ok. this is my fith journal entry today, and i think instead of trying to express my feelings in a way that i could openly show my friends, i'm gonna make a separate account somewhere. no, i won't tell the name, but it'll be there. i hope it's not against ET rules, but i need somewhere public to vent so that i can have the false satisfaction of talking to somebody.

i'm not sad, i just . . .gah.

i did a lot of research today, i'm overwelmed with the need to break out. cause i know now that it's posible.
too bad the walls that need breaking are currently held hostage by my mum on her cruise. 

*shrugs*

love ye all.

(waaao i'm inna wierd mood >.> i feel kinda human-like. !! i need to stop this self-finding quest and work on comic pages. hahahaha)

now to go vent myself in totally unproductive manor. wow. i can't believe i might allow myself to be spacific in my problems XD it's exiting and terrifying, but it might be healthy and that's what matters to me.

weeeee're off to see the wiiiiiizard~~!! (the wonderful wizard of oz)

wooot stolen completely from [Kileaiya] :p

----------------------

WHITES are motivated by PEACE, seek independence and require kindness. They resist confrontation at all costs. (Feeling good is more important than being good.) They are typically quiet by nature, they process things very deeply and objectively, and they are by far the best listeners of all the colors. They respect people who are kind, but recoil from perceived hostility or verbal battle.

WHITES need their quiet independence and refuse to be controlled by others. WHITES want to do things their own way, in their own time. They ask little of others, and resent others demanding much of them. WHITES are much stronger than people think because they dont reveal their feelings. WHITES are kind, non-discriminate, patient and can be indecisive, timid, and silently stubborn. When you deal with a WHITE, be kind, accept (and support) their individuality, and look for nonverbal clues to their feelings.

http://quizilla.com/users/rosemckay/quizzes/What%20Color%20Are%20You%3F

i feel this is extremely important and everyone needs to read and join the revolution!!

Here's the challenge: create a piece of work that celebrates the male form or male/male relationships (or both if you feel daring) and doesn't violate DA rules. Be very careful; they are critical of this genre. This means no questionable positioning that might be mistaken as sexual (actually, you could possibly get away with positioning if you include details that make it obvious its not sexual, i.e. Frankie Leyendecker [link] ) and no evidence of sexuality (i.e. hard-ons and fluids). Get as close to that line as you can. Then submit it on DA with proper warnings, maybe a preview, and include a mature content label. Basically, submit the most naked/gay/potentially offensive piece of male art you possibly can while following the DA guidelines. If they delete it, let everyone know about it, because as long as you follow the rules, they're the ones at fault.


If everyone did this, my hope would be that this would make the genre more accepted at DA. If we submit art of that genre that they technically can't delete, maybe they will begin to tolerate it better, and eventually, allow the same level of explicitness in male images as they do in female images. Or at least not delete every other male-themed deviation just because of some vague sexual undertone.

If you guys can meet this challenge, then please do. If not, let others know about it. If some of you meet the challenge, then thank you. If most people or everyone decides not to, then nothing changes. I'm on the edge of leaving DA as it is, so the least I can do is try to change something before I go.

It's bad enough DA apparently has the right to use our artwork without notifying/compensating us... The least they can do is respect the forms of art I love (and maybe lighten up on featuring photos of nude women every last day).

I don't believe I'm doing anything worth banning in this deviation, but if it happens somehow, check my Y! Gallery on Friday, kay? I have stuff....

If I'm not banned, expect me to hang around for awhile. I'll actually be quite content if nothing happens at all.

Last but not least, this is not drama. I hate drama. This would be really fun if it took off. Think about it that way.

-<a href="http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/29691306/">Revolution of the Cock</a>

i will most definately be doing this (not that i don't already prod DA's male-love usually) but. . .ja. ye people wish to join?? if this works i will be a very, very happy boy.

