Note: Just so its obvious for everyone, I will be referring to my diary/journal/life history---whatever you want to call it, as beloved. It is not a reference to anyone and I just use it for lack of something better. May contain acts of self mutilation, masochism, suicidal information and violent thoughts/words. Beware.

Beloved,
Today was...well, shitty as usual. I don't know whats wrong with me but it always seems as though no one cares. And even though someone may, it feels as if they don't. I don't know what I did, but JEEZ, I wish I wouldn't have done it.

People often wonder why I cut myself...well, the reason is because its the only pain I know I can control. Its the only thing thats stable in my life. Aside from that reason, it is also a release for me...and I like the sight of blood:)

I really don't know how many people will read this public thing, but to all of you who do, I hope that it gives you some insight into my head and that you feel as if you know me. *sigh* Sometimes, I just lay in bed at night and cry. Its as if no matter what I did...it'll never be good enough. Unloved so it seems...hated by all...*sigh* I want to die...I do...

Until later...
-J