hum-die-hum.
there's too much happening all at once.
my mind is sifting through so much. . .
so much has to be done,
so much we have to think about. . .
so much work,
so much thoughts. . .
new things in my past popping up all over. i've been dreaming of my boy with black wings again. . . i may or may not have remembered his name! which is wonderful progress on my part, but i'm not sure, so i'll continue to call him Koe in case of my error. . . i had another half-dream this morning. . . and then i almost saw his face. . . too much to think about.
eee a lot of things have been hapening. can't even put most of them here, because people from schule may view it. . . let's just say i feel as though i'm being stalked, not by anyone on elftown however. . . she hasn't found me here yet. .. .
then there's Ve. gave me quite the scare today, Haku found a document he wrote in one of the songs i transfered to her, didn't know they were there. she started asking me questions and making statements that made me think he had talked to her. .. so happy he didn't. i dont' wanna have another friend of mine change how they treat me because of him. . . especially not my Haku-chan/sama
wow, i never realized how much time and effort goes into a CGed picture. . . or comic page for that matter. . . now that i'm figureing out how to do it. . . i kinda like it ^_~ i don't get bored even with every single layer that i have to add. i can't even keep track of the layers >.< but it's so much fun!! nyahaha maybe i'll start CGing every comic page from here on out. . . but i still wanna learn how to use toning. . . ger-owl.
btw, if anyone knows how to use toning, or knows someone who's willing to teach me, message meeeeeeeeeee i wanna learn ^^;;
Koe smiled ^_^ he actually smiled at me the other day!! this is odd, because before then, i'd never seen him smile quite so happily, and though it took me a long time, i figured out why. since that day, i've drawn him 3 times, once in a sad picture, once a happy one, and then i drew a portrait of him, the one i like the most, because well, i love my Koe. i think today is the perfect day to go visit him, so off i go! i hope i see him there, or maybe hear him, either way i plan on drawing -something- while there. . .
nya. i'm in a weird state lately. my mind has been changing. heh, i find myself being diagnosed with so many disorders it's scaring me, but even more scary, it makes me exceedingly happy. but despite all this, i'm afraid.
Koe-kun has been acting strange lately [Koe is a spirit that hangs around a lot. he promised to stay with me forever, but he lies. because he's almost never here XD] NEway, he's been coming through my bedroom window at night, and making an odd growling noise towards the foot of my bed. i can definately sense something there, but i don't know what.
on top of that, he's been angry with me. i think it may be because of Kazuya-kun. hehehe he may be jealous. . . although i doubt it. because he's more mad at me than at Kazuya-kun. and that scares me to.
and piled upon all the odities in Koe lately, Haku's spirits have been acting up lately to. ever since the arival of "Brass" it seems the entire spirit world has been in some type of anxious wait for something.
hehehe i'm strangely happy right now and it's kinda scary. today i was held hostage by a substatute [sp?] and missed study-hall. i was held to help messure a wall. ^_^;; well yeah. that and today i drew my first femmie male. hehehe it was fun. everyone say happy birthday to Ashley, for it ish tomarrow and it twas her femmie male i drew! so on da' count of three....one..
i just remembered my dream. i loved it so much i cried when i remembered it this morning. i had it last night and it sounds a little stupid, but for me it's highly symbolic and meaningfull, and it made me extreeeemmmmll
i was still my age (13) and Seki Tomokazu was still his age...ok, maybe a lil' bit younger, 'round 25 er some. NEway, somehow eventhough i'm still in middleschool he and i shared a collage dorm, he had top bunk and i had bottom. there where two more people on the other side of the room but i forget who they were. Seki-sama had just transfered from japan and didn't speak good english. everyone made fun of him, except me, because i'm into Japanese, so despite our age gap and the point that i was still in middleschool and just somehow majically ended up in a dorm, we became really close friends. he showed me around the collage and multiple times he protected me [the 'youngyin] from other collage students and i protected him [somehow] from people making fun of him. things went on like this for a long time. i had been calling him Seki-sama this whole time mind you. then at one point he said something to me in Japanese and i understood it perfectly, the funny thing is i don't really know what he was saying, but in the dream i did, and it wasn't like it was translated into english and i knew it was Japanese, it was just raw japanese even in the dream, and yet i understood. then another few days went by and one night we were talking and he noticed i was still calling him "Seki-sama" even though we were really close friends. he stoped the conversation all together and said something along the lines of, "don't call me that, to you, i'm Tomokazu-kun." he was smiling the warmest smile i've ever seen. then i nodded and called him Tomokazu-kun from then on. and i realized that i really loved him. not as a lover, but as a big brother. that's when i woke up.
and so that really ment a lot to me. i don't know if it actually ment anything, or if it was just my mind mixing different thoughts and coming up with that or what. but it made me happy because i've always liked Seki Tomokazu a LOT. but i worried about him being so old [like i had a chance anyway XD] and i never looked at it as a friendly love like that, so it gave me the feeling that "everything's gonna be ok..."
ok, today pretty much sucked.. but in spite of the humans anoying the hell out o' me, i'm still happy. because well, i'm progressing on my 'secret' manga "Cyanide" and soon i shall be ready to put it up as a webcomic ^_^- i don't like the idea of a web-comic and would much rather have it be a manga, but meh, web-manga i shall have to live with until i anoy tokyo-pop enough that they publish me XD
wow, i'm actually writing inna diary? wow! well i've had an elftown account before i had an actual elfwood acount and this is weird! i now have a site in every part of elfwood except fanart and i love it! *snuggles elfwood* this place is the best!
ok, today was kinda ok. it was really dull and unneventfull. i really don't have much to say right now because i'm too busy, but expect me to start using this more often now that i know about it!