I'm going back to living a dream I always thought was unreal

I'm done with taking people's shit

*grabs knife*Can I? Please? I promise it will only take a few seconds to laugh at my dying soul and body

And as usual...I'm ignored....GREAT!....I used to think the computer was my heaven...now it is my fucking hell...

omfg...I can't believe how much people piss me off now days...I mean it is like I can't go anywhere without some jackass treating me like I'm shit. I get it enough from my family or my so called "family". And from my so called "friends" and I don't need it from people I don't even fucking know!...wow I went from a good mood to a ...shitty mood...in like.........5 minutes that is my new record...

I kinda forgot about my birthday so um...I really dont care anymore...so screw my birthday no one at home remembers it so why should you?

yeah, just me no one important. Today I went to the aquarium(sp) with a friend of mine, christy. It took us like forever to get in cause her mom and her mom's sisters just kept bitching at how they wanted to smoke for a while longer. God damnit I hate them and she does to so I felt better about calling them bitches #^^#. Yeah, then after we went to go find somewhere to eat and all they did was bitch at how the food was to expensife(sp) and OMFG! Yeah, but the good thing is I got to see Christy and all. We went to hot topic while they all bitched about food haha. I got a new Slipknot shirt and an Atreyu patch for my book bag so it's all good now. But in the morning I am going to soccer and like haha I have it in the morning and in the afternoon so...yay for me...so I might not be on due to lack of energy or...I'm just sick of you people....More than likly the first one but hey heh heh...okay I'm done...

Me:*making fun of brittany spears while talking to [Rove] on the phone. singing brittany spears*
[Rove]:RAPE!
Me:*sings*and it feels alright! baby thinking of you keeps me up all night!*didnt hear [Rove]
[Rove]:*cracks up laughing*
Me:what?

for you people who actually read this I'm going to misouri for a family reunion and wont be back until like the well a few days whatever

might not be on for a while.....

*sighs*okay my life is going to a shit hole right now...so if i like go off on you for no apparent reason im sorry or if i seem really depressed im sorry...it is just things around here arent going to good for me...and it is the summer and it started out fucked and it will end fucked just like me im so fucked up i dont even know where to start...well at least i can still talk to my counselor...she is a good person

and i have been thinking about death lately...just what will happen when i die?will it hurt? where am i going? i mean we dont remember anything before we were born so are we going to remember when we die? and i mean like im scared about dying i dont know why but it fucking scares me and it is just so weird thinking about something like that....last night i stayed a gina's house with a few other friends and we all talked about death and everything but we started to scare Megan so we stopped the whole time i was thinking about something else but also talking it was odd

and also today i had a really bad headache i was like crying on the ground in the middle of church screaming my friend kaitie wilson she had to put her hand over my mouth till we go out of the building cause i was screaming so bad...my counselor she is cool she came out and hugged me till i calmed down i felt alittle better but not very much....

i really want to tell some people things but it seems no matter what i do if i say something the other person doesnt like im like getting shit from them and then the other person still ends up mad at me...and if i say something they both dont like i get shit from both of them...i hate it and im sick of it....some day im just going to run away no one thinks i will but just wait and see....and dont say well look at what you have cause you know nothing about me to start with so dont even go there...i mean it isnt like anyone would see that im gone so i cant really write down any feelings cause someone is just going to get mad at me well you know what fuck it im tired of people's shit and if someone at home gives me shit now ...im not afraid to give it right back anymore and at school im sick of people always hanging on me like im thier property i belong to no one not even my family they are starting to hate me so fuck this shit! im tired of it!

I dont know what is wrong with me and it is killing me something inside me is wrong....I can feel it how i am always bitching at people and ugh i hate it i really want to talk to [Gwendylyyn] or [eyes of frost] you both have my number or just leave me a message and ill try to get on or whatever....i dont know what is wrong with me!!!*slams fist on the computer desk*

I feel really happy today cause i regained a friend and maybe something more

okay i know it has been a long time but i have a digital camera and we got the wrong cord so we had to re-order the cord it should be here soon so please wait a few more days and i promise!

cool thing today cha heheh "color sticks!!!"

i was walking down to intervention and didnt have anything to write with so i looked in the cubby holes that we have for the kids at intervention just by the steps and there was an orange pen so i said"fuck it"and took it when i got in the intervention room i looked at it and it said color sticks so i was like"whoa!!color sticks!! awesome!what on earth does that mean?" i look at angie and she is shakking her head saying"omg...you stupid idiot"

um yeah i just got back from washington DC really it sucked because of our tour guide she was an ass she put up an umbrela(sp) in the library of congress inside what did she think it was raining?! i sure didnt feel it if it was o.o

i hate my mood changes.....like about 2 minutes ago i was happy....now im like....all depressed and dont really feel like talking.....

ehhhh one more day!then i dont have to sneek on ^^' yeah well on april 27 i will be leaving and going to washington DC not the state

i now have a shit load of pics but no scanner!