for the people who voted in my poll you have only seen one side of me i will have better pics of me up soon as soon as i get off my lazy ass and develop them aahaaha

i tried to commit suicide yesterday cause i just cant get over all of the things in my life i am mad at god for taking the ones close to me....i am depressed alot though on the outside and on here i am very good at hiding it...i am anorexic...i started smoking...and drinking....my life is going to hell....AHAHA!! christians is this the work of your so called high mighty loving god!!!!???? well fuck that shit! i couldnt do it because my friend stopped me and made my drop the knife i was so close....why cant people just let me leave my misory they have to make me suffer...well this is what you get...

AHAHA!! and let's not forget that the youth group counselor is coming to pick me up tomorrow and talk to me we will go out and eat yea right like i am going to eat -.- then she wants to know about me and ahahaha ill tell her about me "if you turn around and take your eyes off me for a second you better hope you have a napkin to clean up the blood!!! AHAHAAH!!"
crazy am i?some people might say that i like to call it.....mentaly challanged

yea they got me a counselor hah!like that will help me and for those who arent aware of my smoking proplems yea i smoke! and i drink sorry for not telling you nick i couldnt and no nick isnt my boyfriend!he is my awsome cousin! so if i am really bitchy to fucking bad!!

"Happy?"

In this hole
That is me
The dead are rolling over
In this hole
Thickening
Dirt shoveled over shoulders

I feel it in me
So overwhelmed
All this pressure centerizing
My life over turned
But there than despare
All these scars keep ripping open

Peel me from the skin
Tear me from the rhine
Does it make you happy now?

Tear me from the bone
Tear me from myself
Are you feeling happy now?

In this hole
That is me
A life that is growing feeble
In this hole
So limiting
The sun has set all darkness

Buried underneath
Hands slip off the wheel
Internal path until contention

Peel me from the skin
Tear me from the rhine
Does it make you happy now?

Tear me from the bone
Tear me from myself
Are you feeling happy now?

Are you
HAPPY

Are you
HAPPY

Are you feeling happy?

In this hole
That is me
Left with a heart exhausted
Was that real hate?
What tense be free?
Do you pull me up just to push me out again?

Peel me from the skin
Tear me from the rhine
Does it make you happy now?

Tear me form the bone
Tear me from myself
Are you feeling happy?

Peel me from the skiiiiiiiiiin
Peel me from the skiiiiiiiiiin
Tear me from the rhine
Does it make you happy now?

Tear me from the boooooooooone
Tear me from the boooooooooone
Tear me from myself
Are you feeling happy?

Does it make you happy?
Are you feeling happy?
Are you fucking happy?
Now that I'm lost here with nothing

Does it make you happy?
Are you feeling happy?
Are you fucking happy?
Now that I'm lost here with nothing?

okay yea i am sick i have the 24 hour flu it sucks but i got to stay home today *shrugs* watched daredevil a million times cause i was to lazy to get up and change it heh i got sick like 7 times last night i got only 2 hourse of sleep so at school tomorrow people are going to love my bitchy mood

*yawns*okay so what if i just woke up....yea okay time to wake up and tell you about my oh so funny day yesterday*blasts music up*okay yep im good now

okay so anyway at lunch at school yesterday my friends and i were obssesed with spoons dont ask...so i took a spoon and EMU put a french fry on it and i flung it and it landed on someones head lmfao and he looked around like the sky was falling lmfao...yea then we kept doing it and one hit Katie0 in the head and it stuck lmfao

((by the way all the katies at my school have #'s i am caty1))

i sang tonight and i had fun...first time in a long time i had fun...*smiles slightly*

it may not be anything to you but i love to sing and it was important to me

okay i went to a dance today so i will have pics up soon or i get my camera developed for all i know i could forget about it and forget i did

dont know

on thursday my friend [Loving like Winter] called me i had no school and she had to go to school this is the converstion between us that day

*phone rings i pick it up*"hello?"
Katie:"you and your dumbass snowday!!!"
Me:"hi Katie...-.-"
Katie:"dont you high me you didnt have school today and i had to sit and be tortured!!"
Me:"ahahaha"

people say they hide behind masks...why do you hide behind a mask?what happens when someone takes the mask off and who will be behind it...the person behind the mask is....

