Well all I have to say is I'm sorry to everyone....I overdosed again....And on purpose I actually held a gun to my head...again but this time I pulled the trigger idiot me there were no bullets in the gun....
Okay well um what to say...Hmm....I really don't know what to say anymore I mean okay I'm losing closeness with my cousin bleh....And my friend Tabby's boyfriend is being the biggest !BITCH! ever....She has been my best friend since the beginning of time and she comes over a lot and her boyfriend thinks I'm trying to take her away from him? HAHAHa right....So now I guess I can't even really see my best friend. Oh and last night I went to this party and like...Got so fucked up. I was trippin' on a whole lot of shit. Like...we had drinking contest lmfao and I won once lmfao yeah that's me....And we had a bowl I don't think I could handle a whole one. Then like....I passed out at Nate's house because that's where the party was and dude...I woke up and couldn't stop puking.....Um well that's all for now
Next thing you know I am going to be getting a phone call that says I'm going to the insaine assylum....*ph
Okay I really don't know if this Christmas could have gone worse....First on Christmas Eve my mom and I get into this huge fight and start yelling at her I'm threatning to leave and she is threatning to call the cops on me if I do and just arg. So we yelled at each other all day then on Christmas I wake up and she yells at me because one of the kids got into the fridge at night....Hell I wasn't even there all night I was at my grandmothers visiting her. Then I get upstairs and we all open presents I decide to be nice and clean up. Then when all the family is playing this horror trivia game I get a phone call....I answer it and oh no guess what....My uncle commited suicide that is why he never showed up....Then I get another call about.....4 hours later at 3 in the morning. I'm sorry but I have to inform you that your grandmother just got cancer....WHAT A PIECE OF SHIT WEEKEND!
Ugh being grounded is like the worst fucking thing anyone ever invented...if it was invented that is...o_0. But anyway!!! Being grounded sucks ass I swear. I miss all of you dearly I will be back soon...I hope....
And yeah well anyway...Sorry for not being on a lot anymore....I actually got a life
Um okay this weekend was alright but I feel so bad though. I was supposed to go to my cousin's today for his 17th birthday and he was really excited because we are like best friends and then my choir thing just popped into my head and I couldn't go to his birthday party so I am really upset about that cause I said I would but then this thing came out of no where so I couldn't go....But other than that it was pretty cool I had Tabby stay at my house on Friday then I stayed at her house on Saturday night. We saw The Polar Express in 3D haha it was cool
Okay I give up...No you don't get it I really give up
No one has an idea of how much I miss my dad. I will never get over it he died because of me....I should never have let him go...I'm seriously thinking about taking a gun to my head....He is never going to be here for my sweet 16 he will never see me graduate collage....I'm shakking so much because I'm crying. Death how I long to embrace you...
Alright...I'm just going to rant or whatever you people want to call it. Okay taken upon my current stage of mentality I'm almost insaine....Or atleast that is what my therapist said. What happened to me these past few days? That is what I want to know. It is like something happened to me and it has affected me in the worst ways. But I can't recall anything that would put such an impact upon me. She said that I started acting this was about 2 weeks ago. If you lift up my sleve you can see a whole bunch of little cuts on my upper arm from me taking glass and running it down my arm. People say that cutters can quit but to some of us it is like drugs and addicting. My therapist told me that over 8 million of the population cuts. It is some fucked up shit but most of us have some fucked up reason for it. I know cutting doesn't make the pain go away but it gives me another to focus on. If anyone walked through the hallway and looked at me I'm sure the first impression wouldn't be "Oh she looks like a cutter". And same goes for a lot of people. Some of your best friends could be and you need to look for the symptoms because this is not the way to go. I have been trying to stop for God only knows how long. And I'm sure....I could, but, I choose not too....I guess we all have our realities...
Um....Well I don't know what to say but I want to say something but it is bottled up inside me and won't come out of my mouth so um...I will try this again later
I feel almost isolated from society these days...and it isnt cause of anyone here on elftown. Something inside me feels so alone even with I'm with the one person that I love. And even in that situation. But I love her to death and wouldnt let anything hurt her.
I had so much hair spray in my hair tonight it wasnt funny cause at the concert we had to have our hair up and like everyone wanted to do my hair cause I never do anything with it so they all like attacked me and sprayed me then this one chick rochelle yeah I know weird name she put lip gloss shit on me and then pecked my lips I was like WTF!
today I got chris's letter she sent me and I was so happy when I got it my face was like 0_0;;; then #^^#I will always love her no matter what people say even if I'm hanging on a cross about to burn to death I will still say I love her and nothing will change that so you people dont try to change it cause you will be the one getting hurt most
me:*sits down with a poweraid to drink for lunch*
Michel:hey I know you! you're caty!
Me:umm no I'm not...
Samantha:*rand
Me:*shrugs silently and goes with it drinking poweraid*
Michel:oh I'm sorry...
Me:*thinks: fucking idiot...*
Samantha:*thin
Me&Samantha:*c
okay people I suck ass at baseball and today in gym omfg it was so funny.I caught this ball and that was 1 out then I accidently landed on the base that is 2 outs and I accidently tripped and hit one of the runners with the ball and that was 3 outs ....not to mention this happened within 30 seconds which was the shortest inning of baseball I have ever seen in my life....haha yes go me!
online relationships are a pain...I mean yeah you love them but you cant really hold them or hug them when they are sad you cant kiss them like you would...it is just a heartbreaker that you might never see them in real life...
YES I GOT MY COMPUTER TOWER BACK!!!! IT IS FIXED!!!
I think I have a crush on someone...well I dont think I know...it is a girl she is ...great! I mean...I think about her all the time I dont know what it is but she just makes me feel omg like I'm alive again and it is kinda odd for me cause I have never really had a crush on a chick
I'm really thinking about taking a break from Elftown for a while...but I dont know if I can cause some people insist on talking to me about their problems...I dont care I want to help but there is just so much and I'm just...one person...a lonely one at that...yeah you all say that I have friends yes I know that but I also have "friends" IRL that backstabb me and hate me and dont talk to me so that is mainly why I'm here I guess
I have really changed since my first day here....on elftown I mean. I seem to have gotten more...away from people but yet...so close to people that I dont want to go a day without talking to them...it is hard to explain it...and no one will ever understand it