:D :D

i really hope ye read, and will attempt to join the revolution~!

star-wars fan? http://yaoi.y-gallery.net/view/124272/

this makes me cry.

poor Obi-wan. he missed his picnick with Qui-gon ;.; that artist draws the perfect starwars art and everyone should pray to them as a god.

also, everyone must worship the Grizzlyman. as he was, as my mum so cruelly puts it, "the only chance at love you'll ever get was eaten by bears!! hahahhaa" gods she's mean.

anyway. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timothy_Treadwell

(dream rant)

ok. i had a really, really big dream last night. crazy details, etc. . . ._.

first, i was Draco Malfoy. anyhow, it was after HBP, and both i and Harry had been caught by some funky muggle doctors, or something of that sort, and they were gonna take out our brains and put somebody else's in!! (not each others)

Harry was all, "yeah ok." and just let them sedate them, cause he didn't get it. but i started crying and when the doctors asked why, i was all "i'm not gonna be me anymore. i'm not gonna remember anything, it's like i'm gonna die!"

and the doctors kinda flipped because that effect was supposed to be a secret or something and that i figured it out was strange. . .but one of the doctors with big shoulders and smooth short dark hair hugged me and patted my back and said "don't worry it won't hurt and they'll still have some of your memories" i didn't get it, but before i could say anything else, some doctor stabed me with a tranquilizer.

it was. . . graphic. my perspective switched to third person after they sedated both of us, and zoomed in on what he docters were doing in my open head. they separated teh lobes of the brain, which after a little protest, separated like somwhat-cooked Ramen does. . . with a little boingylooking wiggle. . .and they dug down through stuff, not actually damaging anything, but like the noodles, until they found a little compressed square of brain. it was all very dry. somebody laughed and said, "yep that's it" and they cut this little wire coming out of it! (like. .if ye've ever gutted a computer, those flat ribony wires? it was one of those, only brain-colored)

then they scooped out the brain, all except that little box, and put in another box, plugging a different wire into it.

the next thing i knew, i was a different person, all dazed and cofused like "woa where am i? who am i? what's going ooon???"

then my cat started to meow and i woke up and took a pee.

then i went back to sleep! and suddenly i was on the run!

i think more happened in there, but i've lost that bit of the dream. . .

the next thing i can remember, i'm being drug along by Severus Snape to see voldemort, and i'm protesting like "lemme go, bastard! raaaar!"

and then another lapse in memory, and i'm forcably snuggling at his rudely awakened body and why he's all "what the hell are you doing? go away!" i'm all "nooo i'm scared and tired and i don't know anything but that you seeem familiaaar!"

and then my mum came in and woke me up cause she's leaving for an interview.

i have wierd dreams. but now i wanna draw somebody's brain being worked on. oooh it was sooo vivid.

it's mildly straight, so close yer eyes. ..but holey shit i need to add this to the lists of songs i need to saranade somebody with oneday. . .!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hhm67vUMamg

(that video should be required to watch. GAHhahaha)

current list:
~you are sixteen going on seventeen
~that song from Phantom of the Opera where the bitchy little main girl abandons the Phantom for that stupid anoying pretty boy and they have that duet that actually sounds good (but i can never remember the tittle)
~Past the point of no return (i've done this one. and they answered with the female part. gahahaha i love liking nerds)
~rental cop
~do you take it**

(**=new)

g-gah. . .i think. . . i'll be gone for a few days, or at least tonight. knowing me i'll be better by morning, but who knows.

the bloody website died. and i can't ask what happened to it because one has to log in to ask questions and they won't let me log oooon.

i was sooo exited, too >.>

so. . i'm gonna go draw, and just. . .stay away from the compy. cause the internet really disgusts me at the moment.

