for you people who actually read this I'm going to misouri for a family reunion and wont be back until like the well a few days whatever
might not be on for a while.....
*sighs*okay my life is going to a shit hole right now...so if i like go off on you for no apparent reason im sorry or if i seem really depressed im sorry...it is just things around here arent going to good for me...and it is the summer and it started out fucked and it will end fucked just like me im so fucked up i dont even know where to start...well at least i can still talk to my counselor...sh
and i have been thinking about death lately...just what will happen when i die?will it hurt? where am i going? i mean we dont remember anything before we were born so are we going to remember when we die? and i mean like im scared about dying i dont know why but it fucking scares me and it is just so weird thinking about something like that....last night i stayed a gina's house with a few other friends and we all talked about death and everything but we started to scare Megan so we stopped the whole time i was thinking about something else but also talking it was odd
and also today i had a really bad headache i was like crying on the ground in the middle of church screaming my friend kaitie wilson she had to put her hand over my mouth till we go out of the building cause i was screaming so bad...my counselor she is cool she came out and hugged me till i calmed down i felt alittle better but not very much....
i really want to tell some people things but it seems no matter what i do if i say something the other person doesnt like im like getting shit from them and then the other person still ends up mad at me...and if i say something they both dont like i get shit from both of them...i hate it and im sick of it....some day im just going to run away no one thinks i will but just wait and see....and dont say well look at what you have cause you know nothing about me to start with so dont even go there...i mean it isnt like anyone would see that im gone so i cant really write down any feelings cause someone is just going to get mad at me well you know what fuck it im tired of people's shit and if someone at home gives me shit now ...im not afraid to give it right back anymore and at school im sick of people always hanging on me like im thier property i belong to no one not even my family they are starting to hate me so fuck this shit! im tired of it!
I dont know what is wrong with me and it is killing me something inside me is wrong....I can feel it how i am always bitching at people and ugh i hate it i really want to talk to [Gwendylyyn] or [eyes of frost] you both have my number or just leave me a message and ill try to get on or whatever....i dont know what is wrong with me!!!*slams fist on the computer desk*
I feel really happy today cause i regained a friend and maybe something more
okay i know it has been a long time but i have a digital camera and we got the wrong cord so we had to re-order the cord it should be here soon so please wait a few more days and i promise!
cool thing today cha heheh "color sticks!!!"
i was walking down to intervention and didnt have anything to write with so i looked in the cubby holes that we have for the kids at intervention just by the steps and there was an orange pen so i said"fuck it"and took it when i got in the intervention room i looked at it and it said color sticks so i was like"whoa!!col
um yeah i just got back from washington DC really it sucked because of our tour guide she was an ass she put up an umbrela(sp) in the library of congress inside what did she think it was raining?! i sure didnt feel it if it was o.o
i hate my mood changes.....li
ehhhh one more day!then i dont have to sneek on ^^' yeah well on april 27 i will be leaving and going to washington DC not the state
i now have a shit load of pics but no scanner!
um yeah well i wont be on for a while cause you see well never mind but i wont be on much for the next few weeks or so...i will try to get on at school and that shit yeah
heh well today [Rove]and i were suposed to wash mom's car...but that didnt go to well cause i think we ended up getting more wet than the frikkin car did!!! >< i am soaked!
okay it is like 11:06pm and [Rove]and i just came in from outside we are like drunk off of vitamin B12((nick remember!?!))lol anyway yeah um yeah and we had a fire!!
yeah anyway went to the movies with Matt (aka:gir)and yeah went to see Sin City it was good except it confused me so much...^^' wasnt really paying attention to the movie more to Matt who had his hand on my arm i leaned on him and basically fell asleep in the movie kinda i mean it was hard with all of the gun shots in the movie but after the movie mom picked me up while she turned the car around Matt kissed me and it was all good yeah that was the only good part of my weekend
yay might be going out tonight with matt!
for all of you who dont know...that is a good thing o.0
my cousin talked to the girl he wanted so i am really happy for him ^_^ i wish i could talk to matt he is really nice and understands me alot i just want to talk to him*sigh*anywa
Yeah why do people trust other people i mean love wise you know your just going to get your heart broken so why give them that chance and let alone again?what the fuck do you think love means?yeah let's go to the movies uh huh sure then you find out the person you thought loved you was cheating on you some love that is this is why i dont really like to have a boyfriend
okay all of those who actually pay attention wont be on much today family needs computer for some things today and anyway i dont feel like getting on HAH! :P