....
" Nobody knows and nobody cares that i die on the inside "
See what I mean, life is fucked up. Then there is the whole mel and lois thing. About then always getting drunk almost everyday, it basically when they see eachother outside of school that they get drunk, and even sometimes IN school! I mean they are just being stupid, do they really want to fuck up their lives and the peoples around them even more?! Then there is the mel, phil & kite situation. Ok here goes the story. It all started at the live @ cooper I wasn’t at! Ok well jenni saw this dude she liked. His name was phil. The next day I went to see jenni to find out I was going to meet her new boyfriend. Phil. Phil was a really nice guy, he brought his friend michael with him, we all got to be really good friends. Well eventually phil dumped jenni because he faniced Mel & Jess. Two of my bestest buddies. Jenni was absolutly shattered. She really did “Love” phil. Well phil then got with jess. But not for long because his attraction for mel was getting stronger. Soon he dumped jess and went out with mel. Mel couldn’t be happier. Mel and phil “loved” (noticed the love word again) they were going steady. They went the whole way, stayed together for ages. Then phil started to get annoyed with mels drinking. Dumped mel. Mel was sooooooooooooo
So now phil is going out with Elektra this very day. Its still hurting mel. Oh I almost forgot. Mel out with this really sweet guy called kite. But she cheated on him with phil, when phil was with elektra. That really hurt kite. He is depressed and told me its really hard to get over mel because he liked her so much.
Then last nite we were all at live @ cooper. But mel, kite, michael, and jenni all left half way through! Thanks for telling me! I was looking everywhere for them! Grrrrrr. The bench is screwed. We all drifting apart. L its sad. I love everybody. They are all my friends. I don’t want us all to break up because some GUYS! Us girls should all stick together! Fuck the guys! xxxxxxx
well this has been SUCH a good day....uck my life is so screwed right at this moment.. i guess ill work it out as i go along..
hmm havent written in my diary for a while.. well me and chris are still together ^^ good good ^^ because i LOVE him... no one can take him away from me.. i dont know what i would do with out him.. i would probs kill myself... i would give up on life. Well on the 20th of this month me and chris would be together for 3 months... ^^
well school is ok... i had 3 days off school because i was ILL! grrrr....grrrr
*yawn*
oh great um getting tired..
well i hope you had fun wasting your time reading this...
GOODBYE
Today has been been soo bad.. i feel like cutting again.. but i know if i do it wont help.. it doesnt anymore... it used to feel like i had sooo much pressure inside of me that if i just drew blood then all the pressure would escape and i wouldnt feel so bad.... i feel as if im torn in two... some one help....
well today sucked! well most pf the day! my friends Pippa and Mel [M e l i s s a] got suspended for writing on the wall in EYELINER "Satan Shall not enter here" pffttttttttt stupid Miss.Boyne i hate her sooooooooooooo
today feeling worse about myself.... my self asteam is 0 my confidence is 0.... pff i think i look horrible... no one agrees thou... they all are strange.... pffffff that is all i can say... pfffffffff
pfff god today... reel bad day....
i wish i culd just run and run and run untill my heart burst.
if only.......
hehe going 2 a a kinda weird party thing..... hmmmm.... i will miss you lots chris!!! i love you!! hmmmm...... it was weird wen me and chris started 2 feel eachothers pain... weird... O.o mayb it s sign... but for wat eactl... hmmmm
helloooooo! just thought i would write in my diary!!!! muhahhahaahahh