(and it's irrational, so ja. i'm sure it will either work out or i'll find a way to fix things, but for right now i'm just gonna pretend like the freaking internet doesn't exist :D)

http://mute-opera.com thanks a bundle, kazix, wonderful server you are.

anyone know of a server that allows adult art, is afordable and won't diiiiiiiiieeeee?! ;_;

*waddles off to draw*

(and i'm not sad, either. just agrivated and mildly flustered.

in other news, i saw brokeback mountain yesterday. it was good, but the sex scene was soooo poorly depicted my ass burns thinking about it. ow ow ow. but ja. and whoever played Inis [sp?] needs to OPEN THEIR FREAKING LIPS ONCE IN A WHILE!!! everytime they went on screne i just. . .stared at their mouth. GODS. >.<)

ok. now that i've done a bit more on the image and checked updates i need sleep.

do this, it's oddly accurate ._. http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=12721960859055255705

(my results)
the Observer
Test finished!
you chose BZ - your Enneagram type is FIVE.

"I need to understand the world"

Observers have a need for knowledge and are introverted, curious, analytical, and insightful.

How to Get Along with Me

  * Be independent, not clingy.
  * Speak in a straightforward and brief manner.
  * I need time alone to process my feelings and thoughts.
  * Remember that If I seem aloof, distant, or arrogant, it may be that I am feeling uncomfortable.
  * Make me feel welcome, but not too intensely, or I might doubt your sincerity.
  * If I become irritated when I have to repeat things, it may be because it was such an effort to get my thoughts out in the first place.
  * don't come on like a bulldozer.
  * Help me to avoid my pet peeves: big parties, other people's loud music, overdone emotions, and intrusions on my privacy.

What I Like About Being a Five

  * standing back and viewing life objectively
  * coming to a thorough understanding; perceiving causes and effects
  * my sense of integrity: doing what I think is right and not being influenced by social pressure
  * not being caught up in material possessions and status
  * being calm in a crisis

What's Hard About Being a Five

  * being slow to put my knowledge and insights out in the world
  * feeling bad when I act defensive or like a know-it-all
  * being pressured to be with people when I don't want to be
  * watching others with better social skills, but less intelligence or technical skill, do better professionally

Fives as Children Often

  * spend a lot of time alone reading, making collections, and so on
  * have a few special friends rather than many
  * are very bright and curious and do well in school
  * have independent minds and often question their parents and teachers
  * watch events from a detached point of view, gathering information
  * assume a poker face in order not to look afraid
  * are sensitive; avoid interpersonal conflict
  * feel intruded upon and controlled and/or ignored and neglected

Fives as Parents

  * are often kind, perceptive, and devoted
  * are sometimes authoritarian and demanding
  * may expect more intellectual achievement than is developmentally appropriate
  * may be intolerant of their children expressing strong emotions


(http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=12721960859055255705)

oh my. i have just discovered that not all rap is bad ._.
Atmosphere is a good. . .whatever ye call rap people. do they still count as bands? *shrugs* anyway. . .they. . .he. . .it's good. mmmhm. and Cake, too.

but what's better. . .is 'you are sixteen going on seventeen" because i've. . .fallen into singing it at random again. i say again because i do it every few months. oooh i wanna saranade somebody XDDD

but everyone i know is oooolder than meeeee ;_; i cry emo tears of anguish because this is the only thing even mildly wrong at the moment.

i cry happy tears because there's a chance i'll get to attend a summer program at that . . .college. with sequencial arts. especially after that recomendation Ms. Holder wrote. almost made me cry. gods i love that woman.

aaaaaaaaaaand uh buh that's it? i'm working on lifting the extremely bad habit of chronic procrastination offa myself. by putting off school work and doing the art i've said i'd doooooo.

*reads porn for a bit and sleeeeeps*

BANG BANG GOES THE LOOOOOOOOOOVE TRAAAAIIIIIN~~~~~~<3

GAH the F@#$ing FISH VIDEO!!

http://www.youtube.com/w/kpop?v=_e0zGi5ohp0&search=korean

that was the first korean music-video i'd ever seen. . . way back when. and i just found it again. crap on a crapper. it's good. but. . . it made me cry. again. and i hate kids. so i cry for the FISH! GODS the director of that should win an award.