full moon........that means i am going to get little or no sleep tonight dont worry if i come back in the morning and i am psycho blame it on the moon ><!! but i love the moon it is so pretty ^_^

okay this is what happened in school yesterday.....yesterday our school declared january 20 national hug day -.- oh yea.......in social studies class 7th bell spencer one of they guys who is way to hyper went around and gave everyone hugs ......oh i dont like people touching me so i ran into the girls restoom he followed me!!!! then he carried me back into class and my teacher was like "aww caty you made a new friend" and i was like "oh joy........now put me down!!" then in the halway matt who is desperate for a girl saw me and was like "hey caty"he said it in a ehhh okay im gonna bang her kind of way and i said"mat dont even think about it" he said "well maybe i should jerk your chain alittle harder" i said "you want me to kick your ass dont you!" yea my school is odd 0.0

okay hmm alot of people want to know about me not my rpg character so here goes......okay um let's see okay i have 3 dogs 2 cats and 1 horse....i wont bother with the names.....okay me me me uh i dont know what to say usually i cant stop thinking about what to say now my mind is blank......okay i know i love the color black yup yup and that doesnt mean im goth!!i hate theat stereotyping crap i dont like stereotyping it is stupid......and yes i am bisexual i dont care what you think i dont have problems with other people being gay or straight or bi it isnt about race or whever the fuck it's about love yup yup.......eh i have alot of friends at school who are nutz like me eh a few of them...Angela,EMU short for emily or MLE,Katie,teresa,Sammy,Tabby we all call her mom cause she mothers us..-.- yea hmm i like to draw and play video games talk to people on the internet eh i like mangas i like to read books about superstitions......i am obssesed with excorsism and demonology and stuff like that my friend's house i haunted it is odd she said i was once possesed i tihnk she was right cause i couldnt remember what i did weird yea umm......school okay you want to hear about my school they are all stereotypers!!fuck my school i hate it......daily things.....get up take shower go to buss stop freze my ass off in the winter sit on the buss with immature little asshole 5 graders and then go to school pass notes through all classes eh yea ill tell you more soon

it is about 6:44am and i am wide awake....i am not writting this for fun i am writting this to try and releive fear.this is the first time in a bout 2 years that i have woken up because of a dream.*tear*i woke up shaking i couldnt stop my eyes were wet from where i had cried and it was very cold.i woke up and i looked to see if anyone was in the house no one was in the house and my door to outside was open i started shaking even more i am still shaking*tear*

sometimes i just feel like taking a knife to my throat and ending my suffering and pain. sometimes i feel like i just dont belong anywhere like no matter where i go the cloud of lonelyness surrounds me so when i get out of collage i am gonna move somewhere where no one knows who i am and start my life over or i might run away from home i have been known to try my mom would be pissed but at the moment i could care less about what she thinks i am in one of my bitch moods so yea if i bitch at oyu blame the fucking voices in my head!!!!FUCK LIFE AND FUCK AMERICA!

i dont know what it is about me....but i was at my friends house and my friends sister told me she didnt even know what i am and her sister is like a fortune teller or whatever the fuck it is and she doesnt even know what her sister is either and she says whenever she looks at me she gets a bad feeling...and she says my aura is dark and evil but i dont know how that could be......i mean yes i have been possesed once or twice and my friend told me i possed her boyfriend and almost killed him and i am fucking afraid of myself at times and i know it seems like i am ranting on and on but i think this may be inmortant to find out who i am.....



just a little something my friends and i did.we took a penny and stuck it to our wall and there wasnt any thing it could have stuck to like gum or whatever it stuck to the wall((the longer it stays on your wall the more spiritual activity in your house)) just something my friends and i did



and the bloody mary thing dont do it becasue it is said to let out a dark spirit into your house nad i did it and now i hear voices and i see things in my house((nick i know you think i am crazy now so you dont have to tell me..))

i feel like there is something going to happen to me in the next years of my life that i wont be able to escape. i dont want ot think about it but in my dreams it is more than i can handle some of edgar allen poe's work explains it but i cant tell you. you wouldnt understand

okay some older guy like 45 i think it is my friends dad.he is really starting to piss me off.whenever i am ridding my horse,rain, he always makes me push her until she can bareley walk and i know what is good for my horse and oh no heh were not done yet yesterday i didnt want to take her up this muddy hill because i knew she would slide and hurt herself and then he yelled at me and tok my horse and took her up the hill and it was real bad she could hardly walk afterwards because she was so tired so i didnt ride her i walked her and then after he called me sisy for not taking her up there and then he grabbed my ass. um no i dont think so!.and he expects to much of me and of my horse and i hate it i used to look up to him. now.... i dont want him ever near me again and he cant tell me what to do he isnt my father. my father is dead!

dear dad,

if you knew how much i missed you im sure you would be so sad but there is some part of me that says you didnt die you just left for a vacation and i know deep down inside you did realy die i just dont want to admitt it but it is hard for me to look at all those kids with thier fathers and me i will never feel that and on fathers day i know i come visit you at the grave yard but it isnt the same i cant talk to you the same way