<3 silly Koreans and their fetish for hitting people with trucks in their music videos <3

anyhow. sorry. no arting got done tonight. . .i became all nastalgic and have been looking up every music-video i could think of. because i've naught known that one can easily gain access to such things before.

._.

i also found http://www.youtube.com/w/Lee-Seung-Ki---%22-I-Said-Your-My-Girl-%22?v=NsWyYc34d74&amp;search=seung%20ki
which is the video that inspired a lot of Yoki/Singa's relationship <3 <3 <3

gods i'm a happy boy at the moment. but that damn fish movie made me cry and now i can't seem to get re-happy.

i wanna find that video with nice graphics and the white room and the veins that turn into vines and and and something about poison but i can't remember who sang it or what it was caaaallled ;_;

. . . i wish we still had the International Channel. *sniffles* i used to watch 'Korean Music Countdown' and that other one they had that was like. . .top 40 international <3 <3 <3 it was THE channel.

bloody government conspiracies to take away the culture in American youth e_e

OHMGwithsugarontop!!

;_; i'm so sorry. but inspiration has struck. . .again. i swear, i'm on a inspiration-high! i've scanned in at least three pictures ever day this past week ;_; and left a lot unscanned. . .i know i was supposed to finish stuff this weekend. . .but. . but. . .

i just read Breath. . .and. . .now i need to do comic pages like woa.

http://breath.se/home.htm

read it. now.

baaaah i r sorry. things will get done eventually!

mute-opera.com is officially mine. though it's not existing yet XD

http://restrictedsection.org/file.php?file=4601 is good. i hate the pairing (snape/sirius snape/lucius) but the plot is amazing, as well as the writing style. . .so i'll let it slide. the ending made me cry. happily. i guess. not really, but i would have if it were a crying-type ending.

XD

haha ok. now that i'm done reading. . .it's time to get to work!! *scurries off to draw like the good little creature he is(n't)*

wao.

i've always had an appriciation for anatomy. especially male. . .

but snot.

something about the PV for "Nightmare" by Sads. . . is beautiful. and it's not even porn!

http://www.youtube.com/w/nightmare-SADS?v=yKn-fQYAZV8&amp;search=Sads

*flabergasted* ye should watch it. just for the amazing male torso. . . gods i wish i were built like that *_*

aaawe how cute. i'm famous ^^;;

http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewPicture&amp;friendID=18070297&MyToken=c3ebad62-8993-4617-9fda-2f7d07c5b8ec

*shrugs and laughs*

"We are freaks we follow the code of freaks
We are freaks stand back and that's that
We are freaks we fuck who we please and do what we choose
We're not bad we're not diseased or confused

We are freaks we are butch we are fem
We are freaks look at him look at them
We are freaks I know this guy who can suck his own dick
And my mother has a friend who has 3 tits
T-t-t-true story

We are freaks we follow the code of freaks
We are freaks stand back and that's that
We are freaks we fuck who we please and do what we choose
We're not bad we're not diseased or confused
One of us one of us
One of us one of us
One of us one of us
One of us one of us
One of us one of us
One of us one of us
One of us one of us
One of us one of us
One of us one of us
One of us one of us
One of us one of us
One of us one of us

And then I thought I was a freak when I shaved my head and pierced my dick
Walks like a lumberjack and talks like a lady
With the flannel shirt, steel toe boots, Levi's faded
All hail
She's the king, she's the queen
All hail of the freaks, all the freaks on the scene
From the Bows of the Bowery to the bustle of Bombay
She's the bearded lady of Avenue A
That's the way God planned it
That's the way
That's the way God planned it
That's the way
That's the way God planned it
That's the way
That's the way God planned it
That the way

All hail
She's the king, she's the queen
All hail of the freaks, all the freaks on the scene
From the Bows of the Bowery to the bustle of Bombay
She's the bearded lady of Avenue A
That's the way God planned it
That's the way-ac"

Freaks - Hedwig and the Angry